


Black Souled

by lyraonyx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Art, Auror Harry, Curses, Dark Magic, Discussion of M-Preg, Hate Crimes, Implied/Referenced Murder, Implied/Referenced Non-Con Dreams (not sure how to tag that), Implied/Referenced Torture, Lots of fluff. Not Angsty, M/M, Madness, Mostly Gen, OOC, Obsessive Behavior, PTSD RECOVERY, Severus Survives, Sirius Black Being an Asshole, Slash, Soul Magic, Squicky crime scene situation, Sub Severus Snape, mild D/s themes, plot not porn, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 04:12:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 99,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14663046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyraonyx/pseuds/lyraonyx
Summary: Severus uses his final breaths to apologise to Harry, and that tenderly-worded request for forgiveness sets in motion a chain of events that will change both men’s lives forever. Unwilling to let Severus go, Harry performs a dark healing spell in a moment of desperation, unwittingly tying himself to Severus forever. When Bellatrix curses him five years later, he finally learns that all dark magic comes with a price.





	1. Never Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ****  
> Book Information  
>  **Genre:** M/M slash Romance/Drama. Sex is pretty light, until the end. This is definitely NOT porn.
> 
> **Main Pairing:** Harry Potter/Severus Snape
> 
> **Other Relationships:** Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy; Katie Bell/Ron Weasley; Parvati Patil/Ginny Weasley
> 
> **Characters:** Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Regulus Black (Spirit), Sirius Black (Spirit), Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, Percy Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Bellatrix Black Lestrange
> 
> * * *
> 
> ** Book notes **   
>  _Characterisation Warnings:_
> 
> SEVERUS is going to be really OOC. He's that way at the get go, so just don't expect him to go all harsh and mean later. In this AU, Severus never hated Harry. He just had to pretend to in order to keep him alive.
> 
> SIRIUS is NOT a good guy in this fic. While Harry is suffering from Bellatrix's curse, Sirius shows his true colours as a homophobic, anti-Slytherin bigot and hurts Harry by his intolerance. If you're a fan of Sirius, be warned. He's very much the primary antagonist of this fic, with Bellatrix acting as secondary.
> 
> REGULUS is a good guy here. He's what I imagine he might have been after realising the dark and Voldemort were evil. He ends up being a sort of friend to Harry while he's under the effects of the curse and is a significant character in the fic, or at least his spirit is.
> 
> DRACO is also a good guy in this fic. He's grown up and become a friend to Harry since the war. Though they still snipe at each other, it's a playful kind of sniping these days.
> 
> PERCY has also grown up since the war and losing his little brother. He helps Harry while he's recovering from the curse and is not the irritating pedant he was in canon.
> 
> Everyone else is as close to their original character as I can make them.
> 
>    
>  _AU Notes:_
> 
> Everything goes according to canon excepting the epilogue, Severus' distinct lack of hatred for Harry (though he hid it well during the war), and the fact that Severus and Bellatrix survive the final battle. Ginny and Parvati are gay, as are Harry and Severus. Teddy lives with Andromeda but stays with Harry sometimes. He doesn't appear much in this fic.  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  ** Chapter Summary: **   
>  _Warnings : A lot of blood, bit of gore, impending death but no one actually dies. Canon for the last battle is followed to the letter, save for that Bellatrix and Severus survive and there is no love scene with Ginny (can’t remember if that part happens during the battle or not)._   
>  _Summary : When Severus apologises to Harry and treats him with care in his final moments, Harry decides to save him at all costs. He has no idea what those costs may be._
> 
> * * *

**CHAPTER 1**  
_NEVER TOO LATE_

This was it—Severus was dying, and it was too late to complete his mission. He had failed. Blood poured out of his throat and the venom burned a path into the core of his soul. Even his hair felt as if it would burst into flame from the agony. He hadn’t wept since Lily’s death, hadn’t had the luxury of tears for Albus, but now they leaked from his eyes and soaked his ears and hair, though it couldn’t hope to wash away the blood.

_Fuck_ , this hurt like hell. But the knowledge that it had all been for naught, that he had spent twenty years of his life spying and acting the arsehole just to take the Dark Lord down, all for _nothing_? His physical anguish paled in comparison to that pain.

A rustle sounded on his left and forced a desperate plea from his mangled throat. Words wouldn’t come, but as small as the chance that there was a single soul in this world who still cared enough to help him, as astronomical as the odds were that the person who had found him was that kind soul, in the face of death—and worse, of failure—Severus had no choice but to beg for help. Terror and pain blinded him, and he reached a shaking hand towards the sound. Searing anguish ripped down his fingers and up his arm, but he had to reach out. He _had_ to try.

Even if he knew it was hopeless.

Warm, gentle fingers closed on his own and a silvery cloak dropped away, revealing messy black hair and wide eyes bright as emeralds behind a pair of familiar round frames. Damn it! Of all the people to find him, it _had_ to be Harry Potter. There was no way Harry would save his life. Harry hated him—and he didn’t know enough about healing even if he _did_ care—

A calloused hand covered his wound and pressed hard, attempting to stem the blood flow, and horror-dazed green eyes held his own. Severus could not hold back a little whine of anguish at the touch directly on his injuries. He hated looking weak, but damn it, that had hurt like _hell_. And it was all for nothing. Such a crude measure of healing wouldn’t save him, but the fact that Harry was willing to do even this much for him when he thought Severus a traitor and murderer still made him prouder of the boy than he had ever been.

Gods, Harry deserved so much better than the world had given him. It had used Harry for its chamber pot, but the boy always rose above the mess to fight another day, and all for the ones who shat on him. And, though he had only wanted to protect Harry, Severus had been the worst of the lot.

He really _was_ a hero.

And maybe, just maybe, if Harry was willing to try to slow Severus’ descent into death, the boy would listen to his last message as well. Severus couldn’t talk much, not with his throat half ripped out, but perhaps if he just ….

_“T-take … it ….”_

Granger plugged the phial containing Severus’ dying memories and he exhaled a bloody, bubbling sigh. He would die in mere moments, leaving no one to mourn him. He would perish, lose his life for a cause that had never wanted him, no matter how much he had sacrificed. He would die alone and unsung, cold on the dusty floor of the shrieking shack.

But at least he wouldn’t die a failure.

There was only one thing left to do, and he had best start on it before he lost the ability to speak at all. Already, each word sliced through him like a sword, searing him from stem to stern and frothing on each syllable, but still, he had to speak. He owed it to the boy.

With great effort, Severus lifted his hand and laid it across Harry’s, the one holding Severus’ throat closed. “H-Harry … sorry … hurt you … so much.”

Harry’s eyes went wide and tears wobbled at the edges of his lashes.

“Blimey,” Weasley choked out. “You apologise _now_?”

Granger shushed him. “Let him speak. It hurts him.”

Understatement of the year, that. More like gouged out his soul with every breath. Still, Severus had to make Harry understand, no matter how much it hurt.

Harry placed firmer pressure on Severus’ wound and searched the dying man’s eyes. “Why?”

Tears slipped into Severus’ hair. “War … spying. Couldn’t … be kind. Had to do … t-terrible things, but … never wanted … hurt you. So s-sorry.” Gods, what a butchery he had made of that. Still, it seemed Harry had gotten the message. Eyes wide as two galleons, he leaned closer to Severus and blinked hard.

“You … you don’t hate me, Snape?”

Despite the pain ripping white-hot through his arm, Severus lifted his arm and gently caressed the young man’s gaunt, but velvety cheek. The feel of Harry’s skin soothed his anguish a little. The fact that the boy didn’t turn away healed more.

“Never … did. Always cared. Was trying … to keep you … safe.” And Merlin, what a difficult task it had been, but they had gotten there in the end. He had kept Harry safe.

Just long enough to send the boy to his death like a lamb raised for slaughter. 

Another wave of tears blinded Severus. “Sorry … Harry. So sorry.”

With a broken cry, Harry pressed his other hand against Severus’ cheek. “Hold on, sir. It’s going to be okay.” Determination and tears filled his eyes. “I’m going to save you.”

“H-Harry … too late.”

“Ssh.” Harry gently wiped his tears away. “Don’t speak. Hermione, get the dittany!”

Granger winced. “Harry, I … I don’t think dittany is enough for an injury like this. You need antivenin and—”

Harry wheeled on her, keeping pressure on Severus’ neck. “I don’t care! I can’t just … I have to _try_. Just get it, ‘Mione. Please.”

The girl nodded and rummaged in her bag, tears streaking the ash on her cheeks. The redhead rubbed her shoulders, his expression dumbstruck and eyes full of horror.

Severus whispered, “Harry … don’t. Dangerous.”

Harry rubbed a gentle finger over Severus’ lips. “Ssh. It’s going to be okay.”

_Okay_? What a joke. Severus was dying and Harry was taking too much of a risk like this. Still, Harry’s touch against his mouth was sweet and reassuring, and he placed the softest kiss against those calloused pads. A blush tinted Harry’s cheeks. He pulled his fingertips away, but the way they brushed a lock of hair from Severus’ face the next moment told him his too-late gesture of reparation hadn’t been refused.

It was only a shame that he would never get a chance for another. In a few moments, they’d both be dead. Even now, the poison was already shutting down Severus’ systems. He was going cold. Colder. At least Harry’s gentle touch gave him peace in his last moments. The boy’s forgiveness kept him warm inside, if the poison was freezing him without.

How bitterly ironic that Severus had apparently needed to die to find the kind of caring acceptance he’d lacked his entire life. Ironic and sad.

Harry swept Severus into his arms and held him close, carefully rubbing dittany on the wound. It was too little, too late, but the feel of Harry’s embrace relieved some of Severus’ pain. It was pleasant, to be so comforted. Pleasant and warm and safe. If he’d had the strength, he would have turned into Harry and shielded his face in the younger man’s chest.

Severus wished he had been able to experience this, this gentle feeling of being held, just once when he had been well enough to enjoy it. Gods, he wanted to cry out just from the relief, the aching-sweet relief of _finally_ having a human touch upon his skin after so long without so much as a brush of a caring hand.

His vision dimmed and his chest went icy cold. He was out of time.

Still, if he had to die, at least he had learned what it felt like to be cared for, if only for a moment. He would be grateful to Harry for that gift for the rest of his existence, if there was anything more than sleep waiting for him beyond the veil.

He hoped his death didn’t hurt Harry too badly. He had tried his best, had given his all, and now … now it was time to rest. He was done.

“Harry … f-forgive me.”

His strength gave out, and Severus sank, dying, into Harry’s trembling arms.

  


* * *

  


Harry choked back a sob as Snape fell unconscious and slumped against him. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest, still beating and raw. Like someone had carved out his insides and left them to bleed.

_No_! It couldn’t … it couldn’t end like this. If Snape’s dying words were to be believed, he had been working to save Harry all this time. To keep him safe, but behind the scenes. A gallant knight to save him, but wrapped in shrouds of darkness instead of shining armour. A hero in the guise of a villain, bat robes and all.

And he was dying in Harry’s arms.

“No,” Harry sobbed. “ _No_ … I can’t—we have too much to talk about now, sir. I _won’t_ let you—I have to ….”

“Harry,” Hermione said in a gentle voice filled with sorrow, “I think he’s gone.”

“No. He’s not, I feel his heartbeat, but … gods, what do I do?”

Hermione sniffled and blinked tears down her face. “I don’t think—we don’t have the supplies to treat him. And we can’t take a known Death Eater to St. Mungo’s. I don’t think he’d survive the trip even if we could.” She laid an arm on Harry’s shoulder. “It’s awful, but I think we just have to let him go.”

“ _No_!”

Harry wasn’t ready. He couldn’t let Snape die. Maybe before they had walked into the shack and _seen_ it, watched him fight for his life, before he had heard Snape’s dying apologies, felt his care in the touch of his hand and a feather-light kiss—then he might have been able to live with it, but _now_? Merlin help him, no. He couldn’t let go. He had too many questions, and some basic part of his being keened for Snape, screaming to bring him home before all was lost, but _how_? Harry wasn’t a healer and the dark magic in Nagini’s fangs—wait.

Dark magic. Oh.

Wasn’t there a spell in that godsawful horcrux book? A _healing_ spell? He racked his brains for the incantation and warnings, and a tiny flicker of hope sparked to life in his chest. He remembered from the text that the spell would definitely destroy them both if Harry left it too late, but as long as Snape still had a heartbeat—

The pulse under his fingertips stuttered and Harry froze. No! A weak thump pulsed against his hand, and another, and another—that was good enough. Snape was dying, but he wasn’t dead yet. Harry had no time to waste. He would consider the consequences later—unless he acted _right now_ , Snape would die and there would be nothing Harry could do to save him.

He sucked in a sharp breath, built his power up until the next heartbeat, and called, “ _Oblatus Salva Anima_!”

Searing agony ripped through him from head to toe, tearing, cutting, shattering him right down the middle, but no dark magic came without a price, and Harry was willing to pay. It hurt like bloody hell, but if he had to suffer for a time to save Snape, then so be it. They weren’t done yet, and Harry would be damned before he just sat there and watched the man die.

Hermione cried, “ _Harry_!”

Brilliant white light surrounded Snape and Harry, easing the torturous, tearing pain. He held on to consciousness long enough to see a light linking his body to Snape’s, to feel the wound knit under his palm, and then he collapsed upon the injured man, overcome.

  


* * *

  


A powerful tang of stench jerked Harry awake. He groaned and rubbed his head, aching all over, particularly in his scar and down the midline of his body. Ugh. Such a strange way to hurt. It felt as though someone had grabbed him on both sides and pulled much too hard. Still, he seemed to be in one piece, just sore. He could live with that.

What had hurt him though? He couldn’t remember.

Hermione jerked a foul-smelling handkerchief away from Harry’s face and tossed it into a dusty corner. “Harry! Oh gods, _Harry_! Are you all right? Are you in there?”

Ron chimed in with, “What the bloody _hell_ , mate? Have you lost the plot?”

Hermione sobbed. “He might have done, Ron. Dark magic—it always costs.”

Dark magic. Oh, that was right. He’d done a healing spell to save Snape.

Ron cried, “ _What_! You mean—oh shite, _Harry_! Mate, come on. You’ve got to get up!”

Hermione’s shrill tones and Ron’s bellowing cut through Harry’s skull and jarred him fully awake. With a groan, he muttered, “M’here.”

“Harry?” Hermione’s voice dropped to a normal level, thank Merlin. “Are you … are you okay?”

“Mhn.” He opened his eyes and whimpered at the pain behind his lids. Gods, what had that spell done to him to hurt like this? “M’here. Hurts like hell, but I’m … okay. Mostly.”

“Oh, thank God!” Hermione covered a sob with her hand and rummaged in her bag. A moment later, she slapped a pain potion in Harry’s hand and fixed him with a stony glare. “When this is all over, you bloody reckless _idiot_ , we’re going to have a long talk about using dark spells without knowing the consequences! _Again_!”

Her shrill reprimand pierced his aching head like knives. “Ow. Hermione, less screaming please. Hurts my scar.” Harry gulped down the potion in one go and shuddered at the taste.

“She’s right, mate,” Ron said in a wobbly voice. “If Snape lives, he’s going to kill you.”

Harry’s heart sputtered. “Snape!” His own pain forgotten, Harry rolled over and pressed a trembling hand into the man’s healed, scarred throat, searching, searching— _yes_! A strong pulse thudded against Harry’s fingertips and brought back a bit of life to the injured man’s face.

“He’s alive!”

“Bully for you,” Ron muttered. “He’s not the only one who’s going to kill you for scaring us like that.”

Harry, feeling much better now that the potion had taken effect and Snape was healed, gave a wry laugh. “Yeah? Well, you’ll have to get in line behind Snakeface and his merry men. Seems everyone wants me dead today.”

Tears brimmed Hermione’s eyes. “Harry, that’s _not_ funny. Not after what we just went through.”

Harry winced and hugged her. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know I was an idiot, but I was scared out of my wits and this _really_ isn’t the time to get into it, okay? You can chew my ears off later. Right now, we’ve got to go.”

“What about Snape?” Ron prodded the man’s chest. “We can’t just leave him here or someone else will do him in.”

Harry grimaced. “And we can’t take him to the Infirmary either. Damn. I … maybe … oh, I know! Kreacher!”

The elf popped into the shack and reeled back, eyes wide. “Oh. Kreacher thinks master be needing help.”

Harry snorted. “Understatement, Kreacher. But the blood isn’t mine, it’s Snape’s.” He motioned to the unconscious man. “Get him out of here and heal him. Take him somewhere secret and safe. He’s wanted by the light _and_ the dark, so make sure it’s well-hidden.”

Kreacher frowned. “Yes master, but why are you saving the traitor?”

“Because … we have unfinished business—and I’m not sure we have the whole story about him anyway. He was kind to me now and—oh, just hurry, Kreacher, and treat him well. Please. We’ve got to go.”

The elf nodded. “Kreacher be taking him to the elf house. No humans ever be going there.”

“Good. Thank you. Just keep him alive and safe. I’ll be back for him as soon as I can.” He paused. “But if … if something happens to me before I can, make sure he’s okay? Please?”

Kreacher cast a sorrowful look at Harry and gave him a solemn nod. “Kreacher will be doing his best, Master.” The elf bowed low and popped Snape away.

Ron shook his head and jerked the cloak over them again. “Mate, you’ve got some serious explaining to do.”

“Later. First we have a snake-faced bastard to kill.”

Hermione nudged Harry forwards. “Let’s go find a pensieve for these memories. Snape was trying to help us, I’m sure of it.”

“Right.” Harry took a deep breath and led them out of the shack.


	2. Making up for Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Discussion of character deaths, dark magic, lots of feels. Summary: Severus survived the battle, and now it's up to Harry to bring him up to speed. Harry hopes they can start a friendship along the way._
> 
> _***AN: I can't remember if having the students at Hogwarts during the final year cast Cruciatus at each other as punishment was in canon or another fanfic, so my apologies if I've stepped on someone's toes. It wasn't intentional.***_
> 
> * * *

**CHAPTER 2**  
_MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME_

Severus opened his eyes to a wash of white. Merlin, had he really died? Was this … the veil? He swallowed—and realised instantly what a mistake that was. His throat felt as though it was on fire. Horror turned his blood cold. No—surely he wouldn’t have to suffer such a grievous injury for all eternity?

And yet, perhaps it was just, considering all the pain he had caused in his life. A life cut brutally short—dear Merlin, he was only thirty-eight! But he had wasted the majority of his too-short years on darkness and deception and pain. He would never even know if it had been worth it, because he hadn’t lived long enough to see the end of the war.

He closed his eyes and let the tears fall. What did it matter if he wept here? No one would judge him. No one would care.

“You’re awake! And … oh shite. Snape, you’re okay. It’s okay.”

A familiar voice spoke beside his head and a gentle hand wiped his tears away.

“Hey, ssh. I know you must be terrified, but you’re going to be okay.”

Severus snapped his eyes open again and struggled to gain his bearings. Slowly, a pair of nervous emerald eyes came into focus above his face.

“H-Ha….”

“Don’t try to talk.” Harry gave him a sad smile. “Your voice box is injured, so you need to rest your voice for at least one more day.”

Rest his voice? But if he couldn’t ask questions, how in the bloody hell was he to know what had happened to him?

Harry slipped his hand into Severus’. “Is this all right? I … I thought you might need some comfort. Er … just blink once for yes or twice for no.”

Severus rolled his eyes and squeezed Harry’s fingers. The young man chuckled.

“Guess that works too. Um, I’m guessing your throat’s probably dry, sir, but you can’t swallow right now, so Madame Pomfrey taught me a spell to help you get water when you woke up. But if you don’t want me, I can ask her to help instead. Er, should I get her?”

So Severus was in the Hospital Wing. But how? He had thought for certain—there was no way he could have survived an attack like that, was there? And why wasn’t the school out to kill him?

“Professor?”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand and hoped he understood.

“You trust me?”

He responded with another squeeze and a blink.

“Oh. That’s … good.” Harry smiled and tentatively pointed his wand at Severus’ neck. “ _Aquafaubis_.”

A blue light shone on the tip of his wand and Severus sighed at the instant relief of cool water against his parched throat, just enough to coat the sides. It seemed to be traveling down his oesophagus on its own, so he simply lay still and let the magic work. Harry stared at his watch and held his wand steady.

“ _Finite Incantatem_.” Harry pocketed his wand. “She said not to let it run longer than thirty seconds or you might feel sick. Um, are you okay?”

Severus gave him a wry look.

Harry laughed. “Well, okay as in not going to vomit this moment.”

Severus rolled his eyes again.

“I’ll take that as an ‘obviously, you dunderhead.’”

Severus huffed a silent laugh.

Harry grinned. “Good to know I can make you smile.” He sighed and traced his thumb across Severus’ knuckles. “Er, listen, sir, I know you’re probably wondering how you pulled through, but … uh, I think it’s best to save that question for a couple of days.” The boy flushed. “Trust me, you’re going to want your voice back for that conversation.”

And Harry did not appear to be looking forward to it. Severus arched an eyebrow. What _had_ the boy done?

Harry’s flush deepened and he looked away. “Er … so anyway, you probably already guessed it but you’re in a secret room at the hospital wing of Hogwarts. I cleared you with the staff here first—well, I guess they all heard me when I basically told Voldemort you were Dumbledore’s man all along.

Severus blinked twice and shook his head slightly. It hurt like hell, so he grimaced and reckoned he’d best stick to the blinking system for now.

Harry frowned. “You weren’t?”

One blink.

Harry shivered. “But your memories. I … you … you weren’t _his_?”

Severus scowled and blinked twice ferociously.

“Well, thank Merlin for that. But then … who?”

Severus paused, then tentatively squeezed Harry’s hand. _“You,”_ he mouthed.

A pink blush spread over the boy’s cheeks. “M-me? Really?”

Severus didn’t blink, but he did give the boy a hesitant smile.

“But … I don’t understand. You told Dumbledore—Mum’s Patronus … oh. You couldn’t tell him the truth, could you, sir? He’d have used it against you.”

Severus gave a slow blink.

“Damn.” Harry flopped into his chair and winced. “Ow.”

Severus frowned and looked him over. Was the boy hurt?

“Yeah,” Harry said with a groan, rubbing his back. “You’re not the only one they put through the wringer two days ago.”

Severus blinked, but it was out of sheer confusion. He’d been asleep for over a day? And come to think of it ….

He beckoned Harry close and touched his scar with a gentle fingertip. “H-how?”

Harry shook his head. “Be silent, Professor. Please. Madame Pomfrey said if you don’t rest your voice, you might damage it permanently.”

Severus blanched and blinked once.

“Good. I … are you asking how I lived?”

He gave Harry another blink.

Harry sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Well, to be honest, I’m not sure myself. I did what you told me. Once I … I’d seen your memories, I made sure you’d be taken care of, and then I … I slipped away under my cloak. The battle was quiet then. They had called a retreat to give us time to g-gather our … our dead.”

He covered his face with a shaking hand and held back a sob by what appeared to be sheer force of will.

“S-sorry. You probably don’t want me blubbering in here.”

Severus held Harry’s hand tighter and gave him with what he hoped was an empathetic expression. He hadn’t used it in a while, so he supposed it was likely out of practise.

Harry took in a shuddering breath. “I … I’ll get back to that in a moment. You probably want to know anyway, don’t you?”

Severus blinked once.

“Right. That’s … that’s going to be r-really hard, but I’ll try.”

Severus could do nothing but sweep his thumb over Harry’s knuckles and try to reassure the boy through his touch that he would support him as best as he was able.

Harry gave him a sad smile. “Thanks. It … it’s nice to know you really do care.”

Severus rubbed Harry’s knuckles and gave him a slight nod. Even that much hurt.

Harry must have seen Severus grimace. “Are you in pain at all? Other than your throat—it’s just going to hurt for a while, I’m afraid. Her venom was horrid, even with … um … we’ll talk about that part later though. So … pain?”

Severus blinked twice. It was nothing he couldn’t bear.

“Oh, good. Madame Pomfrey said your potions wouldn’t wear off for another hour or so, but I just wanted to make sure.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. The boy was stalling then. He tapped the back of Harry’s hand with his thumb and wished he had a more efficient means of communication.

Harry seemed to understand anyway. He winced and lowered his head to stare at their joined hands.

“Right. Well, um, back to the battle. I managed to sneak away, but before I left, I told Neville to kill the snake. I … I didn’t think I’d be able to come back to do it myself, you know.”

Severus rubbed Harry’s fingers and blinked once.

“Yeah. Well, after talking to Neville, I pretended I had something to do to prepare for fighting Riddle and got away again. He was worried, you know. Riddle had given us an hour armistice, but really he wanted me to turn myself in. Time was almost up then, but I got away from Neville in the end, and then … I did it. I went to turn myself in to the Death Eaters. I ….”

He trailed off and laid his head on Severus’ hand, shaking hard. “It was the most terrible thing—I’ve faced basilisks and Death Eaters and dragons, but walking stone-cold to my own death … no hope of survival … no way to escape—I was petrified.”

The boy trembled with silent tears, and Severus freed his hand long enough to pet Harry’s hair. He only had the strength for two passes, but it was enough to soothe the boy. Harry sat up with a brittle smile and took Severus’ hand again.

“T-thanks.” He blew out a harsh breath and picked up the threads of his tale once more. “I don’t think I’d have been able to do it, if I hadn’t had the … the ….” He frowned and looked to the doorway. “The thing Dumbledore got himself cursed for. Er, just the … rock part of it. Did you know what it really was?”

Severus frowned and blinked slowly. Merlin, he hoped Harry hadn’t gotten himself hooked on that thing. It was a danger to the mind.

“I thought you might,” Harry said with a wry smile. “You were always ten steps ahead of everyone else. Well, except the meddling old coot himself.”

Severus had to work to suppress a snort at hearing Albus referred to in such a manner. Generally, he insisted on respect for the old man, but how many times had he said the exact same thing himself? And if anyone had earned the right to tell Albus to piss off, he and Harry had. No one had done more for the old codger’s plan than they had. No one else had given their very lives for it, to be sure. Oh, people had died, certainly, and their sacrifice was indeed noble, but no one had lived and breathed and died for the war but Albus, Harry, and Severus.

Well, and the ex-Dark Lord, but that was his own fault.

“Well, anyway,” Harry continued, “I had it with me—the, er … the rock. And I used it to … talk to those who … who had gone before me. They walked with me through the forest and stayed with me until the end.” He shuddered. “You’ve no idea how glad I was that you weren’t among them.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. He was glad too.

“So … I walked into the clearing—oh, by the way, I left the … the _thing_ behind. Dropped it and kicked some dirt over it. I won’t be going back for it or telling anyone where or what it is.”

Severus gave him an approving look and a blink, relief coursing through him. He should have known Harry would have been too intelligent to fall prey to such a trap.

“Yeah. It’s too dangerous to keep.” Harry sighed. “And I’d have too much temptation. So many I’ve loved ….”

Severus rubbed Harry’s fingers until he could move on.

Harry cleared his throat, though his voice was still thick when he spoke again. “Well, once I’d hid the stone, I walked straight into the clearing. I let him hit me with the killing curse. Only … instead of dying, I woke up at some kind of white version of Kings Cross Station.”

Severus’ eyebrows flew up his forehead. _‘King’s Cross Station? What on earth?’_

Harry snorted. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought.”

Severus gave his silent laugh again.

“The really strange thing was—Dumbledore was there. He told me lots of things, mainly that he was proud of me. And that I could go back if I wanted to or … go on. He told me a lot of things I didn’t really understand. But when it came down to it, I knew my friends were on the other side, still fighting the bastard. I knew if I didn’t come back and finish him, if I died—well, they’d spent years thinking I was the only one who could finish him. If I hadn’t come back, the others mightn’t have had the courage to try. So … it left me with one choice really.”

He leaned back in his chair and ruffled his hair. “When I woke up, I realised Riddle had been knocked out at the same time, but was coming to. I stayed still and pretended to be dead. The next thing I know, Narcissa Malfoy is hovering over me, checking my pulse. She whispered to me, asking if Draco was alive, and I told her I’d saved his life. So she saved mine. She pretended I was dead too.”

Severus clutched his hand. Lucius Malfoy had always been too self-involved to save, but Narcissa and Draco had never been beyond help. It was … good to know Harry had seen it. He gave the boy a questioning, nervous look he hoped Harry would understand.

“The Malfoys?”

Severus squeezed his hand. The boy was quicker than he’d given him credit for.

“Yeah, they’re okay. Well, I imagine Lucius is getting cosy with the inside of Azkaban, but Narcissa and Draco should be all right.”

Severus sighed—carefully, so as not to hurt his throat—and rubbed Harry’s hand in thanks.

“You’re welcome. Anyway, when he thought I was dead, Riddle ordered Hagrid to carry me back to the castle. Gods, the poor man was a mess, but somehow we made it back. And while Neville distracted Riddle by offing his snake—oh that was bloody brilliant, by the way. Neville challenged Riddle head-on—I almost fainted again from shock. I mean, this is _Neville_ we’re talking about.

“But he was brilliant. Riddle forced him into the Sorting Hat and set it on fire, and I was terrified I’d have to watch my friend burn to death, but Nev just kind of ….” Harry did a little shimmy to demonstrate. “—Wriggled loose and pulled the bloody _Sword of Gryffindor_ out of the hat!” Harry snickered. “Bet that traitor Griphook is having kittens right about now.”

Severus gave him a bemused look.

“That’s definitely a story for later,” said a sheepish Harry. “Not my proudest moment, so you’ll want to yell at me. Although, this time it was Hermione who came up with the absolutely _brilliant_ idea of riding a ruddy dragon—oh. Er … oops?”

Severus gave him a dark look that promised pain and much yelling as soon as he was up to it.

“M-moving on,” Harry said with a nervous laugh, “er, as soon as Neville got the sword, he sliced right through Nagini like she was made of butter. It was bloody amazing.”

Severus gave him a bitter smile. Longbottom had shown his mettle over the past year—by fighting back against Severus and the Carrows. Severus would never look at the boy the same way again. Nor would Neville ever fear him. He was glad of that, but he only wished it hadn’t come at so high a price.

Harry rubbed Severus’ hand and tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear. Severus’ breath caught at the touch.

“He … Neville knows about you now,” Harry said in a soft voice. “The DA—as soon as the battle was over, I gathered them up and told them of your true alliances. Between Neville and I, we worked it out that your ‘punishments’ were really battle training and a way to keep them protected while appearing to be the enemy. Making the Gryffindors cast the _Cruciatus_ at each other as a means of punishment—that was a stroke of genius, sir. The Carrows thought you were torturing them, but you and I both know those curses don’t work unless you _mean_ them.”

Severus smiled sadly and swept his thumb along Harry’s palm.

“Anyway, once I explained that to them, they started to see that you were doing the best you could with what you had to protect them. I can’t say all of them will be … thrilled to see you again, but they understand. They know you didn’t want to hurt them and tried to avoid it as much as you possibly could.”

Severus’ throat tightened— _Merlin_ , that hurt—and tears formed under his lashes. He held them back by sheer force of will, wishing he had been able to do more. Gods, he had hurt children. Tortured them. And … and Harry was saying he had done right by them?

No. If those children never had to see him again, it would be too soon.

“It’s all right, sir,” Harry murmured. “It’s all right. I know you feel terrible about it, but you did the best you could. They _lived_ , and without you at the head of the school, I don’t think they would have.”

Severus gave him a thin smile. Living wasn’t the same as thriving, and Harry knew that better than anyone.

“Well, I guess I should get back to the story anyway. So, once Neville killed the snake, it was pandemonium. After that, everyone found their bollocks and decided to challenge Riddle too. Bellatrix went after Ginny, but Mrs. Weasley went after her. And it was brilliant! She can duel like mad—why did no one tell me?” He sighed and let his shoulders slump. “The bitch got away in the end, though. I really thought Mrs. Weasley had her.”

Severus gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze. Bellatrix had been one of the most lethal Death Eaters, all the more dangerous because one never knew what to expect from her. Still, the aurors would find her eventually. Harry had done his part.

Harry shook himself and went on. “Well, when I saw Mum Weasley fighting for her life, I’d had enough of playing dead. So I got up and demanded Riddle face me. He ran his mouth first, as always, but you should’ve seen him when I let him know he had no more ‘spare bits’ scattered about and this time, we met each other as mortals. Well, I couldn’t quite say it like that, not with so many Death Eaters watching—Merlin forbid one of them had caught on.”

Severus shuddered. Merlin forbid indeed.

“Yeah, could you imagine Bellatrix with a split soul? She’s mad as is!” Harry shivered. “No thank you. One Riddle is bad enough. So, like I said, I couldn’t risk saying anything about souls or artefacts or anything in case the others worked it out, but Dumbledore had told me in the train station that the only way to heal a soul from a horcrux split was to feel honest-to-goodness remorse. When I advised Riddle to try for some, I thought his eyes would pop out.”

Severus gave Harry a wicked grin.

“Thought you’d like that,” Harry said with a laugh. “See, it’s not only snakes who can be cunning!”

Severus gave his silent laugh in response.

“It didn’t work, though.” Harry shook his head. “After seeing what’s left of his soul in the train station, I … I had half-hoped he _would_ try. But the man was beyond saving. Instead, he assumed I couldn’t have possibly found all of his ‘treasures’ and brushed it aside. So then, I threatened him with wandlore.”

Severus frowned. Wandlore?

“You know how he thought you were the master of … of the deadliest hallow and that you had to die for it?”

Severus gave Harry a slight nod. The Elder Wand. Hadn’t he been its master?

“Well, it turns out, all you have to do is disarm someone. And Malfoy had disarmed Dumbledore before you … before ….”

Severus winced.

“Sorry, sir. I know you didn’t want to.”

Overcome by grief, Severus laced his fingers with Harry’s and held the boy’s hand tight. Harry laid his free hand atop of Severus’ and traced the man’s knuckles, sending a slight shiver down his spine. How could such a simple touch feel like lightning?

At least it pulled him out of his grief long enough to motion Harry on.

Harry nodded, but kept holding Severus’ hand with both of his. “Well, since Malfoy had disarmed Dumbledore, he became the master of the wand. But I disarmed him on my way to destroy the Ravenclaw ‘treasure’ and that made _me_ the master of the wand. I told Voldemort that. And the idiot still tried to kill me with my own wand. I disarmed him—and both spells hit Riddle, killing him and sending both wands back to me.”

Harry shook his head. “I got rid of that too, once I’d fixed my own wand with it. I never wanted that kind of power.”

Severus gave him a warm smile and wished he had the capability to hug Harry, to tell him how proud he was of him.

Well, maybe he’d risk a little damage to his voice. Harry deserved to know.

“W-well done,” he whispered.

Harry blinked hard and hugged Severus on his own. “Thank you. I … I tried.”

Severus could not move, could not embrace Harry while he was so weak, so he pressed a light kiss to the boy’s cheek where it was brushing his face. Harry gasped and went rigid, and Severus winced.

“Oh.” Harry relaxed and hugged Severus tighter, still being gentle with him. “I didn’t expect that, but thank you.”

Severus sighed and turned into Harry’s cheek. It felt safe, warm, and damned good to be so held. If anyone deserved a thank you, it was Harry.

Harry moved back and wiped his eyes. “I … I guess a part of me always wanted that.”

Severus frowned. Wanted what?

“Your acceptance. I never understood why your hatred hurt so much when I was used to being treated like scum, but it did.” A couple of tears slipped past his control and Harry jerked his hand across his face. “I … it feels … I needed to feel that. I needed … damn it.” He turned away and buried his face in his hand. “S-sorry, sir.”

Severus just wrapped his fingers around the hand he could reach and held Harry until he calmed.

“T-thanks for that.” Harry took a deep breath and sat beside Severus again. “Well, that’s how the battle went, I guess. It’s not much of an answer as to why I didn’t die in the forest, but then, I don’t have much of one myself. Maybe we can talk to Professor Dumbledore’s portrait once you’re recovered and see if he’ll be any more forthcoming.”

Severus snorted and immediately wished he hadn’t. Shite, it was like swallowing lava. Tears leaked from his eyes and his fists clenched with agony. Harry winced in sympathy.

“Hurts?”

Severus blinked once and pressed Harry’s hand. ‘Hurts’ was an understatement, to be sure.

Harry looked at his watch and cringed. “Merlin, I’ve been talking to you for almost an hour. I’ll get Madame Pomfrey and your potions. She said they’ll make you sleepy though, so we’ll talk more later, okay? You need rest to heal.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s fingers and gave him a pained smile. He mouthed, _“Thank you.”_

Harry smiled and patted his hand before he walked away.

  


* * *

  


Later that evening, the boy returned, much to Severus’ relief. He was going mad in here with nothing but the same four walls and the sound of his own thoughts to keep him company. And not even pleasant thoughts. More like nightmares. He was miserable by the time Harry reappeared.

Then boy came smiling and bearing a stack of magazines and—oh, thank Merlin—Severus’ own bathrobe, and his terrible mood dissipated.

Severus’ eyes narrowed. Wait a moment. How exactly had Harry gotten into his quarters?

Harry gave him a sheepish smile. “Er … the Headmaster’s office doesn’t lock to me any longer. I’m not sure why—it still keeps everyone else out. Anyway I just went in to pick up these things for you. I tried not to disturb anything but what I was bringing to you. Your newest potions journals and your nightclothes, I mean. I know I hate hospital robes, and I figured you probably do too.” He gave Severus a frightened look. “I just wanted to help. Is it … was I wrong?”

Severus sighed and lifted his hand towards Harry. The boy sighed in relief and took hold of his fingers.

“Thanks. I’ll just let you change then. Er … with a spell, you know.” Harry flushed. “But, um, Madame Pomfrey said you have to leave the top three buttons on the shirt open, okay? Otherwise it might hurt your neck again.”

Severus gave him a curt nod and, with a flick of his wand, which he had retrieved from the nightstand earlier, the hospital robes flowed from his body and folded themselves neatly on the side table. Another flick, and his pyjamas and robe melded themselves into place with three buttons open, as suggested.

Harry boggled. “Dear gods!” His voice was high pitched and wobbly. “ _Warn_ a man next time, will you? I’d have turned around if you’d asked.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. Just how was he to warn anyone when he couldn’t speak? He had thought his wand would have been warning enough.

Harry gave a weak laugh. “You could’ve … I dunno ….” He made a spinning gesture with his hand.

Severus smirked and beckoned the boy instead. Still blushing, Harry folded himself into the chair next to Severus’ bed.

_“Thank you,”_ Severus mouthed. He really did hate hospital robes, and he had been going ‘stir-crazy,’ so to speak. Harry’s forethought and care was welcome, if he did go about giving it like a bull in a china shop. Breaking into his quarters to get his bathrobe. Merlin.

Harry beamed and offered Severus the topmost journal, but Severus shook his head. He would rather have answers than more essays on various potioneering techniques. Merlin help him, none of the other potions masters had a clue anyway.

“You want to talk, huh?”

Severus nodded.

“All right, I guess.” Harry shuddered. “I suppose you want _the list_ then?”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand, then, through a series of aborted attempts, fruitless gestures, and an eventual attempt at telepathic Legilimency—which _succeeded_ , to his surprise— he managed to communicate to Harry that he wanted to sit.

Damn. If he’d known he’d be able to talk to Harry through Legilimency, even in short bursts, he’d have used that method sooner. He had thought it an extremely rare phenomenon. Maybe once he was feeling better, he’d research it more.

Before making any move to help him to sit, Harry laid a hand on Severus’ shoulder and gave him a nervous look. “Um, sir, if you want to sit, I would … I’d have to hold you up. Is that … okay?”

Severus closed his eyes. _Okay_? The only time he had ever felt whole was when Harry had held him in the shack, and then he had been moments away from death. The idea of feeling his embrace while he was mostly able to participate was … gods. It was heady. Even though it would only last long enough for Harry to rearrange the pillows, the idea left him giddy inside.

_Giddy_? Dear gods. What was wrong with him? Maybe it was only because he had come so close to death. That kind of experience was bound to change him, right?

With a sigh, Severus gave Harry a careful nod and a small smile.

Harry’s voice was a little shaky. “I … I’m not sure you understand completely. Madame Pomfrey explained to me earlier that you weren’t to sit up without help. You see, your neck isn’t healed, Professor. It … the venom weakened your muscles. So, um, I can cast a spell to keep your neck steady, but since it’s no guarantee ….”

He looked down and ruffled up his hair. “If you want to sit up, you would … you’d have to let me support you. I’d have to hold you … the entire time.” He dragged his toe across the floor and flushed to his ears. “And you would have to make damn sure you keep your head back against me. Um, otherwise, you might tear your wounds open again because your neck isn’t strong enough to hold your head up yet without support.”

Heat flushed Severus’ face. He would have to spend the entire conversation propped up against Harry? Leaning back against him and held in his arms? Merlin. He had to admit, a part of him longed for that kind of sustained contact, but his emotions were so strange lately. Would he be able to endure it without making a fool of himself?

Harry took his hesitation as refusal and gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I thought as much. I could maybe fix your pillows a bit so you’re at least not lying flat. Would that do?”

Severus sighed and looked into Harry’s eyes. _[Sit with me, Harry.]_

Harry flushed bright red and gave him a shy smile. “R-really? Merlin.”

Severus lifted an arm towards him. At least he’d gotten that much strength back, if his neck was apparently still weak.

Harry flushed all over and smiled hesitantly. “Oh. All right. Give me a moment to ….”

He flicked his wand and muttered an incantation, and stiff bandaging wrapped around Severus’ neck and held his head steady. It was uncomfortable, but not so miserable as lying on his back for days at a stretch.

“There. Those aren’t perfect, sir, so try not to test them too much, okay?”

Harry lay beside him and flushed bright red. He trembled a little as he slid an arm carefully behind Severus’ shoulders and guided the older man’s head to rest against his shoulder. Once the boy had him in position, he sat carefully, supporting Severus against his body and cradling his head in a strong hand. He settled Severus so he lay back against Harry’s chest, with his head supported by the wall and Harry’s shoulders.

“Now, will that do?”

Severus gently turned Harry’s face so the boy was looking at him. It put them in too-close proximity, but how else was he to communicate with his back to the boy?

_[I need to see you to speak.]_

Harry blushed and gave him a wry smile. “A-all right. Just don’t slip, okay? Much closer and you’ll be kissing me.”

Severus’ ears flamed, and across from him, Harry looked shocked at himself.

“Oh _Merlin_.” Harry buried his crimson face in a shaking hand. “F-forget I said that. _Really_ forget it.”

Severus couldn’t quite hold back a silent laugh. _‘Merlin indeed, Harry.’_

Severus just patted Harry’s chest and waited until the man felt brave enough to look at him sans-hand again.

_[Tell me who died.]_

It was blunt and brutal, but Severus only had enough power to communicate like this a few words at a time.

Harry winced. “I … I don’t know everyone yet, but ….” He took a shuddering breath. “Over fifty. The Light forces lost … lost twenty.”

Severus closed his eyes in grief, letting Harry’s soft, breaking voice wash over him. He was glad for Harry’s embrace right now, however necessary. He needed the warmth, and so did Harry.

“Of those I know ….” Harry’s breath hitched, and Severus slipped his hand into the young man’s, holding it tight. “Lavender Brown. Colin Creevey. F-Fred Weasley. Tonks. And … and R-Remus.” Harry sobbed and turned his face into Severus’ hair. “They named me his godfather—Teddy. How am I to … I don’t know the first thing about babies. And gods, he’ll have to g-grow up without his parents like I did … and … I just, I ….”

Severus turned so he could wrap his arm around Harry and held him as he wept.

“S-sorry,” Harry gasped out. “I just … I loved them so much.”

Severus closed his eyes and held on to Harry, offering him shelter and taking it for himself. He hoped it helped Harry to have his support in dark times—for once.

  


* * *

  


When Harry came in the next day, Snape was awake again and reading one of the journals Harry had nicked from the man’s chambers. Merlin, but he did look better in his midnight blue pyjamas than those godsawful hospital robes. Harry hoped he felt better too.

A blush heated his face. Snape might feel better—right up until the time Harry told him how he’d managed to survive. Then Harry would be lucky if the man didn’t throw him out on his ear—in pieces.

Still, even if Snape went back to hating him again—and Harry _really_ hoped he didn’t—it was worth it. He’d saved the man’s life at least, so no matter what consequences he had to face for his actions, at least he’d know Snape was alive.

Snape gave him a half-smile as he came in and greeted him in a quiet voice. “Poppy has informed me that I am able to speak once more, so long as I do not overdo it. So, will you tell me how I am alive now?”

Harry winced. “Yeah, but just … just don’t shout at me, all right? I might deserve it, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself more because of me. Okay?”

Snape’s dark eyes narrowed. “Harry. What did you _do_?”

Harry gave a nervous laugh and ruffled up his hair. “Saved your life?”

“ _How_? And at what cost?”

Harry cringed. “Er … the last one, well, I don’t know yet.”

Snape reeled back. “You don’t _know_?”

“Er … no. Not really.” Harry sighed and sat beside the man, dropping the rucksack he’d brought along at his feet. “Look, you can read me the riot act in a minute and I’ll let you—if anyone deserves to have a run at me, it’s you. But just know, even if you hate me again, I won’t regret it. It was the right thing to do, and I don’t really care if it was stupid, so long as you’re okay.”

Snape groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “That Gryffindor sense of honour will get you killed one day, you know?”

Harry snorted. “ _You’re_ lecturing me about a Gryffindor sense of honour? Forgive me, sir, but if it wasn’t for that incredible cunning of yours, I’d have thought you’d been missorted.”

Snape gave him a half-hearted glare. “I, the archetypal Slytherin, am now a missort? Preposterous.”

“Yes, _you_ , the archetypal Slytherin with a heart of gold, honour for miles, and courage against nightmares that would set all but the bravest crying home to their mums. So yes, I could see it.”

Severus gave a low chuckle. “I suppose I’ll have to take that as a compliment.”

Harry grinned. “It was meant as one.” He sighed and gripped Severus’ hand. “This time I need comfort. I’m scared I’ll lose you all over again and I … I don’t want to. I fought for you and … and I … is it all right?”

Snape squeezed his hand. “Very well.” He sighed. “Just tell me how bad it is, Harry. I am fully aware that there is no possible way you could have brought me back from an injury like that with anything but dark magic. So?”

Harry grimaced. “All right. I … I remembered seeing a spell … on our _treasure_ hunt, and when I realised you were almost dead and I had no other way to save you, I went for it. It worked. And I don’t appear to be hurt or out of my mind or anything, so I don’t know if maybe it’s because you still had a heartbeat when I cast it, but at least for now, we seem to have avoided any negative repercussions.”

“Harry. I can see that on my own. The incantation?”

Harry gulped. “ _O-Oblatus Salva Anima_.”

Severus frowned and translated. “Offering save soul. Hmm. Offering of _what_?”

Harry shrugged. “All I know is that the spellbook said that if I used it after your heart stopped, the consequences would be dire. So I made damn sure it was still beating before I cast it.”

“Spellbook? What book, precisely? I have never heard of such a spell, and I have heard of many.”

Harry blanched. “I was afraid you would ask that.” His hands shaking, he cast a warding charm on the door and carefully extracted the evil book from his rucksack. “T-that one.”

Severus paled at the book in his hands. “Harry … the dark aura of this is so thick, I can _feel_ it curdling the air around me.”

Harry nodded and wrapped his arms around his chest. “It’s … it’s the book about … about the _treasures_. How to m-make them, I mean.”

Snape went white as a sheet. “You healed me with a spell from—oh dear _Merlin_.” He opened the book and scanned through the contents. “Horcruxes, slave bindings, runic alterations, magic draining … oh gods. Harry, this isn’t a book about the _treasures_. It’s a book on _soul magic_.”

Harry froze. “S-soul magic?”

“Yes. So it follows that, if you used a spell from this book, the cost may well affect your soul. That is why it is called the ‘darkest arts.’ No one but a madman would break his own soul apart to use monstrosities like these!”

Harry gasped and reeled into his knees, feeling sick. “I b-broke my _soul_?”

Severus sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Perhaps not. Have you had any unusual dreams?”

“No worse than the typical nightmares.”

“Anyone who had lived through what you have would have nightmares. There is nothing unusual in that. What about strange voices?”

Harry paled. “No. Nothing.”

“Good. And urges you can’t explain?”

Harry flushed. “Well, I … I have wanted to be close to you, but I get the feeling that’s just because we were enemies so long, and now we’re not. I want to get to know you. The real you. I want to know who saved my life so many times and why. I don’t think that’s abnormal.”

Snape squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “It isn’t. I find myself feeling the same way.” He moved back and closed his eyes. “The only other test I can contrive—have you felt any desire to hurt others? A dark healing spell might cause the opposite effect in its caster, perhaps.”

Harry’s stomach roiled. “ _Gods_ no. No, not at all. I want to help undo the damage I’ve already done, sir, not add more to it.”

Snape sighed and patted Harry’s shoulder. “Then I think it is safe to say our souls are at least relatively safe. Perhaps you are correct and the cost only applied if you used it on a person who had already passed beyond life. That might be dark enough on its own to garner such a spell a place in a book as evil as this one. I hope so at least. But please do tell me if you experience any strange symptoms in the future.” He gave the book back to Harry. “Keep that well-hidden for now, but as soon as I am free to leave, I would like to … borrow that.”

“Keep it if you want. It’s vile.” Harry gave him a wry smile. “Though I guess it did save your life, so I can’t hate it too much.”

“Hmm.” Snape fixed Harry with a sharp look. “And now that we’ve determined that you are in no immediate danger of breaking apart.” His glare turned icy-cold. “Did you learn _nothing_ about using dark magic you are unfamiliar with the first time?”

Harry winced. “Yes. But I knew what this was supposed to do.”

“Not the cost.”

“I was prepared to pay it.”

“That is even more ludicrous!” Snape grabbed Harry’s chin. “Look at me. I am a used-up, dark, broken-down old man. Do not risk your life for me.”

Harry glared back. “I can’t make that promise, and I won’t. And for gods sakes, you’re, what, thirty-seven?”

“Thirty-eight,” Snape snapped and dropped Harry’s face.

“So? You’re not even forty. You’re a wizard, sir. You’re still really young by our terms. And the rest of that is just bollocks to begin with.”

“Language, Mister Potter. I am still headmaster.” He sighed. “Though I … I do not wish to be. I never did.”

“Then let it go, Professor. You’ve done your time at Hogwarts. Maybe now is your chance to see the world and find out what you should’ve been doing all along.”

A spark of hope lit in Snape’s dark eyes. “See the world. That does sound … I think I would like that.” He gave Harry an assessing glance. “I think I am not the only one who has earned that right.”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, maybe it’s time, huh?” He settled next to Snape again. “I actually wanted to go on a trip this summer. Visit some of the places I’ve never been before I go to the academy.”

“So it’s to the aurors with you then?”

Harry nodded and squared his shoulders. “At the battle, I won by pure luck. I didn’t know what to do to help you. I couldn’t fight like the others. I really wasn’t anything special at all. If not for my soul, for mum’s soul, or whatever special thing was keeping me here, well, I’d have never have even made it out of the forest.” He dragged his knees to his chest. “I don’t want to live through that again, watching people die left and right and not knowing how to help them or how to fight off the attackers. So … yeah, I’m going to auror training. And, you know, I could really use a hand up in potions when I get back from that trip, that is … if you’re interested.”

Snape frowned. “You could have any private tutor you wished. Why would you ask me, when it is I who destroyed your chances in the subject to begin with?”

“Well, because I know you’re the best.” Harry squeezed his hand. “And because I’d like to think, when you’re not actively hating me, maybe lessons with you wouldn’t be so bad. I learned a lot from the Prince, didn’t I?”

“Too much,” said Snape with a dark look.

Harry laughed wryly. “True enough. But do you think you might want to? I’d pay you of course. And … well, I’d like the chance to get to know the real you. Where better to start than your favourite things?”

Snape sighed. “I must be mad, but I’ll do it.” His eyes softened. “I will not accept your pay, though. I … had I taught you properly the first time, there would be no need for tutoring.”

Harry grinned. “Well, at least let me make you dinner or something.”

Snape raised an eyebrow. “I am to trust the cooking of a mediocre potions student?”

Harry snorted. “I’ve had a lot more practise with a range, sir.”

Snape winced. “Your relatives. I would not be so cruel as to—”

“Oh, tosh. I like cooking. Well, when I’m allowed to eat it, that is.”

Snape chuckled. “Oh, if I am to be subjected to your cooking catastrophes, I will take great pleasure in taking you down with me, so to speak.”

Harry laughed. “It’s a deal then.” He smiled and rubbed Snape’s fingers. “Thank you. Really. For everything, sir. Even when you had to hurt yourself to protect me, you did. And I’m honestly grateful.”

Snape’s eyes went wide and glinted in the light. If Harry hadn’t known better, he thought he might have moved the man to tears. But Snape just blinked and gave him a sad smile.

“Mister Potter—Harry, I think you will be the only person to understand that.”

Harry gave him a devilish grin. “Well, that’s what saving the world is for, isn’t it? I pulled all their sorry arses out of the fire, so now they’ve got to listen to me.”

Snape couldn’t quite hold back a bark of laughter. “The entire wizarding world cowed by an eighteen-year-old firebrand. Now that, Mister Potter, is something I would like to see.”

Harry smiled. “You’re going to. I promise, sir. You’re going to.”

Snape nodded and squeezed Harry’s hand. “I am looking forward to it.”


	3. Calling in a Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : none. Summary: Harry brings his auror team together to discuss how to capture the most dangerous Death Eater still at large: Bellatrix Lestrange. He calls in some extra help, too._
> 
> _***AN: This story and one more I haven't posted yet have been sucking up all my focus lately. I've almost got it finished. It looks like this will be the shortest one in my arsenal at around 70K, so I'll probably post chapters more frequently once I get them edited. This and the next chapter is pretty good, but after that the next couple need tweaking and I still have to write the last two, though they're all plotted out. Anyway, here's the next bit.***_
> 
> * * *

**CHAPTER 3**  
_CALLING IN A FAVOUR_

Five Years Later

Harry balanced a tray of various sweets on one arm and one of coffees on the other. Tradition dictated that whenever one of Harry’s team called them to an early morning meeting, the caller would bring in coffee and treats to get everyone’s brains in gear. As Harry had called them in to meet at the bright and early hour of seven on the dot, breakfast fell to him.

He nodded to Ministry employees as he passed on his way to the DMLE, using his burdens as a way to weasel out of the usual rigmarole of Chosen-One-Arse-Chasing, as Ron called it. Even five years after the battle, people still wanted a piece of Harry for their own. A date. His number. His autograph—and they didn’t always ask for him to sign parchment either. He shuddered as yet another woman offered him a quill and showed a flash of cleavage. He gave her a wan smile and held up his burdens.

“Sorry, hands full, off to work.”

Not that he would have signed her _breast_ even if he hadn’t had anywhere to be. Merlin.

Snape would have gotten a kick out of that for sure. Pity he couldn’t be convinced to fight with them as an auror. Harry certainly could use his expertise and the public’s image of him had reversed once Harry let them know how brave Severus had really been. They were much more accepting of the reclusive potions master now, but the man was happy in his potions shop.

Harry could have used his intimidating presence to drive off the crowds, too.

Oh well. He shrugged off another much-too-eager female fan and breathed a sigh of relief as the doors to the DMLE closed behind him. His fellow aurors had seen Harry too much over the past five years to have maintained the same level of hero worship. Besides his home, those of his friends, or Severus’ shop, this was the only place he could lower his guard for five minutes.

And be seen when his hands weren’t full of something or other.

Harry greeted his colleagues jovially and made his way to his team’s strategy room. As Harry led one of the top divisions for Death Eater catching, the auror department had offered him a planning space of his own. It wasn’t much, but the whiteboard filled with sighting locations in various coloured ink, the corkboard covered over in various bits of information and photos, and the round table covered in scattered papers and biros had been a lifesaver—literally, more times than Harry could count. They had caught all but four of the Death Eaters and snatchers now, and of those, only Bellatrix and Dolohov were any real threat. The other two were run-of-the-mill lowlifes who just happened to be good at hiding.

Bellatrix. Just the thought of the bitch made Harry’s blood boil. Considering she had been injured in the Battle for Hogwarts, as it had come to be called, Harry had thought catching her would have been a simple matter. It might have been, had the auror team assigned to her capture not had a Snatcher spy in their midst. Jugson had kept them all hopping for months, and by the time Kingsley had sniffed him out, Lestrange’s trail had gone cold.

He sighed and fished his coffee out of the mix. He had some ideas on how to catch her this time. Well, one idea, really. A bit of a Hail Mary, to be honest, as they were running out of options. He just had to get his team and the higher ups to agree.

Harry took a sip of his white chocolate hazelnut latte—he liked his morning joe sweet and with hardly any actual coffee at all. How Severus drank it black was beyond him.

Merlin, that was good. With a sigh of satisfaction, he set his cuppa down by his seat at the top of the room along with a plate of ginger biscuits, then started divvying out breakfast.

Ron, who specialised in strategy and defence and was Harry’s second-in-command, preferred mocha and Mum Weasley’s pies. Harry set those down to the right of his own chair and moved on anticlockwise.

Hermione wasn’t a typical member of their team—she had gone into the Department of Mysteries and was climbing the ranks of the Unspeakables faster than anyone had ever seen—but for this meeting, Harry needed outside help. He set her Chai tea latte and granola bar next to Ron’s seat.

The Patil twins were next. Normally, the aurors would have split a pair of twins between teams so as to avoid any conflicts of interest, but their twin intuition dynamic was just too strong and Robards hadn’t wanted to lose that advantage. With a stern warning that Harry was to keep any family conflicts at bay, he had allowed them both on the young captain’s team, and Harry had benefited more than once from their unique abilities.

Parvati, the Gryffindor twin and Ginny Weasley’s wife, had one hell of a powerful ability with the Sight. These days they never went on a mission she had warned them against. Though sometimes her Sight could be clouded—particularly if she was feeling under the weather—when it worked, her accuracy was dead on. Besides that, she had a great handle of defence and shields. He set her pumpkin-ginger cappuccino and butter scones beside Hermione’s seat.

Padma’s ripping intelligence could rival Hermione’s, and her skills as a medic came in handy on the field. She wasn’t a full mediwitch, but her training with Madame Pomfrey and the first responders from St. Mungo’s had saved all of their lives more than once. She was damn good at research too, which was just fine with Harry as he preferred to be in the thick of the action, not poring over thick books. He set her raspberry tea and chocolate biscuits beside her sister’s seat.

He left a place for Kingsley next, giving the Minister of Magic his usual black coffee and another helping of Mum Weasley’s pies. Next, he set down a French vanilla cappuccino and a plate of blueberry muffins for Head Auror Robards, and then moved on to the last member of his team.

Somehow, Draco-bloody-Malfoy had turned out decent. Well, at least he wasn’t _quite_ the prat he had been in school. He had put aside his alliance to the dark the moment his father had been shipped off to Azkaban. Serving the Dark Lord wasn’t as glamourous as Malfoy Senior had made it out to be.

Who’d have thought it, really?

These days, his rivalry with the Golden Trio was much friendlier. After training and a lot of maturing, Draco had become a valuable member of Harry’s team. He was as dab a hand at research as Padma, as quick with a wand as Harry, and Severus had trained him well as an undercover agent too. Thanks to that, his knowledge of the inner workings and identities of dark-aligned families and Death Eaters was not to be rivalled—except by Severus himself, of course, who would be joining them that morning as well.

Harry set Draco’s espresso mocha and chocolate scones down, then laid out another cup of strong black coffee and a third plate of apple pies beside his own chair. Severus would feel safest next to Harry. While he had developed a working relationship with Harry’s colleagues, the man had never found the same closeness to any of the younger crew—save for Harry and his godson. Those chats in the private room of Pomfrey’s Infirmary had been the start of a lovely friendship, one Harry treasured just as much as he did that of his childhood friends.

Perhaps a bit more, if he was honest with himself.

Harry blushed and scrambled to his seat as the door clicked open.

“Morning, Potter,” Draco called. The man found his seat and grabbed his coffee without delay. “Oh, that’s nice. Don’t know how you always manage to find the best brews but—” He cut himself off and smirked at Harry. “Well, well. What’s got you all flustered, Potter?”

Harry relied on several years’ worth of auror training to keep from choking on his coffee. “You mean other than the fact that at least ten witches asked me to sign their _breasts_ on my way in? Merlin, one even wanted me to sign an arse cheek.” He shuddered.

Draco snorted. “And you’re still blushing about it? Please. Don’t insult my intelligence, Harry. Those idiots have been offering you various body parts on a slab for five years now. You don’t blush over it anymore.”

“Humph. Some spy you are. An _arse cheek_ , Draco. She started pulling her knickers up and everything. Urgh. Might have taken her whole kit off had I not reminded her that I’m an auror and indecent exposure is regarded as a misdemeanour.”

Draco smirked wider. “Really. Most men would be … _thrilled_ to have such attention, you know. Beats me why you didn’t just take advantage. I would’ve.”

“Yes, well, I’m not the sex king of Slytherin either.”

“High praise. I don’t think you’re much interested in those girls, are you, Potter?”

Harry flushed in spite of his Occlumency training. “Of course not! I don’t even know them.”

“Hmm. True, but I don’t think you’re interested in women at all.”

Harry shot him a dark look. “And if I’m not? Does that go against the pureblood rulebook then?”

“Of course not. Many married pureblood men have a … dish on the side, and they aren’t all witches. Not my cup of tea, but it happens. Anyway, the point is that I think you have an interest in one man in particular. No, I _know_ you do.” He fixed Harry with a look somewhere between a smirk and a leer. “So …? Who is it you’ve been mooning over lately, hmm?”

“None of your damn business.” Harry pointedly shoved an entire biscuit into his mouth, and was thus engaged in struggling to close his gob around it when Severus walked in, Kingsley and Chief Robards in tow.

“Charming, Harry,” said Severus with a snort.

Harry flushed to his ears and wanted to drown himself in his coffee.

“Nice one, golden boy,” Draco whispered. “That’ll impress him for sure.”

Harry swallowed what he could and ground out, “Shut it, you daft git.” Crumbs sprayed all down his front and Harry wanted to crawl in the nearest hole. “Damn it, Draco.”

Merlin. He hadn’t wanted to strangle the ferret for years, but this morning came close to reminding him of old urges.

Draco just smirked like the cat that got the canary and sipped his coffee.

Severus gave the two men a raised eyebrow and folded gracefully into his seat beside Harry, Banishing the mess from Harry’s robes without a fuss. “Are we discussing something I should know, gentlemen?”

Harry took in too big a swallow of coffee and almost choked himself. “No, hah, no. Draco’s just being a prat as usual.” He shot the man a glare for good measure.

Draco, of course, just widened his smirk.

Kingsley and Robards shrugged at one another and went to their seats.

Ron came in at that point, oblivious as always, and started in on his pies with a relish. “Fankth, Har. Dint ged muff breffith.”

Hermione sighed and settled primly beside him. “Honestly, Ron. Anyone would think Katie starves you at home, when I know for a fact she makes you a huge fry up every day.”

“Oi! Don’t go giving away my secrets.”

She flicked her eyes skyward and sipped her tea. “Merlin. And I wonder why we didn’t work out in seventh year.”

Ron snorted. “Like oil and water, we were.”

“You aren’t joking,” said Harry with a shudder. “Never in my life have I wanted so much to hop a one-way flight to Antarctica as I did that year. The bickering alone was enough to drive a man to drinking. We won’t mention the number of times I walked in on the aftermath—my ears are still ringing.”

Kingsley smirked. “So which one is a screamer then, Harry?”

Hermione went pink and Ron choked on a pie.

Robards coughed. “ _Minister_! Merlin.”

“King! Dear _gods_ , that was disturbing.” Harry groaned and hid his fiery face behind his hands. “I meant walking in on Molly taking them to task. Jesus.”

Really, was the world out to take him down today? Harry avoided the urge to bang his head on the table only because a half-eaten ginger biscuit blocked his path to the wood and he’d embarrassed himself enough already.

Severus rubbed a soothing hand against Harry’s shoulders, and Harry gave the man a grateful smile once he regained his composure.

“Thanks,” he whispered. Severus nodded and resumed eating his breakfast.

“Katie didn’t feel well enough for the usual fry up today, actually,” said Ron, frowning in concern. “Morning sickness still hasn’t quite given up the ghost.”

“Well, sometimes it can carry on through the entire pregnancy,” said Padma as she came in with her sister. “But she’s getting sick less frequently, so it’s a good sign she’ll stop as soon as she hits her third trimester or so. At least, we can hope.”

“She’ll be fine in a couple of weeks,” Parvati said with a grin, then she sneezed. Three times in a row. _And_ coughed.

“Uh-oh,” said Draco with a wince. “Your Sight’s cloudy today?”

She groaned. “Like a bloody storm. Can’t See a thing. The only reason I know about Katie and baby Gabby is because I’d already Seen it earlier this week, before my allergies went mad.”

“So we’re going into this mission blind,” said Harry with a grimace. “Well, we’ll just have to be careful then.”

“We always are,” said Ron, dribbling apple filling down his chin and robes. The sight did not inspire Harry with confidence.

“Be a little more _careful_ with your food, Ron. You’re making a mess.”

Ron looked down and blushed. “Oops.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and cast _Tergeo_ on the spilled filling. “Good lord, Ron. It’s like eating with a monkey.”

He retorted with a squeaky imitation of a primate and Harry decided playtime had gone on long enough.

“All right, you lot.” Harry waved the Patil twins into their seats. “Now that everyone’s here, let’s get down to business.”

Robards spelled the door shut and warded it. “Yes indeed, Captain Potter. You know I trust your judgment, but tell me why you wanted the Minister and two civilians to attend this meeting again?”

Harry stood and moved to his corkboard, sticking his wand right between the eyes of the demented bitch’s photo. “That’s why. We’ve been hunting Lestrange for five years—and not just my team. The entire DMLE has been trying to get a fix on her all this time and we’ve nothing to show for it. We’ve staked out and infiltrated every location Draco can sniff out and taken down every dark arts ring we come across, and still no one has a lead. We’re at dead ends.”

“Maybe that’s literal, Harry,” said Hermione with a frown. “She might really _be_ dead. She was injured in the battle, after all.”

Harry shook his head. “If she had died, her wand would have registered her death in our records.”

Hermione frowned. “Wands keep records of their owners’ lives?”

“Not usually, but since there’s a death warrant on her, well, when nature—or someone else—does our job for us, magic lets us know.”

Kingsley rubbed his chin. “Is it possible the record was lost?”

“Not bloody likely,” said Ron with a snort. “Harry sits on it like a mother dragon on her eggs.”

Harry smacked him in the back of the head with a stack of parchment. “Thank you for that flattering imagery, prat.” He laid the papers on the table to show the others. “Those are her medical records. Well, what we could compile of them. We have precious little information for the years during the second war, but it’s the paper on top that you ought to pay attention to.”

Severus took it before anyone else could. “Death warrant for Bellatrix Black Lestrange: unfulfilled.” He tossed it back to the table. “I’m assuming that’s why you have requested my presence—to help you find her.”

Harry gave him a sheepish smile. “Well, yes. If it’s possible, that is.”

Severus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I have not run in those circles for five years, Harry. For all I know, the entire makeup of the Death Eater world has changed.”

“It has,” said Draco, “as ninety-nine percent of the ones you knew are either dead or in Azkaban.”

Severus waved a hand towards Draco. “And that is all the more reason why I will not be of much assistance, Captain. I do not keep up with the dark now that I am free of it.”

Merlin, it was odd hearing Severus refer to him by his professional title, but Harry did appreciate the show of respect.

Harry squeezed the man’s shoulder. “Sir, that’s not what I meant to suggest. I know you don’t dabble with the Death Eaters any longer, but your knowledge is still valuable. You see, Draco has the beat on the current Death Eaters inner workings, but Bellatrix has always been far too fixated on Riddle to follow the new crowd, and I think that’s where we’ve been going wrong. I think she’s lost in the past, either having lost the plot or biding her time until she can avenge her lord.”

Hermione frowned. “And no one has any idea where she might be?”

“None whatsoever,” said Draco with a scowl. “No one has even seen her at the shops. Granted, she’d probably be under polyjuice if she did go anywhere, but I’ve had aurors and spies stake out every common shop in wizarding locations for months at a time and no one has even caught a trace of her magical signature.” He shook his head. “Bitch hasn’t so much as been to the grocery in five years.”

Severus’ expression turned grim. “With a house elf to take care of her needs, she would have no need to. She could lie low almost indefinitely.”

Harry nodded. “Exactly. We’re aware she’s using a house elf to keep herself fed. We just don’t know which one as all the Lestrange and Black elves are accounted for and the goblins haven’t been able to track them either.”

“Well, the Unspeakables won’t be able to help there,” said Hermione with a shake of her head. “We have no way other than a direct order from their _master_ —” She spat the word like venom. “—to track a house elf who doesn’t want to be found. Their magic is formidable and not well-understood.”

“Yes, I know, Hermione. The fact is we’re out of options.”

Severus set his half-finished coffee aside and looked Harry in the eye. “If you are truly at such an impasse, what is it you think I can do to help you, Captain Potter?”

Harry folded his arms over his chest. “Well, sir, we’ve torn apart all the current hideouts and exhausted all of our resources, but like I said before, I think we’re barking up the wrong tree. I reviewed her profile last night, and that’s when it hit me: we’re thinking in terms of the present, but Bellatrix is likely fixated on the past. It’s a bit of a long shot—she might have just done a runner and left the UK—but I have a hunch she might be using an old hiding place, one from the Death Eaters’ glory years that Draco might not know of. And that’s where you come in, sir.”

Severus rubbed his chin. “Hmm. An old hiding place.” He wrapped his arms around his waist and stared at the whiteboard, eyes darting over the information Harry’s team had compiled there. “Considering Bellatrix’s personality and the singular strength of her fixation on Riddle, if she _has_ chosen an old place to hide, I would assume she would choose the one where she could be closest to him. His manor, in other words.”

Padma shook her head. “We’ve torn it apart top to bottom. There’s no one there.”

“There is … one area I think may have been overlooked. Of course, I cannot be certain that you have not already found it without seeing the manor myself.” Severus’ eyes filled with shadows and pain. Harry laid a hand on his shoulder, and the older man shot him a grateful look.

Severus took a deep breath before he spoke again. “There was an area of the basement I could never find—I could hear voices there and sense dark magic, but the way in … I never was able to uncover it.”

Kingsley frowned. “Severus, you were the best damn spy this world has ever seen. If you couldn’t find this place, I highly doubt our aurors have.”

“We didn’t find any secret basement chambers, no,” said a grim Draco.

“Well then,” said Robards with the air of dusting off his hands, “that really just leaves us one choice. Master Snape will need to accompany Captain Potter’s team to Riddle Manor as soon as possible and aid us in our search for this hidden room. Unspeakable Granger may go as well, as her unique skills may be of some help in locating the entrance. Arrange it with your superior, madam.” He stood and nodded to the group. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another meeting to attend. Unfortunately.”

With a sigh, Robards straightened his uniform, Banished his empty cup and plate, and left the room.

“Um, sir?” Harry rubbed Severus’ shoulder. “Are you … ah, are we asking too much of you? I know your memories aren’t pleasant and I … I don’t want to—”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Buck up, Potter. Yes, my memories of the Riddle Manor are grossly unpleasant, but that _is_ the purpose of Occlumency, is it not? I will be fine.”

Harry blushed and let his hand fall, feeling foolish for even having asked. “Oh. Well, all right. Sorry, sir.”

Severus patted Harry’s arm, a simple gesture to let Harry know he hadn’t been offended, and the tightness in Harry’s chest evaporated.

“Well then,” said Draco with a smirk at Harry, “I guess that means we’ll need to brief the civvies on proper auror protocol, hmm?”

Severus glared at his godson. “I have heard it before.”

“Er, not since the rules have been updated, actually,” said Ron with a wry smile. “See, most of it’s the same, I reckon, but there have been some changes to protection protocol over the past five years. So you’ll have to be under a shield at all times, sir. I mean, one of _us_ will have to do it. And, um, since I’m the defence specialist of the group—that’s me. And Parvati.”

Severus’ glare turned stony. “Have you forgotten who _taught_ you to shield, Weasley?”

“Of course not. It’s just in the rules, sir. We could all lose our jobs if we didn’t at least attempt to follow them.” Ron rubbed the back of his neck. “Er, if it was up to me, I’d have you defending us, honestly. Besides maybe Harry, you’re the better dueller. But it’s just … well, it’s the way it is. Er … sorry.”

Severus sighed. “Merlin save me. Very well, Weasley. I shall endure your woefully inadequate shielding for the duration of this venture and pray I do not step into the path of a stray first-year jinx.”

It was a measure of how far everyone had come that they all laughed at Severus’ remark rather than taking offence.

“I’ll try to keep the stray jinxes to a minimum, sir,” said Harry with a snort.

Severus chuckled and stood. “Well, if we’re all up to date on procedure, then let us, as they say, move out. I am losing money by wasting my time with you dunderheads.”

Harry saluted. “Captain Dunderhead, at your service. Everyone, let’s go.”

“Good luck,” said Kingsley on his way out. “I think you’re going to need it.”

A sudden wash of foreboding passed over Harry. He suppressed a shiver and gave Kingsley a grim nod. “I think you may be right.”


	4. Fatal Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Really, really gross "crime scene." Be warned. It's beyond icky. Summary: Harry and crew go to Riddle Manor after Bellatrix with Severus and Hermione in tow and find much more than they bargain for. Harry's determination to protect everyone and everything costs him._

** CHAPTER 4 **  
_FATAL FLAWS_

Severus stood before a woebegone Riddle Manor—more like Riddle _Shack_ by this point—and shuddered at the aura of dark magic surrounding the place. Long-repressed memories clawed their way into his skin despite his armour and the blood leached from his face. He stood shaking at the entrance to the gate, unable to take a step further, as voices he had tried to forget so long screamed into his consciousness.

_“Severus! Severus, help me!”_

But he had done nothing but watch as the snake devoured his unfortunate colleague. Watch and loathe himself and wish he had been born a different man.

_“Uncle Severus, I don’t want to take the mark. I’m so scared.”_

He hadn’t been able to spare Draco either. Even now, the mark’s silvery ghost branded his godson’s arm, and would for life.

The next voice, an old woman’s pleading cries, knocked him to his knees.

_“Please, please s-stop. You don’t want to do this.”_

He hadn’t been able to take her home, though all he had wanted to do was cradle the woman in his arms, heal the wounds his blade had inflicted, and take her somewhere safe.

The ghost of her memory would haunt him until the day he died.

Warmth and a field of crimson fabric encircled him. Lost as he was in the past, Severus didn’t register it as Harry’s auror robes for many long moments. When the past released him long enough to breathe, he realised Harry was panicking and calling his name.

“Oh gods, Draco, this was a mistake. We shouldn’t have—he hasn’t had to deal with these horrid memories in five years, not like we have to every day. He’s in shock or something. Fuck. I shouldn’t have—oh, gods, Severus. I’m so sorry.”

Harry sounded as if he was on the verge of tears. That, and the surprise of hearing his first name on the younger man’s lips—and hadn’t he _dreamed_ of hearing it for so long—brought Severus out of the past. With a shuddering sigh, he leaned into the comfort of Harry’s shoulder and held him tight, breathing in the man’s soothing scent.

“Sev’rus,” Harry murmured, his face buried in the older man’s hair. “Oh, m’sorry.”

Severus pressed a soft kiss to the young man’s collarbone, unwilling to kiss his cheek in front of so many people, despite the fact that years of close friendship had rendered it a common occurrence whenever the past overwhelmed them. Harry had often sought comfort in Severus’ flat above his shop when the nightmares cut too deep, and Severus had flooed into Harry’s rooms many times in the middle of the night when not even deep Occlumency could silence his ghosts. In those dark moments, simple affection had proved to be a powerful comforter.

For the past five years, they had been each other’s anchor in dark times. And the fact that Harry was here with him now, that those strong arms still held him close and accepted him even when faced with such a stark reminder of the terrible man Severus had once been, gave the former spy surcease from his dark memories. As much as Severus hated this place and the man he had become within its walls, as long as Harry stayed near him, he might yet survive.

As gentle hands stroked Severus’ hair and a soft-spoken tenor murmured reassurances and apologies in his ear, Severus’ Occlumency walls finally snapped into place. He took a long, shuddering breath and kissed Harry’s shoulder once more. Though Severus really would have rather kissed his mouth, had wished to for the past five years, Harry was on duty at the moment and his embrace was enough to give Severus courage.

Harry’s soft answering kiss to Severus’ temple grounded him and healed him at once.

_“I love you, Harry.”_

One day, Severus would find the courage to tell the young man out loud. Or through telepathic Legilimency, perhaps, if he could not find his tongue. For now, it was enough to breathe Harry in and know the younger man was there for him, as he had been for so long.

“Thank you,” Severus murmured against Harry’s cheek. “I am sorry. It overwhelmed me before I could raise my shields.”

Harry tightened his embrace. “No, no. It’s my fault. We shouldn’t have asked you to do this, sir.”

Severus found himself ridiculously disappointed that Harry had reverted to his previous form of address.

“I will be all right now, and for Merlin’s sake, call me Severus, Harry. It’s absurd to keep calling me ‘sir’ when I have not had a position of authority over you for several years.”

Harry gave a low, nervous laugh. “R-right. Sorry, si—er, Severus. Force of habit, I’m afraid.”

He leaned back and looked into Severus’ eyes, his expression deeply troubled. Behind him, his teammates had gathered around, each looking just as concerned, though Draco wore a hint of a self-satisfied smirk. Before Severus had an opportunity to wonder what on earth the boy meant by it, Harry took hold of Severus’ shoulders and called his attention back to him.

“Si—ah, Severus, are you okay? Maybe we shouldn’t have come.”

Severus stood, though his knees were unsteady, and brushed off his robes. “I thank you for your concern, Harry, but I am well enough now. My shields are in place. I am able to endure now that I have them under control.”

Harry bit his lip. “You’re sure, Severus? I … I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t a really bad idea.” He gave Parvati a hopeful look, but she just shook her head and sniffled.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t See a damned thing today.”

Ronald patted Harry’s shoulder—which sent Harry reeling into Severus. Dear Merlin, the man was like a bear. Perhaps Hagrid was not the only person Severus knew with giant blood in their veins.

“Er … sorry about that, Har. Don’t know my own strength.”

Severus snorted, amused in spite of the dark place.

Ronald gave him a lopsided grin and straightened Harry out. “Anyway, buck up, mate. Pro—er, Master Snape is tougher than nails. Got to him a minute there—would to anyone—but he looks right as rain now. As long as we’re careful and don’t get carried away, I think it should be okay.”

“He’s right,” said Padma with a hesitant smile. “After all, we’re not even sure she’s here. There might be nothing to worry about, you know.”

Harry gave a low laugh. “Oh, I’m almost positive she’s hanging about. I’d thought she would hide here at the start, if you remember, but back then we didn’t have the advantage of Severus’ tactical experience.” He sighed. “For that alone, I should ask you to come, Severus, but I’m not like a certain lemon-drop sucking old coot we all knew and loved.” He cupped a hand around Severus’. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. “Forgive me my momentary lapse of strength. I am well enough to do what must be done now.”

Harry brushed his thumb across Severus’ palm and used their Legilimentic connection to say what would have embarrassed Severus had he voiced it out loud.

_[Remember what I told you when you first came to me in the night, Severus? When you are weak, I will be strong for you. I am here.]_

The link had strengthened quite a bit over the years, to the point that they could now hold entire conversations through their minds, if they so desired. It had come in handy many times in the past, when they had things to say to each other but the presence of others made them hesitate to speak aloud.

_[I remember, Harry. Thank you, both for the support and your discretion.]_

Harry answered with one more squeeze before letting go. “All right. Then if you’re sure, Severus, we’ll go. Just lean on me if it gets to be too much, okay?”

Severus nodded and gave Harry a small smile. “As you wish. For now, let us hurry. The sooner we enter this accursed place, the sooner we may leave it.”

“True enough,” said Draco. “Stay close to Harry and me, Severus. We’ll keep you safe.”

“And me, of course,” said Ron with a grin. “Being the defence master and all, that would be my job.”

Severus snorted. “It’s a wonder the lot of you aren’t in pieces.”

Ron just grinned wider. “Learned a bit since sixth year, sir.” At a flick of his wrist, a shimmery shield snapped into place around Severus and Hermione, glowed bright, and vanished the next instant. With a frown, Severus poked at the air in front of him and raised an eyebrow at the feel of powerful shielding magic.

“So I see. Wandless, invisible shields, Ronald? I did not know you had it in you.”

Ron chuckled. “Yeah, well, seems even a dunderhead like me can have talents.”

Severus smirked. “You might have learned earlier had you paid attention in class.”

Ron snorted. “I’ll give you that. Of course, most of the time I was too busy trying to defend Harry from idiot fans and snarling instructors with a gru—”

Harry cut him off. “Not the time to remind him of that. This is already hard enough.”

Ron grimaced. “Fair enough. Sorry, sir. I was only trying to lighten the mood a bit.”

Severus patted his shoulder. “I was not troubled. Now, if we are ready?”

Harry nodded.

“Then let us go. I have already wasted enough of our time.”

Harry’s cheeks went pink. “Never a waste,” he murmured.

Severus found himself aching to take the young man’s hand, but desisted. This time, he hadn’t the excuse of being distraught, and he was certain Harry wasn’t ready to know what he had kept secret so long.

A pang of sorrow made his breath hitch. Would he ever be?

Merlin, it wasn’t the time for this. Severus placed his longings aside and locked them into a mental box. He would worry about his lonely heart later. At the moment, Harry was warning them about the traps Riddle had set that the aurors had never been able to dismantle entirely and Severus would be a fool not to listen.

“… And just here, you have to avoid this tile. We managed to get it painted red so it’s more obvious, but damn, we almost lost three good aurors before we figured out where the curse was coming from.”

Severus neatly sidestepped the red tile.

“And don’t walk under the chandelier if you value your skin.”

He avoided the cursed thing with gusto, walking towards the wall, but Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him close once more.

“Stay close, Severus. There are traps in the walls.”

Severus barely suppressed a blush and covered it with a curt nod. He stood at Harry’s side— _‘Where I have longed to be for years’_ —and tried to suppress a sigh of disappointment when Harry let go of his hand.

“Thank you, Harry. I am afraid I … my memory of the dangers here is not as clear as I had hoped.”

“That’s all right,” said Harry softly. “Just stay close.” He frowned. “Severus, now that we’re past the entryway, do you recall where you heard those voices you mentioned?”

Severus paused, thinking back. “Ah, I believe … in the hallway just before the library. There was a bookcase against the wall and a half-destroyed painting of Riddle Senior.”

Harry nodded. “Right. This way then.”

Severus stayed right at Harry’s side, only moving when the auror directed him to, and soon found himself in front of an almost empty bookcase he remembered well. The side of the bookcase still had the gnarl trigger, too.

“Captain Potter, do you know if you press the side here …?”

“Oh, yes, we found the loo. Nothing particularly interesting there, I’m afraid. Please call me Harry, though, Severus. It feels strange to hear you refer to me by my title.”

Severus frowned. “Forgive me. As you are on duty, I felt it disrespectful to—”

“Not at all. Even my team only refers to me like that in front of Robards or in official reports. It’s all right, Severus.”

“As you wi—” Severus froze as a small sound from below filtered into his ears. Beside him, Harry had gone tense and alert. Draco looked the same.

Harry narrowed his eyes at the floor and whispered, “Did you—?”

“—Hear that?” Draco shuddered. “Yeah. I think we found her. We just need to find the way down now.”

“Well, we could always just … blow up the floor,” Padma whispered.

Ron shuddered. “Maybe in your everyday lowlife hideout, but here? I don’t want to know what would happen to us if we tried. Best to play his game, at least until we find the bitch and take her out. Our portkeys will get us out once we’re done, but until then, no blowing up floors.”

Severus nodded. “Your Ministry keys?”

“Exactly,” said Draco. “You stick with Harry. I’ll get Hermione out once we’re done here.”

“Understood. Now, be quiet and let me try to find the way down.”

“I’ll help,” said Harry. “Usually Parvati tracks dark magic trails, but with her Sight down, I’m the next best we have.”

Severus nodded and pointed to the almost empty bookcase. “I sense something there.”

Harry frowned. “I feel it too. In the wood, or …?”

“No. I think ….” Severus ran a hand over the air in front of the bookcase and stopped in front of the one book still present on the shelf, lying forlornly against a wall, straight up and with nothing supporting it on the opposite side.

Strange how it hadn’t fallen over in all these years.

Carefully, he sent cautious tendrils of magic out, ready to react in an instant if a curse triggered. Finding nothing beyond an auror ward and darker wards under that, he scanned the magic surrounding the book for a clue in how to get past its dark shield. After years of setting such spells himself, it did not take Severus long to identify a Dark Mark affinity ward and blood magic.

Severus narrowed his eyes and redoubled his concentration. If the book was set to accept only a person with the Dark Mark, the blood ward was redundant. Why have a Dark Mark ward if only one person could open it to begin with? Unless Riddle had keyed it to a blood _line_ and not a particular person. In that case, he would naturally wish to ward out Light-sided members of said bloodline.

Yes, that made more sense. With that done, Severus only needed to determine the magic markers and trace the source of the bloodline. It was difficult magic, but Severus had gained skill in the art during his work as a spy. With any luck, he would remember it quickly enough.

It seemed luck was not with him. He could determine that the book was indeed aligned to a bloodline and not a single person, but beyond that, he could find nothing. Still, Severus had not lost his wits in the five years since they served as the only shield between his skin and Riddle’s wrath.

Logic dictated that, if this was the key to the hidden room and Bellatrix had been able to access it, it would be one of her bloodlines. If it was the Black line, Draco could use the key, but if it had been keyed to the Rosiers—Bellatrix’s maternal family—or any of her other ancestral lines, to touch the book might condemn Severus’ godson to death. And Severus would damn himself before he let Draco take the fall for them.

“Severus? Are you okay?”

Harry’s soft voice pulled Severus out of his focus. “Yes,” he responded brusquely. “I am working to unravel your puzzle.”

“Oh. Does it help if I ….” Harry laid a hand at the centre of Severus’ back, and the gentle touch both grounded him and strengthened his magic. Severus took a deep breath and nodded, letting the soft circles Harry rubbed into his shoulders lull him back into concentration. A moment later, he had his answer.

  


* * *

  


Harry tried not to be distracting as he rubbed Severus’ back, hoping the touch helped soothe any stray thoughts that might be breaking the man’s concentration. He watched, fascinated, as a faint blue-violet light glowed in the man’s eyes.

Harry’s heart thumped and warmed at the sight of Severus’ face, set aglow by that strange indigo light. _‘Ah, how beautiful. And how lucky for us.’_ He recognised that aura as a rare branch of detection magic, and wished over again that Severus might have been convinced to join his team.

Well, at least he would know who to ask for the next time the aurors came upon a ward they couldn’t figure out.

The light faded, and Severus gave a satisfied nod. “Got it.”

He pointed to a book Harry had never been able to remove from the shelf. It looked innocuous, but nothing in that manor was truly innocent, and sometimes the plainest objects proved to be the most dangerous. As no one on the auror department had ever been able to get through the wards on that particular book, they had thought it safest to leave it where it was rather than attempt to remove it.

“Merlin, Severus,” said Draco with a grin. “You’re bloody brilliant.”

Severus smirked. “Thank you. And as it happens, you’re the only one of us who can get through the wards on this.”

Draco coughed. “Er … I am?”

“Yes. I am positive now that this is the way to the secret chamber. It can only be opened by one with both the mark and Black blood. Bellatrix herself is the only other person who could touch it.”

Draco groaned. “The book? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Severus snorted. “Cliché, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely. But fairly intelligent by the same coin. Most pureblood wizards wouldn’t have read enough Muggle literature to recognise the old book-to-the-secret-passageway trick.”

Harry gave Draco a wry look. “And neither would you have done had I not made all of you research Muggle ways.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Thank you, grand master of all things Muggle.” He glanced at Severus, hiding a frown. “You’re sure I’ll be able to open it? Harry’s the heir, isn’t he?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s a bloodline ward, not an heir ward, Draco. Sirius blood-adopted me, yes, but it’s not the same as actually being born into the family. At least, not where blood wards are concerned. Besides, I don’t have the mark.”

Draco winced and rubbed his arm convulsively. “Never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Well, it _was_ an incredibly stupid decision,” said Ron with a grin, “but you’ve come a long way. So, maybe we’ll just rib you about it a little bit. Until the day you die, of course.”

“Shut it,” Draco said with a smirk. “As if you’ve never made stupid decisions.”

“And he doesn’t get away with those either,” said Harry in a more official tone. “Get on with it, Draco. If Bellatrix _is_ hiding here, the longer we stand here and talk, the more likely she is to sense our signatures and escape.”

Severus’ warm look of approval did funny things to Harry’s insides.

“Right.” With a shudder, Draco hesitantly touched the book. When it didn’t hurt him, he took a deep breath, held his wand at the ready, and pulled.

The bookcase moved away from the wall as it did when it moved to reveal the secret loo, but instead of a tiny WC and shower, this time the passage opened to an ancient staircase and candlelit room. The moment the bookcase finished moving and aligned against the adjacent wall, a powerful scent of human waste, blood, and rubbish made everyone in the area reel back with disgust.

“I don’t like the smell of _that_ ,” Ron whispered.

Harry shuddered. “Quiet. Wands out and guard Hermione. Severus is more than capable, but keep your shield on him anyway, Ron.”

“I’ve got the rest of you shielded,” Parvati whispered, “but if she uses something major, it will break, so be careful!”

“That goes for me too,” Ron whispered. “No shields are perfect.”

“Right,” Harry whispered back. “Everyone, fall into take down position. Severus, stay behind me.”

He felt the man’s body heat behind him and relief warmed his chest. As long as Severus stayed close, they would both be safe. So he hoped, anyway.

“Draco, go.”

The blonde stepped forward, face hidden under his hood, and scanned the stairway for wards and traps.

“Stabbing curse on the last step.” An invisible jet of tingling coldness rippled the air beside Harry’s arm. “That’s got it. Uncle Severus, I’d feel better if you double checked the way down.”

A moment later, Severus whispered, “It is clear. Well done, Draco.”

Draco nodded in acknowledgement.

“Ron,” Harry whispered. “Your turn.”

The redhead moved into Draco’s place and flicked his wand a few times. “Okay, anti-apparition wards and curse blockers are set. Like with Parvati’s shields, anything at the level of an unforgivable will get through it.”

“Good. Padma.”

The woman scanned the area with her wand, her eyes lighting up with a blue aura much paler than Severus’.

“No physical traps present.”

“Good work.” Harry turned to the last member of his team. “Parvati … anything?”

She grimaced. “Sorry, Captain.”

Harry patted her shoulder. “Can’t be helped. Everyone take care and be ready for trouble. She won’t go down without a fight.” He moved to the head of the formation and hid everyone with a powerful disillusionment charm. “On my mark, we go down as silently as possible. One … two … now!”

Harry crept down the stairs, Severus at his back and Ron on his left. They moved as stealthily as cats, silent and sure, but by the time they reached the bottom of the stairs and a closed door at the end of them, the stench had set them all gasping. Harry cast silent Bubblehead and air-freshening charms over his team and their helpers, and cautiously opened the door.

He had thought himself prepared for anything, but he hadn’t predicted _this_. What had looked to have once been a luxurious parlour had become a virtual sewer. Waste and bloodstains smeared the walls—some in the form of words trailed by fingertips—and he _really_ didn’t want to know what the slime along the floor was. The furniture was all slashed, stained, and losing its stuffing. Flies swarmed around piles of some foul sludge he most certainly did not want to identify and what looked like the remains of old food piled up in the corners of the room. Some of it looked like rat bones.

Harry was immensely glad of their bubblehead charms and gladder when Severus added sanitising charms atop them.

Merlin, Harry almost hoped no one had been living in _these_ conditions.

A gentle hand tipped Harry’s head to the side, turning him to meet appalled dark eyes. _[She is madder than I had thought to have let herself sink into this kind of state. Be wary.]_

Harry nodded and Severus dropped his hand. Harry gave himself no time to lament the loss, but simply guided his team forward by a wave of his arm.

As soon as he stepped into the vile chamber, the sound of deranged muttering filled his ears.

“A silencing charm,” Severus whispered. “She is still capable of magic then.”

Harry shuddered and moved his team towards the sound.

“Mudbloods, blood-muds, dirtying the master’s chambers. Filthy little buggers. Die, die, _die_!”

The last word came out as a shriek, rasped in a voice so far gone beyond humanity, it set Harry’s teeth on edge. Beside him, Ron jumped.

“Merlin,” Ron whispered.

“Be prepared for unusual manoeuvers,” Harry whispered back. “She’s completely lost the plot.”

His team nodded and followed Harry closer.

The muttering cut off suddenly, switching to that manic, cackling laugh that still haunted Harry’s dreams.

“And who has come to visit old Auntie Bella today? Come, little nephew. I smell you.”

“How anyone could smell anything over _this_ is beyond me,” Draco whispered.

Harry suppressed a snort.

“Oh, and what’s this? A mudblood, one … two … three half-bloods. No, five. And a blood traitor, and—oh, lovely. The traitor returns! And Potter! What a glorious day this will be for my lord and master. You _will_ be avenged, love!”

Beside Harry, Severus tensed. “How the hell is she identifying us?”

Harry shuddered. “Dark magic, probably. I’m not sure I want to know more than that.”

Severus scowled in disgust. “Gods, what a foul—”

A red streak shot from a room just ahead and Harry jerked Severus down just in time. The curse went above their heads and blasted a hole in the wall behind them. Harry gritted his teeth. He had hoped she would be a bit less dangerous gone fully mad, but it appeared they would find the opposite to be true.

“Damn it. Try to get her surrounded,” he whispered, and led his team through the open doorway.

The room beyond was mostly clean, thank the gods.

Harry closed the chamber door behind them, concerned such filth would make them ill, and cast cleaning charms on their shoes. Thrice. Merlin, in all his days as an auror, hunting down the worst specimens of the human race, he had never come across a fouler hideout. It was enough to put him off food for a week. Longer, even.

Harry held his wand at the ready as he investigated his surroundings. They appeared to be in some sort of living chamber converted from what used to be a bedroom. Or perhaps it served as both to its crazed inhabitant. A once-luxurious bed had slashes in the curtains and its duvet was torn and stained. Beside it, a bookcase had lost most of its contents to a giant pile of shredded paper in the corner. Pieces of old books had been pasted to the ceiling—Harry did not want to know with what—and read: _“Die, Potter, die!”_

There was no sign of Bellatrix.

“Lovely,” Ron muttered in Harry’s ear, pointing to the ceiling.

Harry did not dare voice his agreement. Apparently the bitch was as good at holding grudges as her former master and she was hiding here, somewhere. Listening. Waiting.

“There.” Hermione pointed to a doorway almost hidden behind an open wardrobe. “She’s in there.”

Harry nodded and led his team forwards, but before they had taken more than three steps, another spell shot straight at them from the doorway, scattering them and breaking their focus. While Harry was still trying to recover his stance, the madwoman herself swooped out of the shadows, clothing in tatters, hair matted in clumps down to her feet, and eyes utterly insane.

“ _Traitor_!”

She shot a spell at Severus, but he whirled out of the way and shielded Parvati, who was behind him. Harry jumped to the man’s side, acting as his protector, and whipped a lightning-fast _Impedimenta_ at her. Unfortunately, she blocked it, and Harry decided it was time to end this quickly. Mad or not, the woman was just too damn fast.

“Cover me,” he muttered to Ron. The big auror nodded and took position beside and just ahead of Harry.

Harry worked to deflect her continued attempts to curse him and began building up his killing blow. It would take him time: his one tactical weakness in a duel was mustering up the anger and hatred required to kill someone, even someone as twisted and dangerous as Bellatrix Lestrange. He only hoped he could evade her while he worked up the energy.

He leapt over another spell and cursed. Damn it, madwomen weren’t supposed to be this _fast_.

Bellatrix shot a cutting curse at Severus and sliced into the man’s arm. “Got you now, widdle traitor!”

“Severus!” Distracted, Harry’s spell energy dropped, but when he saw the blood seeping through the man’s robes, rage took him over. He glared into those mad eyes and remembered the last time he had seen her this close, when his godfather had gone tumbling through the veil. And now she had just injured the man he loved.

“She’s _mine_ ,” he spat.

“No, Harry,” Severus whispered. “Let me. You’re not—”

But Harry shoved Severus behind him and began building his curse again, much faster now that he knew which one to use and anger for his loved ones’ pain fuelled his fury.

“Mate, be ca—”

Ron did not get a chance to either finish his warning or reinforce the shield around Harry before Bellatrix got off another spell, and with Harry determinedly blocking Severus, the older man could not defend him either.

Eyes focused on Harry, Bellatrix shrieked, “ _Accipere Sanguis Animus_!”

He used her brief moment of distraction as his window of opportunity. “ _Sectum Totalis_!”

Their spells hit at the same time, a sickly greenish-brown light bursting over the entire area at the same instant his sword spell hit the bitch in the throat. The woman’s head separated from her neck and rolled, but Harry hardly had time to see it before he was knocked across the room and out.

  


* * *

  


Harry came to with Severus leaning over him, trying to heal him—regulations be damned—and rubbing a gentle hand down his cheek. Harry leaned into the touch before he could help himself.

“Sev’rus?”

Severus growled and pressed a hand to Harry’s forehead. “Of all the stupid, foolish—I _told_ you to let me kill her.”

Harry gave him a weak smile. “Can’t. Auror rules.”

Severus huffed. “And you wanted to avenge Black.” He sighed and removed his hand. Immediately, a cold Harry had never known bled into his chest and strange whispers filled his ears.

“Oh _Merlin_.”

“Harry?” Hermione was beside him in an instant. “What is it?”

He moaned and clapped his hands over his ears. “The bitch cursed me.”

“Lovely,” Severus said with a groan. “Well, I suppose it will be against regulations as well if I try to break it?”

“Um ….” Harry gave him a frightened look. “Y-yeah. Gotta—Padma or St. Mungo’s. Evi-evidentiary procedure … m’sorry.”

Severus shook his head. “Call me when you actually _need_ my help, Potter.”

The man apparated away before anyone could protest. Apparently, Ron’s anti-apparition wards hadn’t stretched far enough or had enough power to keep in a wizard like Severus.

Ron sniffed. “Gods, was there ever a more prickly man?”

Hermione chuckled. “He just wanted to protect Harry and _someone_ wouldn’t let him.” She rounded on Harry with a sharp look. “You should have seen his face when you went down. It was … heart-breaking, frankly.”

Harry could hardly hear over the whispers. Cruel, frightening voices, angry voices, voices that sounded scared themselves—each one clamoured for his attention and left him shaking. There weren’t enough people in the room for that many voices.

“Yes, yes,” said an irritated Draco. “Might we record the scene already?” He shuddered. “I’m more than ready to be out of this vile place.”

Padma added, “Harry needs to go to St. Mungo’s first. I can’t break this. I don’t even know what it is.”

“Right,” said Ron with a nod. “Hermione, help me get Harry to St. Mungo’s. The rest of you start taking scenes for memories. You know the procedure.”

“Yes, Captain,” said Draco with a wry look.

“I _am_ the second in command, so stuff it, Ferret.”

“Enough,” Harry said in a weak voice, trying to shut out the whispers. “Please.”

Ron and Hermione looked at him with worried faces and portkeyed him away.


	5. Whispered Screams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Sirius is a jerk. Bellatrix is horrid as always. Dream scene with graphic violence and character death. Summary: Harry keeps hearing his dead Black relatives in his head--including Bellatrix--and no one knows how to make it stop._

**CHAPTER 5**  
_WHISPERED SCREAMS_

Harry trembled in his hospital bed, more unnerved by the voices screaming in his head than the fact that he was in hospital. Normally, he would hate being here, but the curse terrified him enough that he was willing to put up with the sterile room, the constant prodding and poking, and endless starry-eyed stream of healers as long as the voices stopped.

At least Hermione was there to nip any overt displays of hero-worship in the bud. Harry had almost climbed the walls the first time one of the female healers had reached for her collar. An enraged Hermione had practically clawed the healer’s eyes out, which worked well for Harry. The next mediwitch who came in was remarkably more subdued in her breathless, doe-eyed admiration.

Gods, Harry wished they’d all just stuff it.

Harry turned to his friend the moment the mediwitch left, after staring adoringly at Harry for over a full minute. “D-don’t suppose we could call in M-Madame Pomfrey for help instead?”

In his head, Sirius whispered, _“What’s the matter, Pup? Any one of those hot girls would’ve been all over themselves to bed you. Why not take them up on it?”_

Harry shuddered at hearing such advice from his godfather of all people. His _dead_ godfather.

 _“Stow it, Sirius,”_ a second masculine voice responded. _“Any idiot can see the boy isn’t interested in the female persuasion.”_

Between the voices, Hermione gave Harry a sad smile. “She’s not experienced in these kind of dark curses or I certainly wo—”

Sirius’ indignant cry cut across her. _“Oi! What would you know, you whiny little traitor? Go back to your snake hole and leave us Gryffindors alone.”_

Harry tried to continue his conversation with Hermione despite the arguing in his head. “I … I don’t think any of them are experienced either, Hermione. How many healers have come, and none of them with any more answers than the la—”

The second voice, a boy’s voice sighed. _“You never did grow up, did you, Sirius?”_

_“A far sight more than you, ickle babykins. Did it hurt when Voldemort decided you weren’t even worthy enough for him?”_

The boy’s voice broke when he spoke again. _“Voldemort didn’t kill me, at least not directly, but yes, it hurt to die. Why won’t you listen to me?”_

_“Because you’re a vicious lying little snake and I’m not stupid enough to trust you.”_

Listening to the vicious side of his godfather was making Harry sick. He clutched his stomach and wished with all his might the healers could make the voices stop soon.

Another voice spoke and dropped Harry’s heart into his gut. _“Siri, enough. Can’t you see you’re hurting Harry?”_

Harry wanted to weep. _“Remus ….”_ Out loud, he could only manage a whimper.

 _“Give it a rest, Sirius,”_ came the voice of Remus’ wife. _“I … you should cherish your family while … while they’re still ….”_ She broke off in tears, and Harry’s chest felt hollowed out with grief. He couldn’t bear this. He couldn’t.

“Oh gods. I-I’m scared, ‘Mione.”

Hermione winced. “I know, Harry. I know.”

He tried to gather his wits. “H-has … has Severus c-called at all?”

She winced again and looked away.

Sirius roared with outrage. _“Severus! Why are you asking about that slimy git?”_

Harry clenched his fists around the sheets. “Hermione?”

Her shoulders slumped. “No, Harry. Not yet, but don’t worry. He’ll come around. He’s just angry that you didn’t let him protect you, and probably blaming himself.”

Sirius snorted. Harry struggled to hide how much his godfather’s derision hurt him.

“You’ll … you’ll tell me if he calls?”

“Of course, Harry. For now, just … try to rest.”

_“What are you even DOING, Harry? Why do you want to talk to that bastard?”_

Remus shouted, _“Shut UP, Sirius!”_

Harry clapped his hands over his ears and gave a wry laugh. “Somehow, I don’t think that nap’s going to work out, ‘Mione.”

She just gave him a sad look and sighed.

  


* * *

  


Some hours later, an aging mediwizard with a no-nonsense air about him strode into the room, and Harry would have breathed a sigh of relief but for the grim expression on his face. Hermione took Harry’s hand and held it tight.

“Mister Potter, I am Healer Taylor. I’m afraid none of our resident curse experts have seen this particular spell before. They are busy researching its effects and ways to combat its effects, but without a frame of reference, I am afraid they’re working blind. We have called in a resident mind curse expert from Bulgaria—he should be here within the week—but I am afraid that this is the best we can offer you for now.”

Harry paled. “T-there’s nothing you can do?”

Bellatrix cackled. _“Enjoy it, widdle-baby Potter. I saved it just for you!”_

Sirius roared inside his head and a battle of cursing and fists ensued, so loud that Harry had to strain to hear the healer’s next words.

“I am sorry, Mister Potter. We can … perhaps offer you a sedative. It might … well, it would drown them out.”

“At the cost of my lucidity,” Harry said with a grimace.

“Unfortunately, I do not know what else to offer you at this time. I do hope the healer from Bulgaria will be able to offer you a better prognosis.”

Harry could do nothing but nod. Inside, he had gone numb. Trying to drown out the voices of his godfather, his godfather’s repentant little brother, Remus and Tonks, and the bitch who had killed so many he loved? And above all ….

_“MUDBLOODS! FILTH! ASSOCIATING WITH MY BELOVED ANCESTORS!”_

Fuck. He had thought he’d heard the last of her when he finally had the sense to knock out the entire wall with her portrait and burn it all to ashes. Apparently, he wasn’t so lucky.

The boy, whom Harry had now identified as Regulus Black, screamed, _“Shut up, Mother! You bloody cow!”_

Of all the Blacks in his head, Harry found he soon liked Regulus the best. He was the only one who really understood the cost of the war. Not even Sirius could look past his immature black-and-white mentality. Remus and Tonks tried to help, but they were just mourning too deeply to have much effect. Only Regulus had a clear, unbiased head, and if not for that one voice, Harry might have gone mad before the end of the first night.

Sirius snarled, _“Stop playacting and go back to your snake den, little brother.”_

Harry snorted, and just to shut up his godfather and stop him hurting Regulus again, directed his next thought directly towards the voices. _“Severus is my best friend now, just so you know, Sirius. Thinking about asking him out to dinner, actually.”_

_“WHAT? No godson of mine will ever associate with that slimy Snivellus.”_

_“Too late.”_

Well, at least it had gotten Sirius’ attention off of his distraught little brother, but having to endure the man screeching about Severus for three hours was possibly even less pleasant. Only when Harry threatened to disown Sirius if he couldn’t keep his bloody ignorant prejudices to himself did the man finally shut up.

A small voice whispered into his ear once the tirade had stopped. _“Thanks, Potter. You didn’t have to take the fall for me, but I appreciate it. And I’m sorry. I … I tried to stop them.”_

Regulus. Harry whispered back, _“I know.”_

After a few moments, Ron came in to sit with him. “Sorry, mate. Just got free of Robards. The report for this one was a bloody mess.” He greeted Hermione with a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks for staying with him. How is he?”

She shook her head. “I … I don’t know.”

Ron winced. “That bad?”

“Well, the healers don’t know what to do. They called in a foreign expert, but ….” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I ….”

Harry stared at her with hopeless eyes, feeling all semblance of the life he had once hoped for drain away. “It’s okay, Hermione.” His voice was flat, dead. “It was my fault. Just wanted to avenge Sirius, like you said.”

He gave a bitter laugh. “And now it turns out I half want to kill the man myself. Always raging about how Slytherins can’t be trusted, blah-blah. Merlin. It’s enough to drive a man mad. Particularly when part of my team is Slytherin and so is my … my other best friend. I should’ve let Severus handle her. He could’ve … he wouldn’t have … gods, I just wish they would _stop_!”

Tears slid down his cheeks. He jerked a hand across his face to wipe them away, but too late. Ron and Hermione had already seen.

Hermione straightened and squared her shoulders. “I’m off to the … Ministry library then.” The hesitation made it clear she meant the hidden one only accessible to Unspeakables. “If anywhere has information on a curse like that, it’ll be there, I think.”

Ron gave her a wan smile. “That’s our girl. Good luck, then.”

“Thanks. I’ll be back in the afternoon, Harry. Parvati is going to watch over you during the next shift so I can keep my job.”

Harry grabbed Hermione’s hand, a renewed wellspring of hope bringing tears to his eyes. “Thank you.”

She squeezed his fingers and left, heels clicking behind her. Ron settled into the chair beside Harry’s bed and brought out a magazine. “Well, reckon it’s time to hash it out over the cannons again, mate? Think that might drown a few inconsiderate arseholes out?”

Sirius barked, _“Oi!”_

Harry gave a distraught, helpless laugh. “Maybe. We could give it a go anyway.”

“Right then.” Ron flipped to the back of his mag. “Says here they lost twenty to three-hundred to the Holyhead Harpies.” He groaned and shook the magazine. “Looks like I need to have a little talk with my sweet little sister. Now there’s a traitor if I’ve ever seen one.”

Regulus’ answering laugh was bitter and broken, and it hurt Harry’s heart to hear it.

“Ron … maybe we could not talk about traitors, please?”

Ron gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry, mate. You know I didn’t mean that. Ginny’s all right, if she is playing for the wrong team.”

“I reckon Parvati would have something to say about that.”

Ron snorted. “I didn’t mean _that_ team.” He sat back, letting his magazine fall closed. “She shocked me when she came out, you know. I always thought she’d get together with you.”

Harry shrugged. “No interest in women.” He ignored Sirius’ roar of dismay and the hurt it caused him. “Besides that, you know they worked together to help defend the school when the Carrows were in charge. That kind of bond … well, there’s no breaking it.”

Ron grinned. “Unless you’re like me and Hermione and the idea of not breaking it threatens the safety of the entire wizarding world.”

Harry snorted. “True enough.”

Regulus murmured to Harry, _“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t like women either.”_

Sirius gave a bark of snide laughter. _“Well, that’s because you’re a slimy Slytherin opportunist. Take whatever you can get, don’t you?”_

_“As it happens, I never lived long enough to have the opportunity with either gender, thank you.”_

_“Yeah, well, that’s your own fault for following the prick supreme, isn’t it?”_

Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose and struggled not to weep. _“Sirius. Shut the fuck_ up _. You’ve hurt us both enough.”_

_“Oh, is the itty-bitty baby Potter gonna cwy? Oh, boo-hoo, poor baby.”_

Bellatrix’s taunt was the last straw, and Harry really did break into tears. “R-Ron, I think I just want a sedative now. Just … to shut them out for a little while.”

Ron’s eyes filled with pain. “Okay, mate. Sit tight. I’ll find someone to help.”

He ran out of the room and returned with a healer and the requested medicine post-haste, but the drugs only quieted the voices, not silenced them, and even in his hazy, drug-induced sleep, Harry found no repose.

  


* * *

  


Severus had never been so angry at Harry. The man had shoved him out of the way when he knew Severus was the quicker fighter when it came to deadly spells. A part of him understood that Harry had wanted to protect him—and to avenge his godfather—but it was _his_ job to protect Harry, damn it, not the other way around.

It took brewing several complex potions before he’d worked off enough irritation to admit he was being a bit unreasonable, considering Harry was an auror captain and Severus had been out of the fighting for several years now.

But even so, he had tried to warn Harry, and the man had gotten himself cursed for his refusal to listen! _Cursed_! And … and Severus was standing here fuming when the man he loved was suffering. Suffering and probably aware of Severus’ anger, and afraid he would lose Severus and his one real constant all over again. It was an old fear that came up every time Severus got irritated with Harry, and even years of friendship and shared affection in the wee hours had never truly defeated it.

Merlin, Severus didn’t even know _how_ Harry had been cursed. Was he bleeding? Dying?

No, if it was that serious, one of Harry’s teammates would have contacted him already. But even so … Harry was suffering for certain, and that knowledge dimmed the last lingering shreds of irritation. Perhaps Severus would chew the man’s ear off a bit for being so foolhardy, but he couldn’t leave him alone. Not any longer. Not when Harry had been by Severus’ side all those years ago when he couldn’t speak and thought he had died.

No, he wouldn’t return Harry’s gentle care with this coldness.

With a sigh, Severus packed up his potion making for the day and apparated straight to St. Mungo’s.

After getting his badge and reporting to the spell damage ward, the receptionist gave him Harry’s room number with a sad smile. “He’s been asking for you, you know. Scared you won’t come.”

Severus swallowed a lump in his throat. “Well, then I suppose I had better go quickly.”

He turned on his heel and stalked to room 203, only barely resisting breaking into a run. Harry was at least conscious if he could ask for Severus, but that meant he’d been wanting the man and Severus had left him alone. Merlin forgive him. He’d only meant to blow off some steam so he wouldn’t have to face Harry angry, but he should have remembered that the man was in pain.

Severus knocked on the half-open door. “Harry? It’s Severus. May I come in?”

“Severus,” Harry breathed, and the relief in his tone cut Severus to the quick. “Yeah, please.”

Severus swallowed his guilt and stepped inside, all the blood draining from his face at the sight of the young man. Harry was sheet-white and shaking, his eyes rimmed with red and dark circles, and his lips bitten through in places. He’d chewed his nails down to ragged edges and his temples bore red welts, as if Harry had been digging his fingers into them.

Parvati stood and hugged Severus as soon as he entered, shocking the man. “Thank you. It’s you he needs most right now. Be gentle. He’s enduring much worse than you know.”

Severus gasped and broke free of her, dashing to Harry’s side. “Harry! What is it? Are you injured? I … how bad is it?”

Harry gave him a wan smile. “Never seen you so flustered, sir.”

“Severus. _Please_.”

Harry shook his head as if trying to clear it. “M’sorry. Everything’s confusing and … and I can’t … think straight.”

Severus gripped the bedrail and leaned close to him. “How bad is it, Harry?”

“I … I don’t know. The healers here don’t know what’s going on, but they said they should have an expert in by next—” He trailed off and went silent for a long moment, his face twisted in a sharp glare that Severus understood was meant for neither him nor Parvati. But who then? “N-next week,” Harry finished. “S-sorry. Hard to keep track of my thoughts like this.”

Severus took Harry’s hand, and the young man gasped. “Oh. Oh, that … that helps.”

Severus gave him a hesitant smile. “Does it?”

“Yeah. S’quiet.” Harry groaned and turned into the man. “Could you … are you still mad at me?”

Severus stroked Harry’s hair back from his temple. “No. I understand why. I am only afraid for you.”

“Helps when you’re here.”

Parvati patted Severus’ shoulder and laid her hand on Harry’s wrist. “Harry? I’m going now.” She turned to Severus. “Will you stay with him? He needs sleep but the drugs aren’t helping. Your presence quiets the curse.”

“I … my presence?” Severus’ cheeks warmed. “Why me?”

“I’m not sure. Still not over this blasted cold. But I can see enough with my physical eyes to tell that it does.”

“All right. I’ll stay.” He turned back to reassure Harry, but stopped himself when he realised the young man was already asleep.

Parvati whispered, “Just keep holding his hand, okay? He needs you.”

Severus nodded. “Go home to your wife. I will care for him.”

“Thank you.” She laid one more pat on his shoulder and left Severus alone with Harry.

“My presence helps you sleep?” Severus shook his head. “Well, perhaps the foreign healer will have answers soon. Until then, I will stay with you.”

“Mm, good,” Harry muttered, and returned to dreams.

Severus said nothing else for many hours and stayed there, either watching Harry sleep or resting with him, never letting go of Harry’s hand. When Harry woke, the auror looked much better. The dark circles had gone and his skin had lost some of that sickly pallor.

“Sev’rus?” Harry freed his hand and rubbed his eyes. “You stayed the whole time?”

“It seemed to comfort you to have me near.” Severus gave him a wry smile. “But if you are well enough, I am in rather dire need of a trip to the loo and some dinner. Perhaps I could bring some back for you as well?”

Harry gave him a wan smile. “Maybe some soup.”

“As you wish.” Severus stood and brushed Harry’s hair back from his forehead. “I will try to be here for you as much as I am able.”

Harry looked up, eyes full of tears and a grateful smile on his face. “T-thank you.”

“You … you are welcome.”

Severus darted away to the loo before he could fall to the temptation to kiss the pain from those abused lips.

  


* * *

  


When Severus returned in the morning after a night of tossing and turning, Harry was looking pale and wan again. The dark circles hadn’t returned, but the man’s eyelid twitched every so often. Even so, Harry greeted him with a bright smile.

“Sev’rus. Gl’d y’r ‘ere.”

Severus took a moment to translate that into a greeting. “Harry?”

A young healer answered from behind the man. “He’s all right. It’s just the medicine making him slur.” She pointed to an IV in Harry’s hand. “Helps him sleep a bit.”

Severus moved to Harry’s side and took the boy’s gown-wrapped wrist, hoping it would calm him somewhat. Harry gave him a sad smile, then dropped off into sleep. It seemed restless though, not like the peaceful sleep he had enjoyed yesterday.

“Healer Dragomir should be here before long, sir. I would appreciate it if you would watch over him until then.”

Severus gave her a curt nod. “I had intended to stay as long as he needs me.”

“Very good.” The woman gave Harry a pitying look, clucked her tongue, and left.

As soon as she had gone, Severus took hold of his fingers instead, being careful to avoid the IV. “I am here, Harry. I do not know if it helps, but I am here.”

Harry gave a little sigh and settled into a more peaceful rest. Severus stayed quiet and watched him sleep, holding his fingers and wishing there was something more he could do.

  


* * *

  


Healer Dragomir arrived in a flurry of red and green robes. He gave Severus a sharp look when he came in, and the man moved aside, assuming the healer wanted to check the IV. Something the man muttered under his breath convinced Severus he had been wrong on that front and he barely resisted the urge to sneer. What gave this man the right to judge him for offering comfort to a friend simply because they were both male? If Harry’s life hadn’t depended on the healer’s help, Severus might have hexed him.

The healer said nothing and began examining Harry. Severus watched, fearful for his love and wondering if his presence would cause problems. He tried to stay quiet and out of the way, but his resolve didn’t last long.

“Is there … any hope?”

Dragomir gave him a wry smile. “His heart still beats. There is alvays hope if he is not dead.” He clucked his tongue at the findings. “Vell, this is difficult curse, but I think I know how to beat it. He vill be right as rain in the morning. You may go, vhile I treat heem.”

Severus frowned. “You’re sure you know how to treat it, or you _think_?”

The healer narrowed his eyed. “Vat you think I am, a quick healer?”

“I think you mean ‘quack.’ And I ask because I am the foremost potions master of Britain and if there is anything my stores can do to help him, rest assured I will do it.”

The healer cocked his head. “You are Master Snape?”

The man bowed. “I am.”

“Ah. No, I think this is not a case for potions. But I vill keep you in mind vhen I haff other patients in need.”

Severus stared at Harry, unsure.

“Go, go. The longer you hover, the longer it takes me to cure heem.”

Severus sighed and gave Harry’s hand one last squeeze. “I’ll be back in the morning then. Good luck, Harry.”

The healer scowled, but said nothing as Severus bid him goodbye and swept out of the room. Merlin, he hoped Harry would be all right when he returned.

  


* * *

  


_Harry slashed, struck, tore at the flesh beneath his hands. Blood was everywhere. Someone was screaming his name, begging for him to stop, but Harry could hardly hear it over the screams in his head._

_A voice purred into his ear, “Yes, good widdle Potter. Make the traitor pay.”_

_“Knew you had it in you, my boy.” Sirius sounded proud._

_A third voice inside his mind screamed, “Harry! Oh Merlin, Harry, STOP!”_

_Regulus. Of all the voices, Harry could only trust Regulus. He stopped._

_And sank to his knees, horror sinking like a dead weight in his chest. Like the dying weight of his love in his arms. Severus lay sobbing beneath him, huge slices of flesh torn away, his face barely recognisable under all the gore. Harry searched for a place he could hold the man, screaming with the voices, appalled at what he had become._

_“S-Severus, oh gods!”_

_But rubbing his eyes and begging only smeared the blood under his nails all over his face. Harry’s tears washed it clean._

_“Severus, please.”_

_Harry struggled with his healing spells, tried everything he knew, and when nothing worked, even tried that dark spell again, but in the end, nothing would fix the damage he had wrought._

_“Harry ….”_

_Severus’ voice was weak, barely a breath._

_“Oh, Severus. Gods, I … I’m so sorry.”_

_Severus lifted a bleeding hand to Harry’s face. “I forgive you, pet.”_

_His hand dropped, his dark eyes closed forever, and Harry’s heart shattered into a thousand pieces._

_“Severus! No!”_

  


* * *

  


Hermione winced at the scream from Harry’s lips. Dear gods, it had brought every healer for five floors running.

“Harry, Harry!”

Harry woke with a jolt and slapped at everything around him, knocking the IV loose. “Severus, Severus—no. Tell me it’s not—where’s Severus?”

A dark-skinned man grumbled and immobilised Harry’s left arm. “All thees fuss. You haff pulled out your IV. Be still!”

“Severus!” Harry sobbed. “Severus, please. Where—”

Hermione grabbed Harry’s shoulders. “Harry, get a hold of yourself. It was just a dream. A terrible one by the looks of it, but a _dream_ nonetheless. Severus is fine. He just went to his shop for a few hours while Healer Dragomir works.”

“A dream.” Harry sank onto his pillows with a sob. “J-just a dream. You’re sure he’s okay?”

“Yes, Harry. He was fine when he called me earlier.”

Harry winced. “Why—why isn’t he here? Did I … did I hurt him?”

Hermione shot the healer a dark glare. “A certain prejudiced arsehole shooed him out.”

Dragomir scowled. “Vomen should vatch their mouths if they haff nothing kind to say.”

Hermione barely held herself back from hexing the bastard inside out. Unspeakables knew many things others would find … unpleasant. She stood and whipped out her wand, just for show, but it always had a good effect when idiots let their lips flap too much.

“Mark my words, Dragomir, if you don’t shut your foul mouth and focus on your godsdamned job this instant, I’ll make sure you lose it by the end of the week. Or have you forgotten that Harry and I are largely regarded as heroes of the war? As is the man you are so determined to rail against, I might tell you. Do remind me, what did you do for the war effort again?”

Dragomir turned the colour of putty and returned to his work without a word.

“That’s what I thought.”

“H-Hermione,” said a shocked Harry. “I … Merlin. I didn’t even know you _knew_ that word.”

Hermione have a wry laugh and sat once more. “He’s been going on and on for hours about how unnatural it was to find Severus holding your bloody hand, as if Severus had been shagging you into the mattress while you slept.”

Harry flushed crimson. “Dear gods, ‘Mione,” he choked out.

She shook her head. “Sorry, Harry. It’s just, prejudice like that is what we fought so hard to end.”

“Well, yes, but I k-kind of need his help.”

Hermione fixed another glare on the healer when he started muttering again. “And you’ll get the best he can offer in spite of his narrow-minded views or he’ll find out exactly how hard the British Ministry can come down on those who short-change war heroes and auror captains in need.”

The healer immediately stopped his muttering and redoubled his spellwork.

“Honestly,” she huffed. “It’s enough to drive a saint to murder.”

“No murdering,” said Harry in a weak voice, his tears starting anew. “Just … just stop fighting, okay? It’s all I hear anymore, and I’m going spare as is.”

Hermione sighed and took Harry’s hand. “You’re right. Forgive me. I’m just trying to protect you and Severus.”

Harry squeezed her hand and turned his face into his pillow. “Just want it to stop. Can’t take it much longer.”

Hermione rubbed his fingers, guilt crushing her. She shouldn’t have lashed out—but damn it, the idiot healer had all but driven her to drink! Her confidence in the bastard had dropped by the minute, and if it weren’t for Harry’s desperate need, she’d have thrown him out on his ear hours before.

Even idiots could sometimes be useful. She kept reminding herself of that as Harry tried in vain to master his emotions. Gods, he looked miserable.

“Harry, I … I know it’s not much, but I’m here for you, okay?”

“Thanks, Hermione. I ….” He trailed off and stared at the ceiling, his despairing expression quickly forming into a glare. “I never thought I would wish I could shut Sirius up.”

Hermione frowned. “Sirius again?”

“He never shuts up, always going on about how _Snivellus_ doesn’t deserve me and such. Gods, I half wish ….” Harry sobbed and covered his face. “No. _No_! I’m not … it’s not real.”

Tears blurred Hermione’s vision. Heart aching for her friend, she smoothed Harry’s hair, but quickly drew her hand back when he winced and covered his ears as if her touch had hurt them.

“I … I’m sorry, Harry.”

“I am too.” He covered his face and wept, and Hermione wished she had gone into healing after all.

  


* * *

  


Despite Dragomir’s best efforts, not that Harry put much stock in the bigoted idiot, the curse did not abate. Bellatrix seemed to take great delight in mocking the man’s efforts, and Harry wished he knew how to cut out her tongue. Of course, that train of thought only got her started again on how Harry would be as mad as her soon, and he Occluded his mind lest any more evil thoughts creep past his defences.

Even his strongest shields couldn’t keep them out for long.

After several hours, the healer gave up, exhausted.

“There is noffing we can do, I think.” He gave Harry an apologetic look. “I vill help research this, but it is not responding to my treatments. I do not know what else to do.”

Hermione, already at the limit of her patience, stood akimbo and glared at the man. “And _this_ is what the best healer in Europe can offer? _Nothing_? Pfft.”

The healer glared and left in a huff, complaining in his native language about who knows what. Probably women and gays, judging by how he’d gone on about them for the past seven hours.

Some voice in his head Harry didn’t recognise said, _“He is saying the girl is an idiot. And he is right.”_

Harry winced. “Hermione, I don’t think you should … no one else can help me. He’s all I’ve got.”

Hermione tossed her curls in irritation. “Well, you heard him didn’t you? His answer is just the same as the other healers’. Research and hope we find something. Bah. I could do that as well by myself, probably better. And Severus can brew you medicines to help you sleep.”

Harry gulped. “Hermione … what are you saying?”

She took Harry’s hand. “Harry, let’s just go home. Let’s go to your house and research this ourselves. Between the doe-eyed bimbos and bigoted arseholes who are supposed to be the foremost curse healers in Britain and yet can barely tell a jinx from a hex, I don’t trust these jokers any longer.”

Harry shuddered. “I … I don’t know if I should leave. Is it safe? Am _I_ safe?”

_“Itty-bitty-Potter, come to join the madhouse.”_

Bellatrix’s cackle set his teeth on edge and tears flooded his vision.

“No. I’m dangerous, Hermione. You can’t.”

Hermione gave him an annoyed look. “Harry, you’re about as dangerous as a puppy. You’re fine. Let’s just go home where you can be at peace.”

“But … but the medicine.” He held up his IV-entangled arm for emphasis.

“That doesn’t do a thing to help you sleep. Severus can brew you better, I’m sure. Anyway, let’s just go. Maybe being at home where you’re comfortable will help.”

Harry sighed. “I guess you’re right. If I’m going to be miserable, I suppose I might as well be miserable at home.”

Hermione thumped him. “None of that. It’s going to be okay. Don’t give up hope, all right?”

He nodded hesitantly. “Just … don’t tell anyone else except for who’s researching for me. I … Severus was so terrified. I don’t want to worry him.”

“You don’t think he’ll worry when he comes to see you?”

Harry winced. “Well, he doesn’t really come all that often. Maybe we’ll have it settled before then.”

Bellatrix gave an insane laugh. _“Good luck!”_

Hermione shook her head. “Harry, what about the medicine?”

“Just … just tell him it gave me nightmares again.”

“Harry … I don’t like this.”

“I ….”

His dream from that morning filtered into his mind again. Severus broken and torn apart, lying in his arms with the life fading from his eyes. Harry’s madness had driven him to attack the one man he loved more than anything. The thought that it might become reality if Severus stayed near him terrified Harry to the core.

He couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t be around Severus if his presence endangered the man’s life. Harry didn’t want to endure without him.

“I c-can’t, Hermione. I can’t do it to him. Please.” He closed his eyes around tears, trying to think of an excuse she would believe. He settled for the truth, or at least a part of it. “Besides that, Sirius drives me mad the second he walks in. It’s tearing me to pieces, hearing him tear me apart for loving Severus.”

_“Don’t be an idiot, Harry. No one loves that greasy git.”_

Regulus growled. _“Bugger off, Sirius! I loved him—well, not like Harry does, but he isn’t friendless!”_

_“Harry doesn’t love that slimy git! He’s just been brainwashed! Come on, Harry. You know he’s not worth your time.”_

Harry growled. “Gods, that idiot. He’s actually making me think ….”

He choked that thought off with a sob. No. He would not admit that his godfather’s constant ranting had driven him to occasionally think the man had deserved to fall behind the veil. He wasn’t that evil.

 _“Not yet, ickle Harrykins.”_ Bellatrix cackled maniacally.

Harry bit into his knuckle until it bled. Hermione cringed and eased his hand away.

“Merlin, Harry. If this is what it does to you … all right. But I don’t think it’s fair to Severus. And I _really_ don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I know. But … I don’t know if I can bear it any longer.”

 _“Just wait, Potty-head. It gets better. Loads better.”_ Another cackle split his eardrums and Harry rubbed his temples to try to get rid of the pain.

Hermione gave him a sad nod and helped him into his robes. “It’ll be all right, Harry. We’ll just work extra hard to find the answers, so by the time Severus visits, you’ll be right as rain.”

“He said something about coming tomorrow evening. Make sure he knows not to.”

“How?”

“Um … tell him I’m sleeping and the curse wore me out?”

She frowned. “Harry, he’s been sitting here with you while you were asleep every night. Why should that stop him?”

“Then tell him I have to be quarantined while it’s treated or something. I just … I don’t want to … I can’t bear it any longer. It’s driving me mad.”

Hermione hesitated. “I … if you tell him he can’t visit you, Harry, I … I don’t think I want to see the look in his eyes. He needs you. He needs to know you’re okay.”

Harry grimaced. “You’re right. Well, maybe Sirius will shut up if he knows one visit might keep Severus happy for two weeks.”

Sirius shouted, _“Fat chance!”_

Hermione shook her head. “I doubt he’s going to want to stay away that long knowing you’re recovering.”

Harry blinked hard, overwhelmed and exhausted. “Well, I’ll just have to convince him that I’m well!”

Bellatrix’s mad laughter reverberated off his ears, but Harry stifled his reaction. Or tried to. Judging by Hermione’s sorrowful look, he hadn’t managed all that well. His shoulders slumped and he gave up. He’d have to tell her the truth.

“Hermione, it’s not just that. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what this curse is turning me into. I can’t risk him. He almost died in my arms once and … and I ….” Tears choked his throat. “If I were the one to put him there the second time, I ….”

Hermione caught him into a hug. “Oh, Harry!”

_“MUDBLOOD! MUDBLOOD BESMIRCHING MY HOME!”_

Harry gently pushed her away and rubbed his ears. “S-sorry. I can’t bear it.”

Hermione sighed. “I really, really don’t like this, but I’ll make you a deal. I’ll try to find a way to keep Severus away during the day if you’ll at least let him come at night and try to help you sleep.”

“I can’t. If you do that, he’s going to know I’m still cursed and … and I don’t want him to worry.”

“Harry, you idiot! He _should_ be worrying!” Hermione sighed. “I don’t know what to do. We’ll try your way for a few days. That’s it. But after that, if I need his help, by gods I’m going to get it and you’re going to shut up about it.”

Harry snorted wryly. “All right, all right. Just … make sure he’s safe, okay? Please.”

“And what am I, chopped liver?”

Harry chuckled. “You’re a witch I’m actually a bit afraid of right now, so I think you can hold your own.”

Hermione tittered. “Good to know.” She reached for his hand, but at Harry’s pained look, let hers drop instead. “Just … you’re not evil, okay? You’re not mad. We’ll … we’ll figure it out.”

Bellatrix started her mad laughter again, and this time Sirius was too busy sulking to shut her up. Regulus did the honours with a hard punch, or what sounded like one anyway, and Harry liked the man even more.

_“Thanks.”_

Regulus snorted. _“My pleasure. Really.”_

  


* * *

  


Somehow, Hermione convinced Severus without alienating him that Harry needed time alone for the cure to work. She told him she was working on taking care of most of his needs, but if he could provide her with Dreamless Sleep, it might help speed his recovery. Severus obliged without trouble and simply asked when he could visit again.

Hermione bit her lip. “Ah, give it a week or so. We’ll see how he’s doing then. I’ll let you know, okay?”

Severus gave her a hurt look. “Hermione, does he not wish to see me at all?”

She gasped. “No, no. It’s not that. It’s just … he’s really feeling off and doesn’t want to cause trouble. You know how he is. He really does care about you, sir.”

Severus hesitated. “I … I suppose. You will call me if he needs help?”

She nodded, and hoped there would be no need. “Y-yes, of course.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “Your _word_ , Miss Granger.”

_‘Shite. He suspects me already. What am I doing, lying to a spy?’_

Hermione sighed. “If he lets me, sir.”

“You had best do it either way. If I do not hear from you in three days, I shall apparate in, invitation or no.”

Hermione gulped. “Yes, sir. I hope he’ll be well by then.”

“So do we all,” said a suddenly weary-looking Severus. Hermione wished she could hug the man through the floo.

“Severus, it’ll be okay. I’ll take care of him. Honest.”

He sighed. “I trust you. It is only that I worry for him.”

“I know. We all do. But I promise I’ll call you if … if it gets bad, okay?” That promise she would keep, too.

Severus searched her eyes and nodded after a long moment. “Thank you. I shall send you the potion through the floo.” He reached a hand behind his head and, a moment later, passed a phial of dark blue potion through the fire. “Give him two capfuls of that a night. If that does not work, you may try three, but no more than that if you wish him to wake in the morning.”

Hermione shuddered. “Yes, sir. Thank you.”

Severus nodded. “Please, keep him safe.”

“I will, sir.”

“See that you do.”

He vanished from the floo, and Hermione spent several moments hating herself. “Merlin, I can’t help but think this is a bad idea.”

With a sigh, she stood and pocketed the potion. Whatever her misgivings, Harry needed his medicine if he was to sleep at all.

“I’m sorry, Severus. I’m just … trying to keep him sane.”

As she handed a shaking Harry the potion, she feared keeping Severus away might just make him worse.

_‘One week, Harry. You have one week, and then I’m bringing him in.’_

She just hoped it wasn’t necessary.

  


* * *

  


The voices were driving Harry mad. Every moment of every day, whispers turned to screams, no silence, no peace, not a thought left of his own. He could hardly continue the research with everyone else because of the constant bickering in his brain.

Regulus kept trying to convince Sirius—who sank in Harry’s regard further every day—that he wasn’t a traitor to the light and he’d died trying to save them all. Harry had supported him and provided proof of his claims, but Sirius had just denied it claiming that Harry had been poisoned by the Slytherins and so his opinion didn’t matter. Every time he said this, it broke Harry and Regulus both to pieces and Remus sank further and further into silent despair. Harry spent his first two nights home crying, wondering if he had ever even known his godfather at all.

Even that did not move Sirius from his sulk.

Before long, Harry had an uncontrollable urge to return to Grimmauld Place. He wanted to know if he had truly misread his family so badly, and had the idea that if he started there, maybe he could find out. Besides that, there seemed to be something … off about his house lately, and that same something was pulling him to the Black ancestral home. Considering all the voices in his head appeared to be of that origin, maybe going to their house would shut them the hell up for five minutes.

Bellatrix’s cackling at that thought did not encourage Harry, but still, he couldn’t push the idea aside.

“Hermione?” Harry walked into the living room, dragging his sleeves down to hide the welts he had inflicted upon himself the night before. “Could we go to Grimmauld Place?”

She blinked. “Grimmauld? Why?”

“Well, I thought … all my voices are Blacks. Maybe it will shut them up for a bit.”

She pushed her heavy tome aside and grinned. “It’s worth a shot. And we might just find some answers. If it’s a Black family curse, it might be in the library. Or hidden somewhere—you know how Kreacher likes to keep a stash. We should search the whole house.”

“While I’m still able, you mean?”

She paled. “Harry, we … we’ll find it. I … I’m sure of it.”

He gave a bitter laugh and rubbed his eyes. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

She gave him a friendly nudge with her elbow. “Well, let’s just try your idea before we consign you to the rubbish bin, hmm? It might help.”

Harry nodded and let her lead him away.

Even in Grimmauld, the voices didn’t stop.

  


* * *

  


They searched the library for any clue about Harry’s illness, but nothing appeared on Hermione’s scans and Harry’s manual research yielded little results. He couldn’t focus over the voices anyway.

One by one, his team came to join them, tearing the house up from top to bottom for hidden tomes, Summoning journals left and right, and Ron even tried a revealer on the stack of old porn mags under Sirius’ bed hoping they had things more interesting than busty ladies inside. Even Kreacher tried to help, but by the time bedtime rolled around and they had found nothing in aid of curing Harry, they had to concede defeat.

Padma brushed dust from her nose and sighed. “Well, we’ll call in the rest of the books the aurors removed from this place. I’ll go back to the office before I go home and put in the request with Robards.” She shook her head. “Nothing particularly dangerous is left here, and I don’t think a curse like that will be in a mundane theory text.”

Ron nodded and shoved a stack of books aside. “I think she’s right, Harry. We’ll spend a day or two hunting down all the old books and that’ll be the answer. You’ll see.”

Hermione gave Harry an appraising look, and he shied away from her gaze. He looked like hell right now and he knew it.

She sighed and patted his shoulder. “Well, for now, let’s just get you home and into bed, okay?”

Harry nodded mutely and stood, letting Hermione lead him from the house. He wasn’t capable of resisting even if the voices in his head did rail against him. Not that he wanted to. However much they might like this place, Harry really, _really_ didn’t.

Regulus screamed louder than them all. _“Harry,_ stop _! Don’t!”_

But Harry was already out the door. Then he stepped off the stoop and immediately wished he hadn’t. Terrible pain shot through him, blinding him in its intensity. He covered his face, trying to keep it from ripping away, and pulled his hands back covered in blood.

“It’s tearing me! Oh gods, it’s _tearing_ me.”

“Harry!” Ron cried out and scooped him up, carrying him bridal-style back into the house.

The pain stopped as soon as Harry passed through the front door. The voices stopped screaming too, at least at the top of their lungs anyway.

“Harry?” Ron looked down at him. “Are you … okay now?”

Harry panted. “Y-yeah. But I don’t think I can go home. I think … I’m stuck here.”

Padma rushed to his aid and started healing what damage she could find. “Ron … I think he’s right.”

Harry just whimpered and buried his face in Ron’s shoulder.

_“BLOOD TRAITORS! MUGGLE LOVERS! FILTH IN MY HOME!”_

He barely resisted the urge to break into tears.


	6. Knight in Black Armour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Madness, implied super creepy non-con dreams. Nothing specific is written—mainly because even I couldn’t stomach it—but the description given is icky enough. It’s right in the first paragraph, so if you want to skip it, just read past that._
> 
> _Summary : Harry has gone to madness and Hermione has had enough._
> 
> _***AN: Working on "Rescue Me" this week. Pain hasn't been letting me focus, but I'm trying to get back in the game.***_

* * *

  


**CHAPTER 6**  
_KNIGHT IN BLACK ARMOUR_

Bellatrix had taken to taunting Harry while he slept, filling his mind with terrible dreams of the two of them in … _intimate_ situations. She would call him ‘pretty Potter baby’ and Harry would wake up screaming. Then immediately lose the contents of his stomach.

His utter horror at the situation only seemed to encourage the twisted psycho bitch, and every night his dreams featured either the one woman he hated more than Voldemort, or Sirius’ constant bickering with everyone and everything. Really, Harry knew the man hated the rest of the Blacks, but he had thought the berk might give it a rest long enough to let his godson sleep.

He’d thought wrong. Whenever Sirius wasn’t arguing with his family, he was muttering in none-too-quiet tones about how his godson had turned out to be a massive disappointment. Harry woke up sobbing on those nights, but nothing would make Sirius alter his stance. Not even watching his godson go mad.

Regulus soon became Harry’s only real comfort. Remus had fallen too far into grief to fight Sirius any longer, and Tonks had never recovered from it in the first place. Sometimes they helped, but only Regulus fought the other voices with any regularity. Despite the fact that his voice was nothing more than part of a curse, soon he began to feel like Harry’s only friend.

 _“There’s a portrait of me, you know,”_ Regulus said one day. _“In the attic somewhere.”_

Intrigued, Harry climbed the stairs to the attic and hunted through piles of detritus and rubbish until he found Regulus’ portrait hidden somewhere in the back. The man looked to be an adult in the painting, so it couldn’t have been made long before his death.

 _“About two months,”_ Regulus supplied. _“I was just barely eighteen here.”_

 _“And still an arse-kissing Slytherin git,”_ Sirius snapped.

“Stow it, Sirius,” Harry fired back, uncaring that he was speaking out loud. Everyone here knew he was hearing voices anyway—what was the point of hiding it any longer? “I’m about sick and tired of your utter stupidity. If you can’t say anything nice, just shut the fuck up already!”

_“Oh, go kiss Regulus’ arse some more, Slytherin-lover. That’s what your type does, after all.”_

Harry snarled. “Fuck you.”

_“No thanks. I prefer women!”_

“How I ever looked up to you is beyond me. You’re a vicious, bigoted, idiotic arsehole!”

Bellatrix apparently found the entire scene particularly amusing, judging by her incessant cackling.

Tonks, just as fed up with her cousin as Harry, punched the bastard out. _“Take that, you bitter, egotistical, bully!”_

 _“Thanks for that,”_ Regulus said with a sigh. _“He’s driving Harry mad with or without the bitch’s help.”_

 _“Well, I know one way to stop him.”_ Tonks’ voice descended back into sorrow. _“Remy … why does everything have to hurt?”_

_“I … I’m sorry, love.”_

_“Merlin, Harry,”_ said Regulus in a sad tone. _“I don’t know how you’re coping.”_

Harry laughed bitterly. “I’m not.”

_“Well, I’ll help as much as I can.”_

_“Regulus is always so helpful,”_ Mrs. Black said in a surprisingly calm voice. _“He’s the only son of mine worth anything. Upheld the values of the family well, too.”_

Regulus snorted. _“Even my own mother is deluded about me.”_

Harry shook his head. “I’m not. I know what you did. I found your note.”

_“You found the … h-how are you alive? It was in poison.”_

“Dumbledore took the poison. I didn’t … didn’t know what it was. We used fire to escape the Inferi.”

_“Ah. I had no one to take the fall for me besides Kreacher, and he … well, I couldn’t do it. Once the Dark Lord had discovered my plans, I wouldn’t have lived long anyway. The poison was kinder.”_

“Merlin, Regulus. I … is it weird that I wish I could give you a hug?”

Regulus gave a sorrowful laugh. _“I would probably think you were trying to strangle me it if you did.”_

“Damn. What kind of fucked up life did you have, mate?”

_“Sounds about on par with yours.”_

“That’s the truth.” Harry stared at the portrait, frowning when Regulus did not move at all. It looked as though he was asleep, but the portrait wasn’t breathing either. Animated portraits breathed, or at least gave a fair facsimile of it. “Is it Muggle?”

_“No. It … I don’t know why it’s not working.”_

Bellatrix burst into a stream of glee. _“Because you’re trapped here with me, little Reggie!”_

Harry frowned. “The portrait doesn’t work because of the curse? But then what about Mrs. Black? Her portrait worked fine.”

Remus offered, _“Maybe … if it’s a familial curse—and with all of us stuck here it must be—then perhaps it’s because the curse didn’t take effect until after Mrs. Black’s death. Her soul impression must have already established itself in the painting long before the curse struck. But since Regulus was still alive when the curse started, his soul impression was not able to establish itself in a portrait—the curse must have stopped it.”_

Regulus gave a noncommittal hum. _“Perhaps. Either way, I’m sorry, Harry. I thought … maybe if you could talk to me outside your head ….”_

Harry clutched the portrait close to his chest and wept. _“I thought so too,”_ he whispered, though no one but his own mind and dust bunnies could hear.

  


* * *

  


Harry took Regulus’ portrait to his bedroom and stared at it day after day, begging the boy to come to life, to speak to him, but nothing ever changed. The loss of that hope hit him hard, and soon the voices began to erode his grip on sanity. He stopped eating, stopped even trying to sleep. His health was deteriorating, but he couldn’t care anymore.

He spoke to the voices out loud, telling them one day he would kill them just to make them shut up—he meant everyone but Tonks, Remus, and Regulus, of course—but his friends heard and shied away, and that made Harry sicker than even his nightmares of Bellatrix.

Hermione tried to comfort him, but he lost control of his body and Bellatrix lashed out, screaming at her and calling her a mudblood and traitor to their lord. Hermione had run from the room in tears, and though Harry’s body was no longer his own, inside, he wept.

_“I’m so sorry, Hermione. Please … please forgive me.”_

“She can’t hear you, pretty Potter baby.” Bellatrix used his voice to cackle. “You’re mine now!”

Fearful of himself, terrified of what she might force him to do, the moment he gained some control back, Harry isolated himself in the basement and ordered everyone to stay away from him as much as possible.

Regulus’ portrait came with him. He hung it on the wall opposite, but no sign of life ever flickered across the boy’s face. When his anger nearly overcame him and almost drove Harry to shred the portrait out of frustration, Harry bound himself to the wall. It was better that way. He wouldn’t attack his friends if he couldn’t move.

With nothing else to do, he Summoned books to distract him from the voices, but soon they fell to the wayside, as the voices became his entire world, and he was lost in his own mind.

  


* * *

  


Hermione was terrified. Every day, Harry lost more and more of himself to the curse. St. Mungo’s was at a loss. Even with all the books they had restored to the library, the team had no answers either. Parvati kept insisting the answer was hidden in the house, but no one could find it. The Seer was miserable that she couldn’t be more help. She kept suggesting they should bring in Severus, but every time they tried, Harry broke down and screamed to keep him safe.

Hermione didn’t understand it. The only times Harry had calmed since being cursed, the only times he had slept at all, was when Severus stayed with him. Obviously, Harry needed him. And Severus was going spare too, fearful of why Harry wasn’t letting him come near.

Torn, Hermione went to the floo and contacted Chief Robards. The older man gave her a sad look as she wiped her face and asked for Draco.

The man gave her a curious look. “Malfoy? Hmm. I would have thought you’d ask for Weasley.”

She shook her head. “This time, I think I need someone who knows Severus and Harry both.”

The man nodded. “Fair enough. He’s just on office duty today, so I’ll just transfer your floo connection to his location.” His face softened. “Captain Potter is … no better then?”

She shook her head sadly. “I can’t find a thing. We’re trying, God knows we’re trying, but it’s just … I … I’m s-sorry.”

He waved her apologies away. “Maybe Agent Malfoy will know some way to help. Good luck.”

Hermione winced as the floo twisted and whirled about with her head still in the flames. She closed her eyes to keep from getting dizzy and, when the horrid swirling stopped, opened them again to find herself in the team’s workroom, watching Draco reading through a stack of reports.

“Draco.”

The blonde jumped and looked to the fire. “Hermione? How on earth did you find me here?”

“Robards patched me through.”

“Patched?” Draco frowned and poked at the hearth. “The floo isn’t broken, is it?”

Hermione tittered in spite of herself. “Muggle expression. It means he transferred my connection to yours.”

“Ah.” He knelt before the flames and gave her a searching look. “Harry’s worse, isn’t he?”

Tears slipped down her face. “He—he just called me a mudblood and I … I don’t know what to do.” She buried her face in her hands. “He’s gone, Draco. The friend I grew up with, the man I fought beside—he’s my brother, and he’s _gone_. He doesn’t even know me anymore.”

Draco’s face twisted with grief. “M-move aside. I’m coming to you.”

Hermione gasped. “But you’re on duty.”

“Robards wouldn’t have … patched me to you if he didn’t know you needed me.”

Hermione sniffled and nodded. “O-okay.” She climbed to her feet and stepped back, and the next instant, Draco emerged from the flames and Banished soot from his robes.

“Come here,” he said in a soft voice, arms open wide. “Come here and let me help.”

Hermione whimpered and buried her face in his warm shoulder. “I m-miss him, Draco. I miss my brother. He’s the only one I’ve got.”

Draco slipped his hands through Hermione’s hair. “What about the giant?”

Hermione chuckled through tears. “ _That_ relationship is far more complicated.”

“Er ….” Draco froze. “Do you still …?”

She sniffled and leaned back. “Still what?”

“Um … _like_ him?”

“Oh, do grow up. We’re adults. You can say the ‘L’ word.” She scowled. “And in answer to your question—bloody hell, man, how stupid do you think I am? The first time we dated, we nearly levelled Hogwarts _and_ the aurory.”

Draco snickered and hugged her tighter. “Was rather entertaining to watch, though.”

She swatted his shoulder. “Behave, you.”

“I just had those robes pressed, you know.”

“Then I’d be a bit more worried about the fact that I just blubbered all over them than a little smack.”

Draco tucked Hermione’s head under his chin and held her close. “I’m much more worried about you, to be honest.”

Hermione sniffled and turned into his shoulder. “A-and Harry.”

“Yeah. And Harry. He needs Severus. And Severus needs him.”

“I … I know. I just … I don’t know what to do about it. Harry is so afraid he’ll hurt him, and … and I’m starting to think he’s right. The man we loved is gone. I don’t … don’t know this person anymore.”

She clung to Draco, shaking with the force of her agony. “Oh, Draco. It _hurts_.”

He held her tight. “I’ve got you. Cry if you need to. I’m here.”

With a bitter sob, she buried her face in Draco’s shoulder and wept. Crooning softly over her, he held her until Hermione had exhausted her grief. She leaned back and wiped her eyes, and cast a _Tergeo_ spell on Draco’s uniform for good measure.

“Nothing to worry about now,” said Draco with a wry smile.

She chuckled. “As long as your clothes are immaculate, you prat.”

He smirked. “I do have an image to maintain, you know.”

“Yes, yes, you bloody peacock.”

Draco chuckled, then his expression shifted into concern. “Are you all right?”

Hermione sighed. “No. Not sure I’ve been all right for a long time.” She kissed his cheek and smiled at his blush. “But I’m better now. Thanks.”

Draco cleared his throat. “Er … it was nothing.”

Hermione watched the flustered man head back to work and smiled sadly to herself. She was losing her brother, but it seemed she had gained another ally. And judging by the look in his eyes when she had kissed him, maybe something more.

With a sigh, she went to check on Harry. He needed her. Even if he no longer knew who she was.

  


* * *

  


Another week went by, and Harry no longer recognised anyone. He couldn’t even take care of himself any longer—Hermione and the team had to feed, dress, and bathe him with spells and potions. Along with taking care of his other needs. All he did was stare at Regulus’ portrait all day and mutter in various voices by turns.

This had to stop. They had gotten nowhere with research and Harry had gone entirely mad. They needed Severus’ help if Harry was ever going to be all right again.

But after Harry had been so afraid of bringing in Severus for weeks, she wouldn’t feel right if she didn’t at least _try_ to tell Harry of her plans. She doubted he would understand by this point, but she had to try.

Hermione crept into the basement, wand out in case Harry was aggressive or hurting himself again. She found the man tearing into his skin and rushed to his side.

“Merlin, Harry! Why won’t you let us help you?”

She cast an immobilising charm on the tearing arm and healed the broken skin of his face and throat. Then, tears dripping down her cheeks, she knelt before the man and pleaded with him.

“Harry, don’t you see it’s gone too far? We’ve done everything we can, but we can’t find the answer, and Parvati says we won’t until Severus comes. We need him, Harry. You need him. Why do you keep fightin—argh!”

She stared down at her bleeding arm, cut in four neat lines where Harry had slashed her. Pain blossomed up her arms and into her chest, and Hermione’s heart broke. This wasn’t her Harry. Maybe he never would be again.

Harry’s voice rasped as he screamed, “Get away from me, filthy mudblood whore!”

Hermione sobbed and backed away. When Harry tried to attack himself again, she cast a Somnus charm on him. He slept, but the constant twitching and muttering let her know it was no better a rest than usual and it would not refresh him.

She healed her wounds and dragged her uninjured hand across her eyes. “I’m sorry, Harry, but this has really gone far enough. We need Severus, and I won’t allow you to keep him away any longer.”

Mind made up and cursing herself for not listening to her common sense sooner, she marched upstairs in search of a quill and parchment. Severus would be in his lab at this time of day and difficult to reach by floo, but her owl was fast and smart. Since his shop was in London too, Dia would have the message to Severus within the hour.

That would give her time to clean herself up at least.

Still sniffling, Hermione Summoned the necessary items and began her letter.

  


* * *

  


The owl came as Severus was completing Mister Pepperpot’s arthritis salve. As his lab windows were charmed not to let in owls unless it was an emergency, Severus hurried to finish the potion and put the rest of his projects in stasis the moment he could.

Dia, Hermione’s owl, stuck out a leg with a hastily scrawled letter attached, and Severus’ heart skipped.

 _Harry_. It had to be about Harry. He didn’t understand why the boy kept demanding he be kept away, but now … maybe he had come to his senses. One could hope anyway. He took the letter quickly and gave the owl a pat.

“Into the main shop with you, girl. I’ve nothing to offer you here, but Bethany will provide you with treats and a place to rest until you’re recovered enough to go home.”

The owl hooted and flew off. With shaking hands, Severus unrolled the letter and read.

  


> _Severus,_
> 
> _I know you’re upset about Harry keeping you away. I … I’m so sorry. He just wanted to keep you safe, and every time we said you should come … he got so scared we thought it wasn’t worth it. But now … oh, gods. Severus, it can’t go on like this any longer._
> 
> _I’ve been trying to find the curse she used but there’s no record of it anywhere and Harry’s going mad. He’s sounding more like her every day. He just called me a mudblood whore. Then he attacked me!_
> 
> Please, please come. I’ve been through every book I can think of, and it just doesn’t make sense. A blood curse shouldn’t do this, and no mind curse I can find even remotely resembles this one. I’m at my wit’s end and so is Harry. Literally for him. Please help us.
> 
> And gods, I’m so sorry.
> 
> Hermione Granger

  


Terrified, Severus rushed to decant the arthritis salve, banished the unfinished potions—they would degrade if kept in stasis for more than an hour—and dashed into the storefront. Bethany was still serving customers, but thankfully it was almost time for lunch and crowds were thin as a result.

“Beth, I’ve had an emergency come up. Please finish serving the customers here and close up shop. I’ve Mister Pepperpot’s salve here, but any other orders will have to wait until I can return.”

His assistant nodded and took the potion, and once he had set up a method of contacting each other and plan for running the shop, he rushed to the apparition point and spun away to Grimmauld Place. Without bothering to knock, he pushed open the door and called, “Miss Granger! I’m here. Where is he?”

A relieved voice called from somewhere beyond the entrance hall.

“Severus! Oh, thank Merlin.”

Hermione appeared at the top of the stairs, no doubt coming down from the library. She was sniffling and wiping at red eyes, and Severus’ heart sank into his feet.

“Dear Merlin, girl! What has happened?”

She rushed to him and threw her arms around his waist, shocking him into silence. “Oh, Severus. I’m so sorry. We should have—I shouldn’t have waited—should have listened to the others, to you. Draco kept insisting, but I—I … forgive me.”

Bemused, he patted the hysterical girl’s head and squirmed, dismayed at her proximity. Harry could touch him without causing him upset and Severus sorely missed his affection, but that did not mean he felt comfortable being manhandled by others.

“Miss—Hermione, I … it will be all right. Hush now. Tell me what is wrong.”

She stepped back and wiped her eyes. “S-sorry. I was … entirely overwhelmed.”

“That is understandable. But please, I am afraid for Harry. Is he—where is he?”

She squared her shoulders and drew her wand. “This way. I … brace yourself, sir. It’s not pretty.”

Severus scowled. “I take it the _cure_ is not going as well as planned?”

The girl flinched. “The truth is … we haven’t found it. Harry forbade me telling you, and at least until recently, I thought … well, it’s obvious I was wrong. I was only trying to do the right thing, sir, but I’m afraid I’ve … gods, I’m so sorry.”

She started crying again, and Severus barely controlled a surge of panic. “Miss _Granger_ , I will deal with your indiscretions at a _later time_. For now, just take me to Harry. Please.”

“Y-yes, sir.”

The woman made an obvious effort to pull herself together and turned back towards the staircase, but instead of heading up, she led him into the basement. Severus’ blood chilled. There was nothing in Grimmauld Place’s basement except the remainders of his laboratory there—really just a table and an empty shelf or two—and the wine cellar. And as Harry didn’t drink, that was probably empty too.

He turned a corner and … there. Harry was lying in a huddle on the floor, asleep though his muscles twitched as if under the _Cruciatus_ and he talked constantly. Heavy leather bands restrained his arms and legs, tying him to a pillar in the middle of the room. They left enough slack for him to lie on the floor, but not to leave the area, and Severus was horrified.

“Bad bloods,” Harry muttered in his sleep, “bad blood must out. Mudbloods. NO! Not evil! I’m not. That’s what _you_ think, Potter!”

Severus’ heart shattered. “Dear gods! Why the bloody hell did you not call me _sooner_?”

Hermione shuddered, tears streaking her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. He made us all swear not to, and just the mention of it—he started screaming and cursing, terrified he would hurt you and … he wouldn’t even let the rest of the team close. We’ve wanted to call you for a long time now, honest. But we were afraid of hurting him when he was already so fragile.”

She rubbed her eyes, but her tears kept falling regardless. “But it’s gone too far now. He doesn’t even recognise us anymore. He can’t take care of himself. And I can’t stand it one more moment.”

Harry cried out his name— _“Sev’rus, make it stop!”_ —and Severus ran to Harry’s side.

“Oh, Harry.” Severus healed an assortment of cuts across Harry’s face, unfastened the restraints at his wrists, and ended the sleeping spell. “Look at me, Harry. Look at me. Do you know me?”

Harry snarled. “Snivellus, stay away from him! He’s not yours!” He leapt, poised to attack, but the moment his hand touched Severus’ wrist, he slumped over with shock and relief.

“S-Sev’rus?”

Hermione sank to the floor and gave a little cry. “Oh gods. He _recognised_ you. He really recognised you.”

Severus’ chest twisted with grief. “I take it this is not a common occurrence as of late?”

“No. He … he’s been talking like _her_ for a few days, or Sirius at his worst, or someone else. Never himself. Never calling anyone by their proper name. I … it’s been awful.”

“Sorry,” Harry sobbed. “So sorry.”

Severus just held Harry’s hand and remembered the time when Harry had held his own, pulling him through the night when he was weak. Now, it was his turn to hold Harry together.

“I am here now, Harry. It will be all right.”

Gods, Severus hoped he could keep that promise.


	7. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : none. Summary: Severus rescues Harry from the voices, gives Hermione a piece of his mind, and tries to make sense of what's happening to his dearest friend._

**CHAPTER 7**  
_THE SOUND OF SILENCE_

Harry could breathe for the first time in weeks. The voices had stopped, oh thank Merlin, they had _finally_ shut up. With a broken sob of relief, he swayed into Severus and leaned his head against the man’s hip, still holding desperately to his wrist.

“Sev’rus, you came.”

Severus smoothed Harry’s hair down and held his cheek. “Yes, Harry. I am here.”

Harry groaned and pressed his cheek against Severus’ waist. “M’sorry. Don’t wanna do it—hear them, hear them all the time. Driving me spare. First time they’ve been quiet since the bitch cursed me. I was afraid I would attack you and hurt you, and I c-can’t. I can’t do it.”

“Attack me? Why on earth would you fear that, Harry?” Severus moved his hand back and started to go to his knees, but the moment he released Harry, the voices started screaming at him again. At once, Sirius, Bellatrix, and Regulus cried out respectively.

_“Get away from him, Snivellus!”_

_“Traitor! Traitor to our lord!”_

_“Severus, help him before the others drive him insane!”_

Harry wailed and clapped his hands over his ears. “No! No, don’t. Need you. _Please_!”

_“TRAITOR AND HALF-BREED FILTH IN MY HOME!”_

“Severus, help me!”

  


* * *

  


Merlin, as soon as Severus had let go of Harry’s hand, the younger man had started screaming again. Heart thundering, eyes wide, Severus grabbed Harry’s hand and called to him.

“Harry! I’m here. I’m here. Ssh.”

Harry stopped screaming and burst into tears. “Please, I … make it stop.”

Severus frowned. “Harry, are you still hearing them or not?”

“N-no. Not now.”

Hmm. Did the curse respond to Severus’ touch? Eyes narrowed, Severus pulled his hand away, just to see what would happen.

As he had feared, the curse set in immediately.

An inhuman cackle burst from Harry’s lips. “Foolish traitor, you will never break my—”

Unwilling to let Harry suffer, Severus knelt before the young man and pulled him into his arms. “Ssh. Forgive me, Harry. I was testing the curse to see what it responded to. It appears you will need me to touch you to keep it at bay, though as of yet, I do not understand why.”

Harry dropped his head against Severus’ still-scarred throat and wept. “Please, please don’t let me go, Severus. Please.”

Severus sighed into the young man’s hair. “This will make finding a cure for you more difficult, you know.”

Harry buried his face into Severus’ neck. “Please. I need you.”

Severus nodded and held the shaking young man tight. “I am here, Harry. I am here. If my touch keeps you sane, you shall have it.”

With a sniffle, Hermione plopped down beside the men. “Well, Severus, it looks like you’ll be moving into Grimmauld for the time being.”

Severus shuddered. “I think not.”

Harry clutched him tighter and sobbed. “Please, please don’t leave me.”

“Peace, Harry.” Severus quieted him with gentle strokes through the young man’s hair. “I will not leave you. I simply think our time would be better spent at my home, particularly if your team has already exhausted the library here.”

Harry shuddered. “No. Can’t leave.”

“Why not?”

“He means it literally, sir,” said Hermione with a sad shake of her head. “I’m sure he’d prefer to stay with you at Spinner’s End if he was capable, but he physically cannot leave. When the curse started in earnest, it drove him to come back here, and when he tried to leave again, he started bleeding all over. Eyes, nose, ears—it was terrifying. We haven’t dared try it again since.”

“Merlin,” Severus breathed. “So the curse she used is tied to the Black ancestral home.”

Hermione shook her head again. “We think it’s tied to the Blacks in general—their blood, or more specifically, their blood _line_ since Harry isn’t a Black by birth. We don’t understand much beyond that. That’s why I’ve been scanning the Black library. I thought if such a curse was listed anywhere, it would be here. Draco’s been searching the Malfoy collection and the auror archive too, and Padma has gone through the Ministry, Hogwarts, and anywhere else she can find, but so far, none of us have found a thing.”

Severus rubbed a fingertip over his lips. “Hmm. Perhaps you would be better served with a more experienced researcher then.” He stood, still holding Harry’s hand so as not to break contact. “Come, Harry.”

Harry gripped Severus’ hand tight and laced their fingers together. He used his free hand to cup Severus’ cheek and turn his face around. _[Severus? I … I am sorry.]_

Severus gave him a sad smile and tugged their hands against his waist. _[There is nothing to apologise for, but please do not send me away again. I have missed you these last few weeks.]_

Harry’s eyes filled with tears. _[I missed you too.]_

“Come, then.” Severus carefully helped Harry to his feet and led him upstairs. “Let us leave this dreary place.”

Harry sniffled. “Will you take that portrait with us? I … I keep hoping he’ll talk.”

Severus followed Harry’s gestures to the wall behind him and gasped. “Regulus?”

“He’s been the one voice fighting for my sanity all this time.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. “Well, we shall take him then.” He carefully removed the portrait from the wall with a bit of raw magic and Summoned it to him. Harry cradled it against his chest with his free arm.

“Okay.” Harry gave Severus a shy smile. “N-now I’m ready.”

“Come with me then.” With a gentle brush of Harry’s fingers, Severus led the weakened man out of his self-imposed prison.

Fate willing, there would never be a need to return.

Still holding carefully to Harry’s hand, Severus climbed the staircase and waited for Hermione to join them. While the woman made her way up, Harry gave a flick of his wrist and sent the portrait of Regulus up to the second story.

Severus watched the painting float around a corner and disappear. “Where did you send him?”

“To my bedroom.”

“Ah.”

Hermione exited the staircase and stared at Severus strangely.

“What?”

She blushed. “It’s nothing, really. I just wondered why it’s only you who can stop the curse.”

He frowned and glanced to Harry, who seemed relieved. And exhausted. No wonder, either. Severus stepped a little closer, hoping his proximity would comfort the young auror.

“You have had many people try?”

She gave him a sad smile. “Of course we have. Everyone we know has been in and out of Grimmauld, trying to make Harry feel more at home. He only forbade you.”

Severus cringed. “Why?”

Harry shuddered. “It wasn’t because I wanted you gone. It’s just, I have at least two people in my head who want to murder you specifically, Severus, and I don’t always have control over my actions. I was absolutely terrified I would lose control and … and it would be the Shrieking Shack all over again, only this time you’d be dying at my hand.”

He turned and buried his face into Severus’ chest. “I’m sorry. Gods, if I’d known the voices would stop with you, I’d have had you over from the first night. I need you. I was just afraid of hurting you.”

The explanation soothed the pain on Severus’ heart, and feeling Harry’s body so close to his own eased the sting of rejection. Harry had been trying to keep him safe.

Severus stroked his hand through the young man’s hair. “Thank you for trying to protect me, Harry, but now, let me protect you in return.”

Harry gave a broken cry and hugged Severus with his free arm. “Gods, please. Please stay. I can’t … can’t bear it any longer.”

“Ssh. Calm yourself. I am here. I will not leave your side for an instant.”

Harry looked up, eyes wet and wide with hope. “P-promise?”

Severus traced his hand across Harry’s cheek and met his eyes. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with such a personal confession or intimate touches with Granger watching their every move, but Harry needed him right now. Needed to know he would stay.

_[Harry, you are … the most important person to me. My charge, my friend, my hope when the nightmares are too dark. You are the only one I trust with every part of me. If I lost you, I would be left with nothing. I will never abandon you.]_

Out loud, he simply said, “I vowed to protect you long ago, Harry, and I shall never break it.”

Harry breathed in his mind, _[Oh, Severus. Gods. I … you are all that to me, too.]_ He gave Severus a tearful smile. “T-thanks. Sorry I’m so scared. You deserve better.”

Severus ignored the shining warmth Harry’s words brought. Reassuring the man was more important at that time. Still, the bud of hope that maybe, just maybe, they could be _more_ soon refused to quit.

He forced himself not to smile like a giddy fool and simply brushed Harry’s tears away. “Ssh. You have been through terrible trauma, Harry. Anyone would be desperate for surcease, and cling to whatever—or whoever—provided it. There is nothing to apologise for.” He held Harry’s shoulder and searched those beautiful green eyes. “Do you feel safe now?”

Harry gave him a wry, sad smile. “As safe as I can feel, considering I’m cursed with something that no one knows how to cure and it’s driving me mad as a hatter.”

Severus rubbed Harry’s knuckles. “At least we have more time to find the answer now, Harry. It will be all right.”

Harry blinked hard and nodded. Severus turned back towards the living room.

“Miss Granger, you said that many people have tried to cure him?”

“Well, of course we have,” she said with a huff. “That’s what we’ve been doing this entire time. But I do know what you mean, and yes, we’ve all touched him at some time or another. The voices never stopped until now. Not even when he slept, poor man.”

Severus frowned. Why should his touch make a difference? Of course, he was likely the only one who had touched him who was _in_ love with Harry, but the type of love did not matter when it was necessary to heal curses, only the strength, and Harry’s friends all loved him deeply. Enough to sacrifice their lives for him if necessary. If that was it, any one of them could have broken the curse.

But then what made Severus’ touch special? What did he have that the others did not?

He frowned and looked at his left arm. It was the only factor he could think of.

“Perhaps it is something to do with the mark?”

Hermione shook her head. “Draco has touched him too and, if anything, the curse got stronger.”

Ah. Severus had forgotten about Draco’s mark. But if not that, then what could possibly make his touch so different? He shook his head and returned his attention to the conversation. There must be some factor he hadn’t considered yet.

“Was so wrong,” Harry shuddered. “Felt so … wrong when Draco touched me. Wanted to … _devour_ him. Had to make him leave before I hurt him. I wanted to make _everyone_ leave then.” He cast Hermione a sharp look. “But no one will listen to me.”

Hermione huffed. “We couldn’t just let you go mad, Harry! We took precautions.”

“Restraining him is not the way to break the curse,” Severus said with a scoff.

“I know that, sir, but we didn’t actually restrain him—Harry did it to himself and blocked all of us out of removing them. You could only because he was refusing to let you in and so likely lacked the mental fortitude at the time to remember to lock you out of the spell too.”

“Hmm.” Severus turned an icy glare on the woman. “And whose fault was it again that I was forbidden access?”

Hermione cringed. “Merlin, Severus. I ….” Her shoulders slumped. “It was mine. I kept you away. I was only trying to keep him sane, but gods. I see what a fool I’ve been now.”

Severus stopped walking and whipped around, scowling at the idiot woman for all he was worth. “I was under the impression, Miss Granger, that Unspeakables were given their tasks because of combined gifts of higher intelligence and the ability notice phenomena others would not. _Obviously_ I was misinformed. Where were—”

Harry interrupted him with a whimper. “S-Sev’rus, please.”

Severus’ heart ached for his friend and anger surged anew that Hermione had let him fall so far before calling him. Merlin, he would let her have it in a moment, but first, he needed to tend to the man he loved.

“Harry, come.” He brought the young man into his arms and cradled Harry’s head against his shoulder. “Rest here, my friend. I will keep you safe while I discuss your other friends’ _appalling_ lack of common sense with Miss Granger.”

“But—”

Severus kissed Harry’s head, and the man quieted and buried his face in Severus’ robe.

“There you are. Be still, little one. I have you. You are safe now.”

Harry gave a soft, broken sigh and hugged Severus’ waist tight.

“Now that you are taken care of ….” Severus returned his attention to Hermione and sharpened his tone once more. “Where were we? Oh yes. As I said—intelligence and observation are the key skills of an Unspeakable. Where in the bloody hell were those skills when Harry was slowly going mad before your eyes? Were you wearing a blindfold these past few weeks while he locked himself in the basement and _clawed his face_ half off? And your ears. Did you stuff them with cotton that you might not hear him scream in _Bellatrix’s_ voice?”

Hermione cringed. “No, S-Severus, I—it wasn’t like that. I know it was foolish, but—”

“ _Foolish_? That word is too kind!”

Harry whimpered again, and Severus cradled him closer. “Ssh. You are safe, Harry.” He whipped around again and gave the girl his coldest glare. “Tell me, Miss Granger, how many days has he been completely out of control of his actions and out of touch with reality?”

Hermione choked back a sob. “F-five? That was when he locked himself in the ba—”

Fury rose like an inferno in Severus’ blood. The windows rattled and the floorboards creaked under the magical backlash of his rage.

“Five. _Five fucking days_ you have left him here to tear into himself and _rot_?”

She cringed. “I … but he ….”

“ _Miss Granger_ , do you have any idea how long it takes for a curse of this variety to drive its victims mad _permanently_ by the time they completely lose the ability to distinguish between reality and fiction?”

“I ….” She covered her mouth with a shaking hand, blinked tears down her face, and shook her head.

“One week. You had _two days_ left before his mind snapped like a twig. _TWO FUCKING DAYS_!”

She sobbed and sank to her knees. “Jesus. I … I’m s-so sorry! I … I was just trying to—”

Severus snarled. “Yes, I’ve heard. You were afraid it would break his fragile mind. But it was already _broken_ , you bloody nitwit! Where in the world have you stored your brain these past few weeks? What were you doing when he—”

Harry grabbed Severus’ face, cutting his tirade off cold, and jerked him down to look into the young man’s terrified eyes. “Stop! Please, gods, stop it! I can’t take anymore!”

Severus winced. “Oh, Harry.”

Shite, he’d really done it now. Harry had gone completely ashen. Tears poured down his face and he was shaking from head to toe.

“Harry … Merlin, I’m sorry.”

“Please, please just don’t shout anymore.”

Severus tucked Harry into his arms and tangled a hand into the younger man’s hair. “Ssh. All right. I am sorry. I did not mean to distress you.”

“S’all I’ve heard for weeks—screaming and fighting and blaming, and I just … I just can’t take it. Not here too.”

“Very well. I shan’t shout any longer, not if it hurts you. I only … it was … I cannot lose you. And we were so _close_.” His voice broke at the last and he clutched Harry tight, tucking Harry’s head under his own. “I cannot endure … I cannot lose you.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ chest and slipped a hand into Severus’ hair. “You d-didn’t lose me though. I’m right here. It’s okay now.”

Severus gave a wan chuckle. “Merlin, I am sorry, Harry. I should be the one comforting you.”

“It’s okay. Just don’t fight anymore. Hermione didn’t mean to hurt me and … and I can’t bear it.”

Severus kissed Harry’s hair. “All right. It is over now, little one. You are not mad, you are not trapped, and the screaming is gone. I have you. You are safe.”

“Severus ….” Harry looked up, eyes wide and full of warmth and an emotion Severus could not identify. “I … gods. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Severus used the hand that wasn’t holding Harry’s head to take his hand again. “I am too.” He dropped his hand from Harry’s hair and held his chin instead. _[Please, do not bar me from your life again. It hurt, to think you did not care about me any longer.]_

Tears formed on Harry’s lashes, but he blinked them down and held Severus’ hand tight. _[I never stopped caring, Severus. Never.]_ He stepped back and wiped his face. “Thanks, Severus. I … I’m sorry I’m so terrified of everything right now.”

“No. I am sorry I frightened you.” Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. “I should have remembered that you have been through a nightmarish ordeal and held my tongue.”

“S’okay. You were just trying to protect me.” Harry’s shoulders slumped. “If I’d let you do it in the first place, maybe none of this would’ve happened.”

“You were doing your job and that was a wide-range curse. Do not blame yourself. It is in the past.”

“So is the thing with Hermione and me.”

Severus gave a reluctant nod. “True.”

“S-Severus,” Hermione sobbed, “I really was trying to keep him from breaking. I didn’t know … not about this or the time limit. I … I’m so sorry. C-can you ever forgive me?”

He looked between a shattered Harry and a weeping Hermione and sighed. “Very well. _Never_ try to block me from Harry again, and I shall consider it forgiven.”

Hermione nodded. “You have my word. Honest.” She took several deep breaths, making an obvious effort to pull herself together. “I _am_ sorry, Severus. I … I didn’t mean to cause him harm. We were just so afraid that denying his requests would break his mind when it was already on the verge. He was terrified he would hurt you, and … and for a while, I thought he might be right. When I tried to ask him about you earlier ….” She held out an arm marked with healing red stripes, four in neat lines. “It was bad. Took your healing chant to fix it.”

Harry cringed away and wrapped an arm around his chest. “Sorry, ‘Mione. So sorry. I don’t … I didn’t want to, but they made me. I … I wasn’t strong enough to stop them.” His voice cracked. “I’m turning evil!”

Severus held Harry’s cheek and gave him a stern look. “None of that. You are not evil—you are ill, but we will heal it. I will hold your hand for the rest of your life if need be.”

Not that he would mind. Holding Harry’s hand through life had long been a cherished dream.

Harry flushed and smiled weakly. “T-thanks, Severus. I really hope that’s not necessary, but it helps to know you would.”

“Of course I would.” Severus squeezed Harry’s fingers. “We _will_ heal this, Harry. We _will_ find an answer.”

Harry gave him a hesitant nod, and Severus nudged him towards the living room. “Come. Let us sit and discuss this. Tell me, who, precisely, are your voices? I assume one is Sirius Black since you would not call me … that horrid name of your own will.”

Harry cringed. “Oh gods. He didn’t—he made me call you _that_? What they used to …?”

Severus shook his head. “It was not your fault. I know you would never use such a weapon against me of your own choice.”

“I … I don’t want to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

“Please do not trouble yourself. I know you did not mean it, and I am far more concerned for you at the moment regardless.” Severus brushed a thumb over Harry’s knuckles, hoping the gentle touch would soothe him. “It _is_ Black, then?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. He’s been really awful too. To me, I mean. He’s been—” He choked up and turned his face away.

“Harry ….” With a sigh, Severus gave up going to the living room and brought the younger man into a gentle embrace instead. “I am sorry. Black never learned to embrace change, but I am surprised he would hurt you. I always thought—he was cruel to me, but he loved you.”

“Not enough,” Harry whispered, and something in Severus broke.

“Oh, Harry.” Severus held him tight. “Ssh. I am here, and I am sorry his idiocy has hurt you.” He squeezed Harry’s fingers. “You may talk to me about it later, if you need to.”

Harry laid his head against Severus’ chest and sniffled. “I-I’ll need to. He shattered me.”

Severus closed his eyes, sorrow and remorse flooding him. “I am sorry, Harry. I did not intend to bring such pain upon you.”

“Hush, Severus. None of this is your fault. He’s the one who can’t take his head out of his arse.”

Severus snorted in spite of himself. “Lovely imagery.”

Harry stepped back with a wry chuckle and wiped his eyes. “It’s true though. And please don’t blame yourself, Severus. You’ve been nothing but good to me since that day in the shack.”

“I have tried.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand and shook himself out of his guilt. Harry was right—it wasn’t his fault. For Harry’s sake, he had tried to lay aside his old grudges long ago.

“Who are the rest?”

“I already told you about Regulus. There’s also Bellatrix and Mrs. Black—and it’s just as pleasant as it sounds. I think Orion Black too, though he’s far less annoying than his wife. And … well, I just don’t know all of them, sir.”

“ _Severus_. I am holding your hand. There is no point in using a formal title when we shall need to be … quite close for some time.”

Harry shuddered. “How am I to do anything if I can’t let go of you? How will I shower or use the loo? How will you?”

Severus’ face flamed. “Merlin, there is really only one thing for it. Since we cannot be separated, I will simply shower and relieve myself when I need to and hold your hand during the process, unless you would rather wait outside?”

Harry shuddered. “I’ll just turn around while you’re … busy, if you don’t mind.”

“That will do. As for you, how were you taking care of your needs before?”

“Until recently, I was able to ignore the voices long enough to run in and out. But the past few days … I don’t even know.”

“Charms,” Hermione supplied with a faint blush. “Evacuation charms set on a need-based timer and cleaning charms every morning or if he … got into messes. I couldn’t get close enough to wash him personally.”

Harry groaned and covered his face with his free hand. “That’s completely embarrassing, but thanks, Hermione. Would’ve just made a disaster of myself if you hadn’t done that.”

Severus frowned. “We will leave the evacuation spells on for the time being. I will set them on myself as well to save us both some embarrassment. Perhaps, though, I can help you bathe, if it is not too humiliating, Harry? Or would you prefer the spells?”

Harry groaned. “We can … use the spells for most times, but I’ll have to have a proper bath soon, Severus. They don’t work quite as well and Hermione’s been using them for several days. At least, I think she has, judging by how much time seems to have passed in my rubbish mind.”

Severus rubbed a soothing thumb over Harry’s knuckles again. “Then we shall bathe you properly tonight, if you are amenable?”

Harry blushed to the roots of his hair, but nodded. “T-thank you, and I’m sorry.”

“It is quite all right.” Severus looked over to Hermione. “I am assuming you used magic to assist him into fresh clothing and potions to feed him?”

She gave Harry an apologetic look. “Yes. Ron, Parvati, and I have taken caring for him in shifts lately. If I’m not here researching, Padma is. Parvati would have been here today to help with Harry while I was looking through the books, but they had an emergency at the office—nothing serious, Harry.”

Harry fixed her with a glare. “How is an emergency not serious?”

“It wasn’t like that. No one’s hurt, they just found Dolohov’s trail and had to rush to go after him.”

Harry stiffened. “I need to be out there with them. I’m their dueller, ‘Mione.”

“Well, Kingsley’s been helping them on the field as often as he can, and when he can’t, there are plenty of other duellers to help, Harry. They’ll be okay.”

Harry sighed. “I guess.”

Severus squeezed his hand. “They will survive a few weeks without you, until we are able to determine what curse this is and how to break it. Have you fed him lunch yet, Miss Granger?”

She shook her head. “I was just about to when you came in.”

“Then let us retire to the kitchen and find a true meal for you, Harry. Nutrient potions will keep you alive when needs must, but they are no match for actual nutrition.”

Harry gave Severus a sad smile. “Thank you. And Merlin, I’m so sorry about all of this.”

Severus cupped the young man’s cheek with his free hand and tilted Harry’s face to look into his eyes. “Do not apologise. I told you once: whenever you need me, I will be there. This is merely another aspect of that vow.”

“But … your business—your life, Severus! How will you—”

“Ssh.” Severus brushed a tear from Harry’s cheek. “I will not leave you.”

Harry gave him a hesitant nod, and Severus turned to speak over his shoulder without moving his hand from Harry’s cheek.

“Hermione, before we eat, will you please fire-call my assistant at the apothecary—Bethany Meadows—and ask her to close the shop indefinitely. Tell her to handle all the owl orders she is able to and redirect the others back with a reply that I have been called away on a family emergency and will not be in for an indeterminate amount of time. I will fill emergent orders and make wolfsbane in the kitchen here, but am unable to take any orders beyond that.”

Hermione nodded. “Right away. I’ll make us lunch as soon as I’m finished.”

“Thank you.”

Harry frowned after Hermione’s retreating form. “Severus, how will you make potions if you can’t let go of me?”

Severus chuckled. “Some I will be able to do with one hand and your assistance. For the more difficult potions, perhaps you may hold me from behind while I work, if it is not too much trouble. I will try to be in the lab as little as possible while we are trying to heal you and will take more frequent breaks.”

Harry blushed and lowered his head. “Will that bother you, me holding you like that? It’s just that … it’s more intimate than we’ve ever ….”

Severus glanced towards the living room, making sure Hermione wasn’t around to hear his words. “I … it has been many years since I had any sort of relationship at all, Harry, and even then, romance was not a factor. No one has ever touched me in that manner, so I cannot say for certain that I will not balk.” Heat flooded his face despite his iron control and his voice lowered to hardly a breath. “But I … I trust you.”

Harry gave him a shy smile. “Really? Um, should I try it now then so we know if it’s going to work when you’re _not_ busy with dangerous potions?”

Severus blushed deeper. “Acceptable.”

With a shaky nod, Harry moved behind Severus, not releasing the man’s hand until his arm was draped across Severus’ clothed chest. The moment Harry let Severus’ hand drop, he screamed.

“No! They … hear them again … oh, gods.”

Severus whipped around and caught Harry’s face in gentle hands. “They are gone now?”

Harry blinked tears down his cheeks and nodded.

“So skin-to-skin contact is necessary.” Severus shivered. “Then ….”

He used a spell to unbutton his robe and the lower buttons of his white button-down. With one arm, he untucked the tails and guided Harry’s shaking hand to rest against his bare stomach, palm against his navel. Harry sucked in a sharp breath and his fingers twitched, but Severus wouldn’t let him pull away.

Severus’ voice wavered. Gods, feeling him so close was sheer torment, knowing Harry did not know how his touch affected him. “T-try to hold me like this, with your hands against my stomach and under my shirt.”

Harry let slip a nervous giggle. “Oh gods. Won’t this—it’s so close, Severus.”

“If that is what it takes to keep you sane and keep me employed, then so be it.”

Harry shuddered and took Severus’ hand instead. “No. I can’t—if you don’t want me to touch you there, it would be too much like assault. I can’t.”

Severus gently guided Harry’s hand back to his belly, leaving his hand atop Harry’s and stroking his fingers. “I trust you. This is not a violation to me. Your touch—I would tolerate no one else, but you are welcome.”

Harry whispered, “Y-you’re sure?”

“Yes. You are free to touch me however you need to.”

Harry’s breath caught, and he tentatively caressed Severus’ belly. Severus gasped at a rush of heat and electric tingles, but Harry jerked his hand away in concern before those shocks could bloom into full arousal.

It still left Severus short of breath.

“Sev’rus ….” Harry swayed, his expression taut, and flailed for Severus’ hand once more. “S-sorry. Shouldn’t have done that.”

Severus tucked his shirt in and turned to Harry, giving him a reassuring smile. “That is enough for now, but suffice it to say that I will be well if you need to touch me like this in the future.”

Harry frowned. “But you looked upset.”

“Simply surprised. I did not expect you to … ah … caress me in the manner that you did, and I have never been … touched in that way. I did not feel violated, however.”

Harry’s cheeks pinked. “So it was a good sort of surprise?”

Severus chuckled wryly. “One might say that. Now, are you well enough to eat?”

Harry nodded. “As long as you don’t let go of me.”

Severus bowed in acquiescence. “I shan’t.”


	8. A Symbiotic Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : none. Summary: Severus and Harry talk about the curse and make strange discoveries about the house, their magic, and each other._

**CHAPTER 8**  
_A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP_

After lunch, the boys retired to the library while Hermione cleaned up and informed Harry’s team that they had found a way around the curse, at least for now. Harry enjoyed the chance to have a few minutes alone with Severus. Holding the man’s hand soothed his fears, washed him clean of the ash of nightmares he had lived in for so many weeks.

Merlin, he’d been a fool to keep Severus away from him for so long.

“Severus?”

The man turned to Harry, a soft, hesitant smile on his face. “Hmm?”

Harry rubbed Severus’ fingers and hoped he wouldn’t pull away. “I’m really sorry.”

“For what?”

“For keeping you away. I guess it was stupid. I just … I wanted you to be safe.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. “As long as you do not do so again, I believe I can find it in me to forgive you.”

Harry squeezed back. “Right. Well, I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Then I see no problem.”

Harry smiled and ducked to cover a blush. “T-thank you, Severus.”

“Not at all.” Severus went back to reading his book, his hand resting lightly in Harry’s.

Harry hadn’t been able to read in some time and had thus fallen out of the habit. Instead, Severus’ hand drew his interest. Curious and bubbling over with tender affection, he traced his fingertips over every surface of the man’s hand, committing each ridge and curve to memory. Gods, it felt good to hold Severus like this, even if it was only his hand.

Did it feel good to Severus?

Harry glanced to his friend’s face to see Severus staring at his book, eyes unmoving, cheeks flushed, and lips parted slightly. He was supposedly reading a text on fifteenth century blood curses, but when ten minutes passed without him turning a page, Harry reckoned Severus had lost interest too.

Harry smiled to himself. Maybe this curse wasn’t so bad if it brought Severus closer.

Hermione shoved aside a stack of books and dropped another pile on the table, and both men jumped.

“I just finished updating the team, boys,” she said. “They’re all ecstatic that you could help Harry, Severus. Draco, in particular, seemed pleased to know you were here at last and holding Harry together.”

Severus gave her a smile, though he still looked a bit dazed. “Ah, t-thank you, Mi—Hermione.” He cleared his throat and shook his head slightly. “We … we should get to work on healing Harry. What do you know about the curse so far?”

Harry forced his attention away from the shape of Severus’ fingernails and onto the conversation. Curing the curse was far more important than seeing how much he could distract Severus just by touching his hands. Even if the idea _was_ immensely tempting.

Hermione was all business. “To start, the actual words Bellatrix spoke were: _Accipere Sanguis Animus_. We can’t find a reference to that particular incantation anywhere though.”

“Receive blood souls.” Severus rubbed his chin. “Hmm. What are the symptoms?”

“I hear … voices in my head,” Harry said with a shudder. “I think you’ve noticed.”

Severus switched hands with Harry, laying his far hand on Harry’s and wrapping his closest arm around the younger man’s shoulders instead. “So I have seen. Describe it, if you can. What happens?”

“They hurt me. Constantly degrading me and attacking me at every turn. Well, the cruel ones like Bellatrix do. And lately, I’ve started to lose control of myself. Bellatrix would take me over and make me … do stuff.”

Severus stiffened. “What did she force you to do, Harry?”

Harry winced. “Things like hurt Hermione. Call her ‘mudblood’. Hurt myself. She hadn’t made me cast any spells yet, mainly because I locked away my wand a long time ago, but she was fighting me tooth and nail for control.”

Severus shuddered. “Dear gods. We truly did cut it too fine.” He shot Hermione a cold glare.

Hermione cringed and lowered her head. “I’m s-sorry.”

Harry turned Severus’ chin around to face him. _[Severus, please. Let it go. You’ve saved me now and I can’t bear any more fighting.]_

Severus sighed and relented. _[For you, I will cease and desist. But she is getting off too easily.]_

_[We’ve both learned our lesson, Severus, and we’ll never keep you away again. Honest.]_

Severus nodded and rubbed Harry’s fingers. “Tell me what the other voices did.”

Harry took a bracing breath and clutched tightly to Severus’ hand. “Some are angry with me because I killed Voldemort. Most of them are dark. All but a few are, like Remus, Regulus, and Tonks.” He lowered his head and blinked back tears. “And Sirius was driving me spare too. The only voice who really helped me was Regulus, and Remus and Tonks on occasion. Believe it or not, Sirius was so bad Tonks knocked him out once. And even Orion told him to shut his bloody mouth a few times. He knocked out Bellatrix for me a lot too—it was the only way to stop them when they got too horrid—but otherwise, it was always Regulus fighting for me.”

Severus lowered his head. “And you have told me your godfather was hurting you on my account.”

Harry gave a bitter laugh. “Seems he hates Slytherins more than he ever loved me.” He closed his eyes against a wave of tears, but couldn’t stop his lip from trembling. “And gays, too. He attacked me for liking men as much as he attacked me for l-liking you.”

“Gods. What an ….” Severus sighed and tentatively petted Harry’s hair. “I know you have forgiven me, but I am still sorry. I did not mean to cause you such pain.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ shoulder for a long moment, until he could control his emotions once more. “It was never your fault, Severus. Sirius abused you—and much worse. He’s the one that should be apologising.” He pressed his eyes shut tight. “C-can we just, maybe not talk about that right now?”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand. “Of course. We should focus on healing your curse for the moment anyway. Are there any other symptoms?”

Harry shuddered. “Bellatrix likes sending me dreams. Terrible dreams. Urgh.” He jerked a hand over his mouth, struggling not to retch in front of Severus.

Severus cringed. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

“You don’t. You really, _really_ don’t.”

Severus stroked Harry’s cheek. “If you need to speak of them, I will listen.”

Harry shuddered. “I’d rather gnaw off my own bits, thanks.”

Severus grimaced. “Merlin. In that case, let us return to the subject of your voices.” Harry nodded vehemently. “Very well. If I understood you correctly, you have identified the entire Black family among your voices as well as Bellatrix Lestrange. Are there any others?”

“Ted Tonks. He’s beat the snot out of Bellatrix and Sirius too, now that I think of it.”

Severus narrowed his eyes—an expression Harry recognised as a sign he had gone into analytical mode. Harry didn’t mind. If anyone had the brilliance and experience to figure this curse out, it was Severus.

“Hmm. So that is three Black spouses you have identified. Do you hear Rodolphus?”

Harry shook his head. “No, thank Merlin.”

“What about Draco?”

Harry gave a bitter laugh. “I wish I _could_ hear Draco. He’d at least find the humour in the situation.”

“Do not wish that.” Severus gave him a piercing look. “If you hear Ted and Lupin but not Bellatrix’s husband, then it seems the only Blacks you hear are those that are now dead.”

Harry shuddered. “Good point.”

“What about Andromeda or Narcissa?”

Harry winced. “Not them either. Like you said, I only hear dead Blacks, either by birth or marriage.”

“Hmm. Other than fighting Bellatrix and Black—Sirius, I mean—what are the voices doing?”

“Sirius—you know what he’s doing.” Harry scowled. “Well, he also tears Regulus’ heart to shreds every other moment. Mrs. Black screams at everyone but Regulus and her husband. Orion just … well, I guess he feels outnumbered. He doesn’t talk much unless he’s fighting Bellatrix or Sirius. It’s the same with Ted. Bellatrix is as insane as always. You can imagine the shite she gets up to.”

Severus cringed and nodded. “Unfortunately so. What of the others?”

“Well, there’s Remus and Tonks—they help sometimes, but mostly they’re just grieving for Teddy.” Harry sniffled and choked back tears. “I tried to tell them he’s happy and healthy, but they still miss him too much to really function. Regulus was the only one I could depend on to help me. He fought for me, encouraged me, and knocked out Bellatrix and Sirius as often as he could muster up the strength. Or tried to anyway. Sometimes they won, but he fought hard for me. And he was just as much of a broken mess as I was, no thanks to my lovely homophobic _git_ of a godfather.”

Hermione winced and reached out as if to pat his hand, but pulled away at the last second. She hadn’t really touched him since Mrs. Black had taken to screaming about mudbloods every time she came too near. “Merlin, Harry. No wonder you were so miserable.”

Harry shivered. “Let’s just … move on.”

“Right.” Hermione straightened and addressed Severus in her usual no-nonsense tone. “We identified several other voices besides those Harry mentioned based on what they said, and you’re right, sir, at least about those we were able to verify. They’re all part of the Black family, either born, married, or blood-adopted into it, and they’re all dead.”

Severus nodded and rubbed a finger over his lips. “ _Accipere sanguis animus_.”

“Yes. Receive souls and blood.”

Harry sniffled. “Regulus told me what I’m hearing is bits of their souls, not the entire thing, but a reflection of them, maybe.” He gave a bitter laugh. “I’m a living horcrux again, only this time it’s for hundreds of people, and they’re all already dead!”

“Harry ….” Hermione held her arms around her chest as if she wanted to hug the man but wasn’t sure she’d be welcomed.

“I … I’m sorry,” Harry said in a small voice. “I’m really a mess.”

Severus stroked Harry’s hair. “You have a right to be. It’s all right. Cope however you must. We will see you through.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ shoulder and trembled. It was safe there. Severus held Harry’s hand and ran gentle fingertips through his hair. The soothing touch eased the worst of his fears, and Harry soon relaxed into Severus with a sigh.

Above his head, Severus’ low voice continued hashing out the mystery with Hermione. “Have you made any progress in discovering what kind of curse this is? It does not sound like a pure mind curse, not if there are truly bits of souls tied in. And as it is able to distinguish between living and dead people and people of a certain family line, then that also suggests there is more than mind magic at play.”

“Yes,” said Hermione, “so we thought too. We aren’t sure exactly what kind of curse it is. Our best theory is that Bellatrix tried to curse Harry with her madness and botched it with soul magic somehow.”

Harry sat up and frowned. “I don’t think that’s it, Hermione.”

Severus shook his head. “Nor do I. If Bellatrix had tried to curse him with her own madness and made a mistake, it would only be her soul he heard, I think.” He tapped his free hand on the table. “We are missing something. You are sure these are all the books in the Black library? The Order removed the most dangerous.”

Hermione nodded. “All we could trace.”

Severus frowned. “Trace how, exactly?”

She shuffled uncomfortably. “I … I’m not really supposed to reveal that.”

“Unspeakable secrets?”

“Um ….”

Severus’ gaze sharpened. “Do you expect me to help Harry or not?”

“I don’t see what that has to do—”

“It has _everything_ to do with it, you foolish girl. I—damn.” Severus choked his anger back and gave Harry and Hermione an apologetic look. “Merlin, forgive me. I am only afraid for him.”

She gave him a wan smile. “I am too, Severus. Just tell me what you need, okay?”

He took a deep breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It is simple logic, really. If you’ve truly searched every book in the library, then it is obviously _not_ here. We are missing a book, and that means it is either still unaccounted for or somewhere else in this house. If I am to trace it, then I need to know what you have already tried.”

Hermione blushed pink. “I … it’s not that I don’t want to ….”

“But you don’t have clearance?”

“Exactly. I’m under a modified _Fi_ —damn it. I can’t even say that much.”

“A _Fidelius_ , then.” Severus sighed. “A moment.” He Summoned his Patronus and spoke in an authoritative voice to the doe. “Go to Terpsichore Flamel. Let her know that I am assisting Hermione Granger on Harry Potter’s case and we have found a possible lead, but are in urgent need of full Ministry clearance if we are to heal him.”

The doe nodded and leapt away. Hermione stared at him, gobsmacked.

“H-how? She … she’s the ….”

Severus smirked. “Head Unspeakable? Yes, Albus introduced us years ago at her great-great-grandparents’ funeral. It pays for a spy to have contacts in high places.”

Harry reached over and pressed Hermione’s jaw up, closing her mouth. “You’re going to suck up a doxy like that if you’re not careful.”

Severus snorted. “Your sense of humour has not fallen to the wayside, I see.”

Harry flashed him a bright smile. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Severus sobered. “If so, then I have done you more harm than I thought.”

Harry squeezed Severus’ hand and laced their fingers together. “Severus, I was only teasing. You know you’re my … _[best friend]_ … well, you know I forgave you ages ago.”

Severus carefully wrapped Harry in a hug, being careful never to let his skin come out of contact with the younger man’s.

“Thank you.”

Harry held him tighter. “I think I should be thanking you. This is the first time I’ve felt safe in weeks. I only feel safe with you.”

Severus smoothed a hand down Harry’s back. “I am glad you do, especially considering how fearful these past few weeks have been for you.”

“Me too.” Harry buried his head under Severus’ chin and dropped his voice to a whisper. He would have used Legilimency, but he couldn’t make eye contact with his face pressed against Severus’ chest. “Is it … do you feel safe like this too?”

Severus sighed against Harry’s hair and whispered back, his voice barely more than a breath, “Yes. It is … much the same for me.”

Harry nuzzled closer, his heart light and hopeful. “I’m glad about that, too.”

“Hmm.”

They sat in silence for several moments, Harry taking refuge in Severus’ arms and feeling like he had finally come home, Severus wrapped around him and keeping Harry warm. This was _right_. It was where he was meant to be.

A feminine sigh arrested Harry’s attention. “Oh, boys ….”

Harry’s eyes shot open to find Hermione watching them with a soft smile on her face.

“Oh Merlin,” Harry muttered. “I _know_ that look. Don’t get any ideas, Hermione.”

She chuckled. “Somehow, I don’t think I’ll need to.”

Harry blushed and hid his face in Severus’ neck, his lips brushing the man’s scars.

Severus’ breath caught. “H-Harry. Not there. Please.”

Harry winced and jerked away, causing the voices to screech at him again, though they seemed quieter this time. “Gods, I—Sev’rus. Help.”

_“Damn it, Snivellus, get aw—”_

Regulus cut him off, crying, _“Harry, take hold of Severus and don’t let go. Your souls are li—”_

Severus caught Harry’s hand and held it tight. “Better?”

Harry shook his head, trying to clear it. “Yeah. Merlin, I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

A fierce blush coloured the older man’s face. “You … I ….” Severus glanced at the woman watching them with a knowing grin and looked away. “It was not—” He sighed and tipped Harry’s chin up, meeting the younger man’s eyes. _[You did not hurt me. I was only embarrassed because we have an audience.]_

Harry flushed. _[Oh. I’m sorry, Severus.]_

_[Nothing to apolo—]_

A raven Patronus appeared on the table and interrupted Severus. With a smile at Harry, he touched the bird’s head. “Yes?”

The raven cawed and answered, _“Clearance granted. Do whatever you must, my friend. The aurors miss their top captain.”_

Hermione gasped. “Mother of Merlin, Severus. How the bloody hell did you … gods. I’m impressed.”

Severus smirked. “The books, Miss Granger?”

She shook herself. “Right. Well, besides checking the archive list in the library, we tracked their magical signatures. Even in the Muggle books, Black family magic is woven too tightly to ever be fully removed. So we followed the signature trails to their current locations and either retrieved them or paid off whoever had possession of them.

“There were three we couldn’t trace, but they weren’t going to be of much help anyway. We couldn’t find a book on historical Black family bonds or a journal of Hieronymus Black, and one woman refused to sell a Black family cookbook no matter what we offered for it.” She gave him a wry smile. “I doubt we’d find the answers in a cookbook, but we tried to get it back anyway, just in case.”

“The one about the bonds might have had answers though,” Harry said with a frown.

“I doubt it,” said Severus. “This is a curse, not a bond.” He rubbed his chin. “If you tracked the books via their signature, then you could not use the same method in this house.”

Hermione nodded. “Too much interference, but we did Summon all Black family books back into the Library.”

“ _Summoned_ them, Miss Granger? And what if there are books about that have charms against such basic magic?”

“Well, we also asked Kreacher to look for others,” said Harry with a shrug. “He said he brought back all the ones he could find.”

“And what if there are books he could _not_ find? There are charms against house elves just as there are charms against Summoning.”

Harry frowned. “Um … well, we did search the house manually too, but between the Summoning spell and Kreacher, we couldn’t find anything else besides a stack of old porn mags under Sirius’ bed.” He blushed. “We figured the answer wouldn’t be in those.”

“If they are actually pornographic, certainly not, but surely you have heard of glamours and concealing spells.”

“We used revealers on them, Severus,” said Hermione with a sigh. “Honestly. It’s like we’re first years again.”

Harry laughed and rubbed Severus’ hand. “What’re you thinking? You’re grilling us for a reason, but just consider us givens as dunderheads and tell us what’s going on in that brilliant brain of yours.”

Severus chuckled. “You are dunderheads. But I shall tell you what I think.” His smile faded. “You mentioned that Regulus tried to destroy the horcruxes?”

Harry nodded, his eyes sad. “Regulus has been my only friend this whole time.” He gave the others an apologetic look. “Inside my head I mean. He told me where to find his portrait in hopes that it would help me stay sane to talk to him outside my head, but it won’t work. The portrait is still, like a Muggle painting. It doesn’t even breathe like wizarding ones do when they’re sleeping. Remus thinks it’s because the portrait was taken after the curse started, by the way. And that it’s a familial curse, which is bloody obvious but there you are.”

Hermione chuckled. “By familial, he means it was established in one family and can only effect members of that bloodline, not that your family is all in your head, Harry.”

“Oh.”

Severus frowned. “I believe Lupin’s information is sound, but the fact that he could provide it at all means it _is_ soul magic. He would not be able to draw his own conclusions otherwise, particularly not _correct_ conclusions. As well, that is a real piece of Regulus in your mind if he knew a portrait existed of him when we did not.”

Tears flooded Harry’s vision. “I wish Regulus had lived. I wish ….”

Severus wrapped Harry back into his arms. “So do I. He was a friend to me as well. The only person who was kind to me in my dark days.” He sighed and squeezed Harry’s shoulders. “It was such a terrible way to die, and he was so young.”

Harry shuddered and buried his face in Severus’ shoulder. “Severus, if there’s a piece of them all trapped in my head, does that mean they’re all … stuck? They can’t go beyond because of this curse?”

Severus shuddered. “Merlin. I do not know, but I certainly hope not.”

Harry whimpered. “We have to break it, then. We _have_ to. I can’t let them suffer like that forever. Especially not Regulus. His life and death was gruesome enough without adding this to his suffering. And Remus and Tonks—gods, we _have_ to get them out of there.”

Hermione winced. “Yes. We’re doing everything we can, Harry.”

“I know.” He nudged Severus’ arm. “Why were you asking about Regulus?”

Severus frowned and dragged a fingertip back and forth across his chin. “It is … only a theory, but there is a possibility that if he turned against the Dark Lord in the end, he may have also turned against the dark in general. Since he has been an ally to you, I think this is more likely than not. And if he did, he would likely have taken measures to prevent the darkest books in the Black library from being used again.”

“You think he hid them,” said Hermione. “It’s not impossible. But where? We’ve looked everywhere in the house.”

Harry paled. “I … I could ask him.”

Severus shook his head. “It is not worth the risk. The instant you take your hand away, you fall back into terror and the verge of madness. And we do not know how the curse will react regardless. No, I cannot allow you to risk your health when there is a much less dangerous way to answer your question.”

Harry frowned. “His portrait doesn’t work, Severus. I’ve already tried.”

“If his soul is trapped in this curse, no, the portrait would not work. But nevertheless, that is not what I meant.”

Hermione leaned forwards, palms laid flat on the table. “What did you mean then?”

“We will simply have to search the house the old-fashioned way. And this time with the benefit of a spy’s help.”

Harry sighed. “So we’re back to square one.”

Severus held up his hand, fingers still laced with Harry’s. “Not quite.”

  


* * *

  


Harry helped Severus and Hermione scan the house as best as he could, working with two pairs of hands between the three of them. After hours of searching through various likely hiding spots—the library, the attic, the cellar—they continued the search in Regulus’ bedroom. Harry had thought Regulus would have wanted a load of cursed books as far from his bed as possible, but Severus had pointed out that a man willing to drink poison to ensure the Dark Lord’s eventual defeat would probably want to watch over the books himself.

Harry hadn’t been able to argue with that logic, gruesome as it was.

They had scanned every inch of the bedroom walls, searching for a possible hiding place but finding nothing, when Harry had an idea. He moved in front of the bed and pointed to the floor.

“Severus, kneel with me, okay?”

The man gave him a bemused look but obeyed.

“Just, keep your hand on my back or something so I can use both hands to search.”

With a blush, Severus slid his hand under Harry’s tee and rested it at the small of his back. “Too familiar?”

Harry’s cheeks were pink, but he gave Severus a warm smile. “No. It’s you. It’s okay.”

Severus rubbed the man’s back just a bit, a curious expression in his eyes, as well as a bit of fear. Harry shivered and arched into his hand, thrilling in the feel of his caress on his bare skin.

“Yeah, okay with me.”

Severus swallowed hard and stilled. “Good. Is there a reason we’re on the floor?”

“Maybe. We’ll see in a minute.” Harry bent and dug his fingernails into the seams of the floorboards beneath Regulus’ bed, tugging at each one within his reach.

Hermione knelt beside him. “Harry, what in the world are you doing?”

He blushed. “Well, when I needed to hide stuff from the Dursleys, there was a loose floorboard under my bed and I’d shove stuff in there. I mean, it wasn’t a lot of room, not for a kid using Muggle means ….”

She gasped. “But for a pureblood wizard who had access to his wand and motivation, wizard space is always an option.”

“Right.” He frowned. “Severus, would that fail upon Regulus’ death?”

Severus nodded. “Most likely, but if Regulus expected to die, then it is probable he took measures to prevent such an occurrence.”

Harry shook his head wryly. “You know, he reminds me of you a bit. Intelligent Slytherin with a heart of gold.”

Severus chuckled. “I will take that as a compliment.”

“It was _obviously_ meant as one, prat.” Harry laughed. “Anyway, just check what you can reach without letting go of me, Severus. Hermione, you start at that end of the bed and we’ll work towards the middle. Just see if the board is loose enough to come up.”

She went to work where directed without a word. After a few minutes, she called, “Harry, Severus, found something.”

“Wait,” Severus advised her. “Do not lift it yet.” He scanned the board for any kind of trap or ward he could think of and found nothing. “It is clear. If Regulus _did_ use this as his hiding place, then he has placed the wards beneath the level of the wood so as not to draw undue notice.”

Harry shook his head sadly. “He was brilliant. I really wish he’d lived.” Severus’ gentle caress at the small of Harry’s back soothed him enough to keep him from crying. Again. “Okay, ‘Mione. Go for it.”

She lifted the board and frowned. “Nothing here but floor space, boys.”

Severus peered into the hole. “Hmm.”

Harry ran a hand above the empty floor and drew it back sharply. His palm was red from the burn of pure magic. Something was hidden here all right, and whatever it was had intense wards. He turned his burned palm up to show his friend.

“Severus.”

“I see.” Severus healed the burn and shook his head. “There is nothing _obvious_ here but floor space. Both of you, move back.”

Harry and Hermione obeyed. Harry shielded them all for good measure and got a nod from Severus in return.

Severus held his wand tip just beyond the edge of the shields and aimed for the gap. “ _Obvia Revelare Totalis_!”

The illusion of an empty hole faded away to reveal a massive hoard. What should have been a three-inch by three-inch tunnel was a cavernous archive, lined with stack upon stack of books and stuffed full of artefacts and precious heirlooms.

“Bloody hell,” Harry breathed.

“I believe we have found our missing books,” Severus said in a shaky voice.

“Apparently so,” Hermione breathed.

  


* * *

  


Severus stared into the massive archive of dark books and artefacts, lamenting the loss of one so brilliant as to keep it hidden from some of the darkest minds in the war. Merlin, Regulus had died too young.

Harry was the first to shake himself out of his shock. “Right. We’ll have to investigate this, but for now, everyone stay back. I have no idea what kind of wards or curses might be on this stuff but I’m guessing it’s not pretty.”

Severus smirked. “So you have learned a degree of caution then.”

“Well, you _did_ just warn us a moment ago,” said Harry with a laugh. “Not to mention the wards already burned me. Besides, after the fifth or sixth time you get cursed for charging in blindly, you learn to cover your arse first.”

“Fifth or sixth? I should think you would learn it after the first time.”

Harry grinned. “Well, you know what they say about Gryffindors.” His mirth faded. “Severus, I’m guessing you know more about these wards than we do. Do you want a go before I call in the team?”

Severus nodded. “Come kneel beside me and place your hand at my back, as I have been doing with you. I will need both hands free. Hermione, please shield us both and hold it unless I tell you otherwise.”

Hermione nodded and stepped back a few paces. As soon as Harry wriggled himself into place behind Severus, calloused warm palm softly rubbing the older man’s back, a purple-blue shield light shimmered around them and held. Severus moved forwards so just the tip of his wand poked out of the shield light. Harry’s fingertips dipped under the older man’s waistband, brushing the top of Severus’ arse—as Harry was staring into the floorboards, Severus judged the move must have been subconscious.

“H-Harry,” he gasped out.

Harry jerked his hand up the man’s back and blushed crimson. “Merlin, Severus. I didn’t even realise. I’m sorry.”

Severus shivered. “It was not … I … I ….”

“Ssh. It’s all right. You don’t have to make excuses for me. It was too familiar. Are you okay?”

Severus nodded and leaned close enough to whisper, “I need my wits about me, Harry. But it was not …” _[It was not u-unwanted.]_ His mental voice was barely a breath on the last word. He froze and waited for rejection.

Harry’s eyes went wide and his lips parted. _[Merlin, Severus!]_ Cautiously, he smiled and stroked Severus’ waist. _[I didn’t mind either, but we’ll talk about that later, okay? I don’t want to distract you right now.]_

Severus struggled to contain his blush. “Be still. Steady.” _[Your touch is ….]_

Harry gave him a smile that made Severus’ breath hitch. _[Yeah?]_ His hand stilled and lay just across the man’s spine. “Okay. Is that better?”

“Much. Are you able to move back a pace and still keep your hand on me?”

“Let me ….” Harry wriggled out of the way and nodded. “Like this?”

“Perfect. Stay there, stay still, and lend me some of your power if you can do so safely.”

“Sure.”

A steady stream of energy flowed into Severus through his spine, and the man gasped at the feel of it. Oh sweet _Merlin_ , Harry’s magic, his energy, was in perfect complement to Severus’ own. Severus arched, panted with the intensity of sensation, and barely suppressed a low moan.

Harry did not manage to suppress himself, and his long, low groan of pleasure made it doubly hard for Severus to keep quiet.

“Oh gods, _Severus_!”

“Nnh.” Severus bit down on any further revealing sounds and turned to give Harry a glazed look. “We will definitely need to discuss this later.”

Harry shivered. “You feel it too, then?”

“That would depend on what you mean by ‘it.’ What are you feeling?”

Harry gasped and shivered. “Like … we _fit_. It’s so bloody intense.” He looked to Hermione and blushed. “It’s like … um ….”

Hermione said dryly, “Sex?”

Harry went crimson. “Y-yes. Exactly like.”

Severus held Harry’s eyes, and the flicker of heat within those emerald orbs sent an answering surge through Severus’ groin. Gods, if this kept up, he would lose control—right in front of Miss Granger.

_‘Gods forbid!’_

With a massive effort, he struggled to gather his wits.

“Ah … it … this is not sexual—what we are feeling is … magical symbiosis. A perfect blend of compatible magic.” He shivered at another wave of sensation. “Ghn. Perhaps this has to do with why your curse stops when I touch you.” Another wave left him panting. “Oh, sweet _Merlin_.”

Harry was breathing hard too. “Y-yeah. Maybe. Maybe it’s why we feel so ….”

Severus’ heart thumped as he read the meaning in Harry’s eyes. “I think _that_ is more than compatible magic working on us.” He smiled softly. “You feel it too?”

Harry smirked. “That would depend on what you mean by ‘it.’” He rubbed Severus’ back. “But yeah. I do.”

A thrill nothing like compatible magic rushed up Severus’ spine and settled in his racing heart. He couldn’t hold back a brilliant smile.

“Merlin,” Harry whispered. “Beautiful, Severus.”

Severus closed his eyes and Occluded away the greater part of his joy and pleasure. As wonderful as it felt, it was too distracting. And revealing.

“Apparently we will have much to discuss tonight, Harry.” Severus opened his eyes and gave Harry a soft smile. “I am looking forward to it, but for now, simply continue helping me with your power and I will attempt to dismantle the wards.” He arched at a powerful wave of sensation. “A-assuming I can focus.”

Harry nodded, serious again. “I’ll help, Severus. Meditation might—dear gods—make it easier to control.”

“Yes. Do it.”

Harry closed his eyes. A moment later, he opened them again, their expression steady and distant. The inferno under Severus’ skin abated to a gentle warmth.

“Ah, much better.”

Harry nodded. “Are you ready then?”

Severus took a deep breath and gathered his magic in his hands. “Now.”

  


* * *

  


Harry slid an arm under Severus’ and guided the exhausted man to his bedroom. Severus had broken all the most dangerous wards on his own, but he could barely stand by the time he had finished. They both needed rest, as sharing his magic with Severus had all but drained Harry’s energy too.

“I think we need a nap, Severus,” Harry said through a yawn.

“Mhn.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“Mhn-hmm.”

Harry chuckled and gently guided Severus to the bed, making sure to keep a grip on the man’s hand at all times. “Okay, how much of your kit do you want left on?”

Severus jolted awake a bit when Harry unbuttoned his robe—using a spell, of course, as he couldn’t do it manually with one hand.

“Oh.”

He shivered as Harry eased one sleeve down and guided one arm through, then took that hand and repeated the process on the other side, leaving him in his shirtsleeves.

Harry gave him a wry smile. “I usually sleep in just the pants, but I think that’s a bit much for both of us. Would you … maybe down to the trousers? Would that do?”

Severus’ throat bobbed and a bright pink flush painted his cheeks. “Mhn, y-yes.”

Harry brushed a hand down the man’s cheek. “Severus, it’s all right. I’ve seen you in less. You’ve seen me in less too.”

Severus’ eyes were already sliding shut again. “Yes, s’fine. Sleep now.” He slumped into Harry’s hip, half snoring.

“Gods, you poor man. I’ve never seen you so exhausted.” Harry gave a low chuckle and eased a half-asleep Severus back onto the bed. “Just lie back, Severus. I’ll take care of you. Only, I have to touch you to keep my mind. Please, don’t be afraid.”

Severus opened his eyes long enough to squeeze Harry’s hand. “Touch me … however you need to. Trust you.”

Harry smiled, happy to know he had earned so much of the man’s faith. “Thank you. I won’t take advantage.”

“Mhn. I know.” Severus closed his eyes and his breathing deepened.

Harry was tempted just to leave him as he was rather than disturb his rest, but knew the man would get uncomfortable like that quickly—and besides, it would be difficult to hold onto his hand when they were both asleep. He needed more of Severus’ skin bare if he meant to get any real rest—and gods knew he needed it.

Trying not to disturb Severus more than necessary, Harry used a careful combination of methodical manoeuvering and spells to undress Severus and himself, then climbed into bed beside the sleeping man.

“Goodnight, Sev.”

Severus turned into him and wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist, pulling him close. “R’you well?”

“I’m all right.” Harry kissed Severus’ cheek. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.”

“Mm, yes. Stay here. Talk later.”

Harry chuckled. “That was the plan.”

“G’night … Harry.” Severus had almost fallen asleep before he finished talking.

Harry kept the thought that Severus was adorable when he was sleepy to himself. He doubted Severus would appreciate it. Besides, he didn’t want to wake the poor man.

“Goodnight, my Severus.”

With a contented sigh, Harry laid his head upon Severus’ slowly rising chest and let sleep carry him away—the first free of screams and nightmares he had known in a long time.


	9. Testing Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : none. Summary: Draco picks up on a hint, and Severus and Harry get a taste of what they've been missing out on for five years._

**CHAPTER 9**  
_TESTING BOUNDARIES_

Harry woke to the sound of a familiar—and annoying—voice calling his name. “Potter … Harry … _Oi_! Wake up, Potter!”

Harry sat up with a groan. “Something had better be on fire, Malfoy,” he muttered.

“Does finding you sleeping half-naked with my godfather count?”

“Half-na … oh!” Harry rubbed his eyes, but immediately abandoned the practice when the screaming started the second he was out of contact with Severus. “Urgh. Have to sleep like this. It’s the only way I stay sane.”

Draco smirked. “San _er_ , you mean.”

“Shut it, prat.”

Draco chuckled. “Seriously, I’m glad to see you back in the land of the living, Harry.”

“Mhn. Right now, the feeling is most definitely not mutual. Do you know how long it’s been since I had a good dream?”

Draco grinned. “Oh? And what kind of dreams were you having curled up with my godfather then?”

“Enough, Draco.” Severus sat and glared at the prat, keeping his hand at Harry’s back. “Is there a reason for your visit or did you just come to gloat?”

“Actually, I came to tell you that the team is finished working on the wards for the night. Good work finding that stash, both of you.” Draco sighed and slumped his shoulders. “I _knew_ we should’ve called you in from the beginning, Severus. Twelve hours here and you’ve already got Potter to stop muttering nonsense, discovered the curse type, _and_ unearthed Uncle Regulus’ secret stash. It’s a good job you didn’t become an auror, really. You’d have us all out of work in a week.”

“So you discovered my secret,” Severus said with a laugh. “I did not join the force out of the goodness of my heart. I would not wish to put you all out on the streets.”

Harry chuckled and leaned in closer to Severus. “Draco, how long do you think those wards are going to take?”

Draco shrugged. “Couple of days at the least. They’re some of the toughest wards I’ve ever seen. Even Severus would be hard-pressed to make them that difficult.”

“Merlin! Regulus _really_ didn’t want his family to get those books.”

“No, and with good reason,” said Severus.

“Definitely,” said Draco with a nod. “I think I recognise a couple of those artefacts from descriptions in the Malfoy library books, the ones Mother _inherited_ , if you follow. I wouldn’t wish them into the hands of anyone with a less than stellar conscience. Or with a soul to break, for that matter.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Harry a muted glare. “Now, would one of you like to explain why I found you sleeping _together_?”

Harry flushed. “Er, didn’t Hermione tell you?”

“She said that Severus is able to mitigate your curse and that he’ll be staying here for the time being. As we were focused on tailing Dolohov—bastard got away _again_ anyway—she didn’t go into the details of how. And later, we were more worried about the wards. So?”

“Er, well, I need Severus to touch me. As long as his skin is touching mine, the voices stop. The moment we let go, though, they’re as loud as ever.”

Draco’s eyes bugged. “Merlin! Just his touch? Really?”

Severus glared. “We will not be demonstrating for your benefit. Suffice it to say, yes, my touch does appear to stop the curse. We do not yet know why or how to make it a permanent cure. Well, short of sewing us together.”

“Remind me to hide all my needles and thread from you, Severus.” Harry shuddered. “Merlin, the things you come up with.”

Severus snorted. “Indeed.”

“Hmm.” Draco fixed Severus with piercing look. “There’s more going on between you two than you’re telling me.”

Harry blushed bright red. “Well, as we haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it among ourselves yet, I’ve no intention of telling you anything.”

Draco nodded. “Just don’t hurt him, Potter. He’s been through too much pain.”

Harry turned to face Severus and tucked a lock of hair behind his friend’s ear, drawing a shy smile from the older man. “I don’t think I could if I wanted to, Draco. I … I’ve not felt right until he was with me.”

“Wait. Look at me, Harry.” Draco searched Harry’s eyes. “You mean … no. You’re not talking about the curse.”

Harry shook his head slowly. “I mean since five years ago. Maybe ever.”

Beside Harry, Severus gasped and went still. Harry flushed to his ears and braced himself, fearful he was about to be rejected, but Severus only held him tighter and struggled to gain control over his breathing. After a long, silent moment, Harry hesitantly stroked the older man’s hair, soothing him with soft touches and the warmth of his arms, and let out a sigh when Severus accepted his touch.

A gentle kiss fell against Harry’s shoulder, and he held Severus tighter, his heart overflowing with happiness and possibilities. Merlin, he’d hoped for this for so long now but never dreamed it would really happen. And yet, here they were, Severus half naked and curled into his arms, his fingertips brushing soft circles on Harry’s back, breath warming his neck.

Harry rested his cheek against Severus’ ear and sighed, content in the arms of the man he loved.

Draco watched, rubbing his lip in thought, and did not speak again until Severus urged him to either talk or get out. “All right, all right. I was just trying to figure this mess with his curse out. Severus, Hermione mentioned that you borrowed power from Potter while you were working on the wards?”

“Yes,” Severus replied. “And to answer the question you are dancing around, it was perfectly matched to mine. Complete magical symbiosis.”

Draco gaped. “Mother of Merlin! Do you know how _rare_ that is?”

Severus nodded.

“It’s only supposed to occur in ….” Draco gasped, eyes wide and staring, then a smirk passed over his face. “Oh. Now _that’s_ an interesting thought.”

Severus glared. “Draco. What do you know?”

Draco hesitated. “Well, I have a theory—I need to refresh my memory and we’ll have to find the curse to be sure, but I might know the cure. Maybe.”

Harry gasped. “You know how to fix it? Tell me, you bloody prat!”

Draco laughed. “I said I _might_ know how to fix it. And as the cure I have in mind would require quite a bit of commitment from both of you, I think you would rather I verified it first.” He gave Severus a wry smile. “But the two of you are going the right way to finding it on your own without my help. Maybe by the time we get through the wards ….” He shook his head and chuckled. “Well, I suppose we’ll see.”

With that, the blond turned, blew them an air kiss over his shoulder, and walked off.

“Idiot,” Harry muttered and settled in beside Severus. “What do you reckon he’s on about?”

Severus cupped Harry’s cheek and drew him closer. “Did you mean it?”

Harry swallowed hard and squirmed at the heat in Severus’ gaze. “Mean what?”

Severus searched Harry’s eyes. “That you have not been complete until I came today?”

Harry’s face flamed. “Y-yeah. I meant it.”

Gentle fingertips traced Harry’s temple and down his cheek, stopping on his chin. “You have … longed for me? For this?”

Harry quivered. “Don’t toy with me. Please.”

Severus’ eyes held anything but games. “I am not. Would not.” He edged closer, gaze fiery and lips parted. “May I kiss you, Harry?”

Harry’s breath hitched, and he responded with a shy nod.

Severus slowly leaned in, tentative and halting. “You are sure?”

“Yeah. Kiss me. Please. Wanted you to kiss me for a long time now.”

Fire flared in Severus’ gaze. “ _Harry_.”

As if he couldn’t wait another moment, Severus closed the distance between them. The moment their mouths touched, heat and need and all-encompassing desire flooded Harry and his eyes flew open in shock. A switch flipped in his brain, and suddenly Harry understood why none of his previous partners had worked out. None of them had been _Severus_.

“Oh gods,” Harry gasped and kissed him again.

Severus arched into Harry, a moan low in his throat and his fingers tangling in the younger man’s hair. “Sweet mother of ….” He caught Harry into his arms and dove right back in.

Harry reeled at the intensity of his emotions. For Merlin’s sake, they hadn’t even used tongue and he already thought he would combust. He couldn’t imagine how much _more_ it wou—then Severus’ lips parted and all ability to reason left Harry at the feel of that soft, prodding tongue against his lips. Severus made a sound somewhere between a cry and a growl, a sound of searing passion and want, and Harry was lost. He grabbed Severus’ face and delved into the older man’s mouth, his kiss hard, deep, and brimming over with desire and emotion at once.

With a guttural cry, Severus flipped them over, turning Harry onto his back, and took control. Harry gave it willingly, arching into Severus’ kiss as the man explored him with fierce, desperate ardour. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, all he could do was clench his fingers in Severus’ hair and let the man’s passion break over him like a storm.

At a soft mewl from Harry, the older man gentled the kiss, letting Harry drift back to earth with tender caresses and slow, shallow sweeps of his tongue.

“Dear gods,” Harry panted when they finally broke apart. “Was it as fierce for you as that was for me?”

Severus shivered. “I do not know what you felt, but I know I have been waiting for a kiss like that my entire life.” His voice was shaky and breathless.

“Yeah,” Harry gasped. “Definitely felt like that. Sweet Merlin.”

Severus laid his head upon Harry’s shoulder, panting and trying to catch his breath. “Perhaps this proximity will not be as trying as we feared at first.”

“Not trying at all to have you close to me.” Harry smoothed Severus’ mussed hair and kissed his forehead. “Are you all right? Was it too intense, love?”

Severus lifted his head and gave Harry a hesitant smile. “Love?”

“I think after a kiss like that, I’ve earned the right to a pet name or two.”

Severus chuckled. “Perhaps, but please, not that one unless you mean it. I do not wish to hope and ….”

“And lose me?”

Severus refused to answer, but Harry saw the truth in his eyes.

“Ssh.” Harry cupped Severus’ cheek. “You really think I could let you go now? Like hell! I want kisses like that forever.”

Severus shuddered and bit his lip, his eyes going flat with sudden Occlumency, and Severus never Occluded with Harry these days unless something had spooked him, badly.

“Sev! Hey, look at me. It’s okay. Don’t be afraid.”

“I … I need … want … loo.” With a shiver, Severus turned away and leapt off the bed.

Terror shot through Harry like ice down his spine. “Severus!” Any moment now, the voices would return, and ….

“Shite!” Severus flinched and grabbed Harry into his arms. “Forgive me. I lost my head for a moment.” He kissed Harry’s cheek and hugged him close. “I am so sorry. Are you well?”

Harry frowned and nodded. “Strange. When you moved away, the voices didn’t come back this time.”

Severus blinked. “A kiss? Surely the cure is nothing so simple.”

“I don’t know, but they didn’t come back.”

“Let me test it, Harry. I am going to move away. The moment the curse begins to trouble you again, _if_ it does, call for me.”

Harry bit his lip, fearful of losing Severus’ anchor on his sanity, but gave the man a hesitant nod.

Severus cradled Harry’s face and held his gaze. “Ssh. Do not fear. I will heal you, pet, if it does return.”

“Just … don’t go too far. Please.”

“As you wish.” Severus kissed Harry lightly and shivered. “Merlin. I will not survive if all our kisses are so intense.”

Harry chuckled breathlessly. “I know what you mean. But hurry up and test this. I’m afraid.”

“Yes.”

Severus took a deep breath and lifted his hands away from Harry. Nothing happened, so the young man gave him a shaky nod and watched as Severus took a step back. Two more steps, and the curse came screaming back in.

_“SNIVELLUS! I’ll kill you!”_

Regulus cried, _“What are you_ doing _, you prat? I said don’t let him g—”_

“Sev’rus!”

Severus dashed back to Harry’s side and scooped him into his arms. “So we at least have a proximity of a metre or so.” He kissed Harry’s fears away and held him tight. “Ssh. I am here, pet.”

Harry pouted. “How come you can call me sweet names but you won’t let me call you one?”

“It was that one in particular and what it implies. I do not wish you to use it until you feel it, Harry. Please.”

Harry gave him a shy smile. “Severus, I … you don’t—”

Severus closed his eyes and shivered hard. “Please.”

Harry sighed. “All right. Ssh. If it scares you so much, we’ll wait to talk about that one. Can I call you, um, sweetheart?”

Severus snorted. “It is so ironically untrue, I imagine I will draw no end of entertainment from such a name. Please do.”

Harry laughed and brought Severus closer. “You’re sweet to me.”

“You are, as always, a special case.”

“Hmm.” Harry nuzzled the older man’s cheek. “We should test how long we have before the curse sets in as long as you’re in proximity. Maybe Summon a chair?”

“I’ve a better idea. Let us dress and find something for dinner. If we stay beside each other without touching, it will allow us to test the limits of your curse while doing something useful.”

Harry grinned. “I _am_ famished. All right, sweetheart.”

Severus snorted and laughed against Harry’s cheek. “Merlin, that is rich.”

“Humph.”

Severus kissed Harry’s temple. “If it troubles you, I will try not to laugh.”

“Nah, I like seeing you happy. Let’s go eat, sweetheart.”

Severus chuckled against Harry’s ear. “As you wish.”

  


* * *

  


Severus set his fork down, finished with his chicken and rice. Harry took a bit longer to savour his simple meal, but then the young man hadn’t had real food for some time. He must have been craving it. Severus simply Banished his dishes to the sink and Summoned a quill and parchment.

“Who are you writing, Severus?”

“Hmm? Ah, Hermione. I simply wished to put her mind at ease, considering how much she has gone through to try to heal you.” He glared. “Though I am not sure why. She deserves a thorough arse kicking for not allowing me here sooner.”

“It … it wasn’t her fault, Severus. She wanted to get you. I wouldn’t let her.”

Harry looked so miserable, Severus could not hold a grudge against either of them.

“Yes, I know. Let me help you in the future, pet. Please.”

Harry blushed. “I already promised I would. I was only afraid for your life, Severus, but we’ve seen by now I was an idiot. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Severus chuckled at the name. “All is well. It is in the past.”

“You believe me, right? That I won’t block you out again?”

Severus covered Harry’s hand with his own. “I believe you. Finish your dinner and I will finish this note.”

“All right.”

While Harry returned to his dinner, Severus finished writing and whistled for his owl. As expected, Juno had already located him. She flew through the post window and perched on Severus’ shoulder.

“Here you are, little one. Take this to Hermione Granger for me, please.”

She held still while Severus attached the letter to her leg, then gave him a nuzzle and flew off. By the time she had gone, Harry had finished and was watching him with a faint blush on his cheeks.

“What is it, pet?”

Harry flushed deeper. “Um … I should, er, p-probably have that bath now.”

Severus’ breath hitched. “Ohh.”

“Maybe you can just sit near me? We don’t have to touch to keep me sane anymore and I … I don’t want to rush this.”

Severus smiled and stood. “Of course. We shall take our time, pet.”

Harry blushed. “Thanks. I’m not sure I’m ready for more yet. Just kissing earlier—good gods, you _melted_ me.”

Severus smirked. “Well, hearing that is certainly good for my ego.”

Harry pouted, and Severus relented with a chuckle. “Harry, you do recall how I … how taken I was with you, do you not? It was a simple kiss, and I was nearly mad with desire. Do you imagine me to be so uncontrolled as a rule? I have never felt anything like that before.”

Harry beamed, his cheeks flushed pink. “Good to know.”

Severus laughed. “It is, isn’t it? Now, come, and we shall see to your needs.”

“All right.”

  


* * *

  


Somehow, Harry was able to keep his cool while he showered, and even managed to stay on his side of the glass when it was Severus’ turn under the water. Though, when Severus finished and stepped outside, a towel wrapped around his hips, Harry found he couldn’t resist running his fingers through all that wet hair.

“Beautiful,” Harry whispered, and Severus shivered against him.

“H-how? I am not ….”

Harry kissed him lightly. “You are to me. Now get dressed before I forget all my good intentions.”

Severus gave him a shy smile and obeyed.

Once they were dressed, Harry’s fatigue came against him hard, and he allowed Severus to lead him to bed. At first, they tried sleeping apart, but when the nightmares returned, Harry called out to him.

“Ssh.” Severus wrapped sleepy arms around Harry from behind and cradled him close. “I am here. Rest, pet. I will guard your dreams.”

“Sev, oh gods. I was afraid it was just a dream and you hadn’t really saved me.”

“I am here.” Severus kissed Harry’s ear. “Sleep, Harry. You are safe now.”

“Yeah. S’long as you’re with me.”

Severus held Harry tight and whispered something against Harry’s shoulder, but it was too soft for Harry to make out. A tender kiss fell against his neck, and with a sigh, Harry melted back into Severus’ arms and let himself drift.

  


* * *

  


Severus watched Harry fall into dreams, tracing the shape of his body with his eyes and committing each curve and angle to memory. Gods, he was so beautiful. So kind. Severus held his partner close and whispered against his shoulder, keeping his words so low, they were almost silent.

“I love you, Harry.”

He kissed the nape of Harry’s neck and felt his lover sigh. A moment later, Harry’s breathing evened out and Severus settled down behind him.

“Goodnight, love.”

They did not wake again that night.


	10. Heart and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : None. Summary: The boys discuss their unique situation with Draco and finally learn the cost of that dark healing spell from 5 years ago._

**CHAPTER 10**  
_HEART AND SOUL_

Harry woke snuggled in Severus’ arms and sighed in contentment. “Ah, this is good.”

Severus nuzzled Harry’s neck. “I was beginning to wonder if I should wake you. It is after seven, and I know you are usually awake much earlier than this.”

“Mm, is it? Merlin.” Harry yawned and arched into Severus. “S’nice waking up to you.”

Severus kissed his cheek. “You seemed to be sleeping well.”

“Yeah. As soon as you held me, the nightmares stopped.”

“Then I shall hold you every night.”

Harry turned to kiss his sleepy mouth. “I have no objections.”

Severus smiled and traced Harry’s lip with a gentle fingertip. “As loath as I am to leave this bed, we should probably tell Draco that something changed in your curse since yesterday. If we hurry, we can still catch him before work.”

Harry snorted. “If you’re going to do that at _this_ hour, then … Kreacher!”

The house elf appeared with a pop and rubbed his eyes. “Yes, Master? Oh!” He jerked out of sleepiness with a gasp. “Master, you are well again?”

Harry paused. “Not quite well. Severus is helping me keep the curse at bay.”

Kreacher blinked. “Oh. I am sorry, Master. I had hoped ….”

“What, Kreacher?”

Kreacher’s eyes darted between Severus and Harry, but he lowered his head without voicing his thoughts. “It is not a house elf’s business, Master.”

Harry smiled. “Actually, it might be. Severus is my partner now as well.”

Kreacher gasped. “Oh! Congratulations, Masters.”

Severus groaned and clutched Harry flush against him, whispering in the younger man’s ear. “Do you have any idea what it does to me to hear you say that? To call me your partner?”

Harry _felt_ it for certain. “I might have some.” He wriggled his backside for emphasis.

Severus hissed and put a bit of space between them. “Too soon and too odd with a house elf looking at me,” he muttered.

Harry petted Severus’ hands. “It’s all right, sweetheart.” Severus’ snort made Harry grin. “Er, we’d best hurry anyway if we’re going to catch Draco before he leaves. Kreacher, that’s why I called. If we’re asking Draco over here early, we’d best have a pot of strong coffee ready to go. Would you mind making one for us?”

Kreacher grinned. “I will prepare some for you, Masters. Is there anything Masters will be wanting for breakfast?”

“Not until after Draco leaves. Draco will have already eaten by this hour and I don’t want to make him late.”

“But if you are to make something for breakfast,” said Severus, “Harry will need to eat lightly for a few days, until his stomach adjusts to having food again. Porridge and fruit would be good for now.”

“Yes, Masters. I will get the coffee on then, and ready the porridge for later.”

“Thanks, Kreacher,” said a stunned Harry.

Severus bowed in thanks as well.

The elf bowed and popped away, and Harry gave Severus a shocked look.

Severus frowned. “What? Did I overstep my bounds in ordering breakfast for you?”

Harry chewed his lip. “It’s not that. It’s just … he _obeyed_ you.”

Severus stared at the place where the elf had been. “Merlin. You have a point. He does not obey anyone else, does he?”

Harry shook his head. “He’s gotten a lot better about being respectful in the past few years, but he still doesn’t obey anyone but me. And you now, apparently.”

Severus frowned. “That should not have occurred with unbonded partners.”

“I know. Maybe it was just because what you said was to my benefit?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps.”

Harry shrugged. “We’ll find out eventually, I suppose. Come on, though. We’d better get up if we’re going to catch Draco.”

“Indeed.”

  


* * *

  


Ten minutes later, Harry was nursing a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, Severus at his side, when Draco came stumbling out of the floo half-dressed and buttoning his robes.

“Was there any particular reason why you called for me at such an hour? Robards is already going to ride my arse for ….” Draco paused and rubbed his eyes. “Wait a moment. You’re not touching any longer.”

“Good of you to notice,” said Harry with a snort. “Coffee?”

“Merlin, yes.”

Harry handed him a fresh cup and the condiments. “Well? Have you learned anything since last night?”

Draco frowned. “I did some research and have a few ideas, but whether they’re any good or not depends on what you did to be able to break the connection. So?”

Harry’s cheeks flamed. “Er … we kissed.”

Draco almost dropped his coffee. “You _kissed_ him?”

“I kissed him, actually,” said Severus with a smirk. “Then he returned it.”

“Oh.” Draco rubbed his lip in thought, much like Severus did. Maybe it was a Slytherin thing. “In that case, I think I was right about the cure and the cause, if not what the actual curse is.”

Harry harrumphed when Draco sipped his coffee with no further comment. “ _Well_?”

“As for the cause: you two are half-souled.”

Harry blinked. “What?”

“Half-souled. You heard me.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “What proof do you have of this?”

“Well, you,” Draco pointed at Severus, “were a right miserable git most of your life. But as soon as Harry was conceived, things began changing for you.”

“Coincidence, as around the time Harry was conceived is also when the Dark Lord began targeting Lily. There is also the fact that I was ‘a right miserable git’ for several years afterwards too.”

“Hmm, possible.” Draco shook his head. “But I don’t think it’s likely. Especially since right after then, you had a major change of heart and turned back to the light.” He turned to Harry. “It’s what happens when one half-souled mate is significantly older than the other—the older starts out mean and dark, but once the other enters the world, their life changes drastically.”

“That is all coincidental, as I have said,” Severus said with a frown. “What about Harry?”

“There was that thing with the ….” Draco wiggled his finger in front of his forehead. “The you-know-what. Might have affected him. Or he might have just been born for you. Hell, dying and coming back might have made him half-souled. I don’t know. There’s no precedent to Harry.”

“Thanks,” Harry muttered, then froze. “Dying and coming back.”

Harry flashed five years into the past, to holding a dying Severus in his arms and a hastily-spoken healing spell, whispered amongst puddles of blood and horcrux-tainted venom.

“Oh gods. _Severus_ ….”

Sick, icy dread rolled over him in waves as he realised, after all these years, what the cost of that particular dark spell actually was. The magic had saved Severus’ life, but at the cost of half of his soul.

And half of Harry’s own.

“Oh _gods_!”

“Harry!” Severus gripped the younger man’s shoulders and shook him a bit. Only then did Harry realise the man had been calling for him for some time. “Sweet Circe, what on earth has terrified you so? Is it the voices, pet? Has the curse returned?”

Harry choked down a wave of bile and shook his head. Oh _fuck_. What had he done? They were horcruxes, or had them, or something. Souls torn down the middle, cut cleanly in two by Harry’s rashness. Severus had spent his entire life fighting magic like this—he would never forgive Harry when he knew.

It just figured that the moment Harry found something beautiful, something he wanted so desperately to keep, life _would_ have to snatch it from his grasp. But then, it was his own fault. If he’d only paid more attention in class, maybe, just maybe, he might have been able to save Severus’ life without condemning their souls.

Tears streaked down Harry’s cheeks. Oh gods. He had really done it now, hadn’t he?

“Harry, please. You’re terrifying me. What is it?”

The unusually high pitch of Severus’ voice and his frantic eyes forced Harry to speak despite his dry, aching throat.

“S-Sev’rus—that dark spell. The healing spell. Did you … ever discover the cost?”

Severus frowned. “I did not. It is only referenced in that particular book and there has been no research done upon it, so there is precious little information to work with. But what does this have to do with—oh. Oh gods.” He went white as a sheet. “You think the spell …?”

Harry gave him a terse nod and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the blow to fall.

Severus sighed. “Well, that is a relief. It could have been _much_ worse.”

Harry choked. “A _relief_? I obliterated half of our souls and you’re _relieved_?”

Draco cried, “ _Obliterated_!”

Severus grabbed Harry’s hand. “Pet, no. It is not so dire.”

“Not so _dire_? Are you mad? I … I made us into horcruxes. Or I made horcruxes. I ripped away half our souls and now when … when we die, we’re going to be monsters like _he_ was! Oh, oh gods. I … I really am as bad as Riddle.”

“ _What_?” Draco’s screech rebounded off Harry’s ears.

Harry curled into himself, tears choking his breath.

“S-sorry, Severus. So sorry.”

Harry gasped as Severus scooped him up and deposited Harry into his lap. “Harry, pet, listen to me. The condition of being half-souled does not mean we _literally_ have half a soul. If that were the case, you and I would have long since begun demonstrating signs of madness—and not as a result of your curse—and we would not have symbiotic magic.”

Harry sniffled and sat up, hope slowly returning to his heart. “We w-wouldn’t?”

“No. Symbiotic magic requires a deep connection between wizards, and as half-souled, we would have such a bond naturally. To be half-souled means you retain half of your soul, but also carry half of mine, and I carry half of mine and half of yours. We are not half-obliterated or horcruxes—we are _linked_. Bonded, in a way. You are the guardian of half of my soul and I guard half of yours.”

“So … so we’re not mutilated?”

Severus traced a hand down Harry’s cheek, gently wiping tears away. “Perhaps if you had spoken that spell after my heart stopped, we would have been, but as it is, no. We are only paired.”

Harry fell onto Severus’ neck with a sob. “Oh gods. I thought I’d torn your soul away, I thought I’d ruined you forever and you … you’d never be able to forgive me.”

Severus rubbed Harry’s back and held him close. “Ssh. Be at peace, pet. As costs for dark spells go, this was relatively light.”

“Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been so much worse. I’m such an idiot. I should’ve—”

“Harry, ssh. We have gone over this before. Yes, you were a foolish, brash Gryffindor who deserved a sound spanking at the time, but it is over now. We are safe.”

“But tied together for life. Eternity, really. Are you going to … is that bad?”

Severus smiled and kissed Harry’s forehead. “An eternity sharing life with you? No. I find the idea rather soothing actually.” He frowned. “Unless … you would not wish to …?”

Harry shook his head hard and kissed Severus lightly. “I already told you I haven’t been whole without you.” He gave Severus a wry smile. “I didn’t realise it was literal.”

Severus snorted. “No indeed.” He rubbed Harry’s cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I’m okay now. Just got really scared.”

“Hmm.”

Harry moved to get up, but Severus squeezed him tight.

“Stay. I rather enjoy holding you like this.”

Draco’s annoyed tone made them both jump. “Is anyone going to explain this supposed spell to me?”

Harry groaned and hid his face in Severus’ hair.

Severus chuckled and patted his back. “Yes, I do suppose you are about to receive yet another round of having your ears boxed, pet. It is what comes of using dark magic without knowing the cost.”

“But you would have died!”

Severus hesitated. “Had it truly torn half of my soul away, Harry, it might have been better for me to die that night. We were lucky. This spell simply bound us together, but it might have done truly terrible things. Dark magic is classified as such for a reason.”

Harry cringed and swallowed a wave of tears. He had only been trying to save Severus’ life. It was the only option available to him at the time. He had thought Severus had forgiven him, but after all this time … maybe he still carried a grudge.

“Ssh.” Severus soothed him with a gentle caress. “This spell worked in our favour, pet, and you know I forgave you years ago. I only said what I did to warn you off making another such reckless attempt in the future.”

“Won’t,” Harry whispered. “I know how to heal now—I made damn sure I paid attention to those classes so I’d never need such a dangerous spell again. Padma is our official field medic, but only because I’m the better dueller. I trained just as hard. I even studied your chant.”

Severus chuckled. “Good work, pet.” He ran his fingers through Harry’s hair in a calming motion, and Harry thought he might melt into a puddle of goo or start kicking his foot. With a sigh, he sank into Severus’ arms, more than content to let his … soul mate do the talking.

At least he was until Draco heard the full story and started screeching at him in earnest. Then he would have rather gone back to bed.

Merlin, it was too early for this.

  


* * *

  


After Draco had finished chewing off Harry’s ear, the aristocratic boy sat and downed another cup of coffee in three long swigs. “Damn, Harry, but you do find your way into trouble’s pocket enough, don’t you?”

Harry snorted. “ _Find_ my way there? It carries me around like a toy.”

Draco chuckled and poured himself a third cup of coffee, toasting Harry’s statement. “Cheers.”

Harry harrumphed. “It’s not like I enjoy it, you know.”

“Merlin, Harry, of course you do. It’s a Gryffindor thing. You boast, you strut around like peacocks, and you run half-arsed into danger like maniacs.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Now, I wonder who else in this room that might describe? Someone who actually _owns_ peacocks, for example?”

Draco snorted and pretended to be offended. “I, run half-arsed into danger?”

Severus smirked. “I can think of at least fifty separate occasions—”

Draco blushed and hurriedly cut off his godfather’s words. “Yes, well, no need to get into that now.”

Harry chuckled. “What, don’t want to share family time?”

“Considering who my family _is_ , Potter, most definitely not.”

“Touché.” Harry nabbed a biscuit and nibbled thoughtfully at the edges. “Well, now that you’ve had your say, Draco, how exactly did you know Severus and I were half-souled? I’m pretty sure you’re right—mostly because Severus is sure—but I really don’t know how you figured it out.”

“The fact that only Severus could heal you and that it was his touch that did it.” Draco rubbed his lip again. “You said you two kissed yesterday, right? Did it feel … normal? Or far too good to be normal?”

Harry’s blush gave away the game.

Severus murmured, “It felt as though the world had come into alignment.”

Harry turned and pressed a light kiss into Severus’ lips. Both shivered and clutched at each other.

“Yeah, that’s too powerful, I think,” said Draco with a smirk. “I mean, it’s supposed to be good when it’s right, but planets aligning? Shocks from even a simple peck? I think it’s obvious you two are soul-mates.”

Harry frowned. “So the planet-aligning kisses, magical symbiosis, and curse-healing are a part of being half-souled?”

“The kisses and symbiosis, to be sure,” said Severus with a frown. “But this raises some interesting questions. If Harry and I are half-souled, why did Bellatrix’s curse not affect us both? That spell hit a wide area.”

Draco rubbed his chin. “Well, we’d already determined that the curse has something to do with the Black family bloodline. That being the case, we had three potential victims there, not counting Bellatrix: you, Harry, and myself. Harry and I are Black family members, you and Harry are half-souled, but only Harry was both. So I’m guessing that the curse only hits those of the Black family with weakened souls.”

“How could she _know_?” Harry slammed his hand on the table. “She was mad, Draco! How could she know to use the _one curse_ that would cripple me and me alone?”

Draco shrugged. “She probably didn’t know. It was probably just in the front of her mind and she got lucky. Or unlucky, as the case may be.”

“Or she knew and she’d been planning that revenge for years.”

“It is … possible,” said Severus with a shiver. “If she was aware of the horcrux in your scar, she may have thought it would weaken your own soul.”

Harry winced. “Couldn’t be. No one knew of that. Not even you knew of the specifics, Severus, and besides Professor Dumbledore, you were the best informed person of the war. Better informed than me, to be sure.”

“She may have worked it out for herself, Harry.”

“But she was _mad_ , Severus. How?”

Severus frowned. “You make a good point. Perhaps she simply believed the Dark Lord’s possession of you in fifth year to be enough of a catalyst, or that you killed him.”

Harry winced. “Now that makes much more sense.” He shuddered. “Merlin, she’s a manky bitch.”

“Absolutely,” Severus agreed with a scowl. “The world is better off without her.”

“Indeed.” Draco frowned and sipped at his coffee. “I wonder—is it possible that someone passed that curse to her? She was never a good woman—Mother said she was always cruel—but Mother also said she was sane until about a few months after we were born, Harry.”

Severus grimaced. “Damn. Don’t remind me about the _month_ of age difference between my partner and my godson.”

Draco smirked. “And your godson is older.”

Severus groaned.

Harry swatted Severus’ shoulder. “I’m only younger in numbers, Severus. We both know I’ve lived two lifetimes of trouble in my twenty-four years.”

Draco snorted. “By that definition, I’m still not much off your age.”

“Younger though.”

Draco shrugged. “Considering the criteria for being older by your definition, I’ll take it.”

Harry laughed. “Fair enough. I only said you were younger because I’ve been a target since before I was born. You’ve certainly had enough trouble to ….” He frowned. “Wait a minute. A few months after I was born? Merlin, Severus. That’s about the same time Regulus must have gone after the locket. You don’t suppose …?”

“Regulus? Perhaps.” Severus tapped a fingertip against the centre of his lip. “The timing is correct, pet. He might have hoped that by driving Bellatrix mad, he would be taking her out of action. It is only to our misfortune that she thrived in madness.”

“I’m not sure _thrived_ is the word I’d use.” Harry gave Severus a heartsick look. “I don’t understand. If Regulus _did_ cast the curse, then he knew about it. Why didn’t he tell me?”

Severus stroked Harry’s cheek. “I suppose because he did not wish to take away your hope. He could not have known you were half-souled, or if he did, who the other half of your soul was. It is more likely he believed your soul became weakened upon dying, battling, and killing Riddle. Perhaps he did not know you could be cured and did not want to break you.”

Harry frowned. “Possible. These last few times I’ve broken away from you for one reason or another, he’s been shouting at me to get back to you as quickly as possible.”

“There you have it then. He was only trying to protect you however he could.”

Harry shook his head. “I suppose we won’t know for certain until we can break the curse and restore his portrait, but it sounds likely. Especially if Severus is the only cure.” He shuddered and rubbed his arms. “Merlin. I don’t like this. If you leave me, Severus, I’ll only have half a soul and I’ll go mad. I … I’m so scared.”

Severus cradled Harry tight and brought him into a gentle, yet paralysing kiss. Harry felt the shocks down to his toes.

“Peace, my Harry. I have no intention of leaving you and you will always have an entire soul, though your makeup is different than most. I do not mind sharing mine with you.”

Harry flushed to his ears. “Really?”

“Yes, pet. As you have said, I did not feel complete before now either.”

Harry gave him a brilliant smile. “Oh, Severus. Gods, I’m so glad I saved you, even if I _was_ stupid about it.”

Severus caressed Harry’s cheek. “I am as well. I would never have experienced this if not for you.” The man tilted Harry’s chin down and kissed his forehead over the scar. “I am glad you survived as well. I thought we would both perish that night.”

Harry frowned and leaned back. “Wait a minute. That night … I should have died. You remember I told you in the hospital that after I let Riddle ‘kill’ me, I woke up in the train station and talked to Dumbledore?”

Severus nodded. “What of it?”

“Dumbledore said the reason I survived that confrontation was because my soul was pure and whole and his was … mutilated beyond saving. How can I have survived if I only have half my own soul and it was weak enough to fall prey to Bellatrix’s curse?”

Severus frowned. “I … that is a good question. My soul is not pure—I have killed ….” He went stark white. “Oh gods. I have tainted you. Your soul … I have … oh ….” He tried to leave, tried to push Harry away and run, but Harry grabbed him into a tight hug and kissed him hard.

“Ssh. Severus, your soul is beautiful. And I’ve killed too.”

Tears slipped down Severus’ cheeks. “As an auror and in self-defence, not murder! Pet, please. Let me … I can’t bear it.”

He made to run off, but Draco’s shout rooted him in place three metres from the door.

“ _Severus Tobias Snape_! Have you lost the bloody plot? Harry’s _cursed_ , remember? Without you, he goes barking!”

Harry, terrified and sick, grabbed his partner’s shoulders and shouted, “No! Don’t let me go mad.” His lip trembled and his voice dropped to a murmur. “I don’t want to hear them again. Please don’t leave me.”

Severus went ashen and caught Harry close. “I am sorry, pet. So sorry. I will not leave you to madness, but I … I wish I … oh, Harry. I will stay, but you deserve so much better than half the soul of a murderer.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ throat and struggled to fight back tears. He felt like an idiot for crying like this, but gods! The thought of having to endure that nightmarish curse again was horrifying.

And the thought of losing Severus was equally awful.

Despite Harry’s auror academy training, tears poured down his face and he trembled in Severus’ arms, whispering pleas for the man to stay, not to make him listen to his godfather rail against him one more time or Regulus scream at his brother that he wasn’t evil and he’d done all he could. Hearing Regulus’ heart break over and over again was almost worse than Bellatrix’s incessant ranting.

“Please, please don’t leave me alone. I can’t bear it without you.”

  


* * *

  


Gods, Severus could have smacked himself for terrifying Harry like this. Harry, the archetypal Gryffindor, was weeping and shaking in his arms, scared almost beyond reason that he would lose his mind and die alone. Shite. Severus had only meant to shield Harry somewhat from his ruined soul, but it was too late to spare him—their souls were already irrevocably linked—and Harry needed Severus to stay sane.

Merlin, he’d really bollixed it up this time.

“Harry, oh pet. I’m sorry. I am here.”

He lifted a sobbing Harry into his arms and carried him to the table once more. Carefully, he lowered them both into a chair and settled Harry in his lap, cradling him close against his chest.

Harry flung his arms around Severus’ neck and wept hard. “S-Sev’rus, please.”

“Ssh. It’s all right now. I will not leave you.”

“You had better not, Severus,” Draco snapped. “Gods, I’ve _never_ seen Harry like this.”

“M’sorry,” Harry cried. “S-sorry. Can’t—can’t make it stop. M’trying.”

Severus slipped a hand into Harry’s hair and rocked him in his arms, his heart bleeding for all the pain he had inadvertently caused his innocent soul mate. “Harry … gods, pet. I am so sorry. I lost my head for a moment, but I should have remembered you need me.”

Harry keened into his throat. “Don’t leave me again. Please. S-stay.”

“I promise, Harry. Please forgive me.”

Harry nodded and clutched at Severus’ robes, still sobbing uncontrollably. The sound of his grief shattered Severus’ heart to pieces.

“Oh, Harry. Ssh. I am here. I am holding you. Can you feel my arms around you? Can you feel how tightly I am holding you? Protecting you? You are safe, and I have learned my lesson. I will not leave you again.” Severus kissed Harry’s temple. “You are mine now, my beloved.”

Harry’s breath hitched and his tears slowed. “Severus, do you—that name … are you sure?”

“I ….” Severus sighed. “I am sure, my Harry.”

Harry choked back a residual sob. “You, um, you don’t s-sound particularly sure.”

“I am. It is only that I am a little embarrassed to admit it for the first time before Draco.”

Harry blushed. “Ohh. I’m s-s-sorry, Severus.” He winced. “Can’t stop crying.”

“Ssh.” Severus pressed Harry close against him. “I am only glad you are not rejecting me.” He cast a spell to ease Harry’s laboured breathing, and the man relaxed against Severus with a shaky sigh.

“Oh, Merlin, that’s better.” Harry laid his head on Severus’ shoulder and sniffled. “I can’t reject you, but I don’t want to anyway.” He nuzzled Severus’ throat. “This is home. Don’t … please don’t … I don’t want to lose this.”

Severus cradled Harry’s head against him. “You won’t. I am with you, always.”

Another surge of tears dripped into his collar, but Harry had stopped trembling for the most part and his voice was calm. Still, Severus held him close and shielded him, trying to let the young man know he had a place with him, always.

Severus whispered in Harry’s ear, “I am here. I am yours. You are home, my love.”

Harry whimpered and held him tight. “Yeah, home.”

With a deep breath to calm himself, he ran a wandless _Tergeo_ over his face and Severus’ robes and rested against the older man, quietly sniffling. Severus slowly petted Harry’s hair, praying his touch could soothe the younger man’s pain.

After several moments, Harry finally quieted.

“Are you better, pet?”

Harry nodded and kissed Severus’ cheek. “Sorry. I don’t think I’ve cried like that since Sirius died. It’s just … it’s been so terrifying for weeks, and I was afraid to lose you, and—”

Severus kissed Harry lightly, shivering at the intensity of even such a simple touch. “Ssh. I know. I frightened you when you have been stressed beyond endurance. Anyone would weep. I am sorry, Harry. Are you all right?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Good.”


	11. The Definition of Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Discussion of past murder and torture._
> 
> _Summary : Severus reveals the worst of his sins, Draco tries to prove to him he’s not to blame, but it’s Harry’s forgiveness that convinces Severus his soul might still be worth saving. Plans are made for a new life and to cement Harry’s freedom._
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
> 

**CHAPTER 11**  
_THE DEFINITION OF INNOCENCE_

Severus held Harry in his arms, slowly stroking his back and soothing him until the last of his grief left his eyes.

“Uncle Severus,” said Draco after a long moment, “I think you’re wrong about your soul being tainted. If you weren’t, like Harry pointed out, he wouldn’t have survived the battle. As he carries half of your soul, the slightest taint would have resulted in his death. _Permanent_ death.”

Severus shook his head. “I have killed, Draco, and not to save anyone.”

Draco fixed him with a steely look. “Is that true, Uncle? Is it really?”

Severus cringed. “Charity Bur—”

“You didn’t kill her.”

“I didn’t _save_ her either.”

“No, because to do so would have condemned us all to death.”

Severus’ shoulders slumped. “Does it matter, Draco?”

The blonde gave him a sad smile. “To our hearts and consciences, no. To our souls, absolutely. Your soul is clear, Severus.”

Severus scowled. “She is not the only one who died by my inaction or actions. Harry’s parents—”

“Again, you didn’t kill them.”

“Albus—”

“Made you agree to kill him beforehand as a form of euthanasia, not murder. Really, I can do this all day, Severus.”

Severus clutched Harry tighter and whispered, “Regulus Black.”

Harry tensed. “W-what?”

Draco sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Severus, come on. Are you just going to blame yourself for everyone? He died at the hands of Inferi.”

Severus’ voice was low and broken. “Yes. And my potion.”

Harry cringed. “You made that?”

Severus’ shoulders slumped. “I … yes.”

“But … why?”

Severus looked away, heart shattering at the hurt in Harry’s voice. “I could say that I did not know what the Dark Lord intended it to be used for, but I made it nonetheless. I could even say that I would have died had I refused, but even so, it does not clear my soul.”

Harry sighed. “I see.” He pressed a tender kiss to Severus’ jaw, and it felt like absolution. Severus barely covered a whimper.

“Harry? I … I do not understand.”

“I forgive you, Severus. You didn’t kill him.”

Severus’ heart ripped down the middle. Harry didn’t understand. Couldn’t possibly understand, or he would never forgive him.

“But I still made the potion! I knew it was poison—I _knew_!—and I made it regardless.”

Draco reached across the table and patted Severus’ arm. “Uncle Severus, you had little choice but to make it. I wish you’d never had such a terrible thing forced upon you, but the fact remains that you are not to blame for Uncle Regulus’ death either. You didn’t place the poison in that basin.”

Severus looked away. “Does it matter?”

“Again, to the soul, it does.”

Severus closed his eyes, trying to shut the boy’s voice out. Draco didn’t understand either. He couldn’t. He had never seen the life flicker out of someone’s eyes and known his hand had—

Draco’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle. “Severus, please. Ever since I joined Harry’s team and he told me how Riddle made himself immortal, it’s been my mission in life to stop that shite from ever happening again. I’ve studied soul magic relentlessly for three years. How do you think I recognised _Dimidium Animae_ in the two of you when no one else did? Listen to me. Please.”

Against his will, but for the sake of his godson and partner, Severus opened his eyes and forced himself to turn around. He couldn’t meet Draco’s gaze, but he was listening. He owed the boy that much at least.

“Thank you, Severus.”

Severus could only nod.

“Now, the soul is very particular as to what registers as murder. For example, a family man who killed a burglar whilst trying to protect his loved ones would not be seen as guilty, but a single man who killed a burglar in a fit of rage might.” Draco laid his hands on the table and leaned forward, his posture tense and assertive at once. “Let me ask you this, Severus. Have you ever actually held the wand and cast the spell—other than Dumbledore—or poured poison down someone’s throat, or run someone through?”

Severus cringed. And now, the truth would come out. They would know, in the end, that he was unforgiveable.

At the first sting of tears, he closed his eyes. He did not deserve the release of tears.

“There … there was a Muggleborn woman.”

Harry froze. “S-Severus?”

The horror in his voice tore Severus in pieces, but he would not deny him the truth. Both his lover and godson deserved to know, whatever it might cost him.

“Go on,” Draco said in a soft voice.

Severus struggled to speak past the tightness in his throat. “Riddle had captured her. He … he wanted to ….” Despite his fight for control, his voice broke. “To t-test her. Try to see where … where her magic came from.” He buried his head in his hand, fighting off tears with all of his strength. “He … I had to … there are potions that trace the core’s source. I tried those first, but he wasn’t satisfied. She had defied him, and so … he ordered me to keep going until … until I had drained her blood and … and cut … I can’t.”

He buried his face in his hands to hide a crushing wave of remorse. Tears dripped like her blood through his fingers, his resolve not to shed them shattered at the mention of his greatest sin.

“Gods, I just wanted to get her away from that nightmare. I … I tried to spare her. I tried to convince him that she wasn’t a strong enough test subject, but he … he made it clear we _both_ would die if I … if I failed. So I … the war … I made it quick to end her suffering. He … he punished me for it, but it was not enough. I deserved to—gods forgive me. She was a mother and a grandmother, and I ….”

“Dear Merlin,” Draco breathed. “You were forced to kill an innocent woman?”

Severus winced and choked out, “Yes.”

Draco flopped back into his chair, breath leaving him in a rush. Severus trembled, face clenched in shaking hands, tears choking him, and awaited the axe to fall. Any moment, they would unleash their condemnation, and the two people he loved most in the world would turn their backs on him. It was no less than he deserved.

Severus jumped as a pair of strong arms came up about his neck and a soft kiss fell upon his hair. “Oh, Severus, ssh. Don’t be so terrified. Anyone with eyes can see you regret it.”

Severus looked up, his face contorted with grief. “H-how can you touch me, knowing what I truly am?”

Harry kissed him lightly, and Severus gasped, heart shattering and healing at once.

“Why?” He hardly recognised that pained, strangled plea as his own voice.

“Sev, you just said he _forced_ you to kill her. That’s not the same as murdering her as an experiment. The price of her blood lies on Riddle’s mangled mess of a soul, not yours.”

“But I ….”

Harry cupped his face. “Tell me, Severus. Did this happen after you became a spy?”

Severus couldn’t see what difference it made, but he nodded. “It was in your seventh year. Else, I could have used the excuse of keeping in Albus’ good graces to avoid it and perhaps have saved her, when Riddle was not watching.”

“Then you aren’t guilty. You didn’t want to kill her, you did everything you could to save her, and you only carried through with her death to save the rest of our lives.”

Severus looked to Draco, utterly confused at this turn of events. Why had Harry not cast him aside?

“I ….”

Draco gave him a sad smile. “Harry’s right, Severus. Listen to him.”

Severus turned bewildered eyes on his soul mate. “I don’t understand.”

Harry held Severus’ face and looked into his eyes. “I’m trying to say that your soul isn’t ruined. You didn’t want to kill her and tried to spare her, so the guilt of her blood isn’t on your soul.” He whispered in Severus’ ear, “But I’m so sorry that you had to go through it regardless. I know it hurts, baby.”

“You … know?” Severus blinked tears back. “How could you possibly …?”

Harry cuddled him tight. “Ssh. I do. I have my own guilt to bear. Riddle was the most horrible being to walk this earth, and I still feel guilty for killing him. And for the bitch who cursed me. And Crabbe. And every lowlife I have to kill in the line of duty. I _understand_ , Sev. And I still want you in my life.”

Severus’ breath hitched and he struggled to hold back a sob. “You accept me, even knowing the worst of me?”

Harry kissed his hair and held him even tighter. “Of course I do. I’m not innocent either. I mean, I know it’s not the same, I know there’s a big difference between putting down a criminal and … and what Riddle forced you to do, but I do understand a little, if you need to talk about it.”

Severus buried his face in Harry’s neck and tugged the man against him. “Just want to hold you, if you’ll still have me.”

“Always. I still think you’re the bravest man I’ve ever known. And … and I’ll try to heal you, Severus. From the guilt. We’ll try to let it go, your guilt and mine, okay?”

“Y-yes.” Severus could not fight a sob and smothered it in Harry’s shoulder. The young man simply held him and stroked his back and hair in soothing motions.

“Harry’s right,” said Draco after a long moment. “You wouldn’t read as guilty for that, Severus. The soul magic would know you had no choice, and that you were reluctant and trying to save what lives you could. It wouldn’t ruin your soul, though I know it sure as hell feels like it.”

Severus’ pain eased. Both of these men had killed before despite not wanting to. Both of them knew the costs and understood his remorse. The knowledge that those he cared for most would not abandon him, would not judge him for the dark parts of his past, healed something long-since broken inside Severus. With a sniffle, he sat and cupped Harry’s face.

“Thank you, for seeing the best in me even when there is nothing good to see.”

Harry kissed him softly. “To me, there’s nothing but good. Even on your snarky days.”

Severus blinked back another wave of tears—for Merlin’s sake, he had embarrassed himself enough—and caught Harry into a gentle embrace. Gods, he loved this man. One day soon, he hoped Harry would feel the same.

Harry squeezed Severus and kissed his neck, then sat tall and draped an arm around the older man’s shoulders. “So, are you feeling better now, sweetheart?”

Severus and Draco both snorted at the pet name. Severus’ came out as more of a snuffle.

Harry scowled. “Oh, shut it, Ferret. Severus won’t let me call him ‘love’ even though I’d rather. I can’t think of any other names that aren’t entirely ridiculous since he’s claimed ‘pet’ for me.”

Draco grinned wickedly. “Oh, I’m sure I could help in that capacity.”

Severus glared at him, though he suspected the remnants of tears on his cheeks and wet lashes detracted from its efficacy. “Do _not_ give him suggestions.”

“Actually,” said a grinning Harry, “I think suggestions would be grand right about now. After such a dark discussion, we could use a bit of cheer.”

“Good, because I’ve one already,” Draco said with a smirk. “Why not ‘angel?’”

Severus choked. “ _Angel_?”

Harry gaped. “That’s even more ridiculous than sweetheart!”

Draco laughed. “No, it’s perfect. Don’t you see? He started out as a dark angel, and then he saved you and became your guardian angel. Over and over and over. And he can even fly.”

“Well I’ll be damned. The man is right.” Harry gave Severus a devious smirk. “It _is_ perfect.”

Severus harrumphed. “If you must.”

Harry whispered in Severus’ ear, making sure his breath brushed the man’s sensitive skin. “Oh, I think you secretly like it, my beautiful guardian angel.”

Severus turned into the touch and shivered hard. “Merlin. Continue doing _that_ , pet, and I shall certainly feel less than angelic soon enough.” Harry nibbled his earlobe, and Severus gasped out, “Harry—nnn—not in front of my godson.”

Harry chuckled and moved back. “All right, Sev.” He held Severus’ face and searched his eyes. “Are you okay now?”

Severus hugged Harry tight. “I am far from it, but I think, with your acceptance and help, I will heal one day.”

“Good.” Harry kissed Severus, easing his lingering tension and fears. “Better?”

Severus gave Harry a tentative smile. “Yes.”

Harry slipped a hand into Severus’ hair, continuing to soothe him as he turned to the other occupant of the room. “All right, Draco, now that Sev is doing a bit better, what kind of cure were you thinking would save me?”

Draco smirked and stood. “Oh, I don’t think you need me to tell you that.”

Harry leapt to his feet, eyes wide, face ashen. “What? Bloody hell, man! You can’t just leave me—don’t you know how terrifying this is? Please! This is not the thing to tease me about!”

Draco winced. “Merlin, Harry. Easy. I wouldn’t leave you like this without hope.”

Harry hugged his waist and trembled. “Then w-why won’t you tell me what to do?”

“Because it’s something _Severus_ needs to tell you.” 

Severus shot the man a glare.

Draco blushed. “I was only teasing, Severus! Merlin. Of course I wouldn’t leave Harry in the lurch like this.”

Harry blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh. Gods, Draco. I’m sorry. I’m just really scared.”

Draco patted Harry’s arm. “I know. It’s all right. It’s just that you won’t want to hear this from me.” He fixed his godfather with a piercing look. “Uncle Severus, you _do_ know what needs to be done to help him now, right?”

Severus sighed and nodded, though his eyes were sad. “I believe I am familiar enough with the half-souled condition to understand how to rectify it.”

“Just one way, really,” said Draco, his teasing smirk returning. “Good luck.”

Severus snorted bitterly. “I have never had that kind of luck.”

Harry ran his hand through Severus’ hair. “I don’t know about that. You always said I survived the war by a combination of sheer dumb luck and Gryffindor bravado. So if you’ve half of me in there, it stands to reason you’ve inherited some of my luck, doesn’t it?”

Severus gave him a wry smile. “Either that, or I’ve inherited all your intellect and am thus the reason why you had nothing but dumb luck to start with.” The way he leaned into Harry’s touch softened the sting behind his words.

Harry laughed and returned to Severus’ lap. “Whatever it is, we’ll work it out together, okay? I’m not leaving you. It’s going to be all right.”

Severus sighed and kissed Harry gently. “Together.”

“Right,” said Draco with a salute. “Good luck, gentlemen. We’ll talk more about this after work—I’ll bring Hermione and the twins by and maybe between the six of us, we can figure out how this spell ticks. But I really _must_ be off now. Robards is going to have my arse as is.”

Harry waved. “Draco, thanks. Really.”

“No problem. Consider it repayment for that pesky little life debt I owe you.”

“We’ll call it pax,” Harry agreed.

“You seem to have fallen rather easily into your repayment of that debt, Draco,” Severus said with a raised eyebrow, “considering Harry flew through Fiendfyre to save you and I will be doing all of the work to save him.”

Draco smirked. “Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin.” With that, he turned and flooed away.

“Bloody git,” said Harry with a laugh.

“Hmm. He _is_ a sneaky little hellion, wouldn’t you say?”

“He learned from the best, angel.”

Severus groaned. “You’re actually going to use that name for me, aren’t you?”

Harry chuckled. “No, not if you let me call you what I want to.”

Severus cupped Harry’s cheek and held his face close. “Do you mean it? The name you wish to use. Do you feel it, for me?”

“Yeah. I do.” Harry’s eyes shone and his lips curved into a shy smile. “I don’t think I can help but mean it, Severus—and I’ve felt it for a long time. You’re part of me. You’re my _home_.”

Severus held Harry’s face and kissed him deeply, already addicted to the heady-sharp zing of kissing his Harry. Gods, it was like fire, lightning, water, and that soft, slow warmth of love all at once. Severus could spend his life doing nothing more than kissing Harry and feel he had accomplished something at the end of it.

He rubbed his nose against Harry’s and smiled. “Then call me what you wish, pet.”

Harry panted, “When I can breathe, love.”

Severus laughed, though his eyes were wet as he gathered Harry close. “Do you … truly feel it?”

“Yes, Severus. I love you. I think I have for a long, long time, and I just didn’t know it until about six months back.”

“I have waited to hear that for forty-three years.” Tears slipped down Severus’ cheeks—damn. He was crying like a maudlin fool again, but perhaps he had some excuse this time. He had waited _so long_ to hear those words and never dreamed Harry would be the first to offer them. Perhaps tears weren’t so embarrassing when they came from a place of joy.

Harry gasped. “Severus— _never_? Not even your mum?”

“Well, no. My mother did tell me, but no one else.”

Harry held him tight. “Then I swear to you, you’ll hear it from me every single day of your life from here on out. I love you.” He kissed Severus’ nose. “Gods, you’ve no idea. I love you so much it’s consuming me.” He finished with a soft kiss on Severus’ parted lips. “I love you with everything I am. Could you … do you think you can ever …?”

Severus cupped Harry’s cheek and gazed into his eyes. “I have loved you since that day in the shack, when you held me while I believed I was dying and saved my life.”

Harry gasped and reeled back, his eyes wide with shock. “Severus … gods, really? A-all this time?”

Severus gave him a hesitant nod. “You looked past our differences, past the fact that I had killed a man you loved, past even the horrid mark on my arm and treated me with the first real kindness I had known in over twenty years. The most I had known since Lily. Do you know no one has held me like that since I was very young? No one has protected me since Mother died either. I was always the protector, but you protected me. You cared for me. How could I not love you?”

Harry’s awed smile relieved Severus’ fears. “Oh, Sev. I’ve loved you for a long time too. Maybe as far back as that day and I just didn’t know it, but I do now.” He pressed a tender kiss to Severus’ forehead, filling the older man with warmth and hope. “Just as much as you protect and love me, I’ll protect and love you from now on.”

Severus gave him a shy smile. “Always, pet?”

“Always.”

Severus closed his eyes and savoured Harry’s promise and the thrill of emotions his words had inspired within his heart. _Always_. Perhaps it wasn’t hopeless after all.

“Sev, how do we fix this?”

Severus opened his eyes to find Harry watching him, eyes anxious and pleading, one white canine digging into his lower lip. Severus eased the abused lip free with a gentle swipe of his thumb.

“Peace. I shall not leave you hurting either.”

Harry nodded and leaned into Severus’ hand, the fear in his eyes melting into trust and hope. It was a beautiful sight.

“The cure to _Dimidium Animae_ ,” Severus said in a soft voice, “and most likely to your curse, is to reunite our souls—to bond them down the seam, as it were, so they become one dual, linked soul instead of four halves.”

Harry frowned, his confusion evident. “And how do we do that, exactly?”

Severus cupped Harry’s face and searched his eyes. “Before I answer you, can you truly accept me, Harry? All of me? Can you love me, knowing what terrible crimes I have committed in the name of the war? Knowing I am still bleeding from the guilt?”

“Riddle carries the guilt of your crimes, love, not you.” Harry kissed him softly and slipped his hands into Severus’. “I accept you. I love you. I _forgive_ you, Severus.”

Severus swallowed against a surge of intense emotion. “Even for …?”

“Yes, love. Even for the woman you had to kill. I forgive you. I know, if there had been any possible way, you would have saved her and brought her home, even if it meant dying in her stead.”

Severus closed his eyes and clenched his fists tight. He would _not_ cry again, Merlin help him. “I would have given my life gladly, if it spared hers. But Riddle would have killed us both, and for me to die, I would have only condemned us all. I … even so, even knowing this, I cannot forgive myself.”

Harry stroked his cheek. “I know, love. I understand. I’ll help you, if you’ll help me.”

Severus stayed still and quiet until he regained mastery over his emotions. Even so, his voice was rough when he spoke once more. “I will help you, if that is truly what you wish.”

Harry kissed him lightly. “It’s a promise then. Now, tell me how we fix this, Severus.”

Severus took a deep breath and nodded. “A soul-mate bond. It is … permanent. Eternal. Even in the afterlife, we will be bound.”

Harry froze. “Severus, this would bind our lives together as well as our souls?”

“Yes. They are already bound, I believe.”

Harry winced. “But I’m an auror. The job is—any moment, I could ….” He took a deep breath and composed himself. “Sev, w-what happens to you if I die?”

“I would not die with you, if that is what you fear.”

Harry nodded and shivered. “Yeah.”

“No, it would not kill me as well.” Though the mere thought of losing Harry cracked Severus’ heart down the middle. “Instead, I would become the guardian of both of our souls until it is time for my death. It is … not as terrible as it could be.”

“Not as terrible? What do you mean?” Harry snuggled close and kissed Severus’ cheek. “It’s okay, love. I’m still here. I’m only asking so I know what this means for us.”

Severus nodded tersely, searching for equilibrium among the chaos of his emotions. “I mean I would not be left alone entirely. If you were to die on a mission—” Despite his fight to control himself, his voice cracked and tears formed on his lashes. “—I would probably shatter into a million pieces, but it would not be the end. Physically, you would be gone, but I would have your spirit with me always. It is more than what we typically experience when loved ones die. You would still be able to speak to me and touch me from within, though it would only be a whisper. Perhaps like your voices.”

Harry shuddered. “I don’t want to subject you to madness, love.”

Severus hugged Harry close, needing the warmth of his body to remind himself this was only a _hypothetical_ discussion. “Though I would be devastated without you beside me, I do not think I would go mad with your voice in my head, my love. It would be a comfort, if I were to lose you, that I would still have at least a part of you to sustain me until my time came. You did not find Regulus’ voice maddening, did you?”

Severus laid his hand against Harry’s neck, tracing the man’s pulse with his thumb. _‘Still alive, still breathing, still mine.’_ The touch grounded him. He would not lose Harry. He would never let him be hurt again.

Even if that meant he tracked Dolohov down himself so that Harry might retire from the force, knowing the last of Voldemort’s cohorts was safely behind bars. Or dead. Severus would have no problems putting down that beast of a man, should it come to that.

Harry’s soft voice brought Severus out of his dark thoughts.

Harry shook his head and wiped his eyes. “Regulus was a friend, and when Tonks and Remus could hold it together, they were all right too. I’d have fallen to madness a lot sooner if not for them, but, Sev, the idea of you having nothing left of me but whispers, gods! No, I can’t. I love you far too much to leave you alone like that.”

Severus pressed their foreheads together. “Then stay. Stay by my side, pet.”

_‘And away from monsters like Dolohov and Bellatrix.’_

Harry cradled Severus’ face in gentle hands. “Are you asking me to bond?”

Severus’ breath hitched and his face blazed. “Sweet Merlin. I … I had only meant that perhaps you might wish to take a less dangerous job soon, but if you wish to bond, then ….” He swallowed hard. “Then y-yes, I would bond with you. There is no pressure, however. If you would prefer to wait, my Harry, I will court you and keep you safe from the curse until you are ready. If you would not like to bond with me at all, then I will keep you as safe as I can, though I … no.” He shivered and looked away. “Forgive me. It must be your decision.”

Harry tipped Severus’ chin up and kissed him lightly. “Tell me what you want, love.”

Severus closed his eyes. “I … I do not want to influence your choice.”

“But it’s your choice too, Severus. Your life is involved here as much as mine is. What do _you_ want?”

Severus forced his voice steady in spite of the mountain-sized lump in his throat. “I … I want … if you would be happy at my side, I want you to … to bond with me.”

Harry’s face lit up with transparent joy, and Severus’ heart skipped at the sight of it.

“Oh, Sev! Really? You want me?”

Relief and wonder tingling in his veins, Severus kissed his partner and held him tight. “My beloved, I have already waited five years for you, and every day I spent alone, I longed for you more. I have no wish to wait if you would rather bond now.”

Tears spilled down Harry’s cheeks, but his eyes shone with joy. “Yes, Severus. I’ll bond with you, love. Happily. And not just to get rid of the curse. This time we’ve spent together has been the happiest of my life, even in spite of all the chaos and residual pain.”

Severus caught Harry up. “Truly? You’ll have me?”

“With all of my heart.”

“Oh, Harry.” Severus took him into a passionate kiss. “Merlin, how I love you.”

“I love you too.” Harry smiled shyly. “Um, how do we … what do we do, love? I’ve never seen a soul-bonding. Is there a ceremony?”

“There can be, if you would like one.”

Harry nodded. “Molly would never forgive me if I didn’t give her a wedding. Still, maybe we can keep it low-key. Just a simple ceremony for the people we love most. My team and our friends. Maybe your shop assistant, since I know you like her.”

Severus’ heart filled with joy. “That is to the best. We must take time to know each other as partners first at any rate, so on the day of our bonding, we are truly of one accord, but I … oh, love.” Tears blurred his vision, and for once, he paid them no heed. “I cannot believe—I had long since believed it impossible, I thought you would never see me as a viable partner after all I have done to hurt you.”

Harry slid his hands into Severus’ hair and held him close. “Severus, I haven’t held those things against you since the day you almost died in my arms. I love every part of you. And from now on, until the end of time, you can have every part of me to love too.”

“I will hold you to that.” Severus’ happiness and relief showed on his face. His cheeks ached a bit from the intensity of his smile.

“Oh, Severus ….” Harry traced a hand down the man’s face. “I’ve never seen you so … so lovely. Your eyes … this smile … gods, you’re beautiful.”

Severus blinked back a wet sting, overcome, and buried his face in Harry’s shoulder. “My Harry, how did I ever become so fortunate as to find you?”

Trembling fingers stroked Severus’ hair. “I was just wondering the same thing.”

Severus gave a choked laugh and wiped tears of happiness from his cheeks. “Merlin. I am a mess.” He sat back and wiped his eyes. “Come.” He set Harry gently off his lap and stood, offering his hand to the younger man.

Harry let Severus pull him to his feet and followed him to the door. “Where are we going?”

“To eat breakfast and announce our plans to bond to your house elf, of course. I imagine he will wish to have a ridiculously grandiose dinner in our honour and will need time to prepare.”

“Oh! I help Kreacher cook dinner. He complains, but he’s really getting too old to handle it on his own. We should still tell him though. It’ll do his cranky old heart a world of good.”

Severus smiled. “Then let us inform him, and as for the meal, we shall spend the day in preparation for a party ourselves and celebrate after the meeting tonight.”

“Wait a tick. _You_ , Severus Snape, dweller of dungeons and potions labs and all places inhospitable to human kind, want to throw an engagement party?”

Severus chuckled. “Well, I suppose it is true that I have never been one to indulge in such garish displays of wanton drunkenness that most parties tend to be, but a dinner party between our friends to celebrate the happiest day of my life?” He kissed Harry soundly. “Is it so difficult to believe I would want to mark the occasion of the day you asked me to be your husband? Or ….” He frowned. “Who asked whom, actually?”

“No idea.” Harry laughed through tears of joy. “But an engagement party sounds lovely. Let’s do it.”

“After you, my love.”

Harry’s answering grin was the brightest Severus had ever seen.


	12. Outside the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Slash sex. Discussions of dark soul magic and past abuse. PTSD. Serious discussion of submission (sub Sev), playful discussion of kinks. No actual BDSM is involved beyond very mild domination/submission._   
>  _Summary : Severus and Harry talk about their narrow miss with the soul spell, celebrate their engagement, make some interesting discoveries about Harry’s teammates, and learn about each other. First drawing is in this chapter. I might add one more to it later, if I can manage it._
> 
> _***AN: Sorry for the delay on my other stories. Pain's been making it tough to concentrate, but I'm working on Bleeding Hearts this week. I have a drawing to add for it, too.***_

**CHAPTER 12**  
_OUTSIDE THE LINES_

Harry was thoroughly enjoying his engagement party, and Severus looked to be having a good time too. At least until Ron stood from the kitchen table, champagne flute in hand and swaying like a sapling in the wind.

“To Harry and Severus! May their days always be joyful and their wands always be polished!”

“ _Ronald Weasley_!” Molly’s screech barely registered in the gales of laughter and cheers Ron’s ribald comment had provoked.

“Dear Merlin,” said an amused Draco, “the man is a savage.”

George sidled up to Draco’s side and gave him a saucy wink. “He’s not the only one in the family, either.”

Draco gulped. “Um, t-thanks, but I prefer women. _Really_.”

Charlie batted his eyes at Draco. “Are you sure about that, Drakie-poo?”

“Positive.” Draco edged closer to Harry’s best friend. “Er, Hermione, would you mind beating these Weasleys off me with a stick?”

“I’ve just the one for the job.” Hermione brandished her wand.

Charlie laughed and held up his hands. “I surrender! I’ll take a nesting Chinese Fireball over an angry Hermione any day!”

“Don’t you forget it,” said Hermione, the corners of her lips twitching. “George?”

Laughing boisterously, George raced back to his place by Angelina’s side. “Yes, yes. I surrender too. It was only meant as good fun.”

“Next time get your fun without terrifying people,” said Draco with a huff.

By the way Angelina was shooting daggers at her husband, she hadn’t appreciated the joke either.

“Looks like you’re in the doghouse for that one, George,” Harry said, chortling. “Can’t resist a laugh, even when it gets you your arse handed to you on a platter, hmm?”

George chuckled and raised his glass. “Gotta carry on the legacy, mate.”

A hazy cloud of grief settled over the room.

“Oh,” said Molly, her voice tremulous and low. “Yes, I suppose ….” She tugged out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. “Fred would have so loved to see this, our Harry, all grown up and bonding to Severus.”

“That he would have, Mollywobbles,” said a subdued Arthur.

“He’d have had us all wearing bat wings in Severus’ honour,” said George with a wan chuckle. “Might have done myself had I more time to prepare.”

Severus smiled at the remaining Weasley twin. “This is one time I might have simply appreciated the humour and not taken an exorbitant amount of points, student or no.”

Harry leaned in close to his side, his heart aching with loss. “I miss him.”

“So do we all,” Severus murmured, holding his fiancé close.

“To Fred,” Hermione said, tears in her eyes as she lifted her glass.

“To Fred,” Harry echoed in a whisper. The clinking of glasses drowned out the sound of Harry’s sniffles, at least until the toast ended.

“None of that, mate,” said a misty-eyed Ron. “It’s your party—no sad faces allowed.”

Harry chuckled and wiped his eyes. “All right, I’ll try not to bring everyone down.”

“Hear, hear,” said George with a nod. “And to that end, I saw the funniest thing today whilst sorting the Beary-Berry Bites ….”

Ron settled in beside Harry and Severus as the party recovered and went on. “So listen, mate. ‘Mione and Draco tried to explain this half-souled thing to me, but I really don’t get it. Can you put it in plain English for us savages?”

Draco snorted and choked on his champagne. Severus patted his back without missing a beat.

Harry set his glass down and sighed. “Well, I can try. The spell I used to revive Severus in the shack was dark. Dark as they come. All soul magic is. You’re really, _really_ not supposed to mess with souls.”

“Got that much from the horcrux hunt, mate,” said Ron with a shudder.

“Okay, good. So that whole book was soul magic. And it had some really gruesome stuff in there. Urgh.” Harry shuddered too.

“Understatement, love,” said a grim Severus.

“Lovely.” Ron grimaced. “Glad it was a bit over my head then. But this spell you cast back then, what exactly did it do?”

“Well, we’re not entirely sure of the details,” said Draco, “but between Harry, Hermione, Severus, and the twins, I think we have it mostly worked out.”

Harry nodded. “So, the spell saved Severus’ life, obviously. But as all dark magic has a cost, it exchanged half of our souls to do it and bound us together as a result. Now Severus’ body carries half of my soul, and I carry half of his. We’re linked forever, even after we die.” He lowered his voice so as not to interrupt the party or trouble Ron’s pregnant wife. “That link has to stay intact, or we split down the middle like Riddle after his first horcrux.”

Ron went ashen. “ _What_? Mate, you can’t—that’s … no. Tell me it won’t happen.”

“It won’t,” Severus supplied. “Harry and I are bonding, so as soon as the ceremony is ended and the bond is consummated, the link between us will seal permanently. After that day, nothing can separate us, not even death.”

Ron nodded hesitantly. “So … you’ll be okay then?”

Severus nodded. “We believe so. There is no guarantee it will heal Harry’s curse—we still need to find the original curse before we will know that—but given the cause, we believe it will.”

“That’s a bloody relief, that is.” Ron grinned. “Glad you’ll be okay, mate. I’ve missed you these past few weeks.”

Harry grinned back. “So have I.”

Ron patted Harry’s shoulder. “We’re not letting you leave us again, you hear? But I still don’t really understand how this spell works. You said the cost for this spell was switching half of your souls? How exactly did that save Severus?”

“Well, like Harry said, we don’t completely understand it either,” said Draco, “but we think that because in his hour of need, Severus received the soul energy of a healthy individual, it healed his wounds and tied his life force to Harry’s, at least while the spell was active. But the cost of the spell was that they would be forever bound.”

“Not that it is much of a cost,” said Severus with a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Excepting the pain Harry went through from Bellatrix’s curse, of course.”

Harry nodded vigorously. “Yeah, glad that’s over. Well, almost.”

“That … doesn’t sound too terrible though,” said Ron. “Why’s it considered so dark?”

Harry fixed him with a grim look. “Because if Severus and I couldn’t bond for whatever reason—if he was already bonded with someone else, for example—our souls would have been forever at risk of breaking. The moment one of us died, the remaining partner would start to go mad.”

Ron gulped. “Merlin. I take it back. That _is_ awful.”

“That’s not the half of it,” said a stern Draco. “Harry was lucky enough to finish that healing spell before Severus’ time ran out. If he hadn’t ….”

Harry shivered and hugged his arms. “Yeah. If Severus had died before I finished the incantation … Merlin help us all. We would have only had one soul between us—mine. Severus’ would have already gone on, and since the spell restores life by blending souls, the result would have left us with _literally_ half a soul each. We’d both be mad then. Maybe worse. And there would have been no reprieve, no way to fix it at all short of killing us both.”

Ron cringed. “Dear gods. _Really_ glad you didn’t leave it too late then.”

“Merlin, so am I. I knew it would cost, but I never thought it would be _that_ dangerous.” Harry gulped the rest of his champagne to drive the chill from his blood. “Could’ve turned us both into monsters.”

Severus tapped Harry on the head. “And what have we learned from this experience?”

“Don’t use dark magic,” said Harry with a sigh. “Really, how many times am I to have my ears boxed before everyone moves on?”

Ron smirked. “Maybe for the next century or so.”

“Story of my life.”

Severus chuckled. “Exactly.”

  


* * *

  


The morning after the dinner—where everyone except Katie had gotten sloshed in celebration and partied long into the night—Severus woke still a bit muzzy and dragged himself to the loo. He had gone through his usual morning routine clear down to his usual shaving spell when he suddenly remembered why he’d woken in unusual surroundings. His heart sank at the memory of Harry’s curse and what his lack of proximity cost the man. Appalled at his lack of forethought, he came tearing back into the bedroom.

But Harry was sleeping peacefully, a smile on his face.

Severus gaped. Could they move apart further now that they had promised to bond? The loo wasn’t far from the bed, so to test the curse, he backed away to the furthest corner of the room.

As he had feared, as soon as Severus’ back hit the wall, Harry began crying out and twitching in his sleep. He bolted up and cried, “ _Severus_!”

Severus dashed back in range and kissed the man out of his fear. “Here, pet. I am here.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ throat. “Sirius was screaming at me. Said I defiled the family by loving you.” He choked back a sob. “Why, Severus? Why can’t he let it go?”

Severus stroked a gentle hand through Harry’s hair. “Oh, Harry. I … I do not know. Perhaps he died before he matured enough to allow for such change.”

“Or perhaps he was never capable of it in the first place,” said a bitter Harry.

Severus cradled his lover close and kissed his forehead. “Love, forgive me. I wanted to test the strength of your curse as it appears to have weakened again, but I did not intend to cause you such pain.”

Harry sighed and wiped his eyes. “It’s not you hurting me—it’s him. Or the bit of his soul that’s trapped here, or whatever it is in my head. Maybe it’s just my fears of how he would react making him so stubborn.”

Severus withheld the information that the latter was extremely unlikely with soul magic.

Harry frowned and rubbed his forehead. “Wait a tick, what do you mean the curse is weakened, Sev? How do you know?”

Severus flushed. “I am afraid I was not fully cognizant when I awoke this morning. I had quite forgotten about your curse and simply started my usual routine, but when I awakened enough to remember your illness, you were sleeping without trouble. So I decided to see how far away I could walk without triggering it again.” He shook his head. “I had hoped, since you were asleep, its effects would not be as devastating.”

“Oh. No, it’s a bit easier when I have warning.”

Severus nodded. “I shan’t test it again without your knowledge.”

“Thank you, love.”

“I am sorry. I did not mean to trouble you.”

“It’s okay.” Harry curled into Severus’ arms and smirked. “Though, I suppose I _could_ be placated, if you’re interested.”

“Hmm? What is it you wish for, pet?”

Harry traced a hand up the inside of Severus’ thigh, sending heat rippling through the older man. “You, if you’re willing. I’m barely holding myself back.”

Severus panted. “Merlin, you want me?”

“You bet that sweet arse I do.” Harry’s hands cupped Severus’ bum and squeezed. “And it _is_ a particularly nice arse.”

Severus could not help pressing back into Harry’s hand, but he kept his moans in check. Barely. “H-how do you want me then?”

Harry sucked in a sharp breath. “Wait, wait—you’re going to let _me_ take control?”

Severus blanched. “I … I am not … if you would rather not—mmph!”

Harry cut him off with a fierce, soul-searing kiss. “You have _no_ idea how hot that is. I’ve fantasised, having you spread out underneath me, hair mussed and pleading for me, but gods, I never imagined you’d actually let me do it.”

Relieved, Severus wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and pulled him close. “You want to lead, then? You want to take control of my body and make me cry out your name?”

“Bloody hell!” Harry groaned and pressed Severus back onto the bed. “Merlin, yes.” He paused. “Sev, wait. Before we get too into this, do you prefer to be … ah, _led_? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Severus flushed. “I … have had little experience to speak of, Harry, and what I do have is lacklustre at best. But with you, I think I should like to surrender control for once and let you take me where you will.”

“Oh gods.” Harry moaned into Severus’ neck. “You want to submit to me, pet? You want to place this beautiful body in my hands?”

Severus hesitated, a spark of fear chilling his heart. “Y-yes, as long as you do not strike me or otherwise hurt me. I have had enough of pain and do not find it arousing in the least.”

“Good. I don’t want to hurt you.” Harry held Severus’ face and kissed him until his fears melted away. “There we are.” He nuzzled Severus’ nose. “You’re safe with me, angel. I swear it, I’ll never hurt you. Not even if, later on, we decide to play. That’s not really something I’m into as a lifestyle, but if you need me to take control and let you just open yourself to pleasure ….” He shivered and let slip a soft moan. “Dear gods, just _talking_ about it—yeah, love. If that’s what you need, I’ll take care of you.”

Severus tilted back his head and lifted his hands above his head, moving slowly and deliberately so Harry got the message.

“Bloody hell, that’s so ….” Harry sucked in a sharp breath, pupils dilated, lips parted. “Gods, you’re like molten sex and I’ve barely even started.” He suckled at Severus’ throat, sending delightful tugs of heat through the older man’s body. “Oh, Sev. I’m not going to last.”

Severus panted and arched into Harry’s kisses. “Mm. There is … ah, always next time.”

Harry leaned back, eyes blazing with emerald fire. “Yes, there is. And you’re mine now, love.”

Severus gasped as his enthusiastic mate launched a frontal assault on his throat and ears. “Yes, _yes_ , yours. Make me yours.”

Harry moaned into Severus’ throat. “Gods, going to make me come just talking like that.”

“Perhaps you should silence me then.”

“Dear _Merlin_!”

Harry did silence him then, with a kiss that sucked the very breath from Severus’ lungs.

Severus arched into Harry, letting his partner guide him, allowing passion and love to take him over for the first time in his life. He had never trusted a partner enough to feel like this, never felt safe enough to truly let go, but in Harry’s arms, he knew he would be protected. Cherished. _Loved_.

As Harry’s lips sought out every sensitive spot on Severus’ body, the older man fell almost into a trance, losing himself in the sounds, the sensations Harry’s lips and hands brought out of him. Oh, gods. Submitting like this, letting Harry take him however he wanted, Merlin, it was _liberating_. He had never experienced anything so intense, so thrilling. Every touch was sheer ecstasy.

Then Harry’s mouth descended on him, taking him to the root, and Severus shrieked with pleasure.

He flushed as soon as the sound left his throat. Surely Harry would be embarrassed.

Harry looked up at him, his eyes wide and dilated with passion, and groaned around his mouthful. Severus bit his lip to hold back another cry and quivered, feeling as if his body would come apart any moment. Harry suckled again, and a stifled keen escaped Severus’ control. Oh gods—it felt too good, too intense. He couldn’t hold back.

Harry eased back and licked Severus’ tip. “Love, let me hear you. Let go. It’s all right.”

Severus panted out, “It’s not too much?”

“Merlin, no. Knowing I can make you, ghn, scream like this—it’s making me—oh, I … let me hear you. Please.”

Harry’s head bobbed on him again, and this time Severus didn’t hold back his keening cry.

“ _Harry_!”

“Yes,” Harry panted against Severus’ thigh. “Merlin, yes! Gods, so hot.”

He swallowed Severus again, sucking and tasting him all the while, and Severus could hardly breathe for ecstasy.

“Ah! Harry, _please_!”

A few more deep tugs, another throaty moan around him, and Severus’ world whited out in an explosion of pleasure. He might have screamed Harry’s name—he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Harry was drinking him down and lapping him up, and Merlin, nothing had ever felt like this before.

“H-Harry ….”

The young man climbed up Severus’ body and flopped down beside him, panting and flushed all over. Severus reached down, intending to bring pleasure to his beloved in turn, but found Harry was just as sated as himself.

“I … but I did not touch you.”

Harry gave a breathless laugh. “Hearing you call my name like that was enough to inspire about a thousand wet dreams. I came when you did, and barely had to touch myself at all.”

Severus caught his lover into a passionate kiss, enjoying the taste of himself on Harry’s tongue. “Ah, beloved. If this is what it feels like to make love to you, I am not sure I will survive to old age.”

Harry chuckled. “That makes two of us. Merlin. I feel like a teenager all over again.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Precocious, were you?”

Harry snorted. “With Voldemort in my head? Merlin, no. I just meant I was quick off the mark.” He leaned on his elbow and smirked at his partner. “But I will say, having the real Half-Blood Prince in my bed is certainly a far cry better than my adolescent fantasies of him.”

Severus flushed. “You … fantasised about me, even then?”

“Well, I didn’t realise it was you at the time. But then again, I should have wondered why my fantasy lover had long black hair, eyes dark as night, and a slim physique like a certain potions master I know.”

Severus turned Harry onto his back and caught him into a passionate kiss.

They didn’t make it downstairs until lunchtime.

  


* * *

  


Two weeks went by in relative peace. Harry and Severus spent their time growing closer together, both as a couple and as friends. Severus learned Harry had once dreamed of being a famous chef before he found out he was a wizard and fame wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Harry showed Severus his recipe stash, and together they spent time trying some of the ones he had always thought too difficult. With Severus’ help, those complicated measurements and precise techniques became easier. Before they had been at it long, Harry thought they could have done even Molly Weasley proud.

In turn, Harry learned that Severus had a secret talent for art and used his skills with a pencil to accurately record the details of every new plant or creature he came across on his foraging expeditions. Severus shared his potions journals with Harry and, while the younger man had never had much talent for art, Harry spent hours watching, fascinated, as Severus sketched anything in the house that struck his fancy.

He treasured every moment spent exploring this secret soft side to Severus, the one he showed no one but his partner. Before his eyes, Severus was blossoming like a winter rose, and Harry loved seeing him so happy. Harry had never been so happy either.

However, it came as a bit of a surprise that they weren’t the only ones learning about the joys of a new relationship.

Harry woke before Severus one morning and decided to let his exhausted fiancé sleep. Harry had kept him up the night before exploring his body, seeking every place that made him quiver or cry out. Severus had been positively wrecked by the time Harry had finally finished with him. And as Harry had more nefarious plans for that evening, he thought it best to let the man have his sleep. They had yet to truly consummate their relationship, but he sensed Severus was ready, and Harry was too.

Besides that, every step they made closer to each other diminished the effects of the curse on Harry’s soul. And Harry was more than ready to see the outside world again.

Curious to see how far the curse would let him go after the previous night’s discoveries, Harry readied himself for the day as quietly as possible and slowly backed out of the bedroom. He made it to the kitchen—as far as he had ever progressed alone—and was just about to whoop with joy when he turned and caught sight of Draco in a deep kiss with Hermione.

His jaw hit the floor, but as his friends had yet to notice his presence, Harry tiptoed out of the room and back into bed with his fiancé. Harry sat down next to his lover, feeling as if some fundamental rule of the world had just been turned on its head.

Severus groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Harry? What time is it?”

“After ten. We slept late.” Harry frowned and stared at the door. “Severus, have you ever come across something that you know is real, but you just can’t figure out how it happened?”

“Every day. I still do not understand what you see in me.”

“I see how beautiful you are.” Harry’s expression softened. “I guess he sees it too.”

Severus tensed. “He? Harry ….”

Harry soothed him with another gentle caress. “Easy, love. I wasn’t talking about us.”

“Oh. Forgive me. I should not be so frightened, but ….”

“But your past has left you vulnerable and it’ll take time to heal that. It’s okay.” Harry stroked through Severus’ hair, easing out the tangles from sleep. “No, actually, it’s your godson who just surprised the hell out of me.”

Severus sat and rubbed his eyes. “Draco? What has he done?”

“Well, I’m not sure that’s exactly—I mean, he hasn’t _done_ anything, per se ….”

“Harry?”

Harry snorted. “It’s nothing, really. I was just surprised. I tested the curse earlier—made it all the way to the kitchen, and turned around to find Draco with his tongue down Hermione’s throat. She didn’t seem to mind, either.”

Severus froze mid-yawn, making a strangled sound of shock. “Draco and Miss Granger?”

“Exactly.”

“His mother will be positively _thrilled_.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “She had better be, or else she’ll find her arse on the wrong end of the ‘Chosen One’s’ wand.”

Severus chuckled. “I will try to soften her up once it is safe to leave.”

“Hmm. Not sure I want you to leave my side.”

Severus nuzzled Harry’s hand. “I do not wish to either, but I must return to work soon. I am afraid I do not have endless funds to fall back on like the Chosen One does.”

Harry shot him a glare.

“I am not the one who started slinging titles about,” said Severus with a laugh.

“Humph.” Harry trembled and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Sev, you … you won’t leave me, will you? At least not until it’s safe?”

“If I must, I will set up my lab in the basement again and work from there.” Severus stretched and brushed his hair from his face. “Actually, that is not a bad idea. It would at least allow me to catch up on the owl orders and restock the shelves at the shop. Bethany can run the storefront by herself, and I can brew anywhere so long as there is a way to transport the potions.”

“Kreacher can take them if you do it in big batches and make them easy to carry for him. I don’t want him traveling back and forth all day though—he’s just too old for it. The team could maybe take another batch for you at the end of the day if you need it. Or if you do need to keep going back and forth, maybe we could look into finding an elf for you.”

“I do not wish to burden an elf unnecessarily. I will make several at once to send over with Kreacher, if he is so disposed.”

Harry gave a wry laugh. “Well, you and I share a soul, Sev.”

Severus frowned. “So _that_ is why he obeys me. He already considers me his master since we are linked.”

“Yeah.”

Severus nodded. “Then I will swear to treat him well.”

“Thanks.”

“Not at all.” Severus sat and kissed Harry’s cheek. “Well, since I am awake now, let us get the lab set up so I at least have a stable income while I am here.”

“All right, love. Get dressed and I’ll tell Kreacher what we’re doing.” He chuckled. “And the lovebirds. Think I should shock them?”

Severus smirked. “If you can manage it.”

“Done!” Laughing under his breath, Harry darted out of the room.

  


* * *

  


Merlin, Harry was tired. Setting up Severus’ lab had taken much more out of him than he had anticipated, even with Ron, Bill, Draco, and Percy to help. Apparently professors and professional potions masters were worlds apart when it came to lab standards. He had never heard of half of the gear Severus had him move into the basement, let alone _used_ it. What in Merlin’s name was a Bunsen burner and why did a wizard need one when Severus was perfectly capable of producing flames wandlessly?

In the end, Harry and the others just let Severus direct and placed things where the man wanted them. And even if Harry didn’t understand why on earth Severus needed so much equipment or even what half of it was for, he didn’t complain. After all, Severus was doing this for him, so that he might keep his livelihood and look after Harry at the same time. The least Harry could do was help him get settled.

But damn, he was exhausted. So much for his grand plans to make Severus his that night. He still wanted to, but his aching back and legs suggested he might want to put the idea off for one more day.

Well, it was only a little while, really. He could wait a day. Maybe.

With a sigh for his broken plans and overeager libido, Harry trudged into the downstairs loo after a pain potion. A mild one might help him sleep anyway. He chugged it down and brushed his teeth, and after a nice, hot shower, felt more human again. With a yawn, he dragged himself upstairs, thinking of nothing more than his bed and snuggling in Severus’ arms.

But he stopped at the bedroom threshold, transfixed by the sight within.

Severus was sitting against the headboard, dressed in just a white poet shirt and his pants, a sketchbook propped on his knees. He bent over the page, long black hair tucked behind his ears. A slight frown of concentration creased his brows and his hand flew over the paper, charcoal pencil marking away.

Harry leaned against the doorway and watched Severus work, a soft smile spreading over his face. Even with his skills as an auror, Harry rarely managed to sneak up on the former spy unawares and catch him in private moments like this one. Severus had lost himself to his work and his focus was beautiful to watch.

He was a beautiful man, really. To Harry, he was perfect.

Harry traced the shape of his lover’s profile, adoring everything from his hooked nose to his angular jaw to the slender, athletic body he enjoyed so much. If he looked closely, he imagined he could see the play of muscles under Severus’ shirt as he moved. His eyes drifted back to the man’s hands, the elegant fingers and practiced movements, and Harry frowned.

Something was missing.

Ah! There was no reference object. Severus always drew from life—at least that Harry had seen. Whenever he sketched, the man was always looking back and forth between his paper and his reference, but this time, Severus was wholly focused on the page. He hardly blinked.

Curiosity overcame Harry and he crept closer, trying to stay out of sight and hearing, but getting near Severus Snape without his knowledge—even a completely absorbed Severus—was no easy task. Harry only caught a glimpse of a straight nose, laughing lips, messy hair, and vivid eyes—painted green underneath the pencil—before Severus jumped and closed the book with a snap.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/29090599718/in/dateposted-public/)

“Oh, Harry! You startled me.”

Harry just gave Severus a soft smile and climbed into bed beside his lover. “You’re beautiful.”

Severus kissed Harry lightly. “I am?”

“Mm-hmm. I couldn’t resist watching you work. So much of your soul comes out when you work on your projects. It’s fascinating to watch.”

Severus flushed and held his sketchbook to his chest. “You were watching?”

“Mm-hmm. May I see your picture?”

Severus hesitated. “I … it is … inaccurate. The … subject is difficult to render well at the best of times, and working from memory is perhaps even more s—”

Harry silenced him with a soft kiss. “I’m sure it’s beautiful, Severus. Art doesn’t need to be exact to be good.”

Severus moved his book back to his knees and frowned at the cover. “I am unused to accepting anything less than absolute accuracy.”

“Yes, you’re a total perfectionist,” said Harry with a low chuckle. “But that’s all right. It means your work is fantastic when you’re satisfied with it.”

“Hmm.”

“I meant that as a compliment, love. Your attention to detail means your drawings are stunning.” Harry wrapped an arm around Severus’ waist from behind and tugged the man against his side. “Art comes in different forms though. Your scientific drawings—well, it’s pretty important to get all the details right then. Otherwise you might end up recording a different species by accident. But this ….” He ran a finger across the cover. “It was just for you, wasn’t it? Not to record a scientific finding but to … give life to something important to you, right?”

Severus gave him a hesitant nod. “This is not my sketchbook for nature drawings.”

“It’s your personal book?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s okay if the details aren’t exact. What matters in that kind of art is the emotion, the expression behind it. And I’m betting these are full of emotion.”

Severus closed his eyes and leaned closer. “They are full of you.”

Harry’s breath caught. “Yeah?”

“I suppose it is only fair to show you since you have inspired so many of them, at least the latter half.”

“Oh. Sev, that’s … yeah, let me see. Please.”

Severus laid the book on the crease of their legs and hesitantly moved his hands away. “I … this is my heart, Harry. My life. I am a little afraid.”

Harry squeezed Severus into his side and kissed him, sampling of his lover with soft laps of his tongue. Severus clutched at the man’s shoulder and melted into him.

“I will cherish it, love,” Harry whispered against Severus’ lips. “I cherish you.”

Severus kissed Harry slow and deep, making him forget his aches and pains for a bit.

“Sev ….”

Severus pulled back with a breathless laugh. “Mm, go and look before I lose my nerve. Or my focus.”

Harry kissed him once more. “You’re made of nerve, Severus. Pure courage. But I’ll look to relieve your fears.”

He took a deep breath and opened the book. There, on the first page, was a mirror. A childishly-drawn little boy with a hooked nose scowled into it and punched his reflection.

Harry kissed the tip of Severus’ nose and whispered, “You’re beautiful to me, love.”

Severus shivered and laid his head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry stroked the man’s side idly as he turned page after page, revealing the depths of Severus’ heart as well as the progression of his skill. Many of the first pages featured a child either trying to abuse or change his appearance or cowering from an older man. Later, the older man shifted into bullies Harry wished he didn’t recognise.

Harry held Severus tighter through the pictures featuring the Marauders and pressed the occasional kiss to his brow.

Halfway through the man’s school years, a drawing showed Severus running for his life, his shirt torn half off and Sirius wielding a magical whip behind him. Dark droplets trailed after Severus, droplets Harry was too terrified to identify.

“No,” he breathed. “Severus … did this really happen?”

Severus lifted his head long enough to glance at the picture and shuddered. “No. It was not a literal event. I simply used that to illustrate how I felt about Black’s constant attacks.”

Harry stared at the image a long time, a hollow ache in his chest for Severus’ anguish. “It’s … it’s very … I’m not even sure what the word is but I can feel your pain. And I half want to go out of the curse’s range for a moment just to tell Sirius he’s demented and an arsehole and … and ….” He turned his face into Severus’ cheek and closed his eyes to hold back tears.

Severus turned the page. “Move on, pet. However much he hurt me, it is over now.”

“It’s not though. You still have bad dreams, you still flinch at certain things, you still hurt inside, and I don’t know how to heal it.”

Severus kissed Harry’s tears away and caressed his cheek. “This is how, Harry. You care about my pain and my bad dreams and my fears. You hold me when I am weak and let me stand on my own when I need to be strong. In short, you love me.”

“Is it enough?”

Severus held him closer. “Harry, recovering from thirty-eight years of abuse will take time. I have what the Muggles call Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which essentially means I am damaged from everything I endured as a child and during the war. Many soldiers suffer from it. I believe you have it as well, and doubly so after your experiences with this terrible curse.”

He cupped Harry’s cheek. “But never doubt that you are healing me, Harry, simply by being here and being the beautiful person that you are. You treat me as a precious gift; you cherish me, and make me feel absolutely adored. After a life of utter solitude and hatred, your love is slowly washing away all those years of misery. You are helping me much more than the potion I take.”

Harry frowned. “You’re taking a potion for this, love? I’ve never seen it.”

Severus flushed. “Well, it is a bit embarrassing to admit. I was also seeing a mind healer, but I have not been able to go since coming here.” He gave a low chuckle. “I imagine she will be amazed with my progress at the next session.”

Harry gave him a shy smile. “Um, would it be okay if I came with you next time? Just to support you?”

Severus kissed him and smiled back. “I will need to ask her first, but I would love to have you with me.” He returned his head to Harry’s shoulder and nuzzled close. “And you worry that you do not help me enough. Simply keep loving me as you do, and one day, I will be whole again. I feel better every day.”

Tears prickled Harry’s eyelids. He hadn’t realised his love was having such a profound effect on his mate. Harry kissed him slowly.

“Severus, I want to talk about your drawings. All of them, one by one.”

Severus frowned. “There is not so much time tonight.”

Harry chuckled. “No, no. Over time, love. Maybe we can spend some time every night talking about one of your drawings and one of my memories. Good and bad. Maybe that way we can heal each other.”

“Mm, I think that is an excellent idea.”

“Good. For tonight, I think I’d just like to look at what you were drawing when I came in.”

“As you wish.”

Severus turned the pages in his book, showing his fascinated mate glimpses of his life. Harry gasped and stopped the man about halfway through when he realised he was looking at a drawing of himself as a child.

Beneath a crop of messy curls, tearful green eyes behind glasses too large for the boy’s face pleaded for help. Harry’s small form—and that of a beefy man dragging him away—occupied one side of the paper. Harry was arching, twisting, struggling to get away from the faceless big man, but he was trapped. The boy begged for help, but the only occupant of the drawing who seemed to be concerned with him was just as trapped.

On the other side of the drawing, Severus was struggling to escape a bearded wizard dragging him away by the right arm. A giant snake had swallowed half of Severus’ left arm and was pulling him away by it, sharp fangs tearing his flesh and leaving bloody streaks behind. Harry winced at the all-too-apt imagery of the former dark lord. It was simply too close to the truth to be borne. He tore his eyes away from the great snake and looked to Severus’ face in the drawing instead.

It was nothing like the blank mask he had worn in those days—rather than pretending to be emotionless, he was near hysterical. Tears streaked his face and his mouth was screaming with silent rage. Fearful, guilty eyes had locked on the boy form of Harry—it was clear he wanted to help the child, but he couldn’t escape.

Harry stared at the image for a long time, struck by the pain, the helplessness of both forms.

“This is … probably the most accurate summary of those years I’ve ever seen,” he said in a breaking voice. “You were miserable watching me suffer, huh?”

Severus shuddered and hugged Harry tight. “It was the … the most difficult time of my life. I wanted so much to save you, but I could not. Instead, I had to pretend to hate you to keep you alive, when I loved you.” He flushed. “Well, not the same way that I do now—I am not _that_ depraved, thank you very much—but I loved you just the same. You were such a brave boy, but I could see the pain you tried to hide, and I wished I could heal you rather than heaping more anguish upon your head.”

Harry kissed him lightly. “Maybe it’s a good thing that you couldn’t. Not that you had to suffer by it, but if you’d been able to be a guide to me in those years, I don’t know if I’d be able to love you the same way I do now. You’d have been locked in as a ….”

Severus scowled. “Yes, well, let’s not talk about that. I am fully aware I am old enough to be your father. You needn’t remind me.”

Harry soothed him with a passionate kiss. “Maybe you’re old enough, but I don’t see you that way. Not at all.”

“Thank Merlin for that.”

Harry snickered against Severus’ neck. “Daddy kink a bit too weird for you then?”

Severus gave him a disgusted look. “Dear _gods_ , Harry.”

Harry burst into laughter. “Oh, come on, Sev. I was only teasing.”

“I shall have _nightmares_ about your teasing for years to come.”

Harry buried a chuckle against Severus’ cheek. “Sorry, love. If it helps at all, it’s _really_ not my thing either.” He slipped a gentle hand under Severus’ shirt and caressed the older man’s hip. “Definitely not a father figure. Just my sexy lover I adore.”

Harry stroked just under the waistband of Severus’ underwear, and Severus panted into Harry’s throat.

“G-good. Do you intend to finish what you have started then?”

Harry nuzzled the older man’s cheek. “Hmm?”

“Ah … I had thought you might be too tired tonight.”

Harry kissed Severus with heat and passion until the older man was mewling into him and clutching at Harry’s shirt.

“You know, I was when I came in here. I’m not now.”

Severus suckled Harry’s neck, making Harry gasp and tip back his head. “Hmm, if you are still tired, we may always rest tonight and resume our carnal pursuits tomorrow.”

“After _that_? Forget it.”

Harry closed the sketchbook and sent it and Severus’ pencils to the nightstand on his lover’s side of the bed. With Severus’ precious drawings out of the way, Harry eased his lover back onto the pillows and leaned over him.

“I want all of you tonight.” He paused. “Unless you’d rather wait, love?”

Severus responded by pulling Harry down into a fierce kiss.


	13. Finding Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : None. Summary: Harry is finally able to go outside, but it's not enough for the freedom-loving man. Severus works on a plan to have him bond somewhere he loves despite being stuck in Grimmauld Place, and together they deal with Harry's fears of Severus' leaving and search for answers on his curse. Drawing in this one, about halfway down._

**CHAPTER 13**  
_FINDING FREEDOM_

The next day, Harry tested the curse while Severus was working in the basement. By the time Harry made it up to the attic without a trace of screaming, he was grinning. So at least he had the freedom to run wherever he needed to inside, but he longed to go _outside_ again. To feel the sun shining on his face and the wind in his hair.

Now that he had truly made love to Severus, would the curse at least let him into the back lawn if not off the property? Would it let him out of Grimmauld Place altogether?

Harry didn’t want to disturb Severus’ work—and he thought he might not get an accurate reading on the curse if he brought his soulmate with him anyway—so he called Padma to help him for a moment, just in case something went wrong. If the curse activated and made him bleed again—or worse—Padma would know how to fix it.

Harry trembled as he cautiously opened the door to the back lawn, both Patil twins and Ginny Weasley at his back—Padma hadn’t felt comfortable coming without her sister, and Parvati had been at home with her wife, as it was the Harpies’ off season.

Ginny patted Harry’s shoulder and cheered him on. “It’s all right, Harry. We’ve got your back. If anything happens, I’m really good at healing injuries now. You get a lot of practice on the professional quidditch circuit! Anyway, between Padma and me, we’ve got you covered. Go on.”

Shaking hard and bracing himself against pain, Harry stuck a toe out of the door. When nothing happened, he stuck his foot out, and then his leg, and then the rest of him. A wide smile broke out on his face as he took another step without consequence, and then another, and soon he was all the way at the edge of the property line and still in one piece.

He grinned and called, “I can go outside!”

“So we see,” said Padma with a laugh. “Want to see if you can leave yet?”

“Yeah, but stay close.”

Parvati shook her head. “I don’t get a good feeling about it, Harry. I don’t think you can leave.”

Harry sighed. “Damn. After the escapade at Riddle House, I’m not about to test it. But still, at least I can go outside again. Merlin, I’d missed the sun.”

Parvati patted his back. “I’m glad you can enjoy it again.”

“Merlin, so am I. It’s good quidditch weather today too.”

Padma chuckled wryly. “Well, I don’t think there’s enough room out here for a quidditch match, but we can maybe try our hands at Muggle football.”

Ginny laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to use your hands in football, but it’d be a change from quidditch to be sure.”

“I don’t have a football,” said Harry, disappointed. He thought for a bit and grinned. “But I do have a quaffle. It’ll work, right?”

Ginny grinned back. “Yeah! It’s not like it’s charmed to fly or anything. Let’s do it.”

Harry nodded. “We need more people though. Think Lu and Neville are busy?”

Parvati shrugged. “I don’t have any Sight on it, but it couldn’t hurt to ask.”

“Ron’s off,” said Padma. “He’d probably come.”

“We’ll invite Katie too,” said Harry with a nod. “She can’t really play right now but she might get a kick out of watching us all make fools of ourselves.”

“So would George, if it comes to that.” Ginny chuckled. “Come on, let’s just invite everyone who can come by and make a day of it.”

Harry beamed. “That sounds brilliant, Gin.”

  


* * *

  


Severus came up from the basement after finishing his morning round of potions to an empty house. Panic crept up his spine, cold and tingling, until he heard the sound of Harry’s laugh and realised his fiancé was all right. More laughter joined his mate’s—Severus recognised Ron’s guffaw among the chorus. So the redheaded troupe was in attendance.

With a chuckle, he washed up and followed the sounds of play to the back lawn. Harry had managed to go outside then. Severus doubted the younger man would be able to leave Grimmauld Place until they were fully bonded, but perhaps Severus might return to his own shop soon, if only to check on the stock. It would be a good idea to test it, now that they had joined physically. The last step was to officially bond, but it would be easier to plan a ceremony if at least one of them could leave the premises.

Severus peeked through the conservatory windows, chuckling at the sight of Harry attempting to kick-dribble a quaffle around the lawn while a group of ragtag redheads and family charged after him. Harry looked so happy just to be able to go outside again, and Severus was thrilled for him, but inside, a seed of worry had taken root.

Harry had told Severus that he didn’t care where they bonded so long as they got to spend their lives together, but the former spy wasn’t a fool. He knew Harry hated this house and would prefer to start his life together with Severus elsewhere, especially with their mutual memories of Sirius Black tainting the place. And yet, just being able to go outside had brought Harry such obvious joy.

Maybe if he couldn’t take Harry out of Grimmauld, he could bring the outside world to Harry?

Yes, he would do that, but _how_? He caught sight of Hermione, lounging on the sidelines of the game and laughing with Katie, and wondered if she might have any ideas. The woman was brilliant when it came to making Harry’s most hare-brained schemes work—maybe she could help one of Severus’ come to life, too. It couldn’t hurt to ask, he supposed.

The redheaded crew and Harry cheered as Severus came onto the lawn, and a faint blush heated his face. Even now, their acceptance of him felt foreign at times. Harry was helping him adjust, but every so often he still wanted to look over his shoulder, just to check if their warm welcomes could possibly be meant for someone else. Even so, he was beginning to understand that once the redheads accepted a person into their clan, they were regarded as family. And between twelve sets of grandparents, four sets of parents, and the seventh grandchild on the way, the Weasley clan took family seriously.

At least the entire brood wasn’t present today. Severus wasn’t certain he could have made it across the lawn in one piece if they had _all_ come to celebrate Harry’s nominal victory over his curse.

Then his blush deepened when he realised at least six people outside of Harry and himself would know _exactly_ what had granted this reprieve. Dear gods.

Draco smirked as he caught sight of his godfather and sauntered over to join the man. “You’re looking quite … smug.”

Severus groaned. “Smug is most definitely not the word for it.”

“Oh? Wasn’t it good then?”

“Silence, you insufferable little brat. I will _not_ discuss this with my godson of all people. Merlin.”

Draco laughed and clapped Severus on the shoulder. “Seriously, I’m happy for both of you. You’ve been dancing around each other for far too long. It was really getting old.”

“So glad to have relieved your frustrations.”

Draco snorted. “It sounds as though I’m not the only one who’s had some _relief_ lately.”

Heat suffused Severus’ cheeks. Dear Merlin, he’d walked right into that trap, hadn’t he?

Nevertheless, he smacked Draco on the back of his blonde head. “Enough. I will not pander to your prurient interest in my sex life.”

Draco chuckled and rubbed his head. “Still stings, you know?”

“What does?”

“You’ve got a hell of a left hook.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “I barely swatted you, you ignoramus.”

“I love you too, Uncle Severus.”

Severus laughed in spite of himself and led Draco to sit with Hermione and Katie. “Miss Granger, Madam Weasley, I trust you’re doing well today.”

Hermione’s smile had a none-too-innocent twinkle. “I am indeed, thank you. And you?”

Severus sighed. “Well, at least you were more subtle in asking about my personal affairs than Draco.”

Katie gave them a confused look. “Hmm?”

“Hmm indeed,” said Severus with a wry look at Hermione.

Hermione chuckled. “Forgive me. I couldn’t resist a little teasing. But seriously, how are you? Um, are you … okay?”

Severus smiled. “We are. Or at least, we are learning to be again.”

Katie nodded and patted his shoulder. “You do look much better these days. Er … much happier, I mean.” She gave him a sheepish smile and laid her hand back across her growing belly.

Severus gave her a soft smile. “I am happy. I may be healing his curse, but he is healing my soul.”

“Literally,” Draco said with a smirk.

Hermione ignored the prat and squeezed Severus’ hand. “I’m glad, Severus.”

“Thank you.” Severus turned to watch the game, laughing as Ron stole the ball from Harry—with his hands—and incurred the wrath of both sides.

“Oi! You’re not supposed to just _grab_ it,” said Percy with a scowl. “It’s against the rules!”

“And Percy would know,” said George with mock-gravity.

Percy swatted him, much like Severus had with Draco. “Cut it out, you prat. I just want to know if we’re allowed to grab it or not.”

“Why not?” Harry laughed and rubbed the back of his hair. “None of us have a clue how to play anyway. It’s a shame Dean couldn’t come—he could’ve taught us to play properly.”

Severus sniffed. “He might have asked me. I am Muggle-raised as well.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “You were working.”

“True.”

Harry laughed. “Well, who cares if we know the rules! We’re all having fun anyway, right?”

Teddy cried enthusiastically, “Yeah! I’m having loads of fun! I _always_ have fun with you.” His smile dimmed. “I really missed you, Uncle Harry.”

Harry gave him a grief-tinged smile. “I missed you too, Teddy.” He hugged the boy and ruffled his vividly purple hair. “I’m so glad you can play with me again.”

“Me too, Uncle Harry. Can we play some more football?”

“Yeah,” Victoire chimed in. “I wanna try dribbling this time.”

Teddy argued, “Me first!”

“Hey, I called it!”

“But _I’m_ the godson so I go first.”

“Well, _I’m_ a lady and Mère says ladies go first, so there.”

Dominique chimed in, “Wanna pway, wanna pway too!”

Harry chuckled. “Easy, you lot. We can take turns. Let’s just—oh. Who has the ball?”

“That’ll be me.” Ron held the ball over his head—leaving it about ten centimetres higher than even Severus could reach—and barrelled towards a broken-down arbour at the back of the lot.

George called, “Oi! The giant’s getting away with the ball!”

“After him!”

Neville’s playful cry set everyone else in motion and Ron soon disappeared under a dogpile of nine redheads, four brunettes, a dreamy blonde, two Veela-haired children, and a purple-haired metamorphagus. Severus laughed himself silly at the sight.

Hermione snorted. “Animals, aren’t they?”

He chuckled and wiped tears of mirth away. “Indeed, but they do seem to be having a good time.”

“Harry is really an outdoors type of person,” Katie said with a shake of her head. “Being trapped inside all the time must be difficult for him.”

“Well, he can at least go out in the sunshine now,” said Hermione with a sad smile. “And soon, he’ll be free again.”

His mirth subdued, Severus nodded. “So we hope anyway.”

“So we know. The two of you are absolutely half-souled,” said Draco with a wry smile. “I’m actually a bit jealous.”

Severus fixed his godson with a piercing look. “From what Harry tells me, you have no reason to be. Or am I mistaken, _Miss Granger_?”

Hermione blushed. “Er … n-no. You’re right.”

“Hmm.” Severus smirked at his godson. “So, how are _you_ , little Draco?”

Draco smacked Severus on the shoulder. “I don’t kiss and tell either, you git. At least not with her.”

“As it should be,” said Hermione with a sniff, “and I’d best not catch you bragging.”

“Yes, dear.”

Severus snorted. “I do not truly wish for the details. I only wanted to turn the tables on my too-curious-for-his-own-good godson.”

Draco laughed. “Mission accomplished.”

Severus chuckled and returned his attention to his fiancé for a while. Harry did look happy in the sunshine, and seeing him smile and laugh redoubled Severus’ resolve to give him as much joy as he could.

“Hermione, I have a favour to ask you.”

The woman gave him a curious look. “You do? You never ask for favours, Severus.”

Severus shook his head. “Not for myself, no. But for Harry … I do not think he wants to be bonded here, Hermione. This place is full of such painful memories for him, especially since his godfather’s spirit or memory or whatever is trapped in Harry’s head has been so vociferously opposed to me, in the past and doubly so since the onset of the curse. I would like us to bond elsewhere, so he may have only happy memories that day.”

Hermione frowned. “Severus, in an ideal world, I would too. I agree with you, he hates it here and would rather be bonded just about anywhere else, but what can we do? The curse has him bound to this place somehow.”

Severus sighed. “I know. And until we finish breaking the curses on the books and search them for answers, it is unlikely we will find a way to also break the curse on Harry before the bonding. But I wondered, if we cannot bring Harry out of Grimmauld Place, is there a way to bring the outside world to him? Could we possibly recreate the environment of some location he loves—at least within the bounds of possibility? If so, we could bond wherever he wanted, but without actually leaving the property.”

Hermione gasped. “Oh, Severus. That’s … that’s wonderful!”

“It’s a lovely idea,” said Katie with a nod, “but how in the world would you implement it? Magic could perhaps emulate the environment a bit, but to completely recreate a place so well Harry feels he’s not at Grimmauld any longer—that would take some doing.”

“But it might not be impossible,” Hermione said, her brows drawn together in thought. “If we can just figure out what we need, maybe there’s a spell that would meet at least most of our requirements. I could look in th—”

“That’s _it_!” Draco leapt to his feet. “Hermione, you’re a bloody genius!” He grabbed her up into a passionate kiss, garnering wolf-whistles from the players and squeals of mock-disgust from the children.

“Oh, go back to your game, you prats,” said a blushing Draco.

George teased, “Why? It looks like you’re having all the fun!”

Draco rolled his eyes and pointedly turned his back, making the footballers laugh. As soon as they had returned to the game, he grabbed Hermione’s hand and tugged her to her feet. “Come on. We’ve got research to do. You look in the Black library and your special library. I’m going to search the manor and Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts?” Hermione frowned and resisted his tugging. “Draco, it might help if you told me exactly what we’re looking for.”

Draco stopped. “Shite. The morons over there distracted me.”

Severus chuckled darkly. “Oh, I think that was not the only distraction.”

“Shut it, you,” said Draco with a blush. “Though you’re right.” He ran a hand through his hair and laughed sheepishly. “A-anyway, as soon as you mentioned requirements, ‘Mione, I remembered the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts. If we could find the spell to create one like it, even for just a day or so, Harry could bond wherever he wanted. Then the limitations of the property wouldn’t matter, because the room would change size and shape to meet his needs without changing the actual structure at all.”

Hermione gasped. “Oh Merlin, that’s perfect! Harry could even have the room build a little honeymoon suite so his first night with Severus could be spent somewhere nice, where he actually wants to be rather than a house he hates.”

Draco shook his head. “Once they’re bonded, Hermione, the location won’t matter.”

She shook her head. “The consummation is part of the bonding. I think they’ll have to spend at least the first night here.” She flashed Severus a grin. “Then you can go wherever you want for the rest of the honeymoon.”

“ _If_ the curse breaks,” Severus reminded her.

“It will,” said Draco. “I’m sure of it.”

“Either way,” said Severus with a serious look, “I want to hear more about this room of yours. Please explain how it works and what you are hoping to achieve.”

Hermione nodded and sat beside Severus once more. “All right. Well, you see, in our fifth year, we discovered this room on the seventh floor of Hogwarts ….”

  


* * *

  


The time had come to purchase their wedding robes. For Harry, Madam Malkin had flooed into Grimmauld Place days ago with a giant book of fabric samples and an army of semi-sentient measuring tapes, but Severus wanted to order his own in person, and not from Malkin’s. The modern style looked good on men like Harry, but they left Severus feeling too exposed.

Harry teased Severus about his buttons, but after the incident in fifth year and especially after seeing the worst of humanity in the Death Eaters’ ranks, Severus needed those buttons as armour. Perhaps one day, he would branch out and try a robe with a more modern cut, but for his bonding day, he wanted to feel safe. Which would require a trip to Twilfitt and Tattings, and Madam Twillings did not make house calls.

The problem was convincing Harry to let him leave. Severus understood why Harry was afraid and did not blame him, but he really _did_ need to go out for a bit. He needed to check in with Bethany too and check the shop inventory, but Harry was too terrified to let him go. At this rate, Severus might end up having to transfigure one of his older robes for his bonding. He would, if that was what it took to keep Harry happy, but he would rather not.

So, after a few deep breaths to compose himself and armed with the small locket he had asked Draco to purchase for him the night before, he gathered his courage and went in search of his fiancé. He found Harry where he thought he would—searching warded Black tomes out on the back lawn with whoever could help for the day. Percy and Ginny had come this time, but as soon as Severus stepped outside, the woman waved him over before he could speak to Harry.

Severus frowned and sat beside her, on a garden wall some distance away from the men. “Yes? Have you found anything?”

She smiled wryly. “Not as concerns Harry, no, but Parvati asked me to talk to you.”

Severus gave her a bemused look. “Parvati? Why did she not talk to me herself? She was just here yesterday.”

Ginny chuckled. “Well, she’s a bit shy about these things. It’s just, I’m taking a couple of years off from the Harpies, and we’d like to start a family while we can. So we’d like you to brew the Demaucariad Potion for us, Severus.”

Severus winced. “Merlin, are you certain? That is a difficult brew for even a master, and the risks—”

“But the benefits of being a mother are even greater.” Ginny patted his knee. “She says it’s going to be fine, but only if you do it. You’re the only one we’d trust with something that big anyway.”

Severus swallowed a lump in his throat. “Then … I … I will do it. When would you like to begin taking it? Or will the other Madam Patil be the bearer?”

“Parvati this time. She says she’ll be too old to risk it the next time we’re ready.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “There is only a year of difference between the two of you.”

“I said the same thing, but she said her body is older because of her Sight.” She shrugged. “I don’t understand it myself, but I’ve come to rely on her insight too much to doubt her.”

Severus looked to Harry and nodded. “Wise woman. You did not tell me a timeframe.”

“As soon as you’re ready. We’d like to bring her into the world as soon as possible.”

“ _Her_? You already know the gender and you have not even attempted to conceive?”

Ginny laughed. “Perils of having a Seer for a wife.”

“Indeed.” Severus chuckled. “I am attempting to persuade Harry to let me leave the house for a bit. I need robes for the bonding. If he is able to release me for a few hours, then I will purchase the ingredients for your potion while I am out and begin work on it as soon as I return. If all goes well, it should be ready for you by dinnertime. Else, it may take a week or two to gather ingredients of the proper quality by proxy.”

Ginny squealed and hugged him. “Thank you!” She kissed Severus’ cheek, making him blush furiously. “Oh gods! I’ve got to tell Parvie!” She jumped up and down in excitement. “Oh, but you’ll need money for the ingredients. Wait right here. I’ll get you whatever you need—um, how much do you think? Any price is okay, just tell me what to get.”

Severus chuckled. “Slow down, Madam Patil. Breathe.”

Ginny grinned and smoothed her tunic down. “Right. I’m being a prat. Okay. The price?”

Severus gave her a wan smile. “Two hundred galleons. I apologise for the cost, but I am afraid phoenix tears do not come cheap without Fawkes to provide a free supply.”

Her smile faded. “Oh. I … I hope he’s okay.”

“I am sure he is quite happily terrorising the life out of his next human,” Severus said in an emotion-roughened voice.

Ginny squeezed his shoulder. “Go get Harry to give you a hug, Severus. I’m going to get your money. I’ll be back in a mo.”

Severus waved her off and went to sit with his fiancé.

Percy took one look at him and stood. “Harry, I’ll go get us some fresh tea, all right?”

Severus gave the man a grateful look. Percy had certainly become more empathetic since the war. These days he focused much less on work and ambition and more so on the people who loved him in spite of his past mistakes. He had become a great ally for Harry while he’d been stuck here researching, happy to provide assistance on the days Hermione could not come. Since then, Severus had come to respect him greatly.

Harry looked up with a frown. “Okay, Perce. I’ll be here.”

“Yes, all right.” Percy gave them a tentative smile and went into the kitchen, leaving Severus to kneel at Harry’s feet and lay his head in his lover’s lap.

Harry laid his book aside and ran his hands through Severus’ hair. “What is it, love?”

“Ginevra asked me to make her a potion which includes phoenix tears. It made me think of Fawkes. And Albus.”

Harry’s breath hitched. “Oh. I’m sorry, love.” He sighed and continued petting Severus’ hair. “Merlin. I miss them too, even if Dumbledore _was_ a manipulative wanker.”

Severus made a sound somewhere between a sniffle and a snort. “He was at that, but he was also the closest thing to a father I have ever known.”

Harry sank to his knees beside Severus and wrapped him into a gentle hug. “We’ll talk about one of those drawings tonight, love. About you and Dumbledore. I think we both need to, if I’m honest.”

Severus nodded and buried his face in Harry’s neck. “Thank you.”

“Mm, nothing to thank me for. I want to see you happy, sweetheart.”

Severus gave a wry chuckle and moved back from Harry’s embrace. “Merlin, that name. I am nothing of the sort.”

Harry laughed softly and helped Severus into the seat beside him. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Severus wiped his eyes and pulled the pendant from his pocket. “Harry, I have a gift for you that I hope will prove to be the answer to both of our problems, at least for the time being.”

“Er … about Dumbledore?”

“No, no. There is little to be done about our past with him other than to talk about it and try to move on. No, I am referring to my need to leave the premises.”

Harry paled and went rigid. “Sev … the curse.”

“I know.” Severus kissed Harry’s forehead. “I have told you before, I will not leave you in suffering. If the curse starts when I leave, then I will return.”

Harry shook his head hard, eyes wide. “That might work if you’re just going next door, but if you’re all the way in Diagon Alley, how will you _know_? I can’t firecall and beg you for help if I don’t know where you are and my mind is lost in the screaming anyway.”

“That is why I have brought you a gift.”

Severus showed Harry the pendant, a simple golden locket with Harry’s favourite drawing of Severus, shrunken and set inside the frame—he had made a duplicate of it for Harry to hang wherever he preferred, of course.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/43402817561/in/dateposted-public/)

“This is a warning system, Harry.”

Harry ran a trembling finger over the drawing. “Oh, Sev. This is brilliant!” He smiled and looked up. “But what do you mean by a warning system?”

Severus draped the locket over Harry’s head and opened it to show the drawing inside. “It has a monitoring charm and several unique spells to prevent you from removing it unless you are in your proper state of mind. This drawing was done by my hand and is of me, which links it to my core. It is also a drawing you are inordinately fond of, which links it to you. I have added another spell to strengthen both links and tie them to your state of being and my nerve endings. Should you become frightened or lost in your mind, this locket will let me know. I will feel it, no matter where I am, and know to come back to you immediately.”

Harry traced his finger over the golden clasp. “It … it works anywhere?”

“Even if I should have the strange urge to visit South America and pluck some Brazilian mangoes from the shores of the Amazon, I will feel you if you become afraid.”

Harry closed the locket and cupped it close to his heart. “You … you’re sure?”

“Yes, beloved. I am absolutely sure.”

Harry bit his lip. “A-and you’re just going to Diagon Alley?”

Severus caressed Harry’s cheek, hoping the touch would soothe him. “I will also need to gather ingredients for Ginevra’s potion and check the shop, but yes. I intend to go to Diagon Alley and purchase my bonding robes and rings for the two of us.”

Harry chewed on his lip and trembled, silent and shaking. His fear clamoured like sirens in Severus’ ears, ringing cold and jarring up his spine, and Severus relented with a sigh. Harry simply wasn’t ready.

“Never mind it, love. I will simply transfigure something and send Kreacher out for the ingredients.”

Harry winced. “But you really want those robes.”

“Yes, and I would like to have rings as well, but you are more important to me. If you cannot bear it, then it is not worth risking your health and trust.”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “No. I have to … have to learn to be alone again. I have to be strong, or I’ll never be able to work again at this rate.” He clutched the locket hard. “Just, can we test it first?”

Severus gave Harry a tender kiss. “Of course. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, if you walk down the street, Percy can call you back if there’s an emergency and the locket doesn’t work. And I’m betting I’ll be afraid enough for you to feel it, whether there’s a catastrophe or not.”

Severus nodded. “I feel it now. Are you ready?”

“Y-yeah.” Harry led Severus through the house. “Percy, Severus gave me a monitoring locket so he can try to go out to London without leaving me helpless. We’re going to test it.”

Percy poked his head out of the kitchen. “Give me a second to fix the teapot and I’ll come with you, just in case something goes wrong.”

Harry gave him a wan smile. “Thanks.”

Severus bowed his head in gratitude.

They waited at the front door for Percy, and once he had finished in the kitchen, all three men gathered on the front lawn, though Harry stayed close to the stoop, just in case.

Severus pointed down the row. “I’m going to walk five houses down. I will wait there for three minutes. If anything happens and I am not here immediately, run into the street and let me know, Percy. When I leave the lawn, I will not be able to see the house any longer and you cannot send a Patronus in the middle of a Muggle neighbourhood.”

“Yes sir,” Percy said with a nod.

In the interest of expediency, Severus did not bother to correct his too-formal form of address and simply apparated to the end of the street under _Notice-Me-Not_ and silencing charms. He turned around, watching to see if Percy came into the road. Harry’s anxiety jangled and rung in his ears, but as time passed and Percy did not appear, it slowly began to abate. Severus timed his absence to three minutes exactly and returned to the front lawn.

Harry was smiling. “Welcome back.”

Severus went to the man and held Harry’s cheek. “You were not hurt, love?”

Harry shook his head. “Not a whisper. Will you try apparating somewhere closer than Diagon Alley before you go shopping?”

Severus nodded. “Surrey?”

Harry grinned wickedly. “Please apparate directly onto 4 Privet Drive’s lawn. Without the charms, this time.”

Severus snorted. “If I were certain it was only your relatives living there still, I would without hesitation, but they may have other Muggles present who do not know of the magical world. Will you settle for sending your uncle a rather subtle curse by Muggle post?”

Harry chuckled. “What are you going to do to him?”

“Hmm. Perhaps render him unable to wear anything but plaid shirts, boots, and coveralls for six months? Or perhaps pink shirts and ripped denims.”

Harry burst into laughter. “Oh Merlin. The last one—that’s brilliant. Can you make it so Petunia is forced to wear denims too and tees with them? Especially ones with magic-friendly designs? Or, ooh! I’ve got it. Make them go Goth. They’ll _hate_ that!”

Severus chuckled along with his fiancé. “Done. And I shall even check on them a month from now and snap a photo or two.”

Harry dissolved into giggles on Severus’ shoulder. “Merlin, I love you.”

Percy sighed. “You two—you _do_ know I work for the department of Muggle-wizard relations, don’t you?” When Harry just laughed harder, Percy shook his head. “Should I even attempt to dissuade you from this?”

“Nope,” said Harry with a grin. “It’s too good to pass up, and subtle enough that they’ll _think_ it’s me getting them back but they won’t be able to _prove_ it. And this way, no one gets hurt.”

Percy chuckled. “In that case, I suppose I can pretend I didn’t hear anything.”

“Thanks for that.” Harry kissed Severus’ cheek. “Go visit Missus Figg for a moment. Percy will send you a Patronus if the test fails.”

“As you wish.”

Severus kissed Harry lightly, then apparated to the hidden veranda in Arabella’s back lawn, a holdover from the days of the Order and shifts spent guarding Privet Drive in secret. The batty old woman was outside with Snowy, Tufty, and Mister Tibbles’ successor, Patches, reading a novel. She gave a little jolt when Severus appeared and almost knocked over a glass of lemonade.

“Mercy me!” She laid a hand over her heart and peered into the veranda. “Severus? Is that you?”

He waved and stepped into the lawn. “My apologies for startling you.”

She smiled and waved him off. “Nothing Patches here doesn’t delight in doing at least twenty times of a day.” She frowned. “Is everything all right, Severus? Harry is still okay, isn’t he?”

“That is why I am here. You have heard he’s been cursed and that we are to be bonded at the end of spring?”

She gave him a bemused look. “I had, but I’m not sure what one has to do with the other.”

“Harry and I … have a unique condition that allows my proximity to heal his curse. He has, as of late, gained some small freedom, and I am testing his ability to bear my absence before attempting to travel to Diagon Alley to shop for my bonding robes.”

Arabella smiled brightly. “That’s all right then. Would you like a spot of lemonade?”

Severus shook his head. “I need to remain alert in case Harry’s charm activates, and I am only to stay a moment anyway. Thank you for the offer, though.”

She chuckled. “Nothing at all. I am glad to see you looking so well, Severus. Love has done you a world of good.”

Severus blushed and bowed his head in acknowledgement of her compliment. “It has brought me many things I had never hoped to experience.”

“Well, it’s about time you had some happiness, young man.” She lifted her lemonade in a toast and sipped. “I reckon you should be getting back to Harry?”

He nodded. “I should indeed.” A wicked grin crossed his face. “We are planning a bit of a subtle prank on the Dursleys. Do tell us if you notice any … changes in their usual patterns, will you?”

Arabella cackled. “With pleasure, dearie.”

“Thank you, and also for your hospitality, madam. I will be on my way now.”

She waved and went back to her novel, and Severus apparated back to Harry.

“Any problems?”

Harry shook his head and gave Severus a warm smile. “I think you’re free.”

Severus kissed his forehead. “Soon, pet, you will be free as well.”

Harry laid his head on Severus’ shoulder. “You know what, as long as I have you and my friends and family to keep me sane, it’s really not that bad.”

“Hmm. We shall keep working towards a cure regardless. You deserve to be free. Now, I’m off to find something for the ceremony. Take care of him, Percy, and please let me know the moment anything goes wrong if I do not respond.”

“You have my word,” Percy said, and Severus thanked him before heading on his way.

  


* * *

  


Harry had put on a brave face for Severus, but the moment the man left, fear came trickling back in. Severus had only been gone to the end of the street and Arabella’s for a few moments. What if time apart decreased the potency of their soul-bond? What if time apart increased the potency of Harry’s curse?

He shuddered and returned to his table on the back lawn, but he couldn’t focus on the texts. He was so afraid the locket wouldn’t work and he would fall to the curse that he could barely read the words before him at all.

Merlin, but he was tired of looking at dark magic anyway. They’d been at this for three weeks and had yet to find anything promising. Harry was beginning to think the curse was something Bellatrix had created herself. It would be his luck.

A sudden shriek sounded close by, and Harry froze, terror surging through him. Was it the curse? Was it back?

Almost before the thought formed, Severus called from the front stoop. “Harry!”

Percy looked up, bemused. “Severus? He’s back already?”

The front door slammed and, about the time Harry realised the shriek had been that of a child in play, Severus came bursting out the back door and caught Harry into his arms.

“Are you all right, pet? I felt your fear.”

Harry gave a self-deprecating chuckle and buried his face in Severus’ neck, breathing in comfort and safety from his scent. “I … I’m okay.”

Percy frowned. “Harry, what happened? We were just reading, weren’t we?”

“Er, yes. It’s just, I heard the kids next door and—”

Another shriek interrupted him, the sound of a little girl at play with her brother, and Severus nodded in understanding.

“It wasn’t the curse then?”

Harry sighed and shook his head. “Sorry I scared you. I just heard a scream and ….”

“It’s all right.” Severus kissed Harry softly. “I am just relieved to find you well.”

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus’ waist. “I’m okay. I feel safer now.”

“Because I came right away?”

Harry blushed. “Um … y-yeah. Sorry, love.”

“Do not apologise. It is understandable.” Severus stood straight again and kissed Harry’s cheek. “If you are well, may I return to my shopping? I was in the middle of the jewellers’ when your charm went off, and I do believe I have startled Mister Jasper thoroughly.”

Harry chuckled. “Yes, yes. I think I’ll be okay now. Thank you, love.”

“Yes, thank you, Severus,” said Percy, chagrined. “I didn’t even know he was upset.”

Severus shook his head. “It is not your fault, Percy. If the curse returns and the pendant does not work, you will know soon enough.” He rubbed Harry’s cheek. “I will be home soon. Try not to be afraid, pet. If anything happens, I will come.”

Harry kissed Severus’ palm. “I see that now. Go on, finish your shopping. Percy and I will be all right.”

Severus bid them farewell again and left. Harry settled into his book again, relieved that Severus’ quick return had alleviated his worries. He was able to concentrate on the words at last and set about his research with renewed purpose. The sooner he found this blasted curse, the sooner Severus could leave for five minutes without throwing Harry into a panic attack.

As much as he loved being with Severus every moment, it was time for both of them to have some freedom again. Harry missed his job and Severus couldn’t manage his shop remotely forever. Harry needed to find the cure.

“Right,” he muttered to himself. “Where are you, you nasty little bugger?”

Beside him, Percy snorted. “That’s the spirit.”

  


* * *

  


Harry sat in the living room with Hermione, reading through one of the last books in Regulus’ secret stash. By this point, he’d learned more dark magic than he had ever wanted to, but Merlin, wouldn’t he know his defence when he returned to the force? Well, at least until Dolohov was down. After that, Harry would let someone else take over and search for a less dangerous career. Ron would be a good leader for his team, and Harry would train him to take over before he moved on. The team would be in good hands, he was sure, and Severus would be able to relax once Harry was out of the field. Maybe he could work as a trainer instead.

Of course, Harry would have to find the curse and its cure before he could do any of that and he had begun to lose hope. The idea that someone as mad as Bellatrix could devise such a sophisticated spell on her own was farfetched in the extreme, but with every book added to the ‘useless’ pile, the possibility became more and more real.

Honestly, Harry was so tired of research he wouldn’t have cared, but for the fact that without information on the curse, he couldn’t know if bonding with Severus would actually solve his problems or not. He longed to escape Grimmauld Place. He was so bloody tired of its dreary décor and dark aura, and Merlin, wouldn’t he kill for a pint! He wanted to be at home, puttering around his own study—or warming Severus’ bed at Spinner’s End—but until they found a way to break Harry’s ties to Grimmauld Place, he was stuck.

With a sigh, Harry dumped the latest useless book in the pile and pulled out the next. He scanned the title and a thrill of recognition went through him. This was one of the books they hadn’t been able to track before—a journal of Hieronymus Black. They had a record of the book in the Black Archives—unlike all the other cached books—so it was possible Regulus had simply forgotten to erase the title from the list like he had done for the rest. Regulus had rabbited away the book on Black bonds too, but it hadn’t yielded any results. Maybe this time, Harry’s infamous dumb luck would finally come through.

Merlin, he hoped so.

Harry’s fingers prickled as he opened the book, whether from old magic or anticipation, he wasn’t sure. Either way, he dug in, trudging his way through the author’s less-than-stellar penmanship and egotistical ramblings.

Thirty pages in, he found his answers.

  


> _ Priori Animae {Familial Soul Curse, incomplete} _
> 
> _I designed this spell to be used against unfaithful members of the Black Family. If the curse had been successful, its targets would have endured the memory of their sins for the duration of their lives; however, the curse is flawed._
> 
> _Working as intended, the curse takes soul imprints of every Black Family member for the past five centuries and forces the target to hear their voices until they die. It also binds the target to the nearest ancestral Black home, the perfect revenge for a disloyal deserter._

  


Harry leapt up, excitement ringing through his veins. “Hermione! Severus! I think I found it!”

Hermione gasped and leapt up to sit beside Harry, and from the basement, Severus called, “Just a moment!”

Harry waited until Severus could put his potions in stasis and join them. The man raced up the stairs a half a moment later, still pulling off lab gear as he emerged from the house. He cast a quick cleaning spell on his hands and face, sat on the sofa beside Harry, and wrapped his arm around his lover’s shoulders.

“All right, what have you found?”

Harry read aloud what he had already discovered for himself, then finished the rest of the entry.

  


> Or it should have been the perfect revenge, but, alas! The curse is imperfect, and only works upon those with already-damaged souls. My research indicates only a person who has murdered in cold blood, encountered soul-sickness, or is half-souled will fall prey to it. A person with a whole soul would not be affected at all.
> 
> As the target must also be of the Black bloodline, the curse is of little use. Another failure! Soul-sickness and Dimidium Animae are exceedingly rare, and I am unsure I want my work to be used towards keeping a disloyal, murdering fool in the family.

  


Hermione scoffed. “Oh, like you’re so much better, Mister I-Invent-Soul-Curses-for-Fun.”

Harry chuckled. “True. But this is it, isn’t it? This is the curse?”

“I believe it is,” said Severus with a smile. “And that is good news. Because when we bond, you will have a complete, undamaged soul again, Harry, as well as the strength of my own added to yours. The split between our souls will fuse and, without a break, the curse will have no foothold.”

Harry gave him a hopeful smile. “So … so you’re saying that once we’re bonded, I’ll definitely be cured? And all the people trapped in my head—they’ll be free for good?”

“So it appears. Since Bellatrix no longer bears the curse, when you are free of it, the soul fragments inside your head will be freed also.”

Harry whooped and leapt into Severus’ lap, taking him into a fierce kiss, potion-covered robes and all.

“Er … congratulations, Harry,” said Hermione with a laugh. “I’m just going to … um, let the team know?”

Severus pulled back long enough to pant out, “And remove yourself from our immediate vicinity?”

“Yes, yes that!” She practically ran from the room, muttering under her breath. “Couldn’t wait two minutes … honestly!”

Harry burst into laughter and called out, “Sorry, Hermione!”

“Never mind it,” she called back. “Go celebrate. I’m going to let the others know you’ll be okay soon.”

“Thanks, sis.”

“Just keep the shagging to a minimum when I’m on the same sofa, please?”

Severus chuckled into Harry’s shoulder. “I believe I can safely make that promise.”

They heard Hermione harrumph all the way from the living room before she flooed away.

Severus laughed openly. “That was … entertaining.”

Harry smirked and straddled his fiancé. “I can think of something more entertaining. Want to … er, take the lead for me this time? Make me feel you all the way down to my toes?”

Severus’ breath hitched and his eyes lit with fire. “Merlin, yes. Upstairs with you.”

Harry went, grinning all the way.


	14. Things Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Sirius lovers beware—he’s really portrayed as twisted here. I’ve always thought him to be kind of creepy, so that comes out full throttle in this chapter. **Referenced/implied sexual assault. Homophobia. Obsession. Dangerous mental illness.**_
> 
> _Summary : Severus and Harry spend time working through their pasts. Severus’ drawing of Sirius starts Harry on a search for answers. He finds more than he bargained for._
> 
> _Notes : Drawing in this chapter about 1/4 down. Last one for this work unless I decide to draw their bonding, which, given the state of my health at the moment, will most likely have to wait until later._

**CHAPTER 14**  
_THINGS UNSAID_

Severus sat against the headboard with Harry at his side, his drawings in his lap. His fingers shook as he turned to the middle of the book, where a grey-haired old man began to feature prominently in his work. He stopped on one, eyes stinging as he remembered the pain he had rendered in stark relief.

Severus knelt before an old man, a pregnant woman in his arms, her face contorted with pain. Blood dripped from her chest and onto the floor. Tears streaked Severus’ face as he cried out to the old man, but Dumbledore had turned his back on his pleas.

“I made this … approximately two months after I became a spy,” he said in a soft, broken voice. “Riddle had been increasingly focused on finding her, and I continually tried to warn Albus that something wasn’t right. He kept insisting they were safe and protected and everything would be fine.” Severus gave a bitter laugh. “But no one counted on the rat.”

Harry hugged Severus’ waist. “I know. I half wish I’d just killed the bastard in third year. Voldemort would have never returned.”

Severus shook his head sadly. “He would have. He would have found a way. And who knows—we might not have been prepared to meet him, had you killed Pettigrew.” He turned into Harry and kissed his hair. “And you were an innocent. To kill him when he was helpless would have scarred you permanently.”

“This curse—it would’ve held then, wouldn’t it? Because my soul would’ve been scarred by more than _Dimidium Animae_ —I’d have been a murderer then.”

“That is my fear. Let us be glad you did not kill him and that we need never worry about his interference again.”

Harry nodded and turned into Severus’ side. “It hurt, didn’t it? That you kept trying to warn Dumbledore and he wouldn’t listen?”

Severus closed his eyes. “I have carried the guilt and anger from that situation for years.”

Harry turned Severus’ chin to face him. “Let it go. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could.”

Severus turned away. “I failed her.”

“No, love. No. Pettigrew failed her—them, all of us. You tried your best to save us.” Harry kissed him softly. “Let it go. I forgave you years ago, and I believe with all of me, she would have too, if she had lived long enough to know what a brave, beautiful man you are.”

Severus buried his face in Harry’s shoulder, shaking with grief and a rush of warm relief. “Thank you.”

“Ssh. Nothing to thank me for. I love you.”

Severus laid his book aside and clutched Harry into his arms. “Show me. I need to feel it right now. I need to feel you wash away the pain.”

“Severus … are you sure?”

“Yes. Absolve me with your love.”

Harry’s eyes lit up with fire. “With pleasure.”

  


* * *

  


Harry sat beside Severus against the headboard once more, the position becoming familiar as they continued to work their way through Severus’ drawings. The process had been healing for both of them, as much of what haunted Severus had hurt Harry, too. Working through it together had given both of them deeper perspective and healing Severus couldn’t find in either his medicine or his mind healer sessions.

The next drawing caused Harry’s heart to lodge in his throat.

Severus was kneeling on the grass near two boys. One, eyes painted vivid green, sobbed over the form of an older boy with sightless hazel eyes and a Hufflepuff badge on his robes.

“C-Cedric. Oh gods. Severus, why did you …?”

“It hurt me too, Harry.” Severus cuddled Harry close. “I recorded it because I felt as if I should have saved him. I should have stopped the tournament. And seeing how much it damaged you—gods, it tore the heart from me to see you so shattered.”

“It was my fault,” Harry breathed. “I told him to share the prize with me. Had I not, he’d still be alive. Damn it, the one time I should’ve been a selfish prat and I had to … I had to ….” He choked off his words, struggling to stifle a sob. “I’m sorry. Gods, what I wouldn’t give to take it back.”

“Harry … love, have you been carrying this guilt so long?”

Harry winced and buried his face in Severus’ shoulder. “Should carry it. None of them would be dead if not for me. Remus, Tonks, Fred, Lav—”

“Harry!” Severus tipped up the younger man’s face and wiped away a couple stray tears. “Pet, look at me.”

Harry opened his eyes and winced at the warmth of tears.

“I ask you now. Do you blame me for … for Charity Burbage?”

“No, Merlin, no. He killed her, not you.”

“And for Regulus Black?”

“No, love. You had no choice.”

“For your parents?”

Harry huffed. “Of course I don’t. _Riddle_ killed them, not you.”

Severus raised an eyebrow and said nothing. Harry winced and looked away.

“It’s not the same. He was never obsessed with you, Severus. He … it’s always been about trying to kill me. People _died_ to save me, damn it. It’s … it’s not right.”

Severus brushed Harry’s tears away. “Ssh. People died because a madman decided they were in the way. Tell me, what if Longbottom had been ‘the Chosen One’ instead of you, Harry? The soldiers and those who died to protect you, if they had died for Neville instead, would you blame him for their deaths?”

Harry cringed. “I … I … n-no.”

“Then do not blame yourself. You did not ask anyone to die for you, but rather died so that they would be safe. You bear no responsibility for their deaths.”

“But—”

“But nothing. If it does not apply to Longbottom, if it does not apply to me, then it does not apply to you either.” Severus kissed his forehead. “I will say the same thing to you that you said to me last week. Let it go, Harry. You are not guilty. You owe no one your remorse. You are not to blame.” He kissed Harry until the pain unwound from his heart and ceased to burden him so heavily. “Love, let them go.”

Harry blinked tears down his face and nodded. “I … I’ll try.”

“Good.” Severus held him close. “I have my own issues with guilt, pet. Let us help each other through this, hmm?”

“Yeah. Sounds good.” With a tearful smile, Harry Banished the sketchbook to the nightstand and turned out the lights. “Your turn to make me forget.”

Severus gave a low chuckle. “My pleasure.”

  


* * *

  


Harry held Severus’ sketchbook in his lap, this time having asked to pick a drawing himself. He stopped on one dated halfway through his fifth year and sucked in a sharp breath. Somehow, in all their talks, he hadn’t seen this drawing yet. It showed Sirius’ face, split down the middle by an all-too-familiar lightning bolt shape.

On one side—with a background painted the same shade of green Severus always used for Harry’s eyes—Sirius laughed, his left eye crinkled in the expression of humour and joy Harry remembered from years ago. The other side—this on a black background—showed a vicious, snarling Sirius, his right eye full of utter hatred and violence.

It was as apt a rendering as Harry had ever seen of the man’s dual nature.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/29417549218/in/dateposted-public/)

“I drew this after the Christmas hols your fifth year,” Severus said in a soft voice. “Do you know I was watching?”

Harry frowned and leaned on Severus’ shoulder. “When, love?”

“When Black and Lupin were celebrating with you. I was hiding in the shadows and watching. It … I could not risk showing my weakness, but it hurt me that he was so kind to you and so utterly cruel to me.” Severus shook his head. “Looking back, now I do not think he was as kind to you as it appeared. Perhaps, he wanted you to replace the friend he lost and was disappointed when you were not James.”

Harry nodded sadly. “Remus and I both said as much to him. That he couldn’t use me as a replacement James. To this day, I don’t know if he ever loved me or just what he wanted me to be.” His eyes stung. “No. Given how he treated me during the curse, I suppose I _do_ know.”

Severus rubbed a hand up and down Harry’s side. “I do not understand why Black was so cruel to homosexuals. Potter was not homophobic. He did not like me and let me know it often, but once he realised I was not in the running for Lily’s affections and only wanted her friendship, his attacks slowed and lost much of their viciousness. In seventh year, when he began dating Lils, he ceased tormenting me altogether. And Lupin had never wanted to attack me at all.”

He leaned his head against the headboard, staring at the ceiling. “You know, I don’t even think Pettigrew was truly homophobic. He only followed the biggest bully and spouted whatever rubbish they did, the cowardly little rodent. But Black—he was absolutely _vicious_ to me, and I never understood why. What threat did I, a single Slytherin whom even my own house did not support, pose to a popular, well-loved boy such as Black? Merlin, all I wanted to do was study in peace and he could not even let me do that much.”

He closed his eyes and shivered. “I know I … I lost control in your third year. I was so livid, I came off as one step away from a madman, but every time I saw him, I remembered what he had done to me. I remembered how cruel he was to me and what we thought he had done to your family and those Muggles. I was absolutely terrified he would get to you. I was terrified he would hurt you. And even if he didn’t, I was also terrified he would pass his prejudices and cruelty onto you.”

Severus closed his eyes, his posture tense. “Your fifth year was terrible for me as well, because you hated me so much. I thought, with Black’s interference, it would never change. Even if we won the war, I feared you would never see me for who I was, or even if you did, you would still hate me for it.” Tears slipped down the sides of his face and into his hair.

“Oh, Severus.” Harry gently rubbed Severus’ tears away. “I had no idea you were so afraid.”

Severus shuddered. “Black has always inspired intense fear and hatred within me. I am sorry I was unable to control it.”

Harry kissed Severus’ temple. “Sev, considering everything he did to hurt you, it’s okay. You were afraid and suffering, and he never stopped attacking you. You’re forgiven.”

Severus hugged Harry tighter and returned his gaze to the drawing in his lap. “I imagine this image is hurting you as well.”

Harry nodded, his chest hollow with grief. “Once, I thought him the perfect godfather—a perfect man, really. Everything was black and white then. When I saw his vicious side in your pensieve, it was the first time I realised the world is all shades of grey.” He gave a dark laugh. “Did you know I confronted him?”

Severus frowned. “About the assault?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t let that slide. Sev, what I saw of it—even just that much was a crime. And … and Da was talking about stripping you the rest of the way when you pulled me out.” Harry shuddered. “Did he?”

Severus winced and pulled away, tucking his knees to his chest and shaking hard. Harry Banished the sketchbook to the nightstand and rubbed Severus’ back.

“If it’s too much, you don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.”

“Black did,” Severus said in a whisper. “He r-removed my undergarments. Manually. I tried to kick him, but Pettigrew immobilised me. Then I could only watch. I couldn’t even scream. He … he reached for me—like he would t-touch—” He cringed and hugged his knees tighter. “Then his jerked back and he … his face twisted in murderous rage. He reached for me again and might have damaged me if Lupin had not stunned him and kicked him in the head. I have never seen the wolf so furious as I did that day.”

Harry scowled. “Left it a bit late though, didn’t he?”

Severus laughed bitterly, and Harry ran a gentle hand through Severus’ hair.

“Severus, may I hold you?”

Severus gave him a bemused look. “Why would you ask? Of course you may.”

Harry flushed as he brought Severus into his arms. “It’s just, being an auror has … I’ve seen things I never wanted to see. Some of the people we saved, they’d been … assaulted. Raped. And many times when a survivor of sexual assault recalls what they went through, the last thing they want is to be touched. So I thought it best to ask, just in case you wanted space.”

Severus let go of his knees and laid his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Perhaps if he had truly touched me, I would have been uncomfortable, but I am not. I feel safe with you.”

Harry tucked Severus’ head under his chin and held him close. “You are, Severus.” He let out a shaky sigh. “Dear gods. I … he was really fucked up, wasn’t he?”

Severus gave a dark laugh. “You are asking _me_? I am the last person qualified to judge such things.”

Harry shushed him with a soft kiss. “You’re lovely. Kind and brave and intelligent, and you don’t molest innocent boys.” He said the last in a voice choked with fury. “Gods, I half wish he’d lived so I could kill the bastard all over again!”

Severus kissed Harry’s throat. “You are angry for me.”

“Bloody well furious. I love you, Sev. The idea of anyone—especially of someone who should have loved me and respected my choice of partner—touching you like that … fuck no! I’ll break the hands off of the person who dares try it, and I won’t need a spell.”

Severus pressed Harry into the pillows with a passionate kiss. “Mm, my hero.”

Harry guided Severus to lie in his embrace instead. “I … I don’t know if I can make love right now, Sev. I just … my whole body is screaming with fury and horror and I just … I don’t understand it.”

Severus nodded and kissed Harry’s cheek. “As you wish—I am content to simply be in your company. Tell me what you don’t understand, my love.”

Harry closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back tears. “I … it’s just that I loved that man so much, Severus. He was kind to me. _Was_ being the operative word, but still. When I was young, he was like a big brother. I don’t understand—how is it possible that the man who bought me a Firebolt for thirteen years of missed birthdays, the man who hugged me and welcomed me and made sure I was safe, who loved me—how could he have been such … such a _monster_?”

Severus sighed and turned onto his back. “I have asked myself the same question many nights. To this day, I have yet to find an answer.”

Harry let his hand fall and gave Severus a bemused look. “About Sirius?”

“No. Black never showed a kinder sider to me, but I am sure you remember the images of my home life from your Occlumency lessons?”

Harry nodded and turned to rub a hand gently across Severus’ breastbone. “Looked pretty similar to mine.”

“It was not. Your childhood was worse. My father abused me, yes, but there were also times that he was kind. And Mother never hated me. That is what I meant before. I did not understand how the man who taught me to read, who carried me on his shoulders and boasted about me to all his friends—how could he also condemn me as worthless and beat me until I bled?”

Severus shook his head. “I am forty-four years old, Harry, and I still do not understand. All I can tell you is that, perhaps we all have those extremes in us, but those of us with the ability to temper judgment with love, or even mercy, do not act on their crueller urges. Perhaps people like Black, like my father, like Riddle—perhaps they never learned that ability.”

He sighed and held Harry’s face. “But I will tell you this: whatever that fragment of Black in your head said, never doubt that the true man loved you. I believe, in time, that love would have overcome his stupidity. Perhaps, if he had lived long enough to see you grow into the man you are now, he would have been a better person.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ shoulder. “I don’t know, Severus. Even after so long, he never changed towards you. What makes you think he would have changed towards me?”

“I cannot say for certain that he would have. But Black never loved me. He _did_ love you. And that, my Harry, is a force that brings even the worst of humanity to heel.”

 _‘A force that brings the worst of humanity to heel?’_ Harry frowned and held Severus tighter. _‘Maybe he was talking about himself, but he’s never been the kind of cruel that Sirius was. I don’t know if there’s anything in the world that can change a man like that.’_

His thoughts left him hollow and desolate, and with a sniffle, he laid his head against Severus’ shoulder and snuggled in close. The warmth of Severus’ arms helped.

Time and distance. Maybe Severus was right. Harry would probably never understand his godfather, but as long as he had Severus to pull him through, he would learn to forgive the man and move on with his life. Someday.

Harry sighed and kissed Severus’ chest. “Thank you, Sev.”

“Love, these talks are just as healing for me. There is nothing to thank me for.”

“Still, I’m glad you’re here to help me through this. I might never have talked about any of it if not for you.”

Severus stroked Harry’s hair. “Perhaps not. You would barely speak of the past before, even after your nightmares.” He wrapped his arm around Harry and squeezed him tight. “I am glad I showed you my sketchbook. It has helped us both.”

“We should take it with us when I’m able to go to your mind healer sessions with you. If I’m able. Those drawings show the core of you more than words. It would probably help her understand what you need.”

Severus gave a wry laugh. “Somehow, I believe she will tell me that _you_ have been the greatest aid to my recovery.” He kissed Harry’s temple. “I am glad I can repay the favour.”

“You’re my hero, Severus. Always have been, even when I didn’t know it.” Harry kissed him lightly and tucked his head under Severus’ chin. “Will you just hold me tonight? I don’t think I can … but I need to be near you.”

“Yes, of course.” Severus Summoned the blanket and settled it over them. “Whatever you need, pet. I am yours.”

Harry hugged Severus tight and let the warmth of his lover’s body—and of his heart—guide him into dreams.

  


* * *

  


Harry stood at the entrance of Sirius’ old bedroom, staring at his belongings and trying to make some sense of the man’s bipolar nature. Deep down, he knew Severus had the right of it—that there weren’t always clear answers and only time would help him understand—but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had missed something. In their brief time together, he had never seen a hint of the viciousness Sirius had shown during Harry’s time under the curse or to Severus in life. There had to be some reason, some explanation for his cruelty.

Harry’s heart sunk anew at the thought that, in all likelihood, there probably _wasn’t_ a clear-cut reason, and even if one existed, he might never find it now that the man was dead and gone. Still, it might help to look, if only to convince himself that he had truly done all he could. At least then he could move on with a clear conscience.

“All right, you stroppy bastard,” Harry muttered to himself. “We found your brother’s stash—and if we ever get his portrait working, I’ll have to take him to task about the fact that he didn’t just bloody _tell me_ where the damn thing was. For now though, let’s just see what _you’re_ hiding.”

Harry set to work with fierce determination steeling his resolve. Thinking that Sirius might have known of Regulus’ stash and borrowed from his idea, he started at the floor, but upon finding no loose boards, began working his way up. The space between Sirius’ mattress and bedspring yielded nothing but yet another porn mag featuring busty ladies and dog-eared corners.

Harry shuddered and tossed the mag back where he’d found it.

“Merlin, Sirius. Didn’t want anyone to doubt what lights your wand, did you?”

With a sad shake of his head, Harry dropped the mattress and moved on. He started at the top of Sirius’ dresser and worked his way down, finding nothing of interest. He assumed if there had been anything interesting there once, most likely the Order would have found and removed it by now. There was nothing behind or under the dresser either.

Frustration bubbling like acid in his chest, Harry moved on to the walls, but a visual scan, several revealing spells, and even a manual examination yielded nothing. He checked the burned out tapestry, but it refused to budge no matter what he tried. Damn permanent sticking charms.

Harry sighed and flopped onto the bed, his eyes drifting to the pictures of bikini-clad women Sirius had tacked up on the wall opposite. Those had sticking charms on them too, or no doubt Molly or Mrs. Black would have torn them down and ripped them to pieces long before now.

He turned away and his eyes landed on a coat of arms on the wall behind the bedroom door. A _Black_ family coat of arms. How strange to find it in a room of someone who had so thoroughly eschewed his heritage.

Strange, and potentially convenient.

If one had wanted to hide something in a house of pureblood bigot Blacks, a hidden space behind the coat of arms would be a great way to do it. Neither Molly nor the Blacks would have paid it any mind.

Harry moved to the small shield, eyes narrowed and heart pounding. He’d found it. Something in him _knew_ he’d found it. Hands shaking, he tugged at the coat of arms, but only a small clicking sound met his ears—the sign of a tripped password charm.

“Toujours pur.” He pulled half-heartedly, but hadn’t actually expected that to work.

With a deep breath to brace himself, he whispered to the shield, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

Another click, and the shield swung towards him, revealing a small cache of magazines and a Muggle notebook.

“Hah! You might have been able to hide this from my fifteen year old self, Siri, but not the auror captain me.” With a triumphant smirk, he took the notebook first and flipped through it, stunned to find it full of his godfather’s writing and the occasional doodle.

“A journal! Jackpot.”

Grinning, Harry sent it to the bed to look at later and took out a magazine. He shouldn’t have been surprised to discover it was yet another pornographic publication. What _did_ surprise him was the stark lack of ample bosoms—and females in general.

“Holy shite. Sirius Black, homophobe extraordinaire, has gay porn mags?”

Harry reeled as he looked through the stack and … dear gods, they were all the same. Magazine after magazine of shapely wizards, each one more dog-eared than the mag he had discovered under Sirius’ mattress.

“Well, well, well. Looks like you had some secrets of your own, eh, Padfoot?”

Harry suppressed a surge of grief and betrayal—bloody hypocrite!—and lifted the stack up to make sure there was nothing hidden underneath. Ah, yes, there was a slip of parchment. He took it out and his eyes boggled.

“Is this … no! I can’t believe it. What in the world is _this_ doing in here?”

It was the missing page out of the Half-Blood Prince’s textbook, the one that had driven him mad back in sixth year. Harry could have recognised the handwriting blindfolded, and Severus’ artistic technique too. The parchment held the last line of the poem he’d always wanted to finish— _I will not go gentle into this dark night_ —and a technical drawing of a Christmas rose.

He frowned and cradled the parchment close to his chest, cold prickles creeping up his spine. It was a beautiful drawing and, combined with such a powerful line of poetry, it perfectly illustrated Severus’ character—hard without and soft and beautiful within—but what on earth was this drawing doing in _Sirius’_ secret stash? And hidden under a stack of gay porn, no less!

Merlin. This just kept getting stranger by the moment.

He swept his hand under the mags one more time to check for anything he might have missed and discovered a Polaroid photo. He pulled it out and gasped. It was a wizarding photo of Snape’s profile, most likely taken during Harry’s fourth or fifth year, judging by the lines around Severus’ eyes. Harry almost dropped it in his shock.

“What the _fuck_ kind of alternate dimension have I stumbled into?”

At the sound of Harry’s voice, the photo version of Severus looked up with a glare, then reeled back at the sight of him.

“H-hi, Severus.” Harry shook his head in utter confusion. “Merlin, this is so strange.”

The photo-Severus raised an eyebrow at him.

“Right. Of course it is.” Harry took a deep breath and tried to clear his head. “Sorry about that. So, first of all, you should know the war has been over for five years. And second, I’m your fiancé now, so there’s no need to pretend to hate me. I know the truth about you, love.”

The photo Severus stared at him, gobsmacked, then tears filled his eyes.

“Oh, shite! Sev, please. I’m not—it’s real, I swear. I’d _never_ hurt you like that, honest.”

Severus blinked hard and nodded, giving him a hesitant smile.

“Oh.” Harry smiled back. “You were just overcome?”

Photo-Severus nodded again.

“Ah. Well, it’s okay now. I’m yours. Well, your human self. I just … gods, I’m utterly gobsmacked here. You’re in _Sirius’_ secret stash, for Merlin’s sake. I don’t get it.” He sighed and carried the photo to the bed, setting the journal down beside it. “Do you know anything?”

Severus fixed him with a wry look, and Harry laughed at himself.

“I’ve lost my bloody mind. You can’t talk to me. Well, not much.” He sighed. “I guess I should explain how I found you first anyway.” He ruffled his hair in frustration and took a deep breath. “Okay. So I came in here searching for answers and eventually found Sirius’ cubbyhole.”

Photo-Severus mouthed, _“Why you?”_

Harry gave a nervous laugh. “Well, because Sirius has been dead for six years.”

The look of relief on Severus’ face startled Harry.

“Merlin, Severus! I know you hate the man, but you’re really _glad_ he’s dead?”

Photo-Severus looked away, his expression pained.

Harry’s stomach jolted. Oh gods. He knew that expression—one of combined shame, anger, and hurt. He saw it every time Severus talked about the nightmarish incident after his OWLs. The implications of that left Harry hollow and sick.

Sirius must have done something terrible to the photo.

Harry swallowed hard and held the photo closer. “Sev? Are you … okay?”

Severus looked back at him and shook his head slowly. Harry winced.

“Can you communicate what happened at all?”

The photo shook his head again, his eyes sad.

“So I’m to guess if I want answers.” He shook his head wryly. “You know, this would be a hell of a lot easier if photos could do magic. Then you could just use our Legilimentic link.”

Severus’ eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open.

Harry gave him a wry smile. “Yeah, that’s about the reaction you gave me when we first learned of it. You were injured during the war. It hurt your voice, and so that was the only option you had if you wanted to talk. We use it all the time now, mostly to communicate what we don’t want others to hear.”

Photo-Severus paled and tapped his throat, his expression questioning. Harry understood easily enough.

“Oh no, you were healed—your voice was anyway—within a few days. It’s fine now.” Harry smirked. “Actually, your voice is one of the sexiest things about you.”

Severus blushed and jerked back, eyes wide and hands folded protectively over his chest.

“Oh Merlin. I’m sorry, love. Guess I overwhelmed you a bit, hmm?”

Photo-Severus shook himself and gave Harry the same shy smile he remembered the first time he had called Severus by the pet name. He remembered the man’s objections to it, too.

“Yes, Severus. I love you.”

The man in the photo closed his eyes and covered his face with a shaking hand.

“Ssh. It’s okay. You won’t have to be closed up in that dark hole any longer.”

Severus lowered his hand and gave Harry a grateful, teary smile.

Harry sighed. “Sev, it’s going to be okay now, but I really do need your help figuring some things out. If you can just nod or shake your head, maybe you can help me?”

Severus wiped his eyes and nodded, visibly steeling himself.

“Okay. Well, I’ll just tell you more about what I came in here for to start with. I was looking for answers on Sirius’ behaviour towards us. You see, several weeks ago, I got hit by a soul curse out on a raid—er, I’m an auror captain now. Anyway, it wouldn’t have affected me usually. But since Sirius adopted me into the Black bloodline and you and I are half-souled—”

Severus’ jaw dropped.

Harry flushed. “Er … long story, but it’s true. I’d have long since gone entirely mad had we not learned your touch—our love, really—is defeating the curse. Since our souls are sealing the tear with every step we take closer to each other, the curse is slowly losing a foothold as our relationship grows. By the time we’re bonded, I’ll be free of it entirely.”

Severus gave him a pained look and lowered his head.

“I … what’s wrong?”

Severus smiled at Harry, but it was sad, resigned. Pain and insecurities flickered in his dark eyes before he hid the emotions away, and Harry’s heart thumped.

“Oh, I think I understand. You think I’m only bonding to you because of the curse?”

Severus glared.

Harry blew him an air kiss. “It’s not like that at all. You and I have been completely in love with each other for five years. We just didn’t realise it until recently.”

Severus’ eyes filled with hope and a tentative smile curved the corners of his mouth.

“Yes, love. Our relationship is _real_ , not just a cure. You’ve been my best friend and my confidant ever since the end of the war. And now you’re my partner too. I’m really happy with you, and I think you’re happy with me, too.”

Severus’ voice murmured from the entryway, “I am, love. Totally enamoured of you.”

Harry jumped. “Shite, Sev! I know you’re a spy and all but … make a noise or something when you walk. Worse than a bloody cat.”

Severus chuckled and sat beside his partner. “I shall consider getting a bell.”

Harry gave him a wicked look. “You’re going to wear a collar for me?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

Harry laughed. “How’d you know I was up here?”

“I heard you talking, naturally. And when I realised you weren’t at the floo, it frightened me. I thought your curse had returned.”

Harry gave him a sheepish look. “No, just telling your photo here that we’re in love.”

Severus frowned. “It is an odd feeling to be jealous of oneself.”

Harry snorted. “Whoops.” He kissed the real Severus softly. “Nothing to be jealous over. I just wanted him to know he’s not alone.” He hummed. “Maybe we could take a photo of myself to keep him company?”

“Ah, I believe he likes the idea.” Severus nodded to the photo. Photo-Severus was smiling, hope and joy written all over his face.

Harry’s heart warmed. “You really are beautiful when you smile, Sev.”

The real Severus nuzzled Harry’s neck and wrapped an arm around his partner’s waist. “Only when I smile, hmm?”

Harry tipped his head back and turned into Severus’ touch. “Mm. Hush, you. You know I think you’re gorgeous.”

Severus kissed Harry’s ear lightly, making Harry shiver. “Hmm. I think you need new spectacles. But may I ask what precisely you are doing up here? And where did you find that photo of me? I do not remember posing for it.”

Harry frowned and looked to the photo again. “That’s what’s so strange, Severus. I came up here looking for answers about why Sirius was so different with me and why he turned on me.”

Photo-Severus paled and mouthed, _“Turned on you?”_

Harry gave him a sad smile. “Yeah. The curse I mentioned forced me to hear the voices of every dead Black for five centuries back. As soon as Sirius realised I was in love with you, he turned vicious. He started attacking me, not just for loving you, but for being gay.” He lowered his head and swallowed a wave of grief. “It … it still really hurts, so I was up here trying to find some kind of explanation.”

Severus stroked Harry’s hair. “You do realise that finding an answer when he has been dead so long …?”

Harry gave him a sad smile. “I know. I had to try anyway.” He frowned. “And I did find some things. I found that niche behind the coat of arms.”

Severus’ eyebrow shot up. “That was password-protected. You guessed it?”

Harry chuckled wryly. “I should have known you’d have found it first. And yes, it wasn’t too hard if you knew Sirius. It was the password to the Marauders’ Map. I told you about it, remember?”

Severus nodded. “And this photo was in the niche?”

“Yes, along with a journal and … and a giant stack of gay porn, the hypocrite.”

Severus blanched. “Wait, wait just a moment. Your extremely homophobic godfather kept a journal, a stack of homosexual pornography, and _my photo_ in the same hiding place?”

“Yeah. And this.” Harry held up the scrap of parchment with Severus’ rose drawing. “He nicked it out of your sixth year potions text, but what I don’t understand is why.”

Severus clutched at the parchment and reeled. “Oh sweet Merlin. Surely not. I _must_ be mistaken.”

Harry looked between his appalled partner and the pained grimace on the photo Severus’ face and knew he had missed something vital.

“Um … Sev?”

Severus plucked the photo out of Harry’s fingers and waved a shaky hand towards the journal. “Read it. Pick something from either the time I worked in Grimmauld Place with the Order or from our school years, should the journal go that far back. Look for my name.”

Harry frowned. “O-okay, but are you all right?”

“If what I suspect is true ….”

Severus’ photo nodded grimly.

The real Severus winced. “Then I am most definitely _not_.”

Harry slipped his hand into Severus’. “Then I don’t care about his journal. What can I do to help?”

“Read the damn journal, Harry. I can’t—can’t even bring myself to—” Severus doubled over and turned faintly green. “Just read it.”

“A-all right, I guess.” Bemused, Harry took the journal and flipped through the pages, searching for dates. He watched his godfather’s handwriting develop from childish scrawl to a more mature hand, and chased his progress to his adolescence.

There. He had caught sight of Severus’ name in a later entry. Harry checked the date—17 March, 1979. So it was from Severus’ last term at Hogwarts.

“Found something, I think.”

“Read it aloud.”

“A-all right.” Harry squashed a prickle of foreboding and cleared his throat. “‘ _Snape, damn him. Gods, what is wrong with me? I’ve all these gorgeous girls all around me and all I can think about is bloody Severus Snape. Why him of all people? I can’t stand it any longer._ ’”

Harry reeled and gasped. “No. Wait a minute, that can’t be—can it?”

Severus’ expression was grim. “Keep reading.”

Harry forced himself to obey. “‘ _I’m going to fix it tonight. Maybe if Moony messes up his face_ ’—” He cried out in horror. “What the _fuck_? He wanted to … to tear up your _face_?”

“Apparently breaking my nose in fourth year was not enough,” whispered an ashen Severus.

“Oh dear gods.” Harry stared at the journal, stomach churning, heart pounding. “I don’t understand. Why? What in Merlin’s name could hurting your face possibly be in aid of?”

Severus tapped the page, and Harry gulped. He would only find the answer in Sirius’ journal, but he was no longer sure he wanted it. Already, he regretted ever coming in here today.

“Go on, Harry. I am not sure I can speak of it.”

The shaky tone of Severus’ voice made Harry’s chest pang. He slipped his hand into his fiancé’s and, propping the journal open on his knee, Harry read on.

“‘ _M-maybe if Moony messes up his face, I’ll be able to stop looking at him._ ’” Harry’s breath hitched. “No. It … it’s not … it’s not true. I ….”

Severus let go of Harry’s hand and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s waist instead. Harry only realised Severus was trembling when their sides touched.

Shaken to his core, Harry steeled his courage and forced his voice to work around the bile creeping up his throat.

“‘ _After I lead him to the Shack tonight, he won’t look so—no! I won’t say it. I won’t! I’m not like that. I’m not abnormal. It’s him—he’s poisoned me. He’s enthralled me or something. It must be that. Some dark spell—I’d never look at a man like this otherwise._ ’”

Harry stifled a sob and choked out the rest of the entry. “‘ _Well, after tonight, it won’t matter. It’ll all be over. A couple of moments with Moony will fix this infatuation with Snape. I’m sure of it._ ’”

He threw the book away from him with a cry of disgust. He was shaking with horror, reeling with disbelief, and sick with the realisation that his godfather had been even madder than he’d thought. At the same time, pieces that hadn’t fit before began to fall into place. So _this_ was why Sirius had maintained such an unreasonable level of hatred for Severus all these years. Why he hated Harry.

“Oh my god, Severus! He was in love with you!”

Severus scowled in disgust. “I think obsessed is a better term. Infatuated, perhaps. Nothing about what that demon felt for me remotely resembled love. Certainly nothing like what you have shown me, Harry. In the few moments since you have found my photo, you have shown him more love than Black did in the entire course of the twenty-four years I knew him.”

Photo-Severus nodded vehemently.

Harry dropped his head into his hands. “Sweet mother of Merlin.”

“That about sums it up.” Severus shuddered and held Harry tight.

  


* * *

  


Harry was a wreck. Severus had half carried him to their bedroom, levitating the journal and the rose drawing behind him. Harry cradled Severus’ photo to his chest, his heart panging with the realisation that Sirius had likely used it for nefarious purposes.

No wonder photo-Severus had said he wasn’t okay.

With a sniffle, Harry vowed he would be from now on. He conjured a frame for the photo and set it on his nightstand, tucking the rose drawing underneath. “You’ll be safe here, okay? No one will ever hurt you again.”

Severus’ likeness gave Harry a grateful smile and blew him an air kiss. The real Severus raised an eyebrow and shook his head as if unsure how to react.

Harry laughed weakly. “Oh, Sev. Come on. There’s nothing to worry about. You know I love you.”

“Hmm. The feeling is mutual.” Severus motioned to the journal. “What do we do with this?”

Harry cringed. “Burn it for all I care.”

“You may regret that decision later, when time has cooled your anger and grief. While I have no doubt there are further horrifying entries about myself—I shudder to think of what he may have written after the OWLs—there are also likely entries about your parents and Lupin.”

“Not worth it,” Harry said with a cringe. “I can hear stories of them from other people. It’s not worth it.”

“You may change your mind later.”

“Fine.” Harry took the journal from him and scowled at the cover. “How I ever looked up to this tosser is a mystery.” He snarled and tossed the vile book into the back of his closet. It could stay there forever for all Harry cared.

With a sigh, Severus levitated the journal onto the highest shelf and closed the closet door. “There, now it is not likely to draw undue notice.” He turned back towards Harry and gave him a searching look. “Harry, are you well?”

With a strangled sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, Harry collapsed onto the bed and buried his face in the pillows. “No. Gods, no.”

Severus’ hand stroked through his hair. “I am here.” He kissed Harry’s head and a brush of magic rushed over the younger man’s body.

Harry looked down to realise Severus had removed his partner’s trainers and denims and was in the process of setting his shoes by the door. A second wandless spell removed Severus’ lab smock and trousers, leaving him in a white dress shirt, navy-blue pants, and black socks.

A sudden movement drew Harry’s attention to the nightstand. Photo-Severus had turned his face away. He was blushing and trying not to look at Harry, while at the same time sneaking quick glances at his legs.

Harry gave him a wry smile. “Merlin, it’s okay to look, Sev. You’re my fiancé.”

The real Severus gave him a bemused frown, but shook his head as his eyes fell on the photo and its furiously blushing occupant. “I reiterate that it is odd to feel jealous of oneself.” He lay beside Harry and wrapped him in a loose hug.

Harry laughed in spite of himself. “You’re the only one for me. And since he’s you, I love him too. If that makes any sense.”

Severus scowled. “I am going to pick up a couple of frames and a camera while I am out shopping for rings tomorrow. He may have a Harry of his own, not mine.”

Harry chuckled into Severus’ neck, but his mirth faded fast. “Sev, I can’t believe this. I … it really hurts.”

“I know, love. I am quite shaken myself. I never imagined—of all the strange emotions I believed Black might have harboured towards me, I confess, I never _dreamed_ attraction to be chief among them.” Severus cringed. “I fear what Black may have done to my photo.”

Harry gagged. “Oh gods.”

Severus buried his face in Harry’s shoulder—he was shaking hard, and no wonder. Harry would be disturbed in his place too.

“Well, it mightn’t be as bad as we think,” Harry tried to soothe him. “Given how much Sirius hated his attraction to you and the wear and tear on his magazines, maybe he didn’t use the picture for _that_.” Harry frowned and turned to face the photo. “Er, d-did he?”

Severus looked to the photo too. Photo-Severus grimaced and looked away.

Bile crept into Harry’s throat. “Oh dear gods.”

Photo-Severus flinched and flushed.

“Ssh,” Harry murmured, trying to soothe them both. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re safe.”

The man in the photo slowly turned his face back around, eyes full of shame and fear.

“No, pet. I don’t blame you. It’s all right.”

“Merlin help me,” the real Severus murmured in a small, distant voice.

Harry whipped around and held Severus tight. “Gods, you poor man. Are you okay?”

Severus shuddered. “I am … more than a little unsettled.”

Harry kissed Severus’ forehead. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I love you.”

Severus relaxed a fraction and clutched Harry’s waist. “As I love you. I am simply in shock. It is … disturbing, especially considering how cruel he was to me.”

“It’s disturbing for me too.” Harry snarled. “Merlin, it’s not even just how terrible he was to you—horrifying as it was—I can’t believe what he wrote about _Moony_ , his supposed best friend! He was willing to hurt you both just because he couldn’t face up to his feelings. He might have gotten all three of you killed just because he couldn’t deal with his sexuality! Maybe Dad, too.” As Harry cradled Severus’ cheeks in loving hands, tears stung his eyelids. “And he wanted to hurt your face—your beautiful face. I can’t ….”

Severus tucked Harry’s hair behind his ear. “There now. He did not manage it, thank Merlin.”

Harry nodded and struggled to control his sniffles. “M’sorry.”

“Ssh. I think, if I were not so shocked, I might weep as well. It is traumatising.” Severus frowned. “Merlin, my disgust must hurt considering he is your family.” He shook his head. “To clarify, it is not so much that he cared for me, but the manner in which he acted on his feelings that has horrified me. I am sorry if my revulsion hurts you.”

“I’m just as horrified, Severus. It’s okay. You can’t help how you feel and you have a right to be disgusted. It’s … frankly, that journal entry was appalling.”

Severus rubbed a shaky hand down Harry’s side. “It was indeed.” He shook his head and nudged Harry to lie with his head on Severus’ chest. “I am sorry, pet. Had I realised that entry would be _that_ disturbing, I am not sure I would have encouraged you to read it.”

Harry nodded and buried his face in Severus’ chest.

“Tell me what is going through your mind, Harry.”

Harry buried his face in Severus’ shoulder and murmured into his chest. “I loved him. He was my world for years, even for a while after his death, but the whole time there was this secret obsessive side he never let me see, this dark nature to him. And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, he was willing to let us all burn to fuel his denial. It’s horrifying. He despised all the good parts of himself and by it, turned himself into an utter disaster of a human being.”

Severus cringed. “You call his obsession with me a _good_ thing?”

“No. Not at all. But if he hadn’t hated himself so thoroughly, it might have been love and not obsession.”

Severus gave him an incredulous look.

Harry smiled sadly. “Well, maybe not, but then, look at us. You spent years pretending to hate me. I could have chosen to remember that when you were dying in my arms that night in the Shack, I could have focused on the hate and the negative aspects of our relationship, but instead, your apology, the way you touched me, it changed me forever.”

He shook his head. “I suppose it’s not exactly the same, but I guess what I’m saying is that all it took was remorse, forgiveness, and a bit of faith for us to change something terrible into love. Sirius could have done it too. But he never tried, he never accepted himself as he was, and because of it, he … warped himself and hurt us all.”

Severus brushed his hand through Harry’s hair. “I find I prefer that he did not accept his nature. Not because I wished you to be harmed, but I do not think I could have forgiven the man even if he had tried to make amends, not with the degree of abuse he subjected me to for the entire duration of our acquaintance. And if somehow, I _had_ been able to look past his cruelty and trust him, even if he had turned into a decent man down the line, I would not have you.”

“Yeah.” Harry kissed Severus lightly. “I guess we would never have fallen in love then.”

Severus traced a hand down Harry’s cheek. “Most likely not. And this, Harry, I do not think I could find a love like yours if I searched the world over, and not only because we share our souls.” He shook his head. “No, I am content. Having you is worth everything I endured. I would go through it again if—”

“Ssh. Don’t even think that. I’m never letting anyone _near_ you again, not to hurt you anyway, and damn sure not to steal you away.” Harry glared. “You’re mine now.”

Severus laughed and hugged Harry tight. “Yours. As you are mine.” He kissed Harry’s forehead. “Harry, I know it hurts now, but we will move on from this. At least now we know it was nothing we had done—the problem was in himself.”

Harry gave Severus a sad smile. “Yeah. I just wish … I wish I’d known what he was doing to himself. Maybe if I’d talked to him back then—” He winced. “No. Sirius would have just ignored me or cut me off, wouldn’t he?”

“He may have done worse.” Severus shuddered. “I would not want you to suffer the same fate I did at his hands.”

Harry cringed and tucked his head under Severus’ chin. “I know you’re right, but it still hurts.”

“I imagine it will for some time. But ….” Severus tipped Harry’s head back up to meet his eyes. “You have good memories and bad memories of Sirius Black. Cherish the good ones, and forgive him for the bad. There was something broken within him.” He smiled wryly. “After this, I think even I will be able to forgive him someday.”

Harry gaped. “Really? After all this time?”

“Knowing what he was doing to himself—and the knowledge that he had feelings for me, however twisted—I … it has changed my opinion. Where before I felt only rage and betrayal, now there is also a healthy dose of pity mixed in. It seems … foolish to hold a grudge against such an ill person.”

A tight knot of anguish that had clawed at Harry’s chest since the day Sirius had first turned on him released.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. He _was_ sick. There’s no point in hating him for it, especially since there’s nothing he can do to hurt us any longer.” Harry gave Severus a wry smile. “I never imagined I’d be thanking you for wisdom concerning Sirius Black.”

Severus snorted.

Harry grinned back. “Thank you, love. I think … I’ll be all right now. Will you be okay?”

Severus shrugged. “However much it might have disturbed me when the man was alive, he is gone now. What can he do to me from beyond the veil?” He kissed Harry and smiled. “I would much rather focus on us, pet, rather than wasting energy on things that never came to pass and never will.”

Harry nodded. “Good philosophy.”

Severus chuckled. “Albus was good for something then.”

Harry grinned. “Something other than lemon drops and blinding the student population with his fashion sense, you mean?”

“Precisely.”

Harry laughed and snuggled closer. “We … we’re going to be okay, right, Sev?”

Severus kissed Harry tenderly. “We are going to be wonderful. We are going to let this go, continue to work on our healing together, and be stronger for everything we have endured at each other’s side.”

Harry blinked back tears of relief and love. “Yeah. You’re right. It’s going to be fine.”

“It will indeed. Assuming I can ever find rings that are worth the money.”

Harry chuckled. “You will. I have faith in you.” He hugged Severus tight. “Thank you.”

“Mm, there is nothing to thank me for. Now, what do you say we get dressed again and start lunch together? Perhaps we can eat on the lawn and make it into a picnic.”

“Whoever said you weren’t a romantic was a bloody idiot.” Harry kissed him and sat. “I’m not sure I can eat though, love. Everything is so … twisted inside.”

Severus held him close. “I know. We should at least attempt it, but I will not hold it against you if you are unable to eat. I am not sure I can stomach anything either.” He shook his head. “Perhaps we will simply pack some fruit and tea and enjoy the sun.”

“Now that sounds lovely, Sev. Just the thing to heal.”

Severus stood and stepped into his trousers. “That is the idea, love.”

Harry chuckled. “Well, what are we waiting for then?”

“We are waiting for a certain dunderhead to get dressed. Romantic I may be, but I am _not_ an exhibitionist.”

Harry laughed and Summoned his denims.


	15. Shades of Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Ritual séance stuff, talking about death and torture and blood._
> 
> _Summary : Severus and Harry talk about their future and the darkest parts of Severus’ past. They soon find out a ritual séance involving the Master of Death is a bit more … intense than they had expected._
> 
> _Notes : I have to write the last two chapters and inspiration has been running slow. This story turned out much fluffier than I intended and that’s making it a tough go towards the end. That, and I always have trouble with endings. I’m almost there though._

**CHAPTER 15**  
_SHADES OF FORGIVENESS_

Severus stared at Jasper’s newest array of bonding rings with a sense of disquiet distracting him from his purpose. What was wrong with him? He didn’t think it was lingering upset about their disturbing find in Black’s room yesterday—he did not feel appalled or queasy any longer, only unsettled.

Why? He was two weeks away from bonding with the love of his life and, unbelievably, Harry was just as ecstatic about their upcoming union as Severus was. He should have been delirious with happiness, but something felt … wrong. Something cold and heavy weighed on his chest even as he tried to choose a suitable ring design.

Frowning, Severus analysed his feelings, attempting to approach the situation rationally. What precisely was he feeling? Was there a problem with his relationship with Harry? He couldn’t think of one. They didn’t argue much, and when they did, they talked out their problems and soothed any lingering hurts with love. And they _did_ love each other.

So what was that cold emptiness inside, like ghostly fingers twisting his guts into a macabre sailor’s knot?

No, wait. He knew that feeling. Knew it damn well as he had carried it around like a pet for forty years.

Guilt. Again.

Severus laid aside a ring with a herringbone design and sighed. What had he done to feel such remorse? It would take time to heal completely from his past, of course—Severus knew that all too well—but this raw, heavy guilt seemed out of place given his recent progress. Was it simply lingering feelings he had yet to conquer, or was there something more going on?

He passed over a tungsten ring and looked at one with fire around the edges. Fire like a phoenix. It tempted him for a moment, but the thought of comparisons to teenagers on motorbikes made him shudder. No, not that one.

What was causing his guilt? He could think of nothing. He had worked through his darkness—set aside his painful memories of Harry, of Albus, of Black, Lupin, his parents and Harry’s—every possible person he had reason to regret ….

His heart stilled, and he dropped an emerald ring back in the case. No. There _was_ one person he had yet to speak of: the one person whose loss cut him deeper than Lily’s.

 _Sarah Elizabeth Michaels_. Her name still jerked him out of sleep in a cold sweat. Merlin, he could not bond with Harry until he confessed the truth of her. Of all his sins, of all his failures, she was the worst.

And Severus could not face his bonding day without also facing her death. Only when he had laid his soul bare to his soulmate and received absolution—or not—could he marry his love without regrets.

With a shudder, he laid the rings aside. “I am sorry, Mister Jasper. I see nothing of interest here. I will return next week.”

Jasper tapped the counter with a sigh. “If I may make a suggestion, Master Snape?”

Severus jumped. “Y-yes?”

Jasper hesitated, clearly unnerved to see the inscrutable man so affected. “Ah, are you well, sir?”

Severus cleared his throat and forced his wild emotions behind his shields. “Yes, yes. I only thought of something I forgot to discuss with my fiancé. It worried me for a moment, but I am well. What was your suggestion?”

Jasper frowned. “If you’re quite sure you’re all right?”

“Yes, yes,” Severus snapped. “What _is_ it, Mister Jasper?”

“Ah. No need to be so short, sir.” Jasper Banished the ring display back into its proper case. “It is only that you have been here four times in search of rings for your bondmate and yourself and are continually dissatisfied. I had thought to suggest that, since it seems what you are looking for is not readily available, perhaps you might prefer to have your rings custom made.”

Severus tilted his head, considering. “Hmm. Yes, that might be best. What is the cost?”

“It depends greatly on what materials you decide to use, but the fee for the design itself is thirty galleons, unless the design is inordinately complex. We also offer a warding service that, if you choose to utilise it, costs another thirty galleons—again, unless you wish for something out of the common.”

Severus hummed in thought. “I do not imagine we will need a design of more complexity than your fee would cover, but protecting the Chosen One _is_ a particularly complex undertaking, I am afraid. Who does the warding?”

Jasper gave him a wry smile. “Not me, to be sure. We have a contract with Gringotts. They have specially trained warders and curse breakers apply the charms. I believe Professor Flitwick helps with them from time to time, as does the eldest Weasley boy.”

“Acceptable. What is the cost for the best protection you can offer and what does it entail?”

Jasper whistled. “For that, you’d need to actually speak to a goblin. We’ve never had a need for extensive charms.” He tugged on the end of his prodigious moustache. “If I may, I suggest you return to your fiancé and discuss what kind of rings you want and what wards you would like added. Return next week at this same time, and I will have a goblin here ready to discuss the particulars with you.”

Severus nodded. “That will do nicely. Thank you for your assistance.”

Jasper nodded. “It’s an honour to serve the men who gave their lives for Britain.” He frowned. “You know what, I’ll add the extra wards for our usual fee, so long as it doesn’t run me into the red. It’s the least I can do, after all you gave for us.”

Severus flushed. “I … I cannot—”

“Oh, tosh. It’s nothing, really. Consider it a bonding gift, if it truly bothers you.”

Severus gave him a hesitant smile. “If you are sure?”

“Positive.”

Severus bowed. “I gratefully accept your gift, on behalf of my future husband as well, sir. Thank you, from our house to yours.”

Jasper returned the bow and shook Severus’ hand. “It’s a deal. I’ll set aside next Saturday afternoon at three for your rings then, if that’s all right with you?”

“That is acceptable. Thank you. And now I really must return home.”

“Say hello to Harry for me.”

Severus nodded and left the shop. When he arrived at Grimmauld Place, Harry’s laughter drifted to him from the back lawn. Teddy giggled and squealed immediately afterward, making Severus smile. He might not have liked the werewolf after his inaction during their schoolyears, but Lupin’s son was a sweet little one he couldn’t help but love. Harry adored him too.

As he unlocked the door and reset the wards, he wondered if Harry would like to adopt the little boy. They both loved him, and he was sure Harry wouldn’t mind to have him around on a more permanent basis.

Then again, perhaps Andromeda mightn’t want to let him go. Teddy was the last link to her family she had left, after all. Severus would not wish to deprive her of whatever joy she could find in her grandson when she had lost so much.

Did Harry even want children? It worried Severus that they were so close to bonding and he did not know the answer to such a basic question.

His heart troubled, Severus hugged his waist and watched his fiancé play with the boy. Gods help him, he would be devastated if Harry didn’t want children. Severus had been alone so long. He yearned for children to love, to raise in a happy, nurturing home. He had dreamed of giving his family a better life for years, to make up for the lack of love he had experienced.

But if Harry did not want a family, then Severus would have to let that dream go. Merlin, it would hurt when he had cherished that secret hope for so long.

Still, Severus loved Harry and if the man wanted to keep their family to just the two of them and occasional visits from Teddy, well, he would be content. Just having Harry’s love was a miracle in and of itself. That alone was more than Severus had ever expected to find, and more than enough to sustain him should he need to let his dreams of family go. He would just have to be content with Teddy’s visits and shower the little orphan with love.

Even so, he couldn’t help but hope for more. Did Harry have similar dreams? He did seem to enjoy keeping the tyke company.

Severus supposed it wouldn’t hurt to ask, as long as he didn’t go into the conversation with expectations.

As he neared the door to the back lawn, whispered voices and scuffling from what he had thought to be a closed-off room drew his attention. He followed the sounds to an empty drawing room, an area full of dust and old furniture covered in sheets. Draco and Hermione stood in the middle of the room with an ancient book, heads bent together over its pages and muttering excitedly to one another.

“Good afternoon, Miss Granger, Draco.” They jumped, and Severus took unholy delight in watching them knock their heads together.

“Merlin, Severus,” Draco grumbled, rubbing his forehead. “Mightn’t you give us a bit of warning next time? I swear, your feet must have cat pads on them.”

“Why is everyone so insistent that I am part feline?” Severus gave a wry chuckle. “I am fully human, thank you, only trained as a spy. Might I ask what the two of you are doing in the broken parlour? I thought Harry had closed this room off.”

Hermione blushed. “Er, he did. But because of that, we thought it would be a great place to put the … _secret_ room for his wedding. He’ll never think to look in here, so we can set up any kind of magic we need and he’ll never be the wiser.”

Severus smiled. “Good work. I will leave you to it then, before he becomes suspicious as to why I did not immediately come to him.”

Draco frowned. “Er, how would he know you’re here?”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “He will have heard me apparate. I will speak to you later, unless you need my assistance?”

Hermione waved him off. “We’ve got it. Go to your man.”

“Very well.”

Severus left the young lovers to their planning and joined Harry and Teddy on the back lawn. Teddy stood near the door with his hands over his eyes, counting out loud.

“Seven, eight, nine, here I come!”

Severus chuckled and moved to the young metamorphagus, ruffling the boy’s blue hair. “Hello, Teddy. Are you looking for Harry?”

“Yeah! We’re playing hide and go seek.” He scowled. “But Uncle Harry _always_ wins.”

“Hmm.” Severus rubbed his chin as if seriously considering the problem. “Yes, I see what you mean. It doesn’t seem quite fair pitting an auror captain against a young boy.” He knelt down and said in a stage whisper, “But perhaps with a spy on your side, we might even the odds?”

Teddy grinned. “Let’s do it!”

Severus chuckled. “Right. Well the first thing you do is look around your environment. Do you see anything suspicious?”

Teddy scanned the lawn, his eyes—brown today—narrowed with concentration. “Um, I don’t think so. Do you, Uncle Severus?”

Warmth flooded Severus’ heart. “Uncle?”

“Well, you’re going to marry Uncle Harry, aren’t you? Won’t you be my uncle too?”

“Ah, Harry and I are _bonding_. It is not quite the same as a Muggle marriage, and it is still illegal for two men to marry in the Muggle fashion at any rate.”

Teddy scowled. “That’s not fair.”

“No, I don’t believe it is fair either, but there is nothing I can do about it.”

Teddy sighed. “So I can’t call you Uncle, then?”

Severus patted his head. “On the contrary, I would love to be your uncle, Teddy. I think it would make your father quite happy too.”

The wolf would probably laugh himself sick if he knew. Well, when his soul healed, at any rate. Severus suspected the part trapped in Harry was too small to let his grief go. Once the curse ended, perhaps Lupin could take joy in watching over his son from beyond the veil. Severus hoped so, at any rate.

Teddy beamed. “Brilliant! So … um, how do I find Uncle Harry then?”

Severus tapped his ear. “Listen. Do you hear that?”

Teddy scrunched up his nose. A moment later, his ears had grown to the size of dustbins, making Severus chuckle.

“That is a handsome look, young man.”

Teddy grinned. “I can hear better too!” He stuck out his tongue in concentration and wiggled his ears, and Severus was hard-pressed not to snort.

“There!” Teddy pointed to the tool shed. “I think he’s laughing at us.”

Severus smirked. “Well, we shall have the last laugh, I think. Let’s go look.”

Teddy grinned. “Okay! Oh, but ssh. We’ve got to be _quiet_.”

Severus nodded gravely and pressed a finger to his lips, struggling to keep his mirth from showing on his face. Teddy crept on tiptoes ahead of Severus and shifted his colouring to all brown and green. Merlin, the boy had certainly inherited his mother’s talent for camouflage. Severus followed the child around the shed with all the stealth he possessed, and around the other side, they found Harry with his hands pressed over his face to stifle his laughter.

“Gotcha, Uncle Harry!”

Harry let loose a full-bodied laugh that melted Severus’ insides. “You sure did, Teddy-cub. Now it’s my turn to find you.” He gave Severus a mischievous grin. “Are you going to help me, Sev?”

“Don’t you think that’s an unfair advantage?” Severus smirked. “No, I believe I will give you a run for your money, Captain Potter. Let us see how an auror does against a spy, hmm?”

Harry grimaced. “I have to find _you_? We’ll be here all day!”

Severus chuckled. “Consider it training.” He leaned down to Teddy. “He’ll never catch us now.”

Teddy grinned. “I’m going to win this time!”

Harry sighed dramatically and placed a hand over his heart. “My love has betrayed me and my godson is in cahoots. Whatever shall I do?”

“Catch me if you can,” Severus said with a wink and swept away, a giggling Teddy hot on his heels.

Harry’s laughter followed him all the way to the arbour on the other side of the lawn.

  


* * *

  


Severus and Harry kept Teddy entertained until dinnertime, when Andromeda arrived to take him home. Severus waved goodbye to Andromeda and Teddy. They waved back and left through the house, Teddy bouncing with childish ebullience and chattering away.

“That went well, don’t you think?”

“Sure did, but _whew_!” Harry collapsed into a lawn chair and fanned his face. “That boy is more exhausting than auror cadet training.”

Severus chuckled and settled into the seat nearest his mate. “Hmm. Do you not enjoy it?”

“Oh, no. I love playing with Teddy. It’s just tiring. Merlin, I need a nap.”

Severus laughed and slipped his hand into Harry’s. “You love him.”

“Completely.”

“Would you think … would Andromeda be awfully put out if we were to offer to adopt him?”

Harry bolted out of his chair and grabbed Severus’ hands. “Severus! You … you _want_ to?”

“Ah, I do love the little man. But I hesitate to ask as Andromeda has little left to remind her of her daughter and husband. I do not want to take Teddy away from her too if she is happy with him.”

Harry nodded and sat again. “I don’t think it would be good to adopt Teddy, as much as I love the little tyke. Andi _needs_ him.”

Severus levitated his chair to rest beside Harry’s and tugged the younger man’s hand into his lap. “Yes, I see what you mean. But then, would you be averse to having children of our own, pet? I just realised today I have been remiss in discussing it with you, and I think we should talk about it before our bonding.”

Harry’s eyes lit up. “Our own? Oh, I ….” He bit his lip, joy fading into caution. “W-what do you want, Severus? I … I don’t want to pressure you.”

Severus kissed his hand. “Simply confessing your wish as to whether you would or would not like children is not pressuring me. Whatever your desires, we shall work it out.”

Harry gave him a hesitant smile. “In that case, I … I’ve always wanted a family, Severus. A big one, to be honest. Maybe not quite as big as Mum Weasley’s brood, but I do want kids to shower with love, not like the way we grew up. But if you don’t want kids, it’s okay. I’m happy enough taking care of Teddy when Andi needs a break.”

Relief and joy washing over him, Severus gave his fiancé a warm smile. “I, too, wish for children, pet. And, much like you, wish to give them the love we did not have.”

Harry beamed and grabbed Severus’ hand. “What, really? You _do_? Oh Merlin! I’ve been afraid to ask because I thought—never mind it, obviously it was a stupid thought.”

He took Severus’ face in his hands and brought their lips together in a slow, languid kiss. “Yes, love. Let’s have a family together. We can adopt if you want, but I’d like to try—we’ll ask Parvati what she Sees about it first, just because that potion is so dangerous—but I’ll be happy to have children with you, love. I’m assuming you want me to bear?”

Severus shook his head. “Actually, I would like to … if I am not too old or in too poor of health, I would like to bear at least one.”

Harry stilled, eyes glimmering in the sunset. “Oh. The thought of you with our baby in your tummy—shite, I … just the thought!” He rubbed tears away and hugged Severus tight. “Yes, love. If you want to carry, I promise I’ll take care of you to the best of my ability every step of the way.”

Severus blinked tears of his own back and kissed his fiancé’s cheek. “We shall begin preparations as soon as the bonding is complete. Or would you prefer to have a year for us?”

“I don’t know about a year, but let’s take some time to settle into the bond first. Unless Parvati tells us we’re on a schedule, if you get my drift.”

Severus nodded and draped his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “We will simply prepare our lodgings then and start the potion when we are ready.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Harry laid his head on Severus’ shoulder and laced their fingers together.

“Hmm. If we are to sit outside like this—” Severus levitated their chairs and turned them to face the west where the sunset had painted the sky aubergine and vermillion. “Let us watch the sun go down and make a night of it.”

Harry let slip a contented sigh and nuzzled closer. “That’s my romantic Sev. Merlin, I love this side of you. Well, I love all your sides, but I’m the only one who gets to see this one.”

Severus chuckled and Summoned the camera. “Not for long. We promised my photo we would create a companion for him. Go stand by the arbour. You will look lovely against the sunset and red roses.”

Harry grinned and raced to the flowers, giving his cheeks a fresh pink tint as he stood in front of them. His eyes sparkled and his smile was radiant, and Severus knew he would cherish the image of him forever.

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

Severus took a few snaps and pocketed his camera. “It is not a Polaroid, I am afraid, so we will have to wait until it is developed to see how it turns out.”

Harry grinned. “Can you develop it tonight?”

“And waste an entire roll of film?”

Harry smirked deviously. “Well, we could always use it first.” The heat in his eyes left no question as to his intent.

Severus’ breath hitched. “Oh, I do like that idea.”

“Just so long as no one else sees the pictures!”

Severus chuckled and opened his arms for his fiancé. “Here. I will set it to hover on timer and we will take some together now. Some we needn’t hide.”

“Great!”

Harry watched the camera zoom away and settle into position. He turned Severus to have his side to the camera and brought him into a passionate kiss, not stopping until several clicks had gone off and Severus pushed him back, panting.

“I would like at least a few photographs we might show in our home, you sex fiend.”

Harry snorted and turned so he stood in Severus’ arms. He laid his head on the man’s shoulder and smiled at the camera, closing his eyes as Severus laid his cheek atop Harry’s hair.

“Oh, this is lovely. Taking photos for our new home.” Harry kissed his fiancé lightly. “I’m so happy, Severus. I’m almost afraid of how happy I am.”

“I feel much the same, pet.” Severus frowned as he remembered the other reason why he had sought Harry out here. He Summoned his camera and pocketed it. “Harry, may we put off the … intimate photos for tomorrow, perhaps? I think we shall need an early night tonight.”

Harry frowned in concern. “Of course, if you need to talk. It’s serious?”

Severus nodded. “Besides that Mister Jasper suggested we discuss what we want for our bonding rings—he will have them custom made and warded to our specifications—there is … one other drawing I feel I must discuss with you before we are bonded.”

“Dumbledore?”

Severus winced. “No. You are already fully cognizant of everything that happened that night. His image haunts me still but it will wait until after the bonding. It is … the woman I had to … k-kill.”

Harry shuddered. “Merlin.” He took a deep breath and squeezed Severus’ hands. “All right, love. If you need to talk about it, we will. Maybe we should talk about the rings first though, because I think the other conversation is going to rip the very soul from you.”

Severus kissed Harry tenderly. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. So what _do_ you want for our rings?”

Severus led them back to their chairs and settled in to watch the sunset. “Hmm. What do you think of a design of ivy along the band?”

  


* * *

  


That night, Severus trembled as he took his sketchbook from the nightstand and carried it to the bed where Harry waited, already dressed in his nightclothes. The very thought of viewing that drawing again—let alone discussing it in detail—left him sick and weak with fear, but it had to be done. He had to own up to his failings, all of them. Otherwise he would always doubt that Harry had truly known what he was getting into when they bonded.

To be sure, Harry knew about the crime. He had even forgiven him for ending one life to save many, but Severus couldn’t forgive himself.

One life was still too high a price.

Severus settled himself on the bed, and with cold, shaking hands, turned to the one page in his book that still left him screaming in the night for forgiveness, for mercy that did not exist. Not for men like him, and not for _her_.

The drawing showed Severus weeping as he drained the blood from a screaming older woman with angel wings. _Sarah_. She had taken one look at Severus and pleaded for him to bring her home, not to do this and scar both of their souls. He had had no choice, but the idea of hurting her—it had sickened him to his soul. He had wanted desperately to spare her, to take her to her family, heal her wounds, and protect her to the best of his ability.

But he hadn’t. He couldn’t have, though he died along with her. Severus had been a spy. He’d had no choice but to pretend like her tears, her pain, her _life_ meant nothing.

Six years later, he still felt her blood on his hands.

Severus’ tears began to flow the moment he turned to her drawing. “I didn’t want to, Harry. Gods, I didn’t—I wanted to help her—but what does it matter when she is dead?”

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus’ waist. “Tell me what happened. Every detail, so you understand I know the worst of you and will never abandon you.”

Severus nodded slowly and took a deep, bracing breath. His chest felt as if it had turned to steel as he started his tale.

“It was in February of the year I was headmaster. Avery had attacked her home outside Cardiff, thinking it would be an easy fight. However, the woman’s family had come for a visit, most either Muggles or Squibs, and so Madam Michaels defended them like a lioness ….”

Harry listened without interrupting other than to encourage him to speak and to offer gentle kisses when grief and remorse overwhelmed him. After it was over, Harry held Severus while he wept, reassuring him of his love and acceptance, but Severus’ guilt remained. After all, Harry’s love could not absolve him, not this time.

This time, Severus owed his remorse to another, and she had no power to forgive him any longer.

  


* * *

  


The dreams returned that night, and Severus woke screaming, her name on his lips.

Harry was at his side in an instant. “Severus? Love, what’s wrong?”

His gentle affection was too much. Severus had destroyed something precious, and Harry was _comforting_ him. With her face, her name, her blood screaming for vengeance, Severus broke into bitter tears.

Harry gently pulled Severus into his arms and held him close, rubbing a soothing hand down his back and running gentle fingers through his hair. Severus only wept harder. He didn’t deserve this, when he had stolen the same love and life from an innocent old woman. It didn’t matter that Voldemort had been at his back the whole time, practically forcing his hand. The fact remained that he had taken her hopes and dreams and life away, and he deserved nothing more than to die for it.

“Gods, Severus—please, tell me what’s wrong! I’m scared, angel. I … I’ve never seen you cry like this before.”

“Don’t! Don’t call me angel right now. I am guilty. I have blood on my hands.”

Harry’s hand stilled on his back. “This is about Sarah, love?”

“Love? H-how can you love me still?” Severus ripped out of Harry’s arms and buried his face in his knees. “I deserve none of it. I deserve to perish, for what I stole from her.”

Harry sat beside him and laid a gentle hand on Severus’ shoulder. “Sev … you had no choice. He would have killed you, and with you, condemned us all to die. You were the only one who knew about the horcrux in my scar.”

“I know, Harry. I know. But it does not absolve me.”

Harry held Severus as best as he could and kissed the man’s shoulder. “Ssh. You’re not the monster you believe yourself to be. I love you. I won’t leave you.”

“You _can’t_ leave me. You are cursed, remember?”

Harry gently eased Severus’ face from his knees and kissed him softly, tears and all. “Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t leave your side. Severus, I adore you. You give me life and joy and hope. No, you’re not perfect, but neither am I, and I love you as you are.”

Severus broke down into helpless sobs and buried his face in Harry’s shoulder. “It hurts. Hurts so very much. I wish I could save her.”

“I know you do.” Harry’s voice broke. “I wish you could too.”

“You are weeping for me?”

“For your pain, love, and for hers.”

Severus clutched Harry close and wept bitter, desolate sobs that wracked his very being. Harry just held him and crooned to him, reassuring Severus over and over of his love. And, though it took until the twilight of predawn, eventually Severus gained back some measure of self-control and struggled to stop his tears.

“Sev?” Harry tipped back Severus’ chin and gently wiped his face with a handkerchief. “I have an idea. If you wanted to … I still remember where I dropped that stone. Maybe we could use it, just long enough for you to try to explain.”

Severus shuddered. “Merlin, no. It is too dangerous, and besides that, I do not believe it fair to disturb her rest when I am the one who forced her into it. That is, of course, assuming the stone calls true shades of the dead and not facsimiles.”

Harry slumped into Severus’ shoulder. “I suppose you’re right. It’s only I hate to see you suffering like this, and I thought, maybe she might be suffering too. She doesn’t know, Sev. She doesn’t understand why she died.”

“She died because a megalomaniac decided she was unworthy of life.” Severus scowled. “How could that knowledge possibly help her?”

“No, Sev. She died so that you could live long enough to teach me how to win the war. Without her sacrifice, we’d all be dead.”

“I … yes. I suppose there is that.” Severus sniffled and turned into Harry’s shoulder. “But we should leave that stone where it lays, Harry. It is simply too dangerous. Too tempting.”

Harry sighed. “All right.” He stroked Severus’ hair, a thoughtful frown on his face. Severus could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind.

“Pet, what are you thinking?”

“I … I’m just trying to think of a way to help you heal.” Harry frowned. “Maybe … have you ever tried to make reparations to her family, Sev? Or did the Wizengamot try you for her death after the war? I never heard mention of it during your trial.”

“It was a closed trial, with no one given access but myself, direct eyewitnesses, and the family.” Severus hugged his chest tightly. “I have never been so close to breaking as I was that moment, when dementors tugged at my soul and Sarah’s daughter glared at me as if I was no better than Riddle. I felt no better. I begged of them to kill me for my crimes, as it was only just.”

Harry winced. “Sev ….”

“I know. Had they executed me—we would both have been lost. Perhaps it was divine intervention, then, that brought mercy to me that day.”

“What happened?”

“I asked for Veritaserum and told them everything. Even under the sedating influence of the potion, I could barely breathe for tears. It took three calming draughts before I could begin to speak.”

Harry closed his eyes, his expression pained. “Oh, love.”

“They removed the dementors then. I was too distraught to continue with their presence, but even with them gone, my grief did not cease. I could not stop crying, but I forced my story out between breaths. It took me an hour to tell them what should have taken but fifteen minutes, such was my misery. And at the end of it, when the Wizengamot looked at me with pity in their eyes and Sarah’s daughter was in tears along with me, I bowed my head and asked them to take my life in return for hers.”

“Gods, Sev. I ….”

“I know.” Severus shuddered and cuddled closer within Harry’s arms. “It was then, that her daughter asked me why. Why, if I was willing to die in her place, did I not at least attempt to get her to safety. And I told her, that … that if my death would not have also meant yours, I would have. I told them about the horcrux, and that I was the last person alive who knew of it.

“And when they understood, when they knew what the cost of my death would have been, her daughter approached the bench. Her expression was blank, and I thought … I was relieved. I thought she had come to exact justice.”

“Sev ….” Harry’s pained whisper cut Severus to the quick.

Severus rocked Harry closer, attempting to soothe him. “Ssh. It’s all right now, Harry. I am here.”

Harry nodded and took a shaky breath. “S-sorry. Go on, Sev.”

Severus shuddered. “I shall try. She, ah, her daughter stood right before the chair and bid me to look into her eyes. I could barely lift my head. It hurt, to look into the eyes of Sarah’s daughter. It ripped the soul from me to see her grief. But I tried. I tried to hold her gaze, and I told her, ‘For everything I have taken from you, for the mother I have stolen from your life, I am so terribly sorry. Though it means nothing, and nothing will bring her back, I am sorry. If killing me will bring you peace, take my life and welcome.’”

“Sev ….” Harry choked the words past sobs and buried his face in Severus’ hair. “Oh _gods_. I … oh, Severus, I wish ….”

Severus kissed a stream of tears away and held him tight. “I know, pet. I wish too.”

“W-what did she say?”

“She broke down on my shoulder. She hugged me and wept, and did not move for a long time. I am not sure how long I held her and wept with her, apologising over and over.”

“Oh, _Severus_!” Harry kissed him and held his face. “She forgave you?”

“She never said so in words. I imagine she could not. However much she pitied me, I had still taken her mother from her. I do not think such a crime _is_ forgivable. But neither did she condemn me. Nor did the Wizengamot. Half of them were in tears as well.”

“I think anyone with a soul would be.” Harry wiped his face and gave a wry, breathless laugh. “Case in point. But what was the final ruling?”

“The court ruled I was forced to kill Sarah under duress and was not culpable beyond a monetary endorsement to her family.” Severus tucked his head into the space under Harry’s chin. “I gave Mrs. Meadows—her daughter—every penny I had out of my savings and continue to give her a portion of my profits every week along with sending her flowers, but it is not enough. There is nothing I can do to repair it. I could buy her the world and it would never bring her mother back to her.”

Harry sniffled and kissed the top of Severus’ head. “I’m sorry, love. I don’t know how to fix it. I thought, if you used the stone, maybe you could tell her that she didn’t die in vain. I thought it might give her some sense of purpose and you a bit of peace. But you’re right. It’s dangerous. And if you’ve already talked things out with her daughter, it’s probably best not to bother her again. But I don’t know what else to do.”

Severus leaned onto his elbows and frowned. “I agree that it would be in bad taste to disturb her family now. I hope they have found some peace since the war. They lost so much.” He closed his eyes around the sting of tears. “B-but perhaps there is a way to contact Sarah without using the stone.”

Harry jumped up. “There is? How?”

“A ritual, pet. It would not be like when your parents returned; she could not speak to us, but we could speak to her. And without disturbing her rest, I hope.”

“Sev, really? You mean … we could give her peace without hurting anything?”

“Perhaps. So I hope, at any rate.”

Harry sat and held Severus’ face in gentle hands. “Let’s do it. What do we need?”

Severus searched his soulmate’s eyes, seeking any sign of condemnation or fear, but found only love and resolution in his emerald gaze. With a breath of hope settling on his spirit, he gave Harry a nod and stood.

“We shall need hellebore flowers, ground sea salt, and several candles to start.”

“Hellebore … like the drawing I found in Sirius’ stash?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“It seems … fitting.”

Severus gave him a wan smile. “Yes. We shall both lay our ghosts to rest this morning, hmm?”

Harry grimaced. “Not sure I’m ready for _that_ conversation, but I’ll definitely help with yours.”

“As you wish.” Severus leaned over the bed and slipped a hand in Harry’s hair. “If ever you _do_ wish to confront your godfather’s spirit, I will help you.”

“I imagine you have a few choice words for him yourself.”

Severus gave a dark laugh. “Indeed. For now, however, let us focus on those who need healing rather than a kick in the arse, hmm?”

Harry chuckled and nodded. “I’ll go get the salt and candles. You handle the hellebore and anything else we might need, yeah?”

“Yes.” Severus took Harry’s hand. “Stay with me?”

Harry squeezed gently. “I promise.”

  


* * *

  


The sun had not yet risen when Severus and Harry finished setting up the ritual spot in the back lawn. They moved under cover of intense wards and twilight, chanting by the light of the stars and twenty candles Harry and Kreacher had gathered. Each small flame floated in a circle around them, above a circle of sea salt and around an altar with hellebore, calla lilies, and the last candle.

Severus might have found the scene lovely, if he didn’t know its purpose.

As the ritual chant came to an end, silver light filled the air. Severus had expected a glow, but not one so bright, it blinded him. Shite! He closed his eyes against the pain, heart pounding, mind whirring with questions and possibilities he didn’t want to contemplate. Dear Merlin, had they done something wrong?

“S-Sev?” Harry’s panicked voice forced Severus to open his eyes.

Sarah stood before them, not a shimmer or memory of her essence, but a full, solid person, expression wary and hands raised before her in a defensive posture.

“You,” she breathed.

Severus sank to his knees, stunned and struck through. Merlin help him, this wasn’t supposed to happen!

“Oh my gods,” Harry stammered. “Oh, dear _Merlin_! What have we—we didn’t mean to— _how_? We only did a séance. It wasn’t supposed to bring you back from the dead!”

Sarah fixed her gaze on Harry and gave him a perplexed look. “Why are you asking me? I don’t know. I felt death calling me back here and so I had no choice but to answer.”

“Death ….” Harry choked and covered his mouth. “Oh shite. It’s _my_ fault. Because I’m the master of Death—it has to be.”

Severus forced his voice to work past the tightness in his throat. “But I thought you discarded the hallows, Harry, with the exception of your cloak.”

“I-I did. M-maybe because there’s no possibility for a new master now, magic still acknowledges me in that role.” Harry bowed his head and hugged his waist. “Oh gods, Missus Michaels, I’m so sorry. We had no idea this would happen.”

“Well, there’s no need to get in such a tizzy about it. It’s not permanent, you know. Nothing can bring the dead back permanently.”

Harry knelt beside Severus, his relief palpable. “So … so we haven’t messed everything up?”

She gave him a sharp look. “My death, no. I’ll go when the ritual ends or when I’m good and ready to leave. But before I do that, I would like to know why you summoned me along with the man who tortured me to death.”

Severus shuddered and bowed his head. “Gods forgive me.”

Harry rubbed a soothing hand down Severus’ spine. “It’s okay, love. Tell her what you wanted to. I’m with you, no matter what.”

Severus turned his head into Harry’s shoulder, giving into a moment of weakness and letting the scent of his lover give him strength. He breathed Harry in—sleep-warmed skin and morning dew—and steeled himself for the most difficult words he would ever need to say in his life.

He hadn’t expected it to be like this, but no matter. Whether Sarah could answer him or not, she deserved the truth.

Severus bowed, hands on the ground before the brave woman he had wronged so terribly, and took a deep breath. Before he had even started to speak, grief already pulled his throat tight and burned his eyes.

“Madam Michaels,” Severus said, voice low and shaky, “I … there is nothing I can say to … to make up for what I have done to you, nothing I can do to give you back the life that I stole, but I … Merlin, I am so sorry.” He buried his head in his hands and choked the rest of his words out around tears. “I w-was a spy. I did not wish to hurt you, but I … I could not convince him to stop. And if I had pushed any harder, I would have b-blown my cover. And we all would have died.”

Sarah stared at Severus, arms crossed over her chest, gaze sharp as a sword. “ _You_ would have died, you mean.”

Harry laid a hand on her arm. “No. He meant what he said. Had Severus died that night, we would have lost the war.”

Her eyes went wide. “H-how? What could one man’s life possibly mean in the face of such tragedy?”

Harry’s laugh was bitter. “Believe me, I’ve asked myself the same question a thousand times.”

She winced. “They put too much on your shoulders, you know. I’ve always thought so.”

Harry nodded sadly. “Yeah. The thing was, they were right.”

“What?”

“There was a reason Voldemort tried to kill me. You see, Sev overheard this prophecy before I was born—he wasn’t a spy yet, but this prophecy, or rather, Voldemort’s reaction to it, was what drove him to our side. Anyway, this prophecy said that the one with the power to defeat Voldemort would be born at the end of July that year and that I would have a power he didn’t know about. That was all Severus heard, and he ran to tell Voldemort—if he hadn’t, he’d have been killed then.”

Sarah nodded and motioned him on. “I’m listening.”

“Thanks.” Harry conjured a sofa and an armchair for Sarah with an ottoman. “It’s a long story. Let’s sit while I tell it, okay?”

“All right.”

Harry guided Severus off of his knees and onto the sofa beside him. He cupped the man’s face and whispered into his mind, _[I love you. Whatever happens tonight, know that will never change.]_

Severus’ eyes filled with tears, garbling his response. _[I l-l-ove you t-too.]_

Harry guided Severus to rest against his shoulder and stroked his hair. “Sit here, Sev. I’ll tell her our story.”

Severus sat and wiped his eyes. “No. That should be my place, Harry. But I may need your support, if she does not believe me.”

Harry slipped his hand into Severus’. “You have it.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s hand and took a deep breath. “As Harry said, I only heard the first part of the prophecy when I reported to the then Dark Lord ….”

  


* * *

  


Sarah was in tears long before Severus had reached the end of the war. “S-so Harry, he had one of those awful horcrux things in his head and you were the only person who knew?”

“Albus did,” Severus said in a soft voice, “but as he was long dead by the time you were taken and Riddle had control of the school, I could not depend on his portrait’s ability to reach Harry with the information. Indeed, it was far too dangerous for Harry to set foot in the school with Death Eaters at every corner.”

“How did you learn about it then, Harry?”

Harry shuddered and curled into Severus’ arms. “Merlin, it was awful, Missus Michaels.”

She gave him a wan smile. “Call me Sarah, little one.”

“All right.” Harry clutched Severus’ hand. “I didn’t learn about it until the final battle of the war. I came with my two best friends into the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade—there’s a secret passage through it to the castle—at the same time Riddle decided he had to kill Severus to gain control of the Elder Wand, even though I was already its master.

“At the time, I thought Severus was a traitor and a murderer, but watching Nagini attack him—dear gods, it was the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen. He was dying … blood and venom was _everywhere_ , but he still passed his memories on to me to tell me about the horcrux and … and spent what we all thought would be his last breaths to tell me he was sorry and that he had always cared about me.”

Tears streaked his cheeks, and Harry covered his face. “I c-couldn’t just let him die, but I didn’t know how to heal then. I ended up casting this dark spell I’d seen in the horcrux book—”

Sarah cried, “Mercy me, child! Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to use dark magic without knowing the cost?”

Severus choked out a laugh in spite of himself. “Only every time it’s mentioned, Madam Michaels.”

Harry groaned. “Merlin, it really never ends, does it? Even when we get to the afterlife, Mum and Dad are going to box my ears about it!”

“Serves you right,” Sarah said with a huff. “Dark spells, indeed.”

Harry glowered at the laughing Severus.

Severus smirked. “What?”

Harry huffed. “You wouldn’t be here had I not cast that dark spell, thank you very much! And we most certainly wouldn’t be bonding in a week, either.”

Sarah gasped. “Bonding! Merlin, child, you and Severus will be bonding?”

“For more reasons than the obvious,” Severus said softly. “Besides the fact that Harry’s kindness to me that night—and my apology and gentleness to him—set in motion a love that has lasted five years, the spell Harry cast saved my life by blending our souls. We are half-souled, and the only way to restore Harry to full health is to bond.”

Sarah gave the boy a dark look. “Did I not tell you, child?”

Harry blushed. “Yes, yes. I’ve learned my lesson, I swear! I studied enough healing in the auror corps to almost be a mediwizard just so I’d never have a reason to cast dark magic again. C-could we move on now? Only the sun will come up soon and I have no idea if the Muggles can see this part of the lawn or not.”

Sarah frowned. “If the house is under _Fidelius_ , I think not. But we can move on. So this spell saved Severus but at the cost of making you half-souled. What happened next?

“Er, I fainted,” said Harry with a shudder. “The pain was unbelievable. But it could have been much worse.” He scooted closer to Severus. “When I came to and we realised I was mostly intact—we didn’t know about our souls yet, obviously—I had my house elf take Severus out of the battle and went to go look at his memories.”

Harry bowed his head, tears dripping down his face like rain. “It was … the most lovely, and the most terrible thing I had ever seen. He had included images of Mum, of their childhood and how much he had loved her. They were best friends from childhood, before Hogwarts, and Severus never stopped caring about her, even when their friendship ended. And then … then I learned what I had to do to win the war. What Albus had raised me to do. I had to die, to sacrifice myself willingly, or we could never win.”

Sarah paled and clutched at her chest. “Oh, Merlin no. Does that mean we’re still at war?”

Harry gave her a brittle smile. “No. I walked to my own death and let him kill me.”

She cocked her head. “But you’re not on my side. I can feel it.”

“No. Somehow the magic rebounded,” said Severus. “Instead of killing Harry, it killed the horcrux in his scar and left Harry untouched. We do not understand it. Albus appeared while Harry was ‘dead’ and told him the power of his soul, being full of love and pure, had saved him.” He hugged his knees. “But how can that be, given that he had just split half his soul with me—a murderer and a … a monster?”

Harry tucked Severus’ head under his chin. “Love, ssh. You aren’t a murderer. And you sure as hell aren’t a monster. Riddle killed Sarah and all those others, not you.”

“No, I … I held the knife, I … I cast the spell … I ….”

A gentle hand on his shoulder riveted Severus to the spot. He looked up, eyes wide, trembling all over, to find Sarah hovering over him with tears in her eyes.

“No,” she said. “I know you didn’t want to hurt me.”

Severus gaped. “But I … how can you … I don’t understand.”

She shook her head and sat beside him on the sofa. “Do you remember how you killed me?”

Severus winced. “The Killing Curse.”

“Exactly. And what had Riddle ordered you to do?”

“To … to draw it out and … and ….”

“And make me suffer for hours and hours while you traced my magic into my core. I remember. The Avada, in my case—I knew even then it was mercy. I knew you had cast it to spare me pain you could not otherwise prevent. I knew you had no choice.”

Severus’ world tipped on its head. “You … you knew?”

“The entire time, yes.”

Severus gaped. “But if you—if you could tell, Riddle must have known. H-how am I not dead?”

She laughed. “Oh, Riddle had no idea. He would have to be able to feel the pain of others before he could see yours turning your entire core red.”

Severus froze, struck through. “You are an empath.”

She nodded. “I knew the entire time, dear. I only wanted to hear your side of the story.”

“Oh. Oh gods.” He broke into sobs and curled up on Harry’s shoulder. “I can’t b-believe it.”

Sarah rubbed his back. “Let it go, child. You’ve held onto the guilt for far too long when it was never yours to begin with. I was fully prepared to die that night to protect my children and grandchildren. I gave my life for theirs gladly, but I didn’t intend to make any other innocents suffer.”

She held Severus’ hand. “That’s why I begged so hard that night. It wasn’t just for my pain—it was for yours. Every cut he forced you to make cut you twice as deep. And I didn’t want you to bleed forever.”

Severus choked back desperate sobs, broken to bits and healed at once. “Oh gods. I c-can’t.”

Harry pulled Severus into his lap and hugged him tight. “You hear that, love? She knew the whole time and wanted you to be okay. So you can let it go. You can move on and be whole again, and know you’re innocent.”

She gave Harry a sad smile. “He would have to be. Otherwise you’d both be dead.”

“I’ve said as much too.” Harry kissed Severus’ temple. “It’s only that he’s held onto his guilt since Mum died. I don’t know if he knows how to let go.”

Sarah patted Harry’s shoulder. “Teach him then. Learn to heal together. That’s the beauty of a good marriage—helping each other through the rough patches as much as sharing in each other’s joy. I can trust you to put him back together for me?”

Harry hugged Severus tight. “You bet. I’ll take care of him.”

Severus kissed Harry through a choking scourge of tears. “T-thank you.”

“Ssh. Nothing to thank me for. It’s all right.”

“Never would have had this chance for r-redemption if not for you.”

Harry kissed his forehead. “You don’t need to be redeemed any longer, love.”

Severus reeled, rocked to his core by the truth of that statement. “I … I don’t, do I?”

Sarah stroked his hair. “No, child. You bled from my pain much longer and harder than I did. Let it go, dear. It’s over now, and you have a full life ahead of you.”

Severus stood and threw his arms around the older woman, grateful Harry’s abilities had given him a solid presence to hug. “Thank you. Oh gods, thank you so much. And Merlin, I’m so sorry.”

“Ssh.” She patted his cheek. “It’s all right now. You’re going to be okay.” She wiped her own eyes and moved back. “Is my family all right? I’ve not seen them yet. Did they pull through?”

Severus nodded. “They all survived. I have sent your daughter a portion of my profits and fresh flowers every week. Today is my day to send them again.”

“Send her a message from me?”

Severus winced. “I do not know if she will receive it, but I will try.”

“Tell her to perform a ritual séance tonight.” She gave Harry a smile. “Your magic should hold over me for two more days—at least enough time to let her know I’m okay.”

Harry squeezed her hand. “If not, as soon as I’m free to leave the house, I’ll go to her so that you can say goodbye properly. It’s the least I can do.” He tucked Severus into his arms. “Nothing can repay this—giving him his innocence back is … Merlin.” He buried a sniffle in Severus’ hair. “Thank you. More than I can say, thank you.”

She hugged them both. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I feel better knowing I didn’t just die for my family’s sake, but for our future too. It’s good to know.” She kissed Harry’s cheek. “You, young man, have done quite well for yourself. Congratulations on your bonding, and well done, child.”

Harry choked back tears and gave her a smile. “T-thank you.”

Sarah nodded and took Severus into a hug. “Well done, little one. Your bravery might have cost me the last few years of my life, but thousands of British children will go on to become grandparents because of all you sacrificed for us. Don’t bear the burden of guilt any longer. Let it go to the grave where it belongs, and go into your bonding day with joy. I forgave you long ago.”

Severus hugged her tight and wept into her shoulder, completely overwhelmed. “Thank you. Merlin, thank you so much.”

Her kiss on his hair was absolution, and with it, the crushing weight of sin he had carried for so long faded to nothing. He stepped back and wiped his eyes, smiling in spite of his wild emotions.

“Now, boys,” she said with a sniffle and a smile of her own, “I think my work here is done. Especially if I’m to meet Elizabeth tonight, I’ll need a bit of rest.”

“Good luck,” Harry murmured.

“Yes, from me as well,” Severus said. “I will pass on your message as soon as I find proper flowers for her.”

“Thank you.” Sarah smiled one more time. “Goodbye, and blessings on your bonding, boys.” She blew them an air kiss and vanished.

“Merlin.” Harry caught Severus into his arms. “Are you all right, love?”

Severus laid his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Not quite. But I will be.” He squeezed Harry tight, shaking from emotion and sheer relief. “I will be.”

“Yeah. And I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

Severus buried his face in Harry’s shoulder and held him tight, thanking Merlin, the gods, and whoever else might be listening for the chance his love and sacrifice had given him.


	16. Sealing the Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Slash sex, truckloads of fluff, happy endings, and mild violence. Summary: Severus and Harry bond in body and soul, get new job offers (and old ones), take a trip to Italy, and take down the last of the Death Eaters, this time without major catastrophes. Both boys move on to new and better times._
> 
> _Whew, damn, but I hate writing endings and sex scenes. Hence the major procrastination on this. It's an ending and sex scene in one. There's only the epilogue after this, and I have it mostly done, so it shouldn't be as daunting as this chapter was. Anyway, be warned--this is SUPER fluffy, but I mean, it's the happy ending! So, yeah. Maybe I can get away with it? At least in this sappy-sweet dessert fic? I promise I'm bringing the angst in later stuff._

**CHAPTER 16**  
_SEALING THE CRACKS_

Severus waited, dressed in midnight and silver silk, at the altar for his soon-to-be husband. His heart fluttered as he examined the décor and hoped it would live up to Harry’s standards. He had tried to choose something the man would like without giving away the surprise, and so had settled on a forest glade in a British location. Well, at least as far as the newly-installed miniature Room of Requirement could approximate one. The trees ended about ten metres into the glade and became a mural of a forest against the walls, but it was a damn realistic mural, and combined with wizarding painting effects, it was as close to the real thing as possible.

Again, he surveyed the arrangements and chewed on his lip. Maybe he should have chosen a different locale. Should he have used white seats or plain wood? Would Harry like that he had chosen lilies and lupines to decorate the clearing, or would it remind him too much of what he had lost? Would he be upset that they had snuck Regulus’ portrait in here for him? And Albus’?

Merlin, Severus had no idea what to do. This wasn’t his forte. He wasn’t cut out for—

The doors opened, and Harry came in on Hermione’s arm, the man dressed in emerald and silver, and the woman in the traditional white robes of bonding ceremony attendants.

The moment of truth had come. Severus sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself for a blow.

Harry’s eyes went wide and filled with shimmering tears. “Oh gods. H-how? I … this is amazing!”

Hermione nudged his side. “Thank your husband-to-be. It was his idea.”

“Severus did this? Oh Merlin. I ….” Harry wiped tears from his cheeks and beamed. “It’s brilliant. But how on earth … where _is_ this?”

“Your drawing room,” said Draco from the altar. “Get up here already, Harry, before your poor groom passes out from nerves.”

Severus thwacked Draco in the head, and everyone but Draco laughed.

“That _hurts_ , you know.” Draco scowled and rubbed his head.

Severus snorted.

“Seriously, Harry,” Ron called from the other side, “come on, before he thinks you’ve gotten cold feet!”

Severus’ blood drained from his face. Oh gods. _Had_ Harry changed his mind?

“Nice work, you oaf,” Draco muttered.

Ron shrugged and gave him a sheepish grin. “Sorry!”

Harry laughed, joy and love bubbling over in the sound. “Gods, what would I do without you? All of you … thank you. So much.”

With a smile that eclipsed the sun and tears shining on his lashes, Harry made his way up the altar. Severus breathed a sigh of relief and welcomed his fiancé with a kiss on both cheeks for tradition, and a kiss to his forehead out of sheer love for the man.

“You are happy, Harry?”

“Dead chuffed, love! It’s amazing! H-how did you do this?”

“We made a Room of Requirement in your drawing room,” said Hermione with a laugh. “Draco and I did. Ron helped. Sort of. Well, he brought us food anyway.”

“Oi!”

Harry laughed and hugged her tight. “Thank you.”

Hermione gave him a sad smile. “Maybe you can forgive me for being such a prat when you were sick now?”

“Water under the bridge.” Harry laced his fingers with Severus’ and gave his fiancé a blinding smile. “However long it took us to get here, whatever pain we faced to make it this far, I’m just glad to have you, Severus. I’m so … so glad to be ….” His words choked off with emotion.

Severus gave Filius, their attendant, a smile edged with his own tears. “Perhaps we should start the ceremony soon?”

Filius beamed and hopped aboard a tree stump decorated with flowers and ribbons. He conjured a cloud of golden butterflies to flutter about, to Harry’s delight, and cleared his throat.

“Beloved kith and kin, we have gathered in this place of sanctity to join these two men in love, magic, and soul ….”

Severus hardly heard the rest of the ceremony, so fixated was he on the emotions in Harry’s eyes. Gods, he swore he could see to the man’s soul sometimes. He was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and Severus could not believe he had been so fortunate as to win his heart. He still saw himself as that cold, ugly, bastard of a man who had made Harry’s early years so miserable sometimes, but Harry had begun to teach him of his own beauty, and regardless of whether Severus saw it in the mirror or not, Harry did.

Severus had never felt so loved, so worthy as he did in that moment, with Harry’s adoring eyes fixed solely on him.

“I take you, Severus Tobias Snape, as my bonded mate in all ways. I offer you my heart, my life, and my soul, yours to share and love for all time. I vow to love and care for every part of you, and honour your gift to me this day, and for eternity.”

Severus repeated his vows for Harry, uncaring of the tears that coursed unchecked down his face. Merlin help him, he had never imagined this day would come, and dignity could go to hell. This once, he would let the world see just how much Harry meant to him.

Harry placed his right palm against Severus’ left and murmured the bonding verse. “I, Harry James Potter, now bond my soul, my heart, and my life to yours, Severus Tobias Snape. I place my spirit in your hands. _Vinculum animae in aeternum_.”

A rush of heat and light surged down Severus’ midline. Pieces that had been broken, disconnected for so long, he had forgotten the pain, healed and merged, leaving him whole once more. He swayed forwards, overcome by the feeling of Harry’s spirit, Harry’s joy mingling with his own, his heart and his love spilling from Severus’ core and all throughout his body. A gasp escaped him, but he managed to stay silent. Any words other than the vows might interfere with their bond.

With a little shake to recover his equilibrium, Severus aligned his right palm with Harry’s and gave his vow. “I, Severus Tobias Snape, now bond my soul, my heart, and my life to yours, Harry James Potter. I place my spirit in your hands. _Vinculum animae in aeternum_.”

A second surge of heat and light, stronger this time, knocked Severus to his knees and golden and white light swirled around him, blinding him. Across from him, he realised Harry had fallen as well. He held onto his bonded partner’s hands from sheer willpower and edged forwards in spite of the overwhelming sensations, to offer his shoulder as a brace for his reeling love. Breath hitching, tears dripping off his chin, Harry buried his face in Severus’ shoulder and braced him in turn.

The lights grew brighter and brighter, and the love pouring between them multiplied and grew until Severus thought he might go mad if this was the kind of sensation he had to live with every day, all the time.

Filius cried, “ _Iungere eorum vinculum in amore_! The bond is complete!”

Something clicked in Severus’ chest. The lights and overpowering sensations vanished, leaving him panting and dazed in Harry’s arms. When had they moved to hold each other rather than holding hands? Filius said something else, but Severus could hardly care with the sensation of Harry kissing his neck, tracing his jawline and moving toward his lips.

“You’re mine now, always,” Harry whispered against the corner of Severus’ mouth.

Severus whispered back, “Yours,” and let himself be claimed in a passionate, adoring kiss. Tears mingled on their cheeks, their guests clapped and cheered, and a butterfly tickled Severus’ ear, but he cared for nothing but the feel of his new bonded mate on his lips and in his soul.

Harry pulled back panting, his hands half cradling Severus’ face and half in his hair, his forehead pressed against his mate’s. The sound of cheers and congratulations dimmed in the incredible wave of love flooding his spirit.

“I love you, Harry,” Severus whispered against his soulmate’s lips.

“I love you too, my Severus.”

Severus caught his mate into a fiery, deep kiss, audience be damned.

  


* * *

  


The forest glade had long since vanished, and a beautifully-decorated reception hall stood in its place. They had laughed through Ron’s and Draco’s ‘toasts’ and shared a few emotional toasts of their own. Molly’s cake had been the highlight of the evening, decorated with white roses and fairy flowers, and so light it practically melted in Harry’s mouth. Harry had never enjoyed dancing, but he had given everyone a turn who had wanted one—and even managed not to mangle their feet too badly—but dancing with Severus was something else altogether.

The party was winding down. Andromeda and Teddy had already gone, the boy nodding off in a top hat Harry had brought for him. Flitwick and Albus’ portrait had gone next, both wishing Harry and Severus happiness in their bond. Severus hadn’t quite been able to meet his former mentor’s eyes. Even Ron and Katie were ready to go, judging by the weariness in the pregnant mother’s eyes.

Still, Harry had enjoyed the day. In the back of his cupboard, where the spiders were his only friends, sometimes he had imagined a grand ceremony with streamers and flowers and a princess to carry him away—of course, the idea that his ideal partner might have been a _Prince_ had never occurred to him in those early days. He had pulled out all the stops on those private daydreams, imagining everything good his cousin got that he was allowed no part of, but his true bonding, simple as it was, had crowned even the most elaborate of his fantasies. He had never conceived of a love like this until he met the real Severus the day after saving his life, when the man was still mute and held Harry’s hand for comfort.

Severus laid his champagne aside and held a hand out to his new husband. “Take one last turn with me.”

Harry smiled and let his husband lead him to the floor. It could hardly be called dancing, this slow swaying in each other’s arms, Harry’s head pressed against Severus’ shoulder and Severus’ breath in Harry’s hair, but it felt wonderful nonetheless. And the best thing was he needn’t worry about stomping Severus’ feet when they had no need to lift them in the first place.

“Have you enjoyed the bonding, love?”

Harry smiled against Severus’ shoulder. “Mm. It was perfect.”

“No last-minute plans to run off with Draco, hmm?”

Harry lifted his head and gave Severus a mock-glare. “Merlin. I’ll have nightmares about that for the next century or so.”

Severus chuckled and eased Harry close again. “Truly, are you happy, pet?”

“Sev, I’m so happy I feel like I could float. Can’t you feel it?”

Severus nuzzled closer and nodded against Harry’s hair. “I … it is sometimes hard to believe you feel so much for me, but I … your love is … gods. I never imagined I would have such a privilege.”

“Not a privilege. A gift. I don’t love you because you deserve it. I just _do_ , just because of who you are.”

Severus ran a hand through Harry’s hair and pressed closer. Twin drops fell on Harry’s head, and he looked up to see Severus trying to conceal tears.

“Love ….” Harry held his face and wiped his tears away. “I hope those were from joy.”

Severus nodded and kissed Harry’s palms. “I have never felt so much happiness, Harry. I have never felt so much at all, not until you.”

Harry smiled and kissed his husband with slow, sweet love. “I imagine our emotions will calm down soon, after the novelty and the excitement of everything wears off.”

Severus chuckled, though it carried the sound of tears. “Thank Merlin! I am not maudlin like this, not usually.”

A feminine laugh sounded behind them and made both men jump. “Ach, Severus, it’s your bonding day. If you cannot show emotion here, when _can_ you?”

Severus turned and gave Minerva a hesitant smile. “It is not something I enjoy having displayed for the public.”

“Only for Harry, hmm?” She chuckled. “Well, that is how it should be, I think.”

Severus nodded and slipped his arm around Harry’s waist, drawing his husband against his side. “Thank you for standing in for my mother, Minerva. I felt the place was rightfully yours, since my mother is no longer here to fill it.”

Minerva bowed her head. “I should like to think Eileen would have been honoured. I hope so.”

Harry kissed Severus’ cheek. “I think she would’ve been happy if Severus was happy.”

Severus said nothing. Harry knew the man had some unresolved guilt about his mother’s death, but that was all right. They still had plenty of drawings to go through, and plenty of time to heal each other.

“Ach, I remember you both when the sorting hat was too big for your heads, and now look at you! All grown up and bonded!”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “I never took you to be the type to reminisce, Minerva.”

She snorted. “Even stern old ladies like me are prone to bouts of sentimentalism at soul bondings, you curmudgeon.”

Severus laughed. “I suppose I will give you a pass for one day then. One.”

She snorted. “A generous offer from Master Deadpan himself, to be certain.”

“Thank you for that.”

Minerva chuckled. “I’m only teasing a bit, Severus. Do lighten up.” She patted his arm and gave him a wistful smile. “I do miss those days, bantering with you after the students have gone to bed. What would it take to convince you to teach for me again?”

Severus groaned. “More than Hogwarts has to offer, certainly.”

“Ah, are you sure?”

“Minerva, those were … miserable days for me. I am not teacher material. Not of so many students, at least. Perhaps I may consider taking an apprentice or two down the road, but my days in the classroom are done.”

She sighed. “I thought as much. Still, I had to offer.”

Severus nodded in acknowledgement.

“Harry, I had wondered if you were happy in your position at the aurors,” she said with a smile. “Of course I understand if you would like to stay where you are, but if you would like a less … risky position, then I would love to have you as the Defence instructor.”

Harry gasped and swayed into his husband. “M-me? But I … I’m not … do I have the experience for that?”

Minerva and Severus both snorted.

“I-I’m sorry,” said Severus, eyes full of laughter, “did the vanquisher of Voldemort, auror captain extraordinaire, and self-made expert on essentially all forms of dark magic just ask if he has enough bloody _experience_ to teach a classroom full of star-struck dunderheads basic defence?” He dissolved into full-on laughs. “Merlin, Harry. If anything, you should be teaching the aurors!”

Harry’s cheeks burned. “Um … well, I did, sometimes, before the curse.”

“And there you are.” Severus rubbed Harry’s curls. “Of course you could teach at Hogwarts, if you so choose.”

Harry lifted a thumb to his mouth and pressed it into his lip, considering. “I … are you sure I’d do well with it? I mean, I just … I don’t want to mess things up for the kids.”

“Have you forgotten your DA, Harry?” Minerva smiled. “Child, if you would consent to teach defence, I believe the children of Hogwarts will be in the best of hands.”

He ducked, cheeks flaming under her praise. “T-thank you. Um, well then, will you send me information on the particulars, Minerva? I … I’d want to take Dolohov down first, and I’d have to talk it over with Severus before I make a decision, but it’s not a bad idea.”

Minerva beamed. “I’d be happy to.” She gave both men a brief, one-armed hug, as much affection as the woman was wont to show. “Congratulations, my boys. I wish you all health and happiness for your new life together.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Leaving so soon after getting what you came for, Minerva?”

She smirked. “Well, as it happens, it seems I _do_ have a teaching contract to write up. Bit of a sudden arrangement, if you understand.”

Harry chuckled. “Go on then. And thank you. I’ll think about it.”

She laughed and patted Harry’s shoulder. “Thank you, child. And I will see you soon.”

With a little wave, the woman apparated away. Harry leaned against Severus and clung to his hand. “Do you really think I could do it?”

“I do. I have faith that you could do anything you put your mind to, love.”

Harry grinned. “Well, that’s good enough for me.”

Harry leaned against Severus’ shoulder and resumed their dance. Maybe he _could_ teach. He did enjoy it, after all. He would first have to ensure his position at Hogwarts wouldn’t interfere with Severus’ work, and Harry couldn’t leave his team until the last of the Death Eaters was in Azkaban and his replacement trained. But then, it was only May. There was plenty of time to prepare.

He smiled at his husband. They would work out the particulars later. For tonight, he had _other_ plans.

“How much longer do you think this party will last, Severus?”

“Not long. Everyone is packing up, I think.”

“Good. I’m ready to have you to myself.”

Severus shivered and held his husband tighter. “Soon, pet. Soon.”

“Can’t wait.”

  


* * *

  


Merlin help him, Severus was on fire. Everywhere Harry touched, every place his lips branded left a trail of lightning in his wake.

Harry had started with Severus facedown, fiery kisses branding every inch of his skin, chasing shadows from his scarred past, and healing him within and without. Slowly, Harry had made his way down from the base of Severus’ neck all the way to his toes and back up, but when Severus had pleaded for Harry to let him turn, to see his face, instead, Harry had leaned down to whisper a rasping promise in his ear.

“I’m nowhere near done with you yet.”

Severus whimpered. “Damn it, stop teasing me!”

Harry grinned devilishly. “Your wish is my command.”

Severus gasped at the feel of strong hands spreading his cheeks—what? Surely Harry didn’t mean to …? A quick cleaning spell washed over and within him, and the next instant, fiery heat had claimed the one place Harry had yet to kiss.

“F-fucking hell,” Severus choked out. “H-Harry!”

Harry pushed inside, and Severus howled, arching back, litanies of gasping sobs and pleas spilling from his lips. He lifted his hips, rocking into his husband, couldn’t help but move with him, and bit into the pillow to keep from screaming. Gods _damn_ , what was Harry _doing_ to him? It shouldn’t have been physically possible for the man to take him so deep with his tongue. Fuck. Was he using magic to augment it?

Harry twisted and writhed within him and wrapped a hand to Severus’ aching erection, and all higher reasoning left Severus’ mind. He was reduced to a sobbing heap of sensation, speared on Harry’s tongue and caught between his fingers, helpless to do anything but beg for more.

“Fuck, _fuck_ , Harry, just use the damn spell to prepare me and _take me_ already! I can’t take it.”

Harry moved out of Severus with a dark chuckle. “What do you think I have been doing, Severus? You’re already prepared.”

Severus gasped out, gobsmacked, “B-but … with your tongue?”

“Magic is a wonderful thing, my love.”

Severus turned to give his husband an appreciative look. “Where in Merlin’s name did you learn to do that?”

Harry smirked. “I may or may not have tried my hand at spellcraft just for you.”

Severus shivered, desire and love blooming at once in his chest. “Merlin. You _will_ be teaching me that spell before the night is done. But for now, will you hurry up and get inside me already?”

Harry laughed and guided Severus to lie on his back. “I want to see your lovely face.”

Severus gave Harry a shy smile, still revelling in the fact that his husband and the love of his life found him lovely, or even attractive at all.

Harry used a spell on his erection and to finish preparing Severus. “I love you, Sev.” He guided the head inside and paused, sucking in a sharp gasp between his teeth. “Dear gods, it’s like you get _tighter_ every time we do it this way.”

Severus squeezed, drawing a strangled moan from his mate.

“Merlin! Don’t do too much of that, love, or this will be a short trip to be sure.”

“Hmm. You are young.”

“But not eighteen any longer.” Harry eased in, the rest of the way, panting as he moved.

“Gods,” Severus gasped out. “That spell—so good. Feels like silk. If you patent that, we would make a bloody fortune.”

Harry gave a breathless laugh. “Just for you.”

Severus reached up and kissed Harry, though he had to bend almost double to reach his shorter mate in this position, but an unexpected taste had him moving back with a surprised grunt. “Mint?”

Harry blushed and gave him a wry smile. “Well, I had to make sure it was … safe to kiss me, you know.”

“Mhn.” Severus grabbed him into an intense kiss and buried him to the hilt. Harry gave a garbled cry against his lips, gasping as he pulled back.

“Okay?”

“Gods yes. Move!”

Harry grinned. “I like it when you order me around a bit.”

“Do you? Well, then I am ordering you to _stop dawdling_.”

Harry laughed and rocked back, then back in, slow and steady. A deep thrum of heat and love built in Severus’ core, stronger than it had ever been.

“Does it feel like … more to you this time?” Harry’s voice was soft, reverent. “Like … it’s deeper somehow?”

“Yes.” Severus could not say more in words, not with his husband taking him to the peak of pleasure, but he took Harry into a deep, loving kiss and hoped it was enough.

“I feel it,” Harry panted against Severus’ ear. “Mhn. Your love. Feel it inside me.”

Severus groaned and buried his hand in Harry’s hair, heat and a gentler warmth building between them. “Love you. Want you.”

“Yeah.” Harry nuzzled Severus’ chest. “Always.” He latched onto a nipple, sending sharp zings of pleasure straight to Severus’ core.

“H-Harry, yes.”

Harry groaned and sucked the other side, and Severus arched into his mouth.

“Please, please. Can’t bear any more.”

“Ssh.” Harry hugged Severus tight and rolled them over so Severus lay on top, somehow without ever pulling out. The sheer physicality of the move made Severus hot all over.

“Fuck. So strong, Harry.”

“Mm, occupational h-hazard. Sev, ride me. Take it how you want it.”

“Gods, yes,” Severus growled and rode Harry hard, leaning down to pin him beneath Severus’ body. “Mine.”

Harry growled and cupped Severus’ bum. “Yes, yes. Yours.”

Harry lifted his knees, shifting his pelvis forwards, and Severus cried out as their next thrust sent lightning skyrocketing through him. He stilled, overcome by powerful sensation, but Harry only grabbed Severus’ waist and lifted him up, thrusting up to meet him as his hips dropped down. Fucking hell, Harry was _picking him up_ to make love to him, bearing his weight and guiding Severus’ body on his own.

Severus threw his head back and keened, his entire body ablaze with pleasure. Gods help him, he had never had such a powerful, demanding, and yet considerate lover. As much as Harry was gone to passion, his eyes never left Severus’ face, always searching for signs of pain or alarm. Harry loved him as much as he wanted him, and the feeling left Severus breathless and crying out with need.

“Touch yourself, Sev,” Harry panted. “Let me—ghn—let me see ….”

Severus obeyed, taking himself in both hands and surrendering his weight and pleasure to Harry’s control. “T-take me,” he cried. “Guide me. Make me … ghn.” His throat tightened and heat wound tight in his belly. “Can’t … feels too good.”

“Come, baby,” Harry said, breathless and flushed. “Come for me.”

Severus groaned, the words sending him on a spiral towards ecstasy. With a few more fierce strokes and another thrust to his prostate, he came with a howl of his husband’s name. Harry arched up and gave a strangled cry, and heat flooded Severus deep inside.

Severus flopped onto his husband’s chest, panting and breathless. “Gods, Harry. That was—” His words cut off in a wordless cry of surprise as golden light surrounded them.

“The bond,” Harry breathed, eyes wide with wonder.

“Yes.” Severus whispered too, humbled in the magical proof of their eternal bond.

They watched in awed silence, tears building on their lashes, rapid breaths and heartbeats slowing. The golden glow sank into their skin, glowing brilliant white along the midline of their bodies before it vanished.

Harry cupped Severus’ cheeks and gave him a tearful smile. “It’s done? We’re joined forever now?”

“Yes, love.” Severus settled beside his soulmate and held him tight, joy and wonder bubbling over inside him. “Oh gods. My Harry. I can hardly believe you are truly mine!”

Harry kissed him softly. “I am. I wear your ring, and you just saw the evidence of the union of our souls.” He held Severus’ face, still-dilated green eyes full of understanding and acceptance. “This time, Severus, nothing can separate us. We’re together now, from now until the end of time.” Harry kissed his forehead and brushed damp hair from his face. “I will never leave you.”

Tears dripped down Severus’ face. “And I, too, will stay by your side forever.”

Harry blinked tears back of his own and kissed Severus passionately. “I’m glad. I’m so glad.”

“As am I, pet.” As Severus lay in his bondmate’s arms, he felt he had finally learned what true joy meant. This was his home now, and though the future wouldn’t be perfect, they would face what issues might come together.

They would never have to face the world alone again.

  


* * *

  


The next morning, Harry stood, shaking and pale, on the stoop of Grimmauld Place. Kreacher was standing by with Essence of Dittany and a healing kit, and Severus had Harry’s hands in his own and was trying to convince the younger man to take that first step to freedom.

“You saw our souls fuse last night, love,” Severus said, smiling softly. “You are safe.”

Harry swallowed hard. “I know. I _know_ I’ve nothing to be afraid of, and yet ….”

“Yet, you cannot help but be afraid.”

“Y-yeah.”

Severus tipped Harry’s chin up to meet his eyes. “Look at me, love. Keep your eyes on mine and trust that I will let nothing harm you.”

Harry gave Severus a shaky nod and clasped his husband’s hands tight. Slowly, Severus backed away, guiding Harry to follow. Harry thought his heart might hammer itself to pieces as he touched his toe past the stoop, and waited for pain. When nothing but Severus’ loving arms met him, he took a deep breath and stepped down.

Nothing happened.

Harry gave Severus a tentative smile. “A-am I really free?”

Severus smiled back. “Try one more step with me.”

Harry took a deep breath and moved a shaky leg forwards. He stumbled a bit, but Severus caught him and braced him up.

“I will let nothing harm you,” Severus murmured, holding Harry close. He smirked. “Not even irrepressible Gryffindor clumsiness.”

“Clumsiness is a Gryffindor trait?”

“Well, it is certainly not one of _my_ house.”

Harry snorted. “Remind me to bring you along next time Draco decides to get sloshed.”

Severus chuckled. “He is a remarkably Gryffindorish Slytherin.”

“You would know.”

Severus kissed him lightly. “I am half-Gryffindor now, remember?” He nuzzled Harry’s cheek. “Come, show me that lauded Gryffindor courage I remember. One more step.”

Harry grinned and obeyed. The playful banter and Severus’ calm support had taken the edge off his fear, and he followed his husband slowly to the edge of the property. His feet stalled at the kerb.

“This is it,” he breathed. “The edge of the wards. If I can take this step, I’m really free.”

“Yes.” Severus moved to Harry’s side and wrapped a sturdy arm around his waist. “Shall we take it together?”

Harry braced his arm around Severus’ shoulders and reached across their bodies to link their hands, too. “Together.” With one more deep breath and a prayer that this would not prove to be a disastrous mistake, Harry squeezed Severus’ shoulders and stepped off of the kerb.

And _wasn’t_ cut to shreds for it.

With a whoop of joy, he threw his arms around Severus’ neck and kissed him hard, not caring if their Muggle neighbours noticed or not.

“I’m _free_! Severus, I’m really free!”

Severus chuckled and nodded. “I did tell you.”

“Yes, but I couldn’t really believe it!” He buried his face into Severus’ shoulder and struggled to contain another wave of tears. “Gods, I’m such a prat. All I’ve done for the last two days is cry and I’ve never been happier!”

Severus laughed. “I have not been without tears myself.”

“Congratulations, Master Harry,” said Kreacher with a toothy grin. “Kreacher is being happy you are free again, too.”

“As are we all.” Severus kissed Harry and moved back, taking his husband’s hands. “You are free, love. You said you did not wish to tell me where you would like to go for a honeymoon until we knew if your curse would break. It is broken. Will you tell me now?”

Harry grinned. “I’ve always wanted to go to Italy. Down by the sea, where it’s nice and hot and the food is authentic.”

“Ah, that does sound lovely. Do you have a specific location in mind?”

Kreacher held up an old hairbrush, less several bristles. “Miss Granger and Master Draco are being making reservations in Positano for Masters Potter-Snape. This is taking us straight to the wizarding inn.”

Harry grinned and grabbed Severus’ hand. “Let’s go!” With a boyish laugh, he grabbed the portkey and whisked them away.

  


* * *

  


Severus stood at the balcony of their honeymoon suite, sipping a cup of delicious local coffee and watching the sun rise. Merlin, but he had fallen in love with the delightful coastal city. If Severus hadn’t already established a life and a family back in England, he might have considered staying here permanently. He would need to plan some return trips for vacations at least, even if the northerner in Severus did find the heat a bit too oppressive for his taste. Perhaps they could come during the Easter hols, when Britain would still be too bloody cold by half and Positano would just be warming up for the summer. Severus doubted Harry would object, even if he _did_ take Minerva up on her offer before the new school year started.

To that end, Harry had been training Ron to take his place—much to Robards’ dismay—but he refused to leave the aurors until all the Death Eaters were safely behind bars. They had only Dolohov left to catch of the old crowd, and Draco knew enough about the new blood to handle them on his own, but the sadistic old bastard had escaped the aurors a thousand times if he had done it once. Severus scowled and stirred his coffee. Dolohov had always been a wily little shite. Severus would sleep easier when that monster was off the streets as well.

Harry yawned and sat up in the bed. “S-Severus? Where are you, love?”

“Your glasses are on the nightstand, pet. And I am on the balcony.”

Harry replaced his glasses and walked to the balcony to lean against Severus’ chest, wrapped in nothing but the sheet. “Mm. I’ll be sorry to leave this place.”

“As will I. It is incredibly soothing here, if a bit too warm for my blood.”

Harry kissed Severus’ chest. “Wanna come back.”

“I was thinking we could come over Easter?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” Harry snuggled into Severus’ chest. “I’m so happy, Severus. You are too, right?”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “You can feel it, can you not? I know I feel your emotions when they are strong.”

Harry nodded. “S’just nice to hear it. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m feeling it or you are when we’re feeling the same.”

“Hmm.” Severus ran a hand through Harry’s curls. “Yes, love. I am happy.”

“Good. Don’t want you to be sad anymore.”

“I—”

The crackle of flames behind them made both men jump. Severus conjured a robe onto Harry’s shoulders and stood in front of him so he could tie it in relative privacy.

“Harry? Uncle Sev?”

Draco. Severus turned, heart sinking, to see his godson in auror red, his expression tense and excited at once.

“Is everything all right, Draco?”

Draco nodded. “No trouble. Well, not exactly.” He blushed. “Merlin, I’m sorry to bother you two on your honeymoon, but it’s just … it’s Dolohov, Harry. We’ve got his location. And I thought you’d want the option to come or not.”

Harry came out from behind Severus. “Love, would you be angry with me if I did go? I … he’s too dangerous. I wouldn’t feel right abandoning them to tackle him on their own, but neither do I feel good about leaving you alone right now.”

Severus snorted. “If you are going, then so am I. I will be damned if I will let that bastard come between us on our honeymoon.”

“Er … hunting bad guys isn’t exactly a romantic way to spend the day together,” said Harry with a grin.

Severus smirked. “Who says?”

Harry laughed. “All right. It’s okay with me if you come along. Merlin knows, we could use your help. But what about Robards, Draco? Will he let Sev come?”

Draco chuckled. “Let’s just say we anticipated that answer. He’s already given Severus clearance. Just get into your gear and meet us at the corner of Diagon and Knockturn in … say, twenty minutes?”

Harry nodded. “You’re on.”

  


* * *

  


Half an hour later, Severus followed Harry and his team down Sidewinder Alley, a half-deserted side street off Diagon Alley even less populous and more sinister than Knockturn. Under heavy glamours, Notice-me-not spells and silencing charms, Draco led them past several boarded-up buildings, dark arts shops, and a hags’ coven, stopping at a woebegone shack a bit away from the road.

“Wait,” Severus whispered before they entered, “I know this place. Let me take point.”

Draco hesitated. “I … Harry is our dueller though.”

“And the last time I didn’t listen to Severus,” Harry rebutted, “I came back from the mission in pieces.” He looked to their Seer. “Parvati?”

She nodded.

“Let him lead.” Harry stepped into place behind Severus and at his right. “I’ll play back-up. The rest of you fall into your usual placement.”

Draco sighed. “It’s not exactly regulation, but if we bring in Dolohov for it, Robards isn’t going to care.” He grimaced. “I hope.”

Harry stifled a chuckle. “So do we all. Are we ready then?”

Ron’s shields snapped into place. “We are now. Let’s go.”

Severus nodded and led the team into the shop, guiding them around old traps still active and new ones bearing Dolohov’s signature. With his detection magic active, the man couldn’t hide from him for long—neither his tricks nor his person. Severus guided them to a trapdoor leading to the basement and pointed to it, and the dark-red outline crouched a short way beyond it.

With a grim nod, Severus mouthed, _“He is there.”_

Harry turned Severus’ head to look into his eyes. _[Disillusion yourself. The moment we drop down, I’m going to start attacking—that’s what he’ll expect. It’s the way we usually work, but he doesn’t know about you. He likes to slip away in the chaos of battle, so be ready to take him down from behind.]_

Severus nodded. _[Be careful.]_

_[I swear it. We have a life together to look forward to. I wouldn’t jeopardise that.]_

_[Good. I love you.]_

Harry replied by kissing him soundly. Severus touched his lover’s face, then hid himself from sight and slipped into the shadows behind the team. The others watched as Harry mouthed and mimed their plan, and after a brief moment, nodded understanding.

Harry slipped into the lead and, with a sharp jab down, his team assumed battle position.

Severus shook out his muscles a bit and prepared for a stealth battle, the thrill of the hunt singing in his veins. Merlin, but he was looking forward to testing his skills. After so many years and with the war behind him, a dust up with a Death Eater felt more like a challenge to be met than a life-or-death struggle to survive. Still, he needed to remember that he had been out of the game for years, while Dolohov had perfected the art of fighting on the run. Severus couldn’t afford to be overconfident, not with Harry depending on him.

With a nod to himself, he settled his mental shields in place and focused on his target.

Harry mouthed, _“Now!”_ With a sharp jerk of his wand, the trapdoor shot open and the five aurors dropped into the space below. Severus admired their courage and made sure the area was clear before dropping down himself.

He found himself in a battlefield. Red and green streaks shot every which way, sparking off Ron’s shields, Harry ducking and rolling under them like a madman and shooting return fire every second he could free his wand arm. It was fascinating—and terrifying—to watch the captain in action—Merlin, Harry could fight with the best of them—but the first time a curse shot too close to Severus’ head, the former spy remembered he had a purpose here and standing still would get him killed.

He ducked between curses towards the red light. Dolohov crouched behind an old table, a second trapdoor open behind him and one foot in the hole. Severus leapt into position behind the man, taking care to keep himself well-shielded from friendly fire.

A nonverbal Stupefy later, Dolohov dropped like a puppet with his strings cut.

“Gotcha!” Harry staunched a bleeding gash on his face with a dirty hand, grinning like a loon. “About fucking time too!”

Severus whispered a chant against his husband’s face, healing it. “You’re welcome.”

Harry snickered and gave his husband a congratulatory kiss. “Awesome work, Sev.” He saw the trapdoor and grimaced. “Would’ve gotten away _again_ , if not for you.”

“Well, he shall go nowhere now.” As if to emphasise his point, Severus made damn sure the bastard was wrapped in ten layers of rope before releasing his foot from Dolohov’s neck. “Even I could not escape _that_.”

Harry chuckled. “Thanks, love.” He petrified Dolohov for good measure and levitated him into the middle of the room. “Could Sev and I borrow a portkey to the holding cells. Ron? We didn’t exactly bring ours to the honeymoon suite.”

Ron laughed and held out two old shoes. “Robards fixed these for you the second we knew you were coming.”

“Tally-ho, then.” Harry grabbed one and passed the other to Severus. “On three.”

Severus clutched his old shoe with a grimace of disgust, grabbed Dolohov’s ankle, and let the portkey whisk him away.

  


* * *

  


After reporting on the battle, ensuring Dolohov was locked away in the highest security cell the Ministry could offer, and returning to the honeymoon suite, Severus had taken Harry into the shower and checked every inch of him for injuries. Twice.

With that behind him, both men lay in the bed, snuggled tight and enjoying their last night in the suite.

Harry murmured into Severus’ throat, “Well, that was one way to end the honeymoon with a bang, huh?”

Severus chuckled. “Indeed.” He stroked a hand up and down Harry’s spine. “What will you do about Minerva’s offer, now that all the Death Eaters have been accounted for?”

“Now that I’m free to put the war behind me, you mean.”

“Indeed.”

“Well, I’m not sure.” Harry traced patterns in Severus’ chest hair. “Teaching defence—well, like you two said, they recruited me to teach a lot at the academy anyway so it’s already something I’m good at. But if I went to Hogwarts, what would you do about your business?”

Severus laughed. “Carry it on. I can work in the shop during the day and use the school laboratory for emergent orders after hours. I can’t imagine Minerva would deny me that small request if it gets her favourite lion in the Defence position.”

“But … are we supposed to leave during the day?”

Severus snorted. “You? Absolutely not. You must remain at the school for most of the day, but _I_ am not a professor any longer and thus am not similarly shackled. I can return to you at night. And, as neither of us will be a head of house, we are free to leave the school on nights you do not have patrols, so long as we let Minerva know if we will be off-campus.” He looked down and bit his lip. “That is, if that is an acceptable arrangement.”

Harry grinned and caught him into a fierce kiss. “Acceptable? It’s bloody brilliant. I would’ve accepted sooner, only I didn’t want to uproot your business. Knowing you can just go on as you have done until now is a relief!”

Severus smiled. “And knowing you will not be laying your life on the line every day from here on out is a relief for me. Though your team will miss you.”

“They understand. And they’ll probably still ask me for advice and help every now and again. Is that okay?”

Severus brought Harry into his lap. “Mm, as long as you are careful.”

“I promise. I’m carrying half of you around in me now. I have to keep you safe.”

Joy flooded Severus’ heart. “Yes.” He kissed Harry softly. “My guardian angel.”

Harry chuckled. “Always, Sev.”


	17. Epilogue: Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings : Discussion of past sexual abuse, PTSD flashbacks and recovery. Summary: Harry and Severus go back to Grimmauld Place after the honeymoon, ready to pack up, and find Regulus' portrait in the library. Sirius is able to talk for a short time through his link with his brother, and Harry and Severus find closure._
> 
> _Finished! Damn but this came out fluffy. I meant to add a bit more angst to this story, but it just didn't work out that way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the ride._

**CHAPTER 17**  
_EPILOGUE: ANSWERS_

The honeymoon had ended, and Harry had come back to Grimmauld Place once more to pack up. Since Severus had always wanted to leave Spinner’s End but had never found a reason to do so until now, they were moving into Harry’s former home, for the rest of the summer at least.

Severus frowned at the looming house, looking a bit overwhelmed. “Where do we start?”

Harry shrugged. “Our bedroom, I suppose. I think most of our things are either in there, the kitchen, the loo, or the library.”

“Ah. I believe we can handle that. I had feared we would be packing the _entire_ house.”

Harry shuddered. “Merlin, no. Just the books I’m keeping and my personal belongings. I don’t think I want to curse anyone with this place.”

“Harry, why not pass it on to Draco if you detest it so much?”

“Well, it’s all I have left of ….” Harry glowered at the thought of his godfather and his twisted perversions. “On second thought, maybe that’s not such a bad idea. But I’m not leaving that bloody monster of a journal anywhere Draco could find it. Probably traumatise him to know what that bastard had almost done to his godfather.” He lowered his head and kicked at the dirt. “And to me.”

Severus looped an arm over Harry’s shoulders and squeezed him tight. “I will handle the journal then.”

“Merlin! Are you mad?” Harry gave him a sharp look. “You’re not going near anything to do with that madman, you hear me?”

Severus shook his head. “Love, the man is dead. He cannot hurt me any longer, but you, who loved him—your wounds are still bleeding.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Severus. Please, even if it does still hurt, let me handle the journal. I can’t bear the thought of it being near you.”

Severus gave him a sad smile. “Very well. If you feel safest handling it yourself, then I will swear not to touch it.”

“Thanks, love.” Harry kissed Severus’ cheek and guided him up to the bedroom. “Come on. We’re definitely taking your photo and mine out of here.” He sat on the bed and conjured a padded box, intending to pack both photographs inside, but stopped cold at the sight of them. Photo-Severus was asleep in his frame, whimpering, tears running down his face, his entire body shaking. Photo Harry was asleep on his shoulder, but waking fast.

“Another nightmare,” the real Severus murmured, his expression pained. “I dread to think of what he might be seeing.”

Harry shuddered. “Merlin.” He raised his voice. “Severus! Wake up, love.”

The man in the photo jerked up and sucked in a sharp breath. He batted photo-Harry away and ducked into a corner of his frame, hands over his face and trembling in terror. Harry had seen behaviour like that far too many times not to know what it meant.

“Dear gods.”

Photo-Harry gave his real self a tearful, pleading look.

“You know how to handle it,” Harry said to his photo. “Slow and easy. Don’t touch without permission. Remind him he’s safe. Let him know you love him and you’re always going to be there for him,even when he’s scared and it hurts. He needs to know.” He gave his mate a sad smile. “Even without this kind of trauma added in, Severus needs to know you see him as worthy of your love.” He turned back to his photo image. “For your Severus, it’s double.”

Photo-Harry nodded and, with great care, walked to his mate’s side. The real Harry and Severus watched, wrapped in each other’s arms, as Photo-Severus slowly came to his senses. After a few moments, the traumatised image of Severus rose and went to his mate, burying his head in Photo-Harry’s shoulder. Harry’s image stroked his partner’s hair and murmured silent words of love in his ear, and Photo-Severus held him tight.

“Let’s leave them alone for a while,” Harry said with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to pack them up so soon after that. They need time to heal.”

“I agree.” Severus laid the photos on the nightstand once more. “Come. We will start in the library first.” He gave the photo couple a worried look. “Will the two of you be all right?”

Photo-Severus lifted his head from Harry’s shoulder and gave them a wan smile. He kissed his partner’s cheek and nuzzled back into the safety of his arms. Over the traumatised image’s head, Photo-Harry nodded and gave them a thumbs up.

“Take care of him for me,” said the real Harry. At his image’s firm nod, Harry left the room and guided his husband across the hall.

“Merlin! What happened here?”

They found the library in a state of disarray, half the books already packed into boxes and the rest lying about all over. Some remained on the shelves.

Severus examined the books on a table near them. “It appears your friends anticipated your desire to move and have started the process for us.”

Harry grinned. “That’s good to know. It’ll certainly make things go smoother at any rate.” He stretched and moved to the nearest shelf. “Well, let’s get started.” He examined the titles on the nearest shelf and passed them by. None of those books were on Regulus’ ‘ban list’ and so he felt comfortable leaving them in the library.

“These seemed to be halfway sorted according to their nature,” said Severus, pointing towards a stack on a nearby table. “All of these appear to be relatively innocuous.”

“We’ll leave those then. I just want to take the darkest books out and blood ward them so no one but decent people can ever look at them again.”

Severus chuckled. “Our descendants would be able to use them.”

“And they’ll be decent people,” said Harry with a grin.

“So sure of that, are we?”

“Well, they have good parents anyway.” Harry shook his head. “I hope so, Sev, but I also plan to put an intent ward on all of those books regardless. And as we’ll be sharing magic to do it, I hope, once we’re done, no one but Merlin himself could bypass it.”

“That will take some doing, Harry. There must be hundreds of dark books here.”

Harry shrugged and started packing the books on the nearest table—all quite dark—into a box. “I don’t plan to ward any Regulus didn’t ban. Just the really dangerous ones.”

A voice Harry hadn’t heard in months answered him. “That will still take quite a while, you know. I banned a quarter of the library.”

Heart pounding in his ears, Harry turned towards the voice. Regulus grinned at him from his portrait above the mantel, bright blue eyes alight with mischief.

“Regulus!” Harry raced to the portrait, tears blurring the edges of his vision, joy and wonder ringing through his spirit. “Oh Merlin, you’re _alive_!”

The boy grimaced. “Um ….”

Harry blushed. “Er … damn it, sorry about that. I just meant—you can talk! Gods, I … I wanted to meet you like this so much.”

“I must admit,” said a morbidly-amused Regulus, “I hadn’t expected _those_ to be the first words out of your mouth when you saw me.”

Harry gave a wry laugh. “No, no. You should have done. I’m a bit of a dunderhead when it comes to things like that.”

Severus wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders and hugged him tight. “I am inclined to disagree.”

“You’re joking! You practically coined the term, Severus.”

Severus laughed. “That word was in existence long before I laid claim to it.”

Harry chuckled and leaned against his husband’s embrace. “Still, Merlin, I’m glad to see you, Regulus. I was so afraid … we might never set you free.”

Regulus shuddered. “Gods, but so was I. When I cursed the bitch, I never imagined I’d be cursing myself to twenty years of listening to her rant.”

Severus cringed. “Sweet Circe, Regulus. No one deserves that.”

“Except for the bitch herself and her dearly departed boyfriend.” Harry smirked. “Really, though, Regulus, what were you thinking using a dark curse when you didn’t know the cost?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “I _did_ know the cost. I simply did not imagine the ‘soul shards’ to be true pieces of souls rather than facsimiles.”

Severus snorted. “Good effort, Harry.”

“Oh, shut it.” Harry softened his words by resting his head on Severus’ shoulder. “I’m glad you’re free, Regulus. It really hurt to think you were trapped there, slowly going mad.”

Regulus shook his head. “Those soul pieces—they were static, Harry. They represented our personalities at the time of death, but they weren’t capable of change. I was ready to die and cognizant of what I had gotten myself into, so my soul shard stayed mostly true to myself. Bellatrix was utterly mad. Lupin and his wife were grieving the loss of their son when they died, so they couldn’t move beyond it. And Sirius was hacked off at the world, so his soul piece was a bastard.”

“ _Was_?” Harry shuddered. “That man … he was messed up, Regulus.”

Regulus gave Harry a sad smile. “I know. We all know. Between the time you bonded and your consummation, we were all kind of … floating on the other side. We were whole again, but hadn’t quite made the jump. And Sirius … well, he was a wreck.”

“Serves him right,” Harry muttered.

“Harry ….” Regulus gave Harry a searching look. “Do you … would you want to talk to him, if you could?”

Harry scowled. “Of course. I want answers. I want him to look me in the eye and tell me why he hurt Sev so much. I want to know why he thought it was okay to hang Sev by hi—”

“Harry.” Severus’ nervous tone made Harry snap his mouth shut.

“Sorry, love.”

“It is only that … Regulus is his brother. I did not feel comfortable revealing the worst of him to one who loved him.”

Regulus shook his head. “I already know. He talked to me for hours that night, trying to make sense of his life and mine.”

Harry sighed. “Well, it’s no good to dwell on it anyway. It’s too late now.”

Regulus closed his eyes. “It isn’t.”

Harry went rigid. “What? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Sirius hasn’t gone over yet. He’s been waiting for you.”

Harry frowned. “Why? He made it perfectly clear he didn’t care about me.”

“No, that piece of broken soul didn’t, but the whole Sirius loves you.”

Harry hugged his waist and leaned closer to his husband, needing the comfort of his warmth. “Well, t-that’s good to know, but what good does it do? He’s still dead, whether he’s crossed over or not.”

Regulus hesitated, his expression firming as if he were gathering his courage. “Harry, if you want to … um, it’s just that he’s my brother and we shared the same space for seven years. There’s a link now. If you want to talk to him, you can, through my portrait.”

Harry reeled into Severus’ arms, cold and shaking. “I … w-we can? He can … come here?”

“Yes, just like the other portraits visit each other sometimes. Since Sirius doesn’t have a portrait, at least not one we know of, it will only work until he … crosses over. But for now, if you want to ask him those questions, you can.” Regulus gave Harry a sad smile. “If I may say so, think you need to. Both of you.”

Severus tightened his arm around Harry’s shoulders and turned to face his husband. “What do you want, Harry? Either way, I will support you.”

Harry closed his eyes. “I want to, but I’m … I don’t want you hurt. He’s already done so much damage. And we’re bonded now. If he’s going to be all jealous and vicious … no.”

Regulus shook his head. “Death gives clarity to the soul, Harry. He knows what he did is wrong, and he also knows the two of you are soul-bonded. I don’t think he’ll attack, but if he does, it’s easy enough to boot him out of my portrait.”

Severus looked to his husband and held his cheek. _[It is your choice, love.]_

Harry searched Severus’ eyes for any sign of fear or hesitation. _[Will you be okay? I … the last thing I want to do is hurt you.]_

_[He is dead, my love. He is dead, and I have an entire eternity to look forward to with you at my side. There is nothing he can do, nothing he can say which could take that joy away from me.]_

Warmth and trust and love, not all Harry’s own, filled the younger man’s heart. He tip-toed to kiss his husband.

“You’re sure?”

Severus nodded. “I am prepared to face him. And perhaps I need to.”

Harry kissed him lightly and stepped back. “Okay, but if you get uncomfortable at any time, let me know and we’ll send him packing. Promise me?”

Severus stroked Harry’s cheek. “I promise.”

“Good.” Harry turned back to Regulus and gave him a cautious nod.

Regulus stepped aside, and a shaggy-haired, blue-eyed, tear-streaked man stepped into the canvas. Harry hadn’t even time to open his mouth before Sirius slammed both hands against the canvas and pleaded in the most desperate voice he had ever heard from the man.

“Oh gods, Harry, I’m so sorry!”

Harry fixed him with a sharp gaze. “And Severus?”

Sirius gulped and looked to Harry’s husband. His discomfort was plain, but the vicious hatred and barely-constrained fury had gone from his gaze. “Snape … gods. I don’t even know what to say. I … I was so fucked up. Merlin, I’m sorry.”

Severus stared at the man, his eyes sharp and searching. After a long moment, he nodded. “You caused me no end of pain during my school years, and again as an adult. However, I will accept your apology, on the condition that you never hurt Harry again.”

Sirius turned to Harry and gave him a tearful smile. “I can’t. This is … my last moment. The last chance I have to tell him—to tell you, pup—how much I love you, and how bloody sorry I am that … the shade of me hurt you so badly. And your ….” He swallowed hard. “Your husband. I am sorry, Harry, from the bottom of my heart, for everything I have done to hurt you both.”

Severus squeezed Harry’s shoulders. “It is enough for me.”

Harry turned Severus’ face towards him and gave him a soft kiss. “You’re amazing, love. I’m so proud of you.”

Severus kissed Harry’s forehead and feathered a gentle hand across his husband’s jaw. “The feeling is mutual, Harry. You taught me how to love, how to forgive, to be brave in the face of past hurts. I would not be the man I am without you.”

Harry squeezed him tight, overcome. “Thank you.”

After a moment to gather his wits, Harry moved back and wiped his eyes. Sirius was watching them, his expression tense with remorse and deep sorrow, but no sign of hatred.

Harry stood tall and faced his godfather. “Sirius, I don’t know if an apology is going to cut it for what you did to me. I was your godson, I was breaking in pieces from the curse, and I was terrified I would never be whole again. But instead of healing me, instead of fighting for me, you fought against me. You degraded me. You all but disowned me for daring to fall in love. And even now, I don’t know whether you treated me so badly out of jealousy or true hatred.”

Sirius’ face contorted with grief. “I … it was a piece of soul, Harry. Not … not the whole person.”

“That part of you still hurt me terribly, Sirius, and it was still _you_.”

The covered his eyes with a shaking hand, breath escaping him in a sob. “I know. Harry, I know. All I can say—I was just as sick. I don’t know what went wrong with me. I … my parents—they didn’t necessarily _like_ gays, but they didn’t hate them like I did either. I have no idea where I picked up that hatred and … and why I destroyed myself and hurt you both into the bargain.”

Severus shook his head. “I do not believe it is something you picked up. As you said, you were ill. I am convinced now, seeing you with the grace of death, that you could not entirely control your mind. That does not excuse your actions, but it does allow for forgiveness. At least, it does for myself. Though, I will say, if you ever so much as _think_ of touching another photo of myself in that manner—I will kill you again.”

Sirius groaned. “You found it.”

“Yes. And despite the limited mental capability and life of a photo, he is completely traumatised.”

Sirius rubbed his face. “C-can a photo be traumatised?”

Harry shrugged. “I mean, he’s a photo so I don’t know if it’s real or simulated. But he wakes up from nightmares as much as Severus does. And when he wakes up—screaming more often than not, though of course we can’t hear it—I watch him draw back from my own photo’s touch with shame and horror in his eyes.”

“W-what? They … photos can dream?”

“Apparently. He had another nightmare just before we came in here. I had to advise my own photo how to take care of him—well, he knows, but he always feels a bit helpless when Severus’ photo pushes him away.”

Sirius frowned. “Pushes him away? But he loves you, doesn’t he?”

“Completely,” Severus murmured. “But he is reliving trauma in those moments and is unable to think clearly.”

Harry nodded. “It’s common among rape victims. He can’t bear touch during flashbacks sometimes—not even from me.” His gaze sharpened. “Severus himself does the same thing when he dreams of that day after his OWLs.”

Sirius reeled back, horrified. “Oh gods.”

Severus flinched and turned away. “Was it truly necessary to reveal that, Harry?”

Harry froze. “Oh, Severus. Merlin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—shite. It wasn’t my place. A-are you okay?”

Severus sighed and moved into Harry’s arms. “He is dead now. There is no harm he can do. It is only … difficult to speak of it.”

Harry leaned up and kissed his husband’s cheek. “Forgive me, love. I only wanted him to know what he’d done and understand how far his crimes go.”

Sirius shuddered and hugged his chest. “I … I know. I really screwed up. Gods, Snape. I’m so sorry. If I could go back ….”

Severus shook his head. “I am content. If you could go back, I might not have Harry. And the love I share with him—is the single most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. He saved my life, my soul, and gave me hope for the future. I would not trade that, even if the past does still haunt me from time to time.”

Harry leaned into his husband and smiled. “Yeah. I guess that’s true.” He stared at his godfather, taking in the lines of stress and remorse and the stark pain in his eyes.

And he let his anger go.

“I forgive you, Sirius.”

The man slumped against the frame and covered his face, hiding streaks of tears. “T-thank you, pup. And I really am sorry.”

“I know. I see it.”

Sirius wiped his face and gave Severus a hesitant smile. “Take care of him, S-Severus. Please. Do what I couldn’t, and give Harry the life he deserves.”

Severus acknowledged his request with a nod.

Sirius took a deep breath and looked to his godson. “I do love you, pup. Congratulations on your bonding, and … and ….” He lowered his gaze. “Take care of him, too. Though I never showed it in the right way, I did … care. I don’t think I can call it love. But I … just take care of him for me, Harry. I screwed everything up, but I know you’ll do it right.”

Harry closed his eyes and slipped his hand into Severus’. “I promise.”

Severus squeezed his hand.

Sirius sighed. “I think my time is up, you two. Just … be happy, okay? And I’ll talk to James about everything—get him to understand.”

Severus gave Harry a soft look. “Somehow, Black, I doubt you’ll need to. I’m sure he already knows, and whatever Potter thought of me, his son’s happiness always came first.”

“Should’ve been that way with me too,” Sirius said with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry, to both of you. And I’ll ….” He gave Severus one broken look, then closed his eyes and turned his face away. “Never mind. Not my place. Just be happy together, and … yeah. Just be good to each other.”

Severus nodded and held Harry tighter.

Harry laid his hand against the canvas. “We will.”

Sirius pressed his hand against Harry’s. Harry couldn’t feel it, but knowing Sirius loved and accepted him healed something cracked in his soul. Severus stood by, stroking Harry’s hair and lending him strength and comfort, and forgiveness and understanding flowed between them all.

With a sigh, Sirius wiped his eyes and gave Harry a gentler smile than he had ever seen from the man. “Thank you, both of you.”

Harry smiled back. “It’s okay. It’s over now, and Severus and I are happy together.”

Sirius turned to Severus and some silent communication passed between them. Severus bowed his head in acknowledgement, and Sirius nodded and closed his eyes.

“I see that now. I’m glad, for both of you. You’ll heal the wounds I gave him, Harry?”

Harry hugged Severus’ waist tight. “I promise. Um, will you tell Mum and Dad I love them? And tell Remus and Tonks that Teddy is happy and healthy, and we’re making sure he knows just how much his parents loved him.”

Sirius nodded. “Remus and Tonks are okay now. With their souls back together, they’ve been able to heal themselves and go on without regrets. They said to tell you they love you, Teddy, Severus, and Andromeda, and to let you know you’re doing a great job with the little tyke. Ted asked you to give Andi and Teddy his love, too.”

Relief flooded Harry’s heart and released a burden of fear and guilt he had carried since the war—he had never quite forgiven himself for their deaths, but knowing they were okay now, maybe Harry could move on, too.

“Oh, thank Merlin,” Harry murmured. “I … I was so afraid for them.” He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. “We’ll tell Andi and Teddy for them. Give them my love as well.”

“And mine,” said Severus softly. “Tell them we are both watching over their little one. Andromeda too.”

“They’ll all be glad to hear that.” Sirius waved. “I really need to go now. Good luck, you two, and may the rest of your lives be peaceful.”

“Thank you,” Harry whispered.

Sirius waved once more and faded from the canvas, his final smile free of all of the mania that had haunted him in life.

“Merlin.” Harry sighed and leaned against his husband. “I hope … I hope he’s at peace now.”

Severus hugged Harry’s shoulders. “I think he is. Or at least, he is on his way.”

Regulus walked back into the canvas and gave Harry a hesitant smile. “Are you okay?”

Harry nodded and wiped his eyes. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You have my gratitude as well,” Severus murmured. “Without your help, I may have come too late to save him.”

Regulus shook his head sadly. “If I’d known he was half-souled … I thought because you killed Voldemort, Harry, or maybe a Death Eater—I thought there was no hope.”

Harry gave him a sad smile. “So that’s why you didn’t tell me about the curse or your stash.”

“I didn’t want to rush your end.” Regulus rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his head. “Can you forgive me?”

“Of course. You were trying to protect me. There’s nothing to forgive.”

Severus nodded. “I only wish to thank you for watching over my husband.”

Regulus grinned. “And now it’s your job.” He gave them soft smiles. “I’m glad. Both of you were … broken. But now, you’re whole again.”

“Yeah.” Harry gave Severus a loving kiss. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Severus kissed his forehead and held him tight. “Nor would I, love. Nor would I.”

“And you have to admit, the result of that particular little dark spell I cast didn’t turn out so bad. So maybe I can get off the hook now that everyone and their mother has chewed my ear off over it?”

Severus snorted. “Have you forgotten that your own mother has yet to have her say?”

Harry grimaced. “Damn. Guess I’m never going to hear the end of it. Not even in the afterlife, apparently.”

Severus laughed. “No, probably not.” He hugged Harry tight and nestled his face in his husband’s messy hair. “But I am content. Thank you for saving me. For loving me.”

Harry beamed. “You’re welcome, my Sev, but I’m just getting started.”

Severus smiled back. “I look forward to the rest of eternity with you.”

“Good thing too,” said Regulus with a snort, “because you’re stuck with it.”

Severus and Harry laughed, and walked into their future hand-in-hand.

_~…Fin…~_


End file.
